I’m so tired, and tomorrow is going to be a long, long day. Today we went from Lawrence, Kansas to Denver, Colorado, and our improbably-plucky ex-NYC taxi with well over 375,000 hard-earned taxi miles has performed astonishingly well. So well that I find myself fishing around under the seats for a magical monkey’s paw, or something similar that would both explain my astounding fortune and help prepare me for the inevitable and probably ironic consequences. But I think this yellow workhorse is just a determined machine!
Really, the thing has been driving wonderfully. It’s been swallowing so many miles with so little complaint – at least, no complaints I haven’t been able to effectively ignore – that I can’t help but feel proud of this funny-looking little taxi-van.
Tomorrow, however, will be a real challenge as we tackle the Rocky Mountains, which, combined with the thinner air at altitude that robs engines of power, will prove to be a genuine test of machine and me, meat and metal. But let’s be honest: the taxi will be doing most of the work here, and I hope it can make it through okay. These mountain passes are no joke.
Today’s drive wasn’t bad at all, really, with only one significant issue that caused us to stop: the heat had cooked and melted away the adhesive holding in our rear window, which began to flap around, alarmingly.
We pulled over and fixed it with some nice strong tape (it claims to be 10x the strength of duct tape, emotionally) and so far it seems to be staying in place. It would really suck if we lost the rear window, especially in this heat.
We also recorded a little tour of the air conditioner setup, which has been working great despite being shockingly fractionally-assed, by me:
View this post on Instagram
It was really quite a lovely drive, overall, with the landscape having the look of that famous Windows desktop image, deeply saturated blue skies and green land. I put some Windows icons and a window over a shot out of my driver’s side window (too many uses of the word “window” here) so you can see what I mean:
Stopping for gas revealed some interesting local automotive fauna, including this very badass International Scout: 
Other stops provided more interesting artworks to ponder. Like this mosaic of what looks like an early ’50s Hudson, or maybe Chevy?
I also liked this mural; it’s more ornithologically focused than automotively, but still:
More importantly, though, I saw evidence that America’s novelty sticker industry is in fantastic shape, and may be even experiencing a sort of boom right now:
It appears that sticker researchers have cracked the code to add asses to ordinary, everyday objects, ranging from a Lego block, a watermelon, a coffee pot, and even what appears to be an Erlenmeyer flask. It looks like currently 22 objects have been enbuttockified, and I would suspect that asses-on-things researchers are tirelessly working to improve that number.
Also, it appears that junk food and fecal matter are being combined in bold new ways, and I salute these determined efforts in the field, which has the potential to dramatically increase the quality of life for all Americans.
Even more important than poop stickers, if one can imagine such a thing, was the incredible reader meetup we had in the parking lot of the Wings Over the Rockies air and space museum. Look how many people showed up! And they brought fantastic cars! And they were all so kind and charming and wonderful!
Look at this ’82 Volkswagen Rabbit! It was immaculate and had fetching stripes and was a diesel, even. I think these had about 50 hp, and got about the same number in miles per gallon. I feel like I forgot just how appealing and tidy the first-generation Rabbit design was, seen here with the iconic Late Cold War Era Car Face, which was a US-market exclusive.
This Mazda RX-7 was beautiful, too, coming from Alaska and yet remaining incredibly rust-free. Another extremely tidy and appealing ’80s design.
Look at the engine in this RX-7! It’s a rotary, of course, but one that has gone 65,000 miles without needing new apex seals!
Look at this, though: a 1973 Mustang in a stunning shade of David Hockney pool-painting blue and a white vinyl top. This car was absolutely immaculate, and has a tone quite different from what one normally expects from a Mustang. It’s somehow more stylish and seemingly erudite than most Mustangs?
This also may be the best use of a vinyl top on a car that I’ve ever seen. Part of why it works so well is because this was a dealer-installed vinyl top, and unlike the factory vinyl top which ended close to the rear window, this one continues down and back, following those twin buttresses of the roof, making for a significantly more dramatic look.
This is the couple that owns this fantastic car, and they seem to enjoy every mote of that Smurfically-blue Mustang. It felt great to see this car and its proud owners, and I’m so honored they brought it out today.
There were so many fantastic Autopians there, and, incredibly, they all seemed to be thrilled to see this cab. Some were even so thrilled that they teamed up to fix the taxi’s windshield washer!
Man, it’s nice being able to see out of that windshield again. I bet I’ll be needing a nice clean windshield tomorrow, when I’m slogging up that mountain on one side and barreling down the other.
I better get to bed. Tomorrow we hope to be meeting at the Harbor Freight, Rainbow Boulevard and probably getting some Persian at the place nearby. However, to be safe, assume we’ll get there around 8:00 pm because we don’t know how miserable it may be going over the Rockies!
All great photos: Griffin Riley, all others iPhone author shots
“…with the thinner air at altitude that robs engines of power…”
The electronic fuel injection adjusts fuel-air mixture for thin air at high elevations, no?
Yes, but that just means that your air/fuel ratio is correct. If your air density is lower (which it is at 5,000 feet compared to sea level) then your max power on a naturally aspirated engine will be lower. You need oxygen to burn fuel and make power; there is less oxygen per cubic foot of air at 5k feet than there is at sea level.
Stated differently: If you live at close to sea level, and you travel to the mountains to go hiking, you more easily get winded when exercising in the mountains compared to sea level.
Do note that this is all highway miles, unlike the first 375,000 miles of a lot of stop/go.
When in Vegas, try out the 100 Octane fuel you can get from a pump (as opposed to a can around here in SoCal). Be sure to be nearly empty, so you get as high an Octane as possible.
Then report on your findings. Better, smoother, completely broke the taxi?
Remember this is for posterity, so, be honest.
When I started working here, I was told that corporate IT would flag an employee for visiting a page that happened to display a banner ad with a suggestive image. I can only imagine what they’re going to make of Butts on Things.
XD
I have never seen an RX-7 with its hood open and was shocked to see it tilts forward!
As someone with two RX7s in the garage at home, it boggles the mind to learn someone has only ever seen RX7s with the hood down. Cause yeah, open is kinda the standard position. Also, not all tilt forward, FDs open at the back.
Somehow, I’ve never known someone who owned one. The one shown above is beautiful, but I’ve always been wary of the apex seal reputation. Oh, and alleged thirst. It was fun to see what the engine compartment looked like!
In the days before one could pre-check on row52.com, one way to narrow down whether a particular row at the pick and pull lot might have an old BMW was to glance down the line for hoods that pivoted at the front. There are of course other makes with tilt forward hoods, but it made for a good first pass decision on whether or not to even wander down that row.
My first car was a 77 Celica, and the hood opened from the front. It used a linkage system and was not very strong. The 7’s hood is just on a hinge and is way easier to open and close.
Thanks. My Dad picked that car up in 84, and always garaged it in the winter. 40 below is rough on cars. I have had it for the last 16 years and have been the main driver on it for the last 30. It gets about 20 mpg, always has always will. So far the motor has held up well, and I was hitting 6500 rpm on the drive to and from the meetup.
Given all that and your chosen name, I am going to nominate you for a Member’s Cars profile.
I only own one now and it is as almost boring as can be. (2017 Honda Accord V6) Super competent but not going to elevate anyone’s blood pressure.
Nearly 40 MPG on I-5. Capable of roasting front tires through second and chirping into third, and not scary in corners. Getting to 60 in under six seconds and doing a 1/4 mile somewhere in the 13s?
Pretty much good enough for me. A 68-year-old man who could not have imagined this level of performance from a family sedan.
LOL. I used to have a Saab 9-2x modified to Stage 2 with an autotragic. Living in Denver I had to go to Stage 2 for hot weather driving. It died a violent death when a driver pulled in front of me. It was a fun car in the snow, and since I learned to drive in Alaska, it was driven hard in the snow. My kids learned to do doughnuts in the snow in the Saabaru.
As a certified Person Who Was There: we had a great time! Everyone there was so cool to hang out with. I’ve done a few 13+ hour drives myself in far more comfortable accomodations, and I can’t imagine having to be “on” for a group of strangers afterwards. You guys are just so genuine and friendly, glad to support the work everyone does here. Hope to meet more of you in future! (especially Mercedes, I need someone to talk their ear off about motorcycles)
So true! When Jason first emerged from the taxi and croaked “Hey Everyone!”, I thought, “Oh man, that dude needs a beer and a nap.” But he just cleared his throat, went immediately into Crowd Mode and thoroughly charmed everyone. No doubt, the Autopian staff are true pros.
Okay, I’ll aim to be at HF at 8
Well done! Fingers and toes crossed you boys make it over the mountains with no drama.
no update on what the meter run so far?
Enbuttification and ???? stickers make me think it’s time to revive the Garbage Pail Kids and Wacky Packs. Someone could make a few bucks off the nostalgia, then pick up some tools or project cars.
Thank you for stopping in Denver! It was great meeting everyone and talking Taxis and cars for the evening. Safe travels the rest of the way!
DT’s cross county trips: Mechanical disaster after disaster, constant questioning “Will I make it?”
Torch’s cross county trip: I’m taking a taxi I picked up from death’s doorstep, I fixed it with a lamp cord, everything is fine, check out this weird hotel Coke machine
They seem to be the Yin to each other’s Yang in many ways, cosmic and otherwise.
Cosmic and comic.
My road trips actually rarely have mechanical disasters. It’s just getting them to the point where they’re ready for road trips — that whole prep process is usually a disaster.
But yeah, Jason does a better job at weaving in non-car weirdness, whereas I focus on the car for the most part. Jason is amazing. Truly the most entertaining car writer in the business.
This only works because of all of David’s help before I left! I can’t do this without him!
*looks at pic*
Maybe that’s a reliant robin.
I’d argue it’s a reliable robin as it’s probably been there for a good few years now.
Did you buy butt stickers? Is there an Erlenmeyer flassk on the taxi now? Buttrito?
I often hear the youngsters (anyone less than 45 to me) overusing the word “epic” to describe anything. “Dinner was “epic”, I just had the most “epic” ice cream, blah epic blah epic blah. This journey, by the humble Autopian, in a well thrashed out NYC taxi, doing things that a taxi has never had to do after 375,000+ brutal miles in NYC traffic is well and truly EPIC!
The word “epic” used to be predominantly used as a noun.
Jason is writing an epic for you.
Well, I’ve never earned a COTD, so I’m a) not as clever as I think I am once in a while; and b) not holding my breath.
But I enjoy Jason’s (and well, everyone’s) writing, on this site.
And there are a lot of very clever commentors here as well.
I’m just happy to read their and the original author’s contributions.
With my vinyl level subscription. Not that I expect it to make a difference personally, but I might sleep a little bit better knowing I’m chipping in a bit more.
I’ll look into it tomorrow.
This taxi is really dealing with a lot of emotional shock right now. The meetups are great, as are the museums, but for its safety, I would try to avoid exposing it to anyone eating a slice of pizza without folding it.
Anyone who fixed the wiper or watched it able to describe what was wrong? Curious.
Plugged sprayers was the only thing we couldn’t fix. The “fix” was to take one of the hoses and tape it to the wiper arm and let it water down the windshield.
NICE! Thanks for the update. Certainly better than nothing.
Clever!
Any interior pics of that Mustang? Just to see if it has a gated shifter and a handbrake?
https://www.theautopian.com/the-uk-banned-a-commercial-for-twix-because-it-shows-a-70s-mustang-driving-kinda-crazy-and-with-an-imaginary-handbrake/
I’m normally not a fan of Mustangs or vinyl roofs, but this one was cool on both counts.
While I wish I would have been able to make the Denver meet-up, I’m glad you made it and safe travels!
Humvee wheels on the scout makes me wish the comment box supported unicode emojis.
Another sweet treat place to stop- The Creamery in Beaver Utah. Homemade ice cream and cheese using milk from the dairy farms around the area. Also get some of the shelf stable chocolate milk (for Otto of course). Obligatory link The Creamery Based on you time estimate you should be there about an hour before they close.
Remember that Vegas is in Pacific time zone, but maps/wave/whatever travel app will give estimated time of arrival in the time zone you are currently in. So will it be 8pm Pacific or 8pm Mountain (7PM Pacific?
Also, be sure to pick up an “I heart Beaver” sticker, which will really class up the taxi.
Google Maps does note time zone changes when you ask for directions and it displays two or three routes you can choose from.
I haven’t seen that on my Google maps. But it has been a while since I used them on any of my Vegas to Utah/Idaho drives, so it could have changed. It would change the estimated arrival time as soon as I crossed over to a new time zone. It could easily have updated or I just have some settings that disable it on my phone.
It’s 8pm Pacific, but it’s actually 8pm Arizona Standard Time because the last time they looked at the app was going through the canyons between St. George and Mesquite.
I just mapped a trip to the next time zone over from me and I’m pretty sure this is not true. At least Google Maps is smart enough to show your arrival time in the destination time zone.
I hope you ordered an omelet in Denver. I understand they are famous and replicated by restaurants all over the world.
PS. You might have forgot to fuzz out the license plate number..
The Rockies aren’t as bad as you’ve been told. That John Denver is full of crap!
Well his real name is John Deutschendorf, Jr and he was born in Roswell NM., so….
Clearly the government wanted him back, that’s why they faked his death in CA and moved both him and Tupac back to Area 51 to leverage their talents for further research.
Almost heaven, South Nevada, huge Great Basin, Colorado River.
All my COs demanding my return; testing all these pulse jets, so much fuel to burn.
Take me home, redacted roads, to the place I belong.
South Nevada, bruised and battered, redacted roads, guess I’m home.
If Weird Al needs writing help, I know who to recommend.
I’m not saying John Denver was an extraterrestrial, but…
“Big Gulps, eh? Well, see ya later!”
“I can get 70 miles to the gallon on this hog!”
Just when I think you couldn’t possibly be any dumber…
WOW! Great Autopians doing great things.
Kudos to the wiper gang. A. Barth and other incredible people help restore your faith in mankind.
It was so wonderful to meet up with all the other great Colorado Autopians! And of course, Jason and Otto and Matt and Griffin. Everyone was so nice, as is to be expected of this erudite group.
Good luck crossing Loveland Pass and I hope you don’t run into any snow or ice today. The drive on I-70 through Utah is truly one of the most scenic and beautiful drives in the US, IMHO. If you’re in the mood for a sweet treat as you’re passing by Avon, CO, do yourself a huge favor and stop in at Kiwi International Delights and Coffee (https://kiwiinternationaldelights.com/). They have some of the best ice cream and gelato you’ve ever had. And if you like banana-themed desserts, their Specialty Crepe #2 (banana, butter-pecan ice cream, dulce de leche, spices, etc.) will knock your socks off!
Safe travels!
Loveland Pass? is the Taxi designated as a HazMat vehicle that can’t go through the Eisenhower tunnel?
Also a nice cool day today, may need to actually test the heater if it works
Sorry! I should have said Eisenhower tunnel. You are technically correct, and that’s the best kind of correct.
JT should go over Loveland Pass though. Not only is it more scenic, but we could get a story about brakes failing around some of the hairpin curves going down to A-Basin.
Lol! That would be epic.
And he could put the biohazard sticker in the windshield, so it would be totally legit to take the pass instead of the tunnel.
Let’s be honest, that old taxi probably is a biohazard.
Probably??
Jason, you should post pics of the cabin air filter when it was replaced in Denver. Nasty is an understatement.
Just as a FYI for front-rangers, I drove Loveland pass on Sunday. Last week’s landslide has been cleared, so the road is open. No Eisenhower closures for hazmat.
Utah is a truly beautiful state… so many great roads and vistas. I wish it had been daylight when I was driving south on 6/191 from SLC to where it hits I-70 and then continues south through the Moab Valley into New Mexico. And that I wasn’t driving a U-Haul pulling my Jetta on a dolly.
Or take Utah 24 from I70 and go through Hanksville, then state road 12 past Cedar Breaks Natl Park to state road 14 and and come back to I70 at Cedar City. But then they would miss Beaver and all the paraphernalia they could get to adorn the taxi with.
Are you radiant because you explored for Uranium around there as my great grandfather did?