I’m not sure what is going on in the cheap Chinese (or perhaps Taiwanese?)-made motorcycle tire world, but whatever it is, clearly I’ve been missing out. I say this because just today I learned the name of a brand of cheap motorcycle tires and I have to say I was absolutely delighted by it. Think about that – when was the last time you were delighted by any knockoff tire, or even any other rubber dry good? For me it feels like it’s been ages. And yet here I am, thrilled by the name of a brand of tire, happily mildly scandalized and thrilled that such a thing, improbably exists.
You’re probably wondering what the name of this tire is, and you should be – otherwise I’d suggest you check your pulse. Luckily for you, I’m going to tell you, and even better is that I’m going to pretend like you haven’t already sussed it out from the headline and the top image there. Here it is:
Yes, Fuckstones! And, even better, the logo is very clearly a knockoff of the Firestone logo! I was first made aware of these tires from this X-Tweet:
Alibaba is trying to sell me cheap Fuckstones on Facebook pic.twitter.com/VKOiKtcH8D
— Stal Wof ???????????? (@wolf_stal) August 27, 2025
A little bit of research soon showed that these tires were, somehow and improbably, real. How? How is this possible? I mean, whomever made this decision must, of course, understand the implications of both the Firestone similarities and the taboo quality of using the word “fuck” on something like a tire.
I’m not really scandalized or anything – I adore profanity in all forms, and believe it’s a linguistic gift that we must cherish. I also think that kneejerk hostility to profanity is rooted in outdated classist thought that we’re better leaving behind. But I also appreciate that part of profanity’s charm is its ability to shock, and I think seeing the word “fuck” on a tire accomplishes that quite well.
Honestly, I’m kind of surprised how little talk there is about the name of these tires? Are we all such boring adults that we just accept this? What’s next? Someone will fart loudly next to you and you won’t laugh? That’s not a world I want to live in.
Is the Fuckstone name a mark of quality? Are these good tires? Based on what I see online, I’m not so sure, though most seem to be complaining about the zigzag/sawtooth tread pattern on some of these tires than anything else. They seem to have been around a while; this post talking about them is from 2016, for example, so if Firestone is wanting to take legal action, they sure are taking their time about it.
You know, my Citroën 2CV has tires that are just about as skinny as motorcycle tires… It’d be pretty sweet to roll up in a full set of Fuckstones in that baby, right?
Man. Fuckstones.
Tires from the Rated R version of the Flintstones.
Seriously, though, the Chinese have screwed up royally on this one, no pun intended. The name also implies the, ahem, level of quality of the product.
Please, please, PLEASE expand Fuckstone into the bicycle tire market!
They already make ebike tires. https://sddrtire.en.made-in-china.com/product/kxvRlQoMCFcD/China-14-2-50tl-Fuckstone-Serrated-Pattern-Electric-Bicycle-Tires-and-Inner-Tubes.html?pv_id=1j3nco2o881a&faw_id=1j3nco6vj08&bv_id=1j3nco70019&pbv_id=1j3ncnvm17d1
Yay!
There is something genuinely surreal about going to that site and typing “Fuckstone” into the search bar like it’s a normal thing.
Are these some of the same people that brought us DickAss auto parts?
https://gzwantian.en.made-in-china.com/product/VdNaoAwyKjWF/China-Dickass-Performance-Yellow-A61-6-Pot-Caliper-Brake-Kit-with-355X32mm-Disc-HP2000-Brake-Pad-for-Mercedes-Benz-W210-18inch.html
Despite the listing title, the caliper clearly shows it’s from DickAse, a brand we all know and trust. Just be careful — if your caliper says DickAss, it’s likely a counterfeit and may be unsafe.
I vaguely remember reading that the company slapped an ‘e’ at the end of its name once it found out that the company name was deeply funny in English.
Wherever hay is rolling,
wherever sex is sold,
the name that’s known is Fu-uckstone
where the rubber meets the load.
this would be great tyre to pair with Turbo Bastard wheels
I’m still undecided between whether fuckstone’s or mucho macho’s would suit them better, but leaning towards a mucho macho turbo bastard setup.
https://www.prioritytire.com/by-brand/cosmo-tires/muchomacho
Needs more white lettering.
Priority Tire carries 7 brands that end in -stone. How did that become a thing?
Firestone High School in Akron might really see improved attendance numbers if they renamed it.
There’s a simple reason they haven’t sued: Firestone is the imposter, profiting off Fuckstone’s legendary commitment to quality and craftsmanship.
I mean, Firestones have been know to blow a load or two, back in the 70’s…
I sort of want to buy a set just for the giggles. How bad could they ride? lol
someone on staff needs to do it, preferably with a review of their performance that reads as if it was a normal tire.
Are we sure we can’t fit these on the Changli?
I am sure we can.
A set of these would make Adrian feel much better about the Rhodius, I’m sure. What could be better than pulling up to Westminster in a Rhodius sporting a full set of Fuckstones?
“How bad could they ride?”
Next time on Autopian After Dark…
How are we not talking about their being Deluxe Champion models??
Clearly, they’re inspired by the spec tires from some racing series where you have to have an animal co-rider or refuel by mouth siphoning.
Fuckstones: Trust our rubber to keep you safe, for whatever you ride…
Some potential Fuckstone slogans.
“Have your way with the road”
“Where the rubber meets the load”
“Tires that go all the way”
“Wrap your mount in our rubber”
A jingle suggestion…
https://youtu.be/p4E6KtQg_z0
Do they make car tires? These would look PERFECT on an IDGAF Pontiac.
Or David’s i3.
Ooohh! Dig it!
Delmar (NHRN}: “Daddy, what’s the writing on the tire?
David: furiously writes post titled “I thought I’d never sell my i3. Fatherhood changed that.”
Counterpoint: What better motivator for Delmar to learn to read?
100%
Fuck stone? There’s a kink for everybody.
Is this some kind of Arthurian backwards weirdness in which the right ‘sword’ has to…never mind.
Whatever you drive, drive a Fuckstone…
I don’t know much about motorcycles.
Say a person (nobody I’d know, some horrible degenerate) wanted to buy one of these and mount it to a wheel to hang it on the wall, what size wheel would that person need to acquire?
Maybe that person can’t find any tires on alibaba that show the sidewall lettering. What specific size of tire in the linked listing would show the lettering?
First number on the motorcycle tire is width, middle number aspect ratio, and the last number is diameter. Buy a wheel that fits, use mounting spoons to fit the tire, hang on wall. 🙂
I much prefer B.F Goodfuck tires myself! 😉
I’ve heard they’ve partnered with Falken for the car tire series. The Falken Fuckstones!
That has Johnny Dangerously vibes.
You fargin bastich! You corksoaking icehole!
You can only address me like that once.
Once.
Grotesque. Unfunny. Beneath dignity.
Sit down, dad.
That is why Torch brought this to our attention. We are a low class sort around here, with a teenagers sence of humor. Heck, show of hands, how many giggle when I say 69?
Raises hand.
I was upset when I missed 69420 on my odometer last weekend. It would have read that while parked at HEB, too.
I need to make sure I don’t miss 69696 or 80085.
BOOOEEEEWWBS!
Nice.
It was a good summer.
Those are Fuckstones you’re talking about, have some respect.
They ride really, really hard.
But on the plus side, they’re the only tires where I look forward to blowouts.
Idk, sounds like a rubber you can’t trust.
Are you sure you didn’t mean to post this comment on the Saab Story? 🙂
A fuckstone, sounds kinda like a magical smooth rock a very old wizard rubs on his “staff” to get it ready to slay the stinky sea monster.
Yeah Im weird, read the headline and first thing that pops into my head is wizard viagra
I’m pretty sure there’s an oglaf about that. IYKYK, and plz don’t search if you don’t.
It was the sea monster thing that made it weird.
Mmm. Tell me more.
I wouldn’t ride a bike with Fuckstone tires for the same reason I wouldn’t crawl under a car held up with Fuckjack stands.
Would you use a Panaphonic Fuckbook?
I am fine with Fuckstick hood props.
I have to admit, Fuckwad duct tape isn’t bad either.
Fuckt@rd ignition distributors are decent for the price.
Only for the preloaded malware.
I mean, I’m pretty sure Firestone is responsible for more deaths than Fuckstone.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Firestone_and_Ford_tire_controversy
Oh man this one got me – could only be a Torch article ahahahah
New, from the makers of Dickass brakes…
And I JUST bought a new front tire for my motorcycle, so I’m stuck with a lousy Kenda for the next several thousand miles.
I coulda had a Fuckstone!
Fuckstones… for when you want the ride and traction of fucking stones.
Did anyone else hear that in Sam Elliots voice?
Fuckstones, meet the Fuckstones, they’re the modern stone age family…
Fred, Wilma, Barney and Betty as swingers…that explains a lot.