I’m not sure what is going on in the cheap Chinese (or perhaps Taiwanese?)-made motorcycle tire world, but whatever it is, clearly I’ve been missing out. I say this because just today I learned the name of a brand of cheap motorcycle tires and I have to say I was absolutely delighted by it. Think about that – when was the last time you were delighted by any knockoff tire, or even any other rubber dry good? For me it feels like it’s been ages. And yet here I am, thrilled by the name of a brand of tire, happily mildly scandalized and thrilled that such a thing, improbably exists.
You’re probably wondering what the name of this tire is, and you should be – otherwise I’d suggest you check your pulse. Luckily for you, I’m going to tell you, and even better is that I’m going to pretend like you haven’t already sussed it out from the headline and the top image there. Here it is:
Yes, Fuckstones! And, even better, the logo is very clearly a knockoff of the Firestone logo! I was first made aware of these tires from this X-Tweet:
Alibaba is trying to sell me cheap Fuckstones on Facebook pic.twitter.com/VKOiKtcH8D
— Stal Wof ???????????? (@wolf_stal) August 27, 2025
A little bit of research soon showed that these tires were, somehow and improbably, real. How? How is this possible? I mean, whomever made this decision must, of course, understand the implications of both the Firestone similarities and the taboo quality of using the word “fuck” on something like a tire.
I’m not really scandalized or anything – I adore profanity in all forms, and believe it’s a linguistic gift that we must cherish. I also think that kneejerk hostility to profanity is rooted in outdated classist thought that we’re better leaving behind. But I also appreciate that part of profanity’s charm is its ability to shock, and I think seeing the word “fuck” on a tire accomplishes that quite well.
Honestly, I’m kind of surprised how little talk there is about the name of these tires? Are we all such boring adults that we just accept this? What’s next? Someone will fart loudly next to you and you won’t laugh? That’s not a world I want to live in.
Is the Fuckstone name a mark of quality? Are these good tires? Based on what I see online, I’m not so sure, though most seem to be complaining about the zigzag/sawtooth tread pattern on some of these tires than anything else. They seem to have been around a while; this post talking about them is from 2016, for example, so if Firestone is wanting to take legal action, they sure are taking their time about it.
You know, my Citroën 2CV has tires that are just about as skinny as motorcycle tires… It’d be pretty sweet to roll up in a full set of Fuckstones in that baby, right?
Man. Fuckstones.
So are these tires immune to rocks?
Fuck those hats. Hand out Fuckstone tires/tyres next year at Pebble Beach.
That’ll really get you banned. 🙂
This brings up an interesting point. We all laugh at the Dawn Patrol enthusiasts, but if there was an Autopian meetup where they were handing out free Fuckstones, there would be a riot.
Someone more familiar with Mandarin/Cantonese could probably explain this, but “fuck” turns up on all sorts of bootleg Chinese merchandise with obvious “lost in translation” text or brand names. Like I have to think it’s a poor translation of “cool” or “sexy” or “best” or something. Given “fuck” is one of those extremely versatile words that can mean all sorts of things depending on context, can sort of understand how it frequently ends up in unexpected places.
Or maybe it was 100% on purpose and they’re banking on it selling from what Americans will find to be a funny name.
Firestones tyres were everywhere on cafe racer bikes, just for the vintage look and despite they poor performances… nicknamed Flintstones. Fuckstones is even better !
Fuckstones, Ben Wa balls, Ass Plugs, whatever floats your boat, man.
Saw that back in the 90’s. Ron Jeremy was actually a great Barney Rubble.
Can I buy one just to put it on my wall as art?
I’m assuming the COTD article tomorrow will just be this entire comment section?
Just make sure there’s no holes in the rubber, or you may end up with a baby tricycle tire
“Fuckstones, meet the Fuckstones!
Their a crappy rip off sort of round product.”
This is a HUGE opportunity for me. People have been telling me for years to “Fuck around and find out” and now I can
Gwyneth Paltrow will sell you a jade egg for a low price of $87 (inflation adjusted).
I leave it to the discerning consumer to decide the superior f*ckstone.
Fuckstones: Where the Rubber Meats the Road.
Tire names: As a Mass Effect fan, it threw me when I started working at a car dealership and saw “Solus” tires on everything.
Will there eventually be a Fuckstone blimp? Might as well see if you can piss off Goodyear, too.
That would be their sister company “Goodfuck”
Oooh! I want those.
With the minimum buy quantity, you’re looking at $4k for a joke.
Which seems preposterous.
Until you remember the Scion. And the taxicab. And the Murano convertible. And the thing they made Adrian drive.
I say do it.
I could just see The Autopian distributing these to willing buyers. Assuming they are actually good quality tires, that could be a win for all.
Say they spend $4K on this. Put them in the online store for $69. They’d sell them all.
Might as well just re-up my subscription now.
Just need to put a whitewall set of these Fuckstones on the old ’79 Econoline conversion.
What is really funny is that most of the internet posts I found discussing them are unironically discussing their merit.
https://www.reddit.com/r/hondarebel/comments/1alm4yl/fuckstone_tyre_yay_or_nay/
There is a parody defense to trademark infringement and while this would likely not qualify, at least in a US court, it’s one more challenge Bridgestone (which owns the Firestone brand) would face in making any infringement claims. On top of everyone in the court smirking at the Bridgestone v. Fuckstone complaint and the not great prospect of Bridgestone v. Fuckstone news coverage.
Which leaves consumers to decide whether their fuck stones are big enough to put Fuckstones on their bikes.
In the age of supreme court justice confirmations requiring “I like beer” as a defense and requiring explanations of “boofing”, I don’t think that case title would make much of a dent…
One does not have to believe we have a functioning court system to believe that Bridgestone does not want to be paying $1,000+ an hour outside counsel to secretly laugh at them.
“Secretly”
Heh. CotD worthy line there.
“Are your fuck stones big enough for Fuckstones?”
You’re welcome, Fuckstone, don’t forget to send me a check.
Do bears shit in the woods?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sz7VEr5sEfQ
If Fuckstone doesn’t make a tire for Rock Crawlers/Rock Bouncers, then they have missed a great opportunity.
Damn. Now I want those tires!
Also now makes me wonder what the BF in B.F.Goodrich stands for?
It stands for boyfriend. Everyone wants a good, rich boyfriend.
As the former owner of a 1st gen Explorer, I wholeheartedly approve of this.
If Mythbusters could figure out how to use manhole covers as wheels, surely we can get motorcycle rims to fit on a car.
All I’m saying is, the Murano needs to be riding on a sweet new set of Fuckstones.
Surely, this isn’t real, and this article is satire.
Regardless, it’s important to always have trustworthy rubber at the end of your axle.
My ’82 XJ6 used to have raised white letter Firestone Firehawks that are no longer available. Can I get a set of Fuckstone Fuckhawks now instead?
Fuckstones, you won’t be satisfied mounting just one.
Fuckstones, nothing penetrates the road better.
Fuckstones, steel-belted for your pleasure
Fuckstones, penis vagina butt-crack
Alright, so that last one could use some work.
Fuckstones — A rubber never felt so good.
“Steel-belted for your pleasure” ought to be this site’s tagline.
My concern is this: what is the rolling resistance coefficient?
I currently have Mitas MC2 16×2.25″ on my electric trike. They are of such low rolling resistance that it remains pedalable to bicycle speeds with the motor disabled and no body shell to reduce aero drag. I can hold a 15+ mph rolling average on heavy Italcerchio 16×1.5″ DOT rims, 16mm cotter-pin axles, the aforementioned tires, hydraulic disc brakes with calipers and rotors from an ATV in the front wheels, and with an overall vehicle weight of over 80 lbs, while powering through my electric motor’s cogging torque losses with nothing but my leg muscles.
A set of Fuckstones, should they be appropriate for my usage case, would be quite neat. I’m sure they’d be a hit at the local street takeover scene when I turn the motor on and with 10 kW and 200+ Nm torque, start doing glorious donuts while leaving rich, thick strips of melted rubber in the intersection.