Remember the movie Brewster’s Millions? It’s an old tale, told many times throughout the years, always involving a wealthy eccentric relative and a set of conditions that must be met to receive an inheritance. Our scenario today isn’t quite the same, but it’s kinda-sorta close. I’ll explain in a minute.
Yesterday, you had to choose a car to drive cross-country – and, more importantly, resell – in order to win a bet. I feel confident in saying that both choices could make such a drive, but only one would really be of any interest to anyone once you got there. Nobody is clamoring for a Mercury Sable with the worst landau top in history, but a beat-up Nissan Altima will always find a home.
But could you actually make money on it? I think you could. That sage-green color isn’t that uncommon for those Altimas, so you could probably find a nice matching hood for it if you check enough junkyards, and the rest of it looks pretty good. Give it a good wash and polish, play up the fact that it’s a Western car with no rust, and I bet you could sell it in the Midwest for two or three grand.
Now then: You’re sitting in a paneled conference room in the law offices of Dewey, Cheetham, & Howe, along with the rest of your family, for the reading of your Uncle Howard’s last will and testament. Uncle Howard was filthy, stinking rich, but didn’t really like anyone in the family very much, so you aren’t sure how this is going to go.
As it turns out, everyone’s inheritance is sizeable, generous even, but they all have strings attached. Uncle Howard knew you were a gearhead, so your strings come in the form of a car. On the table in front of you, the lawyer places two sets of keys, each corresponding to a car parked outside. You must leave in one of them, and drive it exclusively for a year. You cannot drive any other car during that time, or you get nothing. Oh, and the purchase price does matter; whichever one you choose, its cost comes out of your inheritance.
Fortunately for you, Uncle Howard thought that manual transmissions were for poor people, so both choices are stickshifts. It’s a small consolation. As you weigh your choices, you feel grateful that you’re not a foodie like your cousin Iris; she has to live on nothing but Fruity Pebbles, Lunchables, and Chef Boyardee for a month straight.
2009 Kia Spectra EX – $1,850
Engine/drivetrain: 2.0 liter DOHC inline 4, five-speed manual, FWD
Location: Madison, WI
Odometer reading: 120,000 miles
Operational status: Runs and drives well
Some of you probably forgot the Kia Spectra even existed, didn’t you? I think its only function was to upsell customers from the truly dreadful Rio. “Not bad by comparison” is about all it can claim. I can’t imagine who would choose this over a Toyota Corolla or a Mazda 3, but someone did, and they kept it in remarkably good condition over the years.
Power for the Spectra comes from Hyundai/Kia’s 2.0 liter Beta II engine, driving the front wheels through a five-speed manual gearbox. The manual is probably pretty rare; I don’t remember seeing many manuals on the lot when I test-drove one of these new in 2002. This one runs and drives very well, according to the seller, and with only 120,000 miles on the odometer, it should have some life left in it. All you need is a year.
It’s in good condition inside, and since it’s an EX model, it has a bunch of power stuff, as well as a CD player. Dig in the closet and find your Maroon 5 and Pete Yorn CDs; you’ll be needing them. I don’t see an auxiliary input. The seller does say that the air conditioning works fine, so you won’t have to sweat your way through a summer.
It’s a little banged-up outside. Both the driver and passenger side have some dents, and the bumpers are scuffed up. Things sometimes happen to cars in cities, especially college towns, but it does make it seem like the owner was careless. Were they as careless with the maintenance as they were with parking?
2009 Chevrolet Cobalt LS – $2,400
Engine/drivetrain: 2.2 liter DOHC inline 4, five-speed manual, FWD
Location: Hickory Hills, IL
Odometer reading: 119,000 miles
Operational status: Runs and drives well
In 2005, General Motors finally retired the J platform after more than two decades, and replaced it with the Delta platform. Only two J-cars were left by that time: the Chevy Cavalier and the Pontiac Sunfire. The Cavalier became the Cobalt, and the Sunfire became the G5. The Cobalt was a lot nicer and more refined than the Cavalier, but it was fraught with reliability problems and recalls. This one seems to have weathered those storms well enough, but it’s worth checking to make sure all those recalls were actually done.
Under the Cobalt’s hood is GM’s twin-cam Ecotec 2.2 liter four cylinder, which also appeared in the Cavalier late in its life. It’s more refined and more powerful than the old pushrod Cavalier engine was. This one has a five-speed stick, which not only makes it more fun to drive but also takes away all the maintenance and durability issues that can come with automatics. It runs and drives “like a champ,” according to the seller, and doesn’t need anything.
The Cobalt was a big step up from the Cavalier in interior appointments, but it’s still General Motors. There’s a lot of hard plastic in here. It’s all in good condition, though, and the air conditioning works in this one, too.
It looks good outside at first glance, but I have a couple of reservations. The seller says it doesn’t have any rust, but there’s something not quite right about the rocker panels. They look droopy. Is that rust below the surface? Or some other form of damage? It’s worth sticking your head underneath to see. Apart from that, it just has some cataracts on the headlights that need polishing, or replacing.
I’m pretty sure you could get a year out of either one of these, so it comes down to the details. To me, one feels more honest, but maybe less trustworthy, and the other might be a tiny bit more desirable, but I have more questions about it. I’m sure the lawyer would let you check them both out before you choose, but choose you must. So what are you driving for the next year?
I very seriously considered buying a new 2006 Cobalt coupe with a manual, because it was STUPID cheap. It was the cheapest new thing around by thousands. I liked the car enough, but 2nd gear was in my hip (I am a wide man), so I ended up buying the truck that I still DD to this day almost 20 years later.
I’ll take the Kia, and hope I fit in it better.
Also, $5 says the saggy rockers are actually painted sheets of duct tape. There’s a Cobalt coupe running around here with exactly that setup. It got pretty hilarious when the duct tape lost adhesion on the underside, and bagan dangling down from the door sill.
Even if either of the cars crap out, you can Uber/Lyft your way right into your inheritance, as you won’t be driving . I outsmarted you Uncle Howard!
I’ve had my fill of domestic, crap cars. I’ll take the crap I don’t know.
My vote made it 60-60
99-99 for me.
102-102
I could go either way but the Kia looks a bit more trustworthy. Plus I work from home, so… Worst case scenario I won’t be driving it much either way.
That Spectra was from the last breed of Kia-Hyundais that would run forever. My brother owned one of those, racked up 350,000 miles and sold it in running condition. The interior comfort in both vehicles will be lacking, and the driving experience hateful, but I’d trust the KIA to run badly for longer than that Cobalt.
I took an ’03 Sorrento to just shy of 200K and was kind of hoping something would kill it for the last couple of years I had it. Finally the power steering failed and we we had to send it to the farm upstate (donated for a couple hundred in tax write off).
It ran badly for longer than I wanted it to.
By ’09 I think Kia fixed a bunch of stuff that killed the Sorrento so I voted for the Kia.
Plus blue is a color.
Uncle Howard was a dick. I went with the Kia. Those rockers on the Cavalier do not look right at all.
I bet they’re painted sheets of duct tape. There’s a black Cobalt coupe running around here with the same setup.
“…it’s still General Motors.” I voted Kia, it’s only a year and I’m probably only driving to work and back.
I think either would work for this scenario, but I went with the Kia based on its color and the slightly increased practicality with 4 doors. I’m gettin those millions
If it’s got to be a penalty box, gotta take the more practical one, so the four door wins.
Congratulations Mark. I once swore I’d never own another Kia, but you’re kinda giving us Sophie’s Choice here.
Grandmother-in-law has a Spectra that has lasted surprisingly well. It was bought used at auction. Other than a valve cover leak and loud exhaust, it’s mechanically sound after 190,000 miles. It does have some interior issues like the driver door not opening from the inside. The catalytic converter is integrated with the exhaust manifold which is neat. It also angers me that it has a sunglasses holder while my 2014 Corolla S did not.
I cannot abide a Cobalt.
Raise your hand if you’ve driven much worse for over a year.
Yeah, me too. That said I’m going with the Kia, 4 doors and Crapalier flashbacks.
It was another GM product. No thanks.
Well, considering I had a Cavalier, and the Cobalt was supposed to be an upgrade…
(raises hand)
The car before that was a Geo Storm Hatchback – pretty sure I haven’t seen one of those in several decades. Fun little car, but the only one in the entire country that used its size tires, so replacements were oddly expensive for what they were.
(raises both hands and both feet)
Two Pinto country squires, Toyota Tercel, Fiat X1/9, Triumph TR3 and a Corolla none of which had working A/C
Question: What car did Mark buy in 2002 after test driving a Kia Spectra?
Protege 5, IIRC
Protege DX sedan, actually, but close. I think I test drove every single sub-$15k car on the market that summer.
For the record, there was a Spectra5 which clearly aimed to imitate the Protege5. I had a Protege5. Had I not made a stupid decision, I’d probably still be driving it.
Kia hands down. I have a 2012 Soul and it has been fantastic to me with nothing besides brakes, fluids and spark plugs in that time. An ex had a G5 2 door and I could never get comfortable in that and even with the seat dropped all the way my head was way too close to or touching the headliner unless I tilted the seat back to an uncomfortable position.
Assuming both are fairly crusty underneath due to their location, my initial guess was the Cobalt due to parts availability but I’m leaning towards the Kia since it only has to last a year and it’s less money out of that sweet sweet imaginary inheritance.
Plus it has 4 spokes 🙂
Kia easily.
While the cobalt is massively better than the cavalier it replaced (not saying a lot, they were both still at the bottom of the segment), it’s still a wretched thing, and if rust has already started it’ll spread quickly.
Kia has 4 doors so it’s more practical, and it’s pre-GDI so it should be decently reliable and robust.
I actually almost bought a Spectra5 (in that nice orange they offered) when they were new but couldn’t justify the expense at the time. I think there were a few turn-offs about the car as well, but they pale in comparison to how much I despise cobalts.
The Cobalt is pretty basic so not much to break there. The Ecotech is also up 20 horse on the Kia which helps. But really, the Cobalt just strikes me as the type of car that can have four bald tires, questionable brakes, a cracked windshield, a driver’s window that won’t roll down, the exhaust system held up by a coat hanger and just about every warning light on the dash lit up and the car will somehow keep grinding and stumbling along to work every day. Basically Big Altima Energy with less stigma. (Or maybe just different stigma?) Drive it into the ground for a year then dump it.. or maybe burn it.
Also, I’ve owned a Kia of the same vintage (2008 Rondo) and wasn’t very impressed.
Yeah I’m gonna lean on the adage that the GM car will run poorly forever, even with half of it missing. It won’t be fun, but neither will the Kia. It wouldn’t even be the worst car I’ve driven.
I picked the Spectra, the Cobalt will be structurally unfit due ti rust before the year is done.
I drove a Cobalt my last year of college and first couple years working, putting nearlyl 80k miles on it. Same options as that one, just bright red. With a decent set of wheels and tires it actually handled decently, I took it to auto-x a number of times. It was faster than my Crown Victoria on the course, though not nearly as ridiculous looking.
If this one isn’t completely spanked I’d do the same thing, a decent set of wheels and tires and drive it until they fall off, or hit the 1 year mark.
Spectra. Cobalts were bad and they were apparently designed to rust. This particular one has some potential rocker repair that looks ok in internet pics but could be pop riveted roof flashing or something. The partially diassembled Jaguar in the background of the pics at the listing is hilarious too.
I wonder if there’s a partial repaint – the paint looks weird, like the metallic silver isn’t laying consistently (silver takes practice to put down without zebra stripes and metallic particles should be consistently oriented or the car will look off)
Remember how much GM pumped up how great the Delta platform was going to be compared to the J-cars? And then it turned out to be basically the most disappointing letdown since…the Citation?
This is also one of the cars affected by the ignition switch recall.
That Spectra is cheaper and built better – and less sketchy. Cobalts are ALWAYS sketchy cars and this one delivers.
Kia. You might even wind up liking it
Is the Kia from the ‘Kia Boys’ generation of cars?
Because if so, even with the manual transmission, how many times am I going to come out in the morning to a shattered window and a fubar ignition tumbler.
If it’s not a ‘Kia Boys’ Kia, then four doors wins on an economy car.
I voted Kia. It’s a nice blue, and the four doors makes it a bit more useful.
It’s only a year.
It’s only a year.
IT’S ONLY A YEAR.
The Cobalt probably has more parts support? I’ll take it, I can probably make a couple bucks back selling the extra floor mats it seems to be loaded up with.
They’re both cheap shitboxes, but I’ll take the Cobalt because it’s a 2 door. I do not like that besides V8 RWD cars, two doors are largely extinct.
“Sorry honey, you gotta drive the kids around all year, I’m stuck with these compacts”
Make hay while the sun shines. “Sorry honey, unless we take the beater you’re DD again for the party”