How I’d Make A Modern EREV Tribute To The Greatest Vehicle Concept Ever: The Conversion Van

When it comes to music, food, movies, and especially cars, we often want the exact opposite of what our parents find appealing. Growing up, I usually rode around in things like Volkswagens or Volvos that Autopians seem to idolize today, but I wanted no part of at the time. No, as a ten-year-old kid, I looked longingly at those cruising in serene air-conditioned comfort in the backs of conversion vans.

Though appealing in concept, it was made clear to me by my parents and the car magazines that conversion vans were things no self-respecting car enthusiast or budding auto snob should have any interest in, and I don’t doubt that they were badly built and absolute crap to drive. Ah, but nearly half a century later, we have the technology to make even Brussels sprouts appetizing, so a reasonable conversion van could be within our reach. Let’s revisit the conversion van concept with a modern platform.

Ready Van Haven

Some time back, I was walking a Cars and Coffee past the endless rows of Porsches or McLarens in which I had lost interest after about the second one, and so drifted to the back corners in search of truly cool stuff. I was not disappointed: there amongst the VW 412s, Renault 12s, and Alpine A310s sat the ultimate in eighties motoring: a GMC conversion van.

Upon looking inside, I was glad to see that my 12-year-old son had the same reaction as 12-year-old me did upon laying eyes on the interior: “This is hilarious, but it’s also the coolest thing I’ve ever seen.” He would have hopped in with his brother and gladly ridden all the way to Tampa right there.

At the same time, he was a bit perplexed. The velour curtains and timber stuck on every surface except for the cut-pile carpet floor seemed more residential than automotive. That fabricated wood tissue box holder just sitting on a table looks like it could kill you if you hit the brakes too hard.

Better secured in the event of a collision would be your drinks, from the looks of the woodshop project going on in/over/around the center console. Nor would your cassette tapes go flying, as long as you only had four or fewer.

How the hell did these things come into being in the first place? It’s a long, crazy story.

The Only Drugs In Conversion Vans Were Benadryl And Dramamine

Fashion tends to get watered down over the years to become acceptable to the masses. What appears on the runways of Milan will go through a bunch of changes but eventually end up in some form on the racks at JCPenney.

In the seventies, the craze of the time was custom vans complete with stripes, lurid graphics, and the requisite bubble window cut into the sides, with interiors set up to be more like a cool bachelor pad than a moving motor vehicle.

What brought on this trend? Well, being the malaise era with early smog regulations and gas crisis meant the idea of a “fun” car being something fast kind of went out the window. Making a product that was appealing at slow speeds or even standing still seemed to resonate better with buyers.

Also, exactly what these vans did when standing still collided with that other well-known revolution of the seventies that admonished potential visitors to assess whether or not the van was rockin,’ and if it was, better for you not to go knockin’.”

Even OEM manufacturers got into it, with factory-built custom vans that were “adult toys” for disco-era boys and girls.

Naturally, family-oriented folks despised these things for what they represented, but some likely thought that the idea of a spacious vehicle that could also be cool was appealing. It’s just that for them to consider buying one, it needed to be designed to actually let you see out of it and have an interior configured for children and grandparents and not for, you know, smoking weed and other stuff.

The answer was conversion vans; customized vehicles that offered extra seating instead of round beds in back, plus giant glass panels to replace the bubble windows. These were often done by firms that built motorhomes but suffered faltering sales because of the fuel crisis.

Many of these conversion firms were located in northern Indiana, where many Amish and Mennonites produce such handcrafted goods as durable and beautifully-made cabinets like the one I’m looking at in my office right now. It appears this local culture of craftsmanship ended up permeating the conversion van industry, as they were outfitted with straight-up wood furniture inside.

Look at these interiors: actual millwork to complement the carpeted or velour-covered surfaces. Tables, entertainment “cabinets”, and magazine racks that looked like woodworking projects your Uncle Dave shows when he drags you into his home shop. It’s so gloriously stupid, and I love it.

Designers sometimes strive for the feel of a stately home inside of a luxury car, but these conversion companies went a step further and just flat out put stained-wood-and-tambour furniture into a van and bolted it down.

Wow, how about a “refreshments cabinet”? Those rich losers in their Rolls-Royce would need to go to a drive-thru to get a cold drink.

Obviously, these things were literally full-sized Ford, GM or Chrysler cargo vans with all of this stuff just stuck onto the inside with screws and glue. I’ve rented newer Econolines and Chevy Express vans sans all of the conversion pieces; I’m sure all of that foam and sound deadening on a conversion version would make it quieter than my Penske cargo rental, but I doubt that the driving experience would be any less miserable. That aspect, as well as poor fuel economy, is likely what always limited the appeal of these things.

Today, these kinds of vans are not even remotely as popular as back in the days of Alf and “Where’s The Beef” commercials. With the impending end of GM’s current big vans, and things like Sprinters not really creating exact replacements, the days of conversion vans might truly be numbered.

That’s a shame, since I’ve seen some vehicles that might be a great basis for today’s families to take the clan to Dutch Wonderland in.

Are We There Yet?

The Tokyo Auto Show used to be the place to go and see bizarre vehicular concepts, but now many of those concepts are handily eclipsed by products from Chinese manufacturers. One of the latest was a six-wheeled van from X Peng with six wheels.

Just when you thought the styling was the strange part, you realize that the back opens up like a clamshell and there’s a strange object in there:

The object? A compact helicopter or drone that can rapidly deploy from anywhere the six-wheeled van can take it:

Personally, I find it pretty silly concept-for-the-sake-of-a-concept stuff, and the rear styling with an angled color blocking looks a bit too much like a Cybertruck and SsangYong Rodius combined. From the front, though, there’s a lot to like if we’re trying to find a modern EV interpretation of an old-school full-sized American van.

What I’ll call the Autopian E/Van (pronounced “Evan”) might be available as an all-steel-sided cargo variant, but our E/Van Voyage would get additional side glass just like an old Starcraft Econoline would have, and even a roof made almost entirely of glass. You can see that, like its forebearers, this conversion van would not have been a cabover; driver and passenger sit behind the front wheels with the area in front available for a small frunk and, if you choose, a range extending motor to charge the batteries under the floor that deliver all-wheel drive front and rear motors.

Would there be a fuel tank up front? I think you could have a gas tank, but one of the biggest issues of EREVs for some people is the introduction of a pollution-creating ICE engine to their once-zero-emissions vehicle. A possible solution might be a natural gas- or propane-powered range extender; you can’t easily find propane filling stations, but virtually any gas station will have 20-pound tanks for barbecue grills.

Inside, we’ll offer all of the amenities you’d expect from a conversion van, all updated for the twenty-first century. Comfortable rotating heated, cooled, and massaging chairs with flip-down armrests could also recline and include flip-up footrests. Between the center row would be a console with flip-up tables. A touchscreen on the console would operate the climate control and entertainment options, and also change the opacity of the glass roof and lower window shades. Touch another part of the screen, and a refrigerator would slide forward to allow cold-drink access.

The “beams” running front to back above the seats hold reading lights that also create ambient illumination and hold aircraft-style vents. A rail along the side of the van has cup holders and storage bins, all trimmed out in finely finished real woodgrain (but not the stuck-on kind seen on vans of old). Whatever you liked about the conversion vans from days of yore would be present, but in a higher-tech version that would look a lot less like the basement recreation room where you watched videos for hours after dad finally relented and you were the last family on the street to get cable.

Plus, you’d have a much more advanced vehicle that would almost certainly be quieter and far better to drive than an old Econoline or GMC Vandura. A propane-powered range extender (and maybe even cabin heater) would mean you could test your kid’s bladder capacity and actually make it to Buc-ee’s on one charge while still not polluting the environment much more than a standard EV. Or, could natural gas power be the gasoline-and-diesel-free loophole for electric car makers to justify adding the range extenders many are balking at? Possibly, and gas stations would love to be able to sell more tanks during non-grilling months. The infrastructure is already there, people!

There’s Still Room For A Small Mural At Least

Is there room for a modern-day conversion van in the market? One of the biggest issues might be the lack of vans. We’d first need something like the E/Van to exist to make it happen, a van that is larger than an Odyssey but not gargantuan like a Sprinter. Regardless of the premature end of GM’s Brightdrop, I still think the decades-old Express and Savanna are not long for this world. A modern equivalent could be just the ticket for tradesmen and families alike.

With the disappearance of sedans and stretched limos, it would seem that people’s perception of a “luxury” vehicle is changing, and the time might be right for a relic of the eighties and nineties to make a return appearance.

Top graphic image: XPeng