Holy Crap You Can Buy Motorcycle Tires Called F*ckstones

I’m not sure what is going on in the cheap Chinese (or perhaps Taiwanese?)-made motorcycle tire world, but whatever it is, clearly I’ve been missing out. I say this because just today I learned the name of a brand of cheap motorcycle tires and I have to say I was absolutely delighted by it. Think about that – when was the last time you were delighted by any knockoff tire, or even any other rubber dry good? For me it feels like it’s been ages. And yet here I am, thrilled by the name of a brand of tire, happily mildly scandalized and thrilled that such a thing, improbably exists.

You’re probably wondering what the name of this tire is, and you should be – otherwise I’d suggest you check your pulse. Luckily for you, I’m going to tell you, and even better is that I’m going to pretend like you haven’t already sussed it out from the headline and the top image there. Here it is:

Fuckstones.

Yes, Fuckstones! And, even better, the logo is very clearly a knockoff of the Firestone logo! I was first made aware of these tires from this X-Tweet:

Alibaba is trying to sell me cheap Fuckstones on Facebook pic.twitter.com/VKOiKtcH8D

— Stal Wof ???????????? (@wolf_stal) August 27, 2025

A little bit of research soon showed that these tires were, somehow and improbably, real. How? How is this possible? I mean, whomever made this decision must, of course, understand the implications of both the Firestone similarities and the taboo quality of using the word “fuck” on something like a tire.

I’m not really scandalized or anything – I adore profanity in all forms, and believe it’s a linguistic gift that we must cherish. I also think that kneejerk hostility to profanity is rooted in outdated classist thought that we’re better leaving behind. But I also appreciate that part of profanity’s charm is its ability to shock, and I think seeing the word “fuck” on a tire accomplishes that quite well.

Honestly, I’m kind of surprised how little talk there is about the name of these tires? Are we all such boring adults that we just accept this? What’s next? Someone will fart loudly next to you and you won’t laugh? That’s not a world I want to live in.

Is the Fuckstone name a mark of quality? Are these good tires? Based on what I see online, I’m not so sure, though most seem to be complaining about the zigzag/sawtooth tread pattern on some of these tires than anything else. They seem to have been around a while; this post talking about them is from 2016, for example, so if Firestone is wanting to take legal action, they sure are taking their time about it.

You know, my Citroën 2CV has tires that are just about as skinny as motorcycle tires… It’d be pretty sweet to roll up in a full set of Fuckstones in that baby, right?

Man. Fuckstones.