With the arrival of my beautiful child Delmar (not his real name), I find myself with a problem: My one safe, childworthy car also happens to be my newest, and it also happens to be in mint condition. And I mean mint. It is a car I love so much that I spent a small fortune on it, and I plan to keep it for as long as I live. This is why I take extra care of it, but I’m worried that my child will not. In fact, I’m sure he won’t, which is why I need a plan to protect it from this his destructive tendencies. Here’s what I’ve come up with so far.
I was a kid once, and so were my five brothers, so I’m intimately aware of how careless children can be. I remember taking my bicycles out of the garage as a kid, and the number of times my sharp metal handlebar — whose rubber grip had been shredded off from all my crashes — scratched the side of our family’s Chevy Astro van is more than I care to count. That poor paint.
And the interior? Oh man, we vomited in it, we sat our muddy and wet butts on those seats, we got fishing hooks stuck in the headrests, we spilled every possible food all over — it was brutal. And then our dog just added to the mayhem.
My wife and I don’t have a dog yet, but I could see one on the horizon; right now, though, I want to focus on this child, because I shouldn’t let his smiley face fool me — this little guy will do a number on my BMW i3 unless I do something about it:
I’ve already started with a full PPF job. While the materials were provided by XPEL, and the installation was discounted by our sister-company Galpin, I still paid a few grand for this job, and I’ll tell you right away: It was worth it for the peace-of-mind — I’ve stopped having that recurring bicycle handlebar nightmare, and thoughts of Delmar swinging the door open onto a parking garage column no longer live in my head rent-free.
But that’s just the exterior — that’s the least of my worries. While my family’s Chevy Astro van’s interior actually managed to hold up remarkably well, that was a utilitarian machine meant for tough people-hauling duty. My BMW i3’s cabin is a hipster’s paradise, with “Kenaf” fibers making up the door panels, olive leaf-died leather on the seats and door panels, and — perhaps most worrying — wool. Lots of light-colored wool.
I am deeply concerned about the future of this wool. Will my child rub food or paint or excrement or whatever it is that children rub against mint-condition BMW i3 interior wool surfaces?
I can protect the seats reasonably well, I think, with some basic covers that go over the bench. In fact, it turns out BMW sells an OEM seat protector (see above)! I think that’s just to keep the child seat from rubbing against the seat (and the thing on the right is to cover the front seatback), so it really doesn’t offer a ton of coverage. Maybe I need something bigger, like this:
The manufacturer, Weathertech, even shows photos of dastardly child-behavior as proof that this seat-cover can handle a toddler:
Seriously? Cheerios? Why is the cup on its side; kid, pick it up! It’s just sitting there, spilling!
Oh lord, what? The animal crackers I can give a pass; we all lose one or two on its way from the bag to down the hatch, and the toys are going to trap sand — that’s hard to avoid. I don’t love the sideways cup, but it’s the sunscreen that’s killin’ me here! What the heck, kid?! Why is the sunscreen cap open, and why is there all this creme on the seatcover?
And… what are those on the front passenger’s seatback? Markers?! Absolutely not! Look at what this menace is doing with cups and sunscreen and crackers; there’s no chance they should have access to markers!
Sorry, I need to relax. But this is making me nervous! You know what else is making me nervous? My coworkers, who have not provided me any reassurance on this topic:
My god; two year-old carrots!
Maybe I should have a “no food in i3” policy, but I do have concerns because… I mean, I want my kid to eat and be happy. And lord knows, if he’s like me, he’ll want nothing more than to jam some McDonald’s french fries into his face during a roadtrip.
Anyway, I think the seat cover above will do the job, and the PPF will protect the outside, and I already have floor mats:
But there are two major issues that I still need to solve. The first is the seatback, which even on a normal car is a vulnerable spot, since children tend to kick seatbacks. But the i3 needs more than the BMW OEM seatback cover I showed before, because the seatback is a piece of off-white cloth that’s being stretched taught across a central opening.
Literally one swift kick will tear the fabric, and even if somehow the fabric holds up, it definitely won’t avoid stains.
So my plan is to buy some fairly stiff seatback protectors to prevent that fabric from tearing. Something like this:
My bigger worry is the rear armrests, because though I can protect the rear seat cushion and front seatbacks, what can I do about these lightly-colored wool armrests? I can’t really put a cover on them given their shape:
My colleague Thomas suggested “CQuartz Fabric 2.0,” which is a spray described as a “super-hydrophobic barrier that repels water and stains, whilst resisting abrasion, UV fading, alkaline and acid attack for up to 12 months.”
Hmm, looks like our friends at XPEL might have something similar. Does this stuff actual work? Will it permanently alter my beautiful wool? I’ll have to look into it.
In any case, I’m worried, because so many people have told me that I’m doomed, and to just embrace the destruction that will inevitably take place inside one of the most gorgeous automotive cabins ever designed. I’m not sure I can.
[Looks over at Delmar. Sees him spitting up milk and excreting strangely yellowish poos]. Yeah, maybe I am doomed.
Top Photo: Depositphotos.com/David Tracy
Delmar, for those wondering, is the name of the chief engineer of the WWII Jeep. Delmar “Barney” Roos. A total legend.
By the way, thank you all for your feedback! I’m reading every comment.
Best wishes for all of you.
Thank you!
Thank you for the explanation. You are now forgiven. 😉
And here I thought it was short for the DelMarVa peninsula.
I’m just glad it’s a pseudonym because every time I read it I think “old Delmar” thanks to Bing Crosby and living close to the Del Mar horse track and seeing their ads on TV.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rxSnJZkH1KY
I’m still partial to Ferrous.
Bueller?
I’m thinking “Baller” depending on how pimped out that i3 ends up becoming.
Ferrous “Rusty” Baller. Has a nice ring to it, no?
Hahaha!
I’m too old to figure out the perfect programming to handle a website that handles comment threads perfectly, but this one deserves better than what we have now. But I have ideas.
Matt, or whoever webmaster this gets to, I have a suggestion.
When I get to the end of an article and scroll past the mini-bio of who wrote it, can YOU PLEASE show the first chronological page comment/response/correction. NOT the most recent. The original.
And then show, an option to read to read the second level responses to the first level responses. Rather than clutter up the screen with a bunch of stuff that isn’t interesting to us, the end user.
Instead of the most recent responses that I don’t get the context of because I read the article after they did and made their comments.
And I say that as a base-level velour member. So, not as an investor, but also not a zero-level feces-thrower.
And, while you’re at redesigning “THE Autopian” 2.0 or whatever version you might do, give us an opportunity to give a thumbs up or a heart or a laugh, without having to do an actual reply that we did any of that.
“give us an opportunity to give a thumbs up or a heart or a laugh, without having to do an actual reply that we did any of that”
Isn’t that what the smily face under each post is for?
It’s too binary for me.
I don’t see that as any different from a thumbs up or a heart or a laugh.
ok
It’s also the name of a town about fifteen miles from me, on the Delaware-Maryland state line.
I saw that town on signs heading to Salisbury, MD from BWI. The trip to Salisbury, UK, was far more enjoyable.
That makes more sense than what we thought on the discord- that you had a movie night of ‘O brother, where art thou?’
“I’m a Dapper Dan man!”
Rusty was right there.
We’ve owned 3 i3s and had little kids in all of them.
The official BMW i “Function Cover” is great. Good quality (since we’ve been using it for 10 years now), soft on one side, water resistant on the other side without being plasticky, loops to attach to headrests, holes for belts in the right places.
It’s a must-have for kids+i3, IMO. We still use it in our other vehicles even now that we don’t have an i3 anymore.
I think it’s discontinued, but somebody might have one, like these guys:
https://parts.bmwoforlandpark.com/p/Bmw__i3/i-Function-Cover/71999159/51472348066.html?srsltid=AfmBOoqYy_TS_rdlfWbyv6yXtvu5wcJ1V2Gd246npgwcGBXfN6cFz4ff
So that’s where the Delmar name came from! I thought it was from:
David
ENHRN
L.A.
March 32
Well according to Google, this might your problem.
“The name Delmar, whether used as a given name or a surname, generally means “of the sea” or “from the sea”. It originates from the Spanish phrase “del mar”. The name’s etymology reflects a connection to the ocean and its vastness.”
But in French it would be “from the marsh” or “of the marsh”, derived from the Old French words mareis or maresc. The name is often associated with a connection to nature and lands with wet soils and vegetation. ”
Actually beach detritus is fairly easy to clean out given a good vacuum.
About 3 paragraphs in I got to thinking that you will regret being so uptight with your son about a thing. I have learned over the years that things are just things, and it is people that matter.
After seeing all that crap you have to install to try (and I do mean try, as vomit is really good at seeping around and under things), I recommend buying a wrecked i3 from Copart (partner post alert!), pulling the interior out of it and installing it into your i3. Put the interior of your i3 in storage, and let the little man do his worst while knowing your gjga world interior is still in mint condition and you can swap it back any time. Probably be cheaper than buying all that crap to cover everything up too.
Take the Lexus, man.
This is a fool’s errand. You need a separate car altogether for baby duty. You’re spending more on ppf and all sorts of other crap for maybe 80% success on a good day and no reduction in stress level. You’ll end up resenting the baby, the car, and yourself for being so pusillanimous when it comes to the i3.
I’m not saying you need another postal or cactus, but this is what a Camry or Rav4 is for.
Congrats to you and your ever-expanding family! May good fortune shine on you all! Having raised three myself, you eventually realize that having a kid is having all that goes with it – it’s not pessimism to say get used to the idea of nothing being sacred. You’ll accept, incrementally, your new reality and will be better for it. Trying to haul a kid in a car and expecting kid-things to not happen is like trying to wear boots on a hiking trip and expect to not get dirt on them. You may like the idea, but reality is indifferent. The best you can do is control what can be controlled, be ready for fix what you can’t control, and understand that in the end you don’t really have any control. 😀 Make the most of every moment and remember that the Delmar will be a part of your life long after “David Tracy’s i3” has become a part of the Henry Ford Museum collection.
Had a daughter, bought a lightly used CR-V back in 2009 to ferry her around. Maybe my kid was the exception, but she really didn’t make a huge mess of the car. There were a few minor spills but nothing a dog proof seat cover under the car seat couldn’t handle.
That car seat, however, took a beating. She liked to collect rocks and coins and I swear I emptied an entire driveway worth of rocks out of it when it was finally time to come out of the car.
Also: don’t be the parents who let their kids put stickers all over the inside of the car.
Watch out for doggie damage too. Our Daschund ripped up the center console attempting to access some food held within. I mean so bad we had to replace the whole cover.
Oh man, that interior. So light, and airy and oh so genuinely fucked.
Lol.
My wife has a Forester with the light interior. Let me tell you, it’s pretty damn rough back there. But a few things to consider…
Seatback protectors aren’t necessary until your kid is front facing, which is probably age two (by law in NY state at least).
If you want to actually protect the upholstery, go full seat cover. Partial covers like what we have just funnels crap to the middle, and then in gets trapped under the edges of the covers.
French fries don’t really do much visual damage, but they make cars SMELL. Our cars always smell far better once I extract them from every nook and cranny. Before you claim otherwise, yes you will eventually give up and feed your kids things like this in the car. I too thought I would put my foot down on this. And I was a naive fool.
In the end, the interior will still be awesome after it takes a few haymakers. Don’t drive yourself too crazy.
Not just fries. Baby cars reek.
Congrats on your replication David.
My idea is for you to buy and install a wrecked i3 interior including seats use covers on the back one as you mentioned and put your pristine interior in storage for a few years when junior has cleaned up his act reapply your original interior.
Totally agree on the extra interior. If the one from the wrecked car is mint, he could just keep that aside until the kid gets older or vice versa.
I think Davids interior is specific to his ‘black-gold’ edition (Nissan 280zx owners will understand reference) so might want to hold onto that original interior for the future.
My only advice is to get over it. The car will age, if you want it mint, don’t drive it, and definitely don’t drive it with your kids in it. My unicorn BMW is thrashed after 8 years with the kids. The worst break is the horrible cup holder in the back seat. That stupid thing snapped off after 3-4 years. No clue how it happened, just did. Impossible to fix, and nearly the same to replace.
Congrats once again, and I appreciate this content, as I am just a few weeks away from going you on this journey of handling kids in cars. I tests our child seat in the three cars I have and amazingly it fit into all three of them, despite my two cars being two doors.
I already have a not eating policy in place for my car with adults, so I plan to continue that for kids too.
Most of the commuting will take place in my wife’s Jetta, and the back seat looks something like the weather tech ad, because that’s just how she is (opposites attract, after all).
Here’s my video if anyone wants to see me struggling doing something the first time without reading instructions or doing any prep work before turning on a camera.
https://youtu.be/_0Z8C5nGp6w?si=uyNaVwvN0bcrJ4t5
I also remember Jason’s will it baby series way back a long time ago… I’d love to see an updated version of those in the future too!
Trojan sells baby-proofing products.
All temporary problems. The real fear: when Delmar takes your i3 out for a night of teenage mischief.
We raised two kids in the back of a Volvo 745 Turbo and the interior still looked great when we sold it after 19 years of ownership. Here are some tips from our experience:
Or, just prioritize your kids over your cars. Cars are disposable, kids are not. When you have a half hour between afternoon swim team practice and evening choir practice the only option is to eat in the car. When you’re making the monthly 7 hour drive (one way) to visit the grandparents, you’re not adding a half hour to eat. Did this degrade the vehicles of their childhoods? Yes. Were they the reason we sold any of them? No. All three were high mileage vehicles when we got rid of them and it was not kid related reasons any of them were put in our rear view mirror, but rather escalating repair costs.
I think the above rules make total sense for car-person as parent. David’s parents are in Germany and it seems like Elise’s are in the area, so the long drives likely aren’t a thing. And I bet when they do start taking long trips he can just get a press loaner.
Do everything… and then they magically find a Sharpie that you never knew you had, and decorate everything!!! Kids are wonderful! Enjoy!!!
Damn! 200+ comments in ~5 hrs. Well, I can’t read through all the advice, but one key thing to remember: Mercedes wife is a masterclass cleaner of interiors. Don’t be afraid to ask for her cleaning advice, and in a pinch, invite Mercedes and Sheryl out to LA for little sightseeing in exchange for cleaning help.
That said, a lot of how bad a mess Lil’ Del makes is going to be contingent on how permissive you and Elise_B are with him. At least after the first year and a half or so. Also, iPads or Android tablets are great at distracting them from other, messier, activities.
Lol yeah that ain’t gonna do it. Wait til he starts eating solid food, you’ll see. Picture the kid at the center of a circle with at least a 4 ft radius that looks like a slime bomb exploded. Food will get into every crevice, cover every surface. There will be no “no food in the i3” rule, he will eat when he needs to eat, whether it’s convenient for you or not. Even once he’s bigger, you will find wrappers, zip locs of moldy cut fruit, used tissues and half-eaten sandwiches hidden EVERYWHERE. You will find where he’s been wiping his boogers all this time. And yes, you’ll be shocked how often little kids puke, and with zero warning. The only way to keep your i3 pristine is to keep him out of it until he’s 27.
Whatever you do don’t let the child smoke.
Kids are into vaping these days. Far less damaging to car interiors than the stogies I smoked as a wee lad.
Looks like smiley Delmar inherited David’s former hair.
Fix your Grand Cherokee (peak family car of the 90s) and use that.
The only way to solve this is to have one “family car” and one that doesn’t contain kids. My wife’s Tiguan is trashed and gets a full professional detail every six months. Nothing will prepare you for what is coming my friend – door dings and all. My 18 month old just barfed over the entire interior today…My 6 year old kicks the back of the seat all the time. YOu’ll be amazed at what you are willing to compromise on to keep the peace…
Dear Mr Tracy, you are hosed.
Sincerely, a guy who loves his cars but has two kids and has given up…
No food policy is not realistic. You will need to feed Delmar, and worse yet, you will need to give Delmar many bottles of milk. I mean, when I grew up in the 70’s my mom just jumped in the back seat while driving and breast fed me, but that’s just not how things work anymore. That milk will get EVERYWHERE. Oh and let’s not forget the “blow outs”.
Fact is you should just plan on driving Delmar in the i3s rarely, at least until he’s more in control of his bodily functions. You’ll want to keep him in a car that you simply do not care about. Let him destroy it.
> my mom just jumped in the back seat while driving and breast fed m
WHILE DRIVING?!?!?
I don’t think I can read every comment, so apologies if this is a repeat 🙂 Either way…
Your car is fucked. There is no amount of money or “armor” that can defeat a child. So, you have a decision to make:
A. Hide the Beemer somewhere (gee, I wonder where? lol) and buy a thoroughly dependable Malibu/Camry.
B. Let him fuck it all up and worry about that later, as it’s basically a very expensive toy car to begin with.
C. Sell the damn Beemer, because what you dreamed about 1 year ago is now gone “poof”. As in, bye bye forever.
You made a child that will hopefully (eventually) outlive you. You don’t matter anymore. It’s not like you bought a turtle or something. You have a commitment that is impossible to shake, forever. He will be a part of your future legacy, long after you have succumbed to the rust gods.
Deal with it and stop whining like a baby, lol. 😉
eta: Don’t you dare let that boy eat McDonald’s, like ever! That stuff is legit poison.
Hey buddy look into rear seat hammocks for dogs they have zip up sides they hook to the front and rear headrests and they have pieces that slide into the rear windows that stop stuff from running down the door panel
I’d say put the money going into babyproofing the i3 into like, a cheap old prius family car. Safe as can be and it’ll last long enough to be his first car