Every year for the past 42 years, the Saab Club of North America has gathered to celebrate all things Saab. This year’s owners’ convention was supposed to be no different. Hundreds of cars traveled thousands of miles—sometimes crossing international borders—to be at this year’s venue, a Sheraton hotel in Parsippany, New Jersey. In all, over 800 people are estimated to have attended.
The four-day festival, which took place July 16-20, seemed to go off without a hitch. On the first day, drivers took their cars to Pocono Raceway for a Saab-only HPDE event. Then on Thursday, owners convoyed to Liberty Park, New Jersey to hop on a ferry to Ellis Island for some sightseeing. On Friday and Saturday, the Saab faithful got down to business, buying and selling rare parts through vendors and attending “SAABinars,” where experts coached curious minds on the ins and outs of various repairs and upgrades. Sounds like a place where I’d thrive, and I don’t even own a Saab.


It was only on Sunday morning, when organizers began packing things up, that anyone noticed something wrong. Shelly Baxter, president of the Saab Club of North America, told The Autopian, “On Sunday, [there were] a lot of young [adults] coming up going, ‘Shelly, I don’t feel good. And my response was, ‘Did you drink enough water in between the alcohol? How late did you stay up? Did you eat enough food?'”

There was a good reason to ask these questions. The night before was the awards banquet, a three-and-a-half-hour-long food-and-drink party where awards had been handed out. Baxter simply assumed some of the younger crowd continued to party into the night and was feeling the after-effects. Except there was something far more sinister afoot.
“The heat was pretty bad, so I played mama bear, not realizing they’re genuinely sick. By about the fifth kid that came up to me, I realized we had a problem. By about the 20th person that reached out to me, I realized we had a real problem. By the end of it, over 200 people had gotten sick.”

The Smell Must’ve Been Revolting
“Sick,” in this case, meant diarrhea. Lots of it. The scene Baxter describes sounds like something out of a horror movie (or comedy sketch, depending on your type of humor). She told The Autopian that plans to pack up the convention and head home were delayed by hours simply because no one could leave the toilet:
When we went to close down on Sunday, not a single one of my board members could be found. They were all in the bathroom.
The hotel ran out of toilet paper on Sunday in the men’s restroom.
Normally, we would have left around 1 o’clock on Sunday. We did not leave the facility until 6 o’clock, and there were tons of people that were staying overnight because they could not leave.
It was one of our best conventions in recent history, and it will forever be remembered as Poopsippany.
Baxter says several attendees missed flights and had to call out sick to work. Later that Sunday, on the way home, she and two of her employees stopped for dinner. According to her, they were too traumatized to order a normal meal.
We went and we sat down at Longhorn Steakhouse, with my young guys that worked for me. They didn’t order real food. One got a bowl of soup, and one got a hamburger—at a steak joint. I was like, ‘What the heck?’ He was like, ‘I’m terrified.’

So What Exactly Happened Here?
Let’s get this straight: I’m no medical expert. But I know when a bunch of people get similarly ill while doing the same things in the same area, it’s usually because some sort of outbreak has occurred. Thankfully, the Parsippany Health Department and the New Jersey Department of Health have already done the heavy lifting.

They’ve been on this case since the incident occurred, going as far as to work with Baxter to send a survey to all 591 pre-registered attendees. If you were on this list, you received the following email:
Hello SCNA,
I never expected to send an email like this to all of you. The health and safety of our members is our priority. We are cooperating with a health investigation into the unforeseen, unfortunate illness that occurred at the Parsippany Sheraton during SOC42.
You may have received an email from the New Jersey Department of Health asking for information. It is up to you if you want to share. Many of those who attended have not received an email so I’m sharing the link below.
The best way to ensure everyone who attended has access to the link is to reach you here. If you did not attend SOC42 you are not being asked to do anything. If you attended (with symptoms or not) please share your information.
Sharing your information will help the investigation. As we find out more facts we will let you all know. This was a part we did not anticipate. We appreciate all the heartfelt thank-you notes, the memes, but our only concern at the moment is the health of our members.
Keep on Saabin – Shelly
And here’s what the health department found out:
Of the 306 individuals who responded, 152 reported illness. Most of the illnesses were diarrheal and typically lasted days. There were no reported hospitalizations.
Testing revealed Clostridium perfringens bacteria collected from one attendee. It is likely that this bacteria was the cause of the outbreak. Clostridium perfringens bacteria are a common cause of food poisoning in the United States and most often associated with foods cooked in large batches held at unsafe temperatures. No subsequent illnesses tied to any other events held at the hotel have been reported to date.
There you have it. Going by the department’s findings and the timing of everyone’s extended bathroom breaks, it’s likely the contamination occurred around the time of the awards banquet. It’s also worth pointing out that more people likely got sick than the department reports, since about 200 more people showed up on top of those that were pre-registered, according to Baxter.

Who’s At Fault For This Literal Shitstorm?
In my conversation with Baxter, she avoided blaming the Sheraton in Parsippany for the outbreak, despite also revealing that every group meal consumed during the convention was served by the hotel. She mentioned that the Sheraton told her representative that the hotel was absolved of any wrongdoing by both the local and state health departments. I’ve reached out to both departments for confirmation.
Despite that decision, Baxter is still fighting the hotel for compensation on behalf of the club and its affected members. She’s retained legal representation and hopes something can be resolved that makes up for what happened. “We’ve gotten other people involved to try to help us make it right with our members. That’s my goal,” she says.
A spokesperson for the Sheraton / Marriott hotel group did not immediately respond when reached for comment via email. When I called the hotel itself, a representative told me the general manager was “out for the day,” and declined to comment on the incident.

A Common Love for Saabs Saves the Day
As Baxter mentioned, the diarrhea-induced delays set off a cascade of scheduling issues for members. But instead of making a big stink of things (sorry), attendees made the best of the situation, sharing jokes and helping out fellow members in need. While on the phone with me, she recounted a selection of clever messages sent from members while they were fighting for their lives on the toilet:
Hello Shelly, you always do a great job. Unfortunately, the toilet paper didn’t.
I’m sorry you had to deal with this shitty situation at the Sheraton—SSS instead of SOS.
I can’t leave, and my wife’s expecting me home in two hours, and I can’t get up. If I try to stand up, I’m just going to have to sit right back down!
On a more serious note, Baxter told me about one younger member who missed his flight back home over the enshitification of the night, and couldn’t afford to rebook. But because Saab people are so nice, another member swooped in and laid down the cash.
He had scraped together every dime he had to be able to show up at the convention. So somebody had to step in to help him—another Saab owner. So somebody paid for his hotel room and bought him plane tickets home, because he missed his plane.
Baxter hopes to reimburse that heroic Saab enthusiast after things are settled with the hotel. She also hopes this toilet-filled debacle won’t leave a lasting stain (sorry, again) on the Club’s reputation going forward.
“To have our national convention end on such a sad note—I hope that’s not what we’re remembered for,” Baxter told me. “I think I would like for people to remember all the good stuff, you know?”
Lead Illustration: Jason Torchinsky
Poop stories and cars. Further proof that The Autopian is my kind of website.
Started as a SAAB convention ended as a Skyline Chili convention
Whoa, hold it right there buster. We all know that only Gold Star has the capacity to enshitify your day.
Cincinnati Chili as a meal is the culprit regardless of source. Looks the same coming out as it does going in.
Sacrilege!!! The Skyline gods will strike you down in their fury!
I’ve found it amusing that somehow “Cincinnati chili” isn’t readily recognized as the Greek meat sauce it really is. Yes, we serve it in a different style than Greeks might, but anyone familiar with that food would recognize it. In that sense, I don’t think it’s really that unique.
Hey now, I lived in the Nasti Natti for 7 months from November ’22-May ’23, and I had Cincy Chili at Skyline and Gold Star, respectively (can say concretely that Skyline is my preferred venue for it) and I never had any severe gastrointestinal distress inflicted by it. And I have IBS so I’m prone to my gut being overly sensitive to certain foods.
Weird Fact: it’s actually an Albanian dish, Tschelli, but its pronounced ‘Chili’ because of Albanian using ‘Ts’ like a ‘c’, and it should be pronounced ‘Chell-ee’ like ‘Shelly’ but it evolved into ‘chili’ and stuck.
#themoreyouknow
Ok, I thought the fuckstones comment section had COTD wrapped up, but this story is really giving it the runs for its money
When did Saab switch to rear drive?
Saab Defense has a long history of working with high rear thrust applications.
I had something like this happen at a work conference in Albany, it was horrible, I had to keep excusing myself every 15-30 minutes and weaving my way out through a crowded room to go use the toilet, which was right across from the reception desk, so people definitely noticed that I was getting up so often. The whole way back, I stopped at every bathroom on the New York Thruway and I-95 in New Jersey, and most of the Thruway rest stops were in the process of being demolished and rebuilt, some had porta potties, some had nothing. A 4 1/2 hour drive home turned out to be closer to 9 hours, it was horrible. I suspect it was from a certain steakhouse in Colonie
A bunch of nice Saabs turned into shitboxes
Most people who have been to Parsippany will probably agree that Poopsippany is a more appropriate name.
I have been there. I wouldn’t blame the catering. It was probably airborne.
Not according to the health department. According to them it was the fold served by the Sheraton.
It’s too bad because it’s a very nice and other cool hotel with a unique history
I wouldn’t call that fair. There are plenty of worse spots nearby. Worked there for years
I was referring to the whole town, not the hotel.
Also, you should know I was being sarcastic. Kinda.
All good. It’s the internet lol. What are we going to do? Argue or chuckle over a shitty situation?
I argue enough at work with customers and management, so this site is my safe space for humor!
Also, I see what you did there. 🙂
This just in Sheraton has decided to rebrand the chain. Going forward they will be using the new name Shitaton, in addition they are branching out as a hard core weight loss clinic.
Free colon cleanse with every booking.
Clostridium perfringens is a prime example of something which doesn’t cause symptoms until well after you eat contaminated food, usually 9-12 hours.
People constantly blame the Taco Bell or clams they ate in the past hour, but that’s not usually how food poisoning works. It takes time for the bacteria or virus population to grow enough to have an effect, and a lot of other forms of bacteria can take a day or up to week to show up.
It’s nuts how hard it can be to convince people of this. They’re positive it was the Kung Pao chicken they ate at lunch, and they don’t want to hear any high falootin’ science talk, even when they consider themselves a man of reason.
Livernoise? I’m pretty sure it was the bowels making the noises.
There’s a genuine difference in Detroit whether it’s pronounced Liver-noy or Liver-noise.
Rochester guy here, my high school was on “Liver-noy.” I can attest that growing up in the area, whenever ever someone pronounced it “Liver-noise” you knew you were dealing with an ‘outsider.’ (Or something was wrong with them).
capsaicin causes peristalsis, you have to poop after eating Taco Bell not from food poisoning, but because the ingredients in the food are triggering your intestines to push it out faster, its a real thing, especially for people with pre-existing issues, like irritable bowl syndrome
Classic Family Guy Arby’s bit…”I’m sorry sir, this is the line for ordering food; THAT (insanely long) line is for ordering food to poop something out.”
Yeah, greasy and fried foods can trigger it, too
Shooting Anal Arrows from my Behind
“Hey, remember last year’s convention? That was the shit.”