Home » I Don’t Feel Safe: Cold Start

I Don’t Feel Safe: Cold Start

Cs Pontiachoodlum
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There’s always been an element of danger when it comes to being cool. That’s why smoking looks cool, because it’s a tube of poison leaves on fire near your head. The danger can take the form of a certain cavalier attitude toward dangerous things, or looking a bit dangerous yourself, too. The latter seems to be the tack taken in this 1970 Pontiac Grand Prix brochure, though I think whoever painted this otherwise lovely painting maybe took the idea too far, and the Grand Prix driver doesn’t so much look like a cool guy with a bit of a sexy, dangerous streak, but more like a terrifying psychopath moments before his hands close around your neck and he gets erotically stimulated as he watches the life leech slowly out of your eyes.

Here’s the full painting from the brochure, for context:

Vidframe Min Top
Vidframe Min Bottom

Cs Gradprix Full

My, that beak-like prow on that Pontiac sure is striking! And What a picturesque old building there! It looks European, with streets far, far too narrow for that barge of a car. And that pink-suited lady, looking coquettishly over her shoulder, she’s charming! But, I’ll admit, I’m worried about her, because of that guy putting on those gloves looks like he intends to do some harm. Real harm. I mean, look at him:

Cs Grabdprixdude

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(Spit take) Yikes! What the hell is going on with that guy? What’s with his face? Are those lesions? He’s even dressed like a murderer. I don’t like this. I want to get out of here. Motherfucker looks like a genuine psychopath. How do I get out of here? Where’s the exit? Should you close the window? Click the logo to go back to the homepage? Please, do something, let’s just get the hell away from this monster, now, come on, let’s go now now NOW

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Paul Beaudet
Paul Beaudet
5 months ago

Let’s take a moment to appreciate how the artist drew the reflections and highlights on the car. Even a blended reflection on the windshield!

Data
Data
5 months ago

That’s DB Cooper. He fed to Europe and used his money to buy a Pontiac.

Professor Chorls
Professor Chorls
5 months ago

This is just a comment test ????

Professor Chorls
Professor Chorls
5 months ago

Ahh, I see emojis still aren’t in…

Data
Data
5 months ago

You have to send Torch one 1157 taillight bulb for each emoji you wish to use in your posts. They will be credited to your account upon receipt. 🙂

Lokki
Lokki
5 months ago

I would like to propose a hypothesis: what you are seeing is a physical manifestation of GM’s Pontiac Division’s pique and jealousy.

You see, the movie Bullitt was released in October 1968. Now everyone remembers Bullitt’s Mustang, but in MY opinion at the time (and still, frankly) the better car was the Dodge Charger R/T with the 440. It was the perfect villain’s car: Black as Hell, Sexy as Hell, and Fast as Hell.

That movie created a big bump in Mustang sales, and in Charger R/T sales.

Guess who’s cars DIDN’T appear in that movie? Pontiac. Now, who was in charge of Pontiac when Bullitt was released in October 1968? John snort-it-if-you-got-it Delorean, the guy who CREATED the GTO and made Pontiac into THE Muscle Car Division. Now, John was all about advertising and attention, and I am pretty sure he was totally pissed that the villain’s car in Bullitt was NOT a Pontiac Grand Prix. Coulda been, if those dumbasses in the Hollywood office had been willing to cough up two or three cars…but noooo. They just sat on their asses and let Dodge get the free advertising, glory and <em>the resulting sales</em>. Well, what’s done is done but dammit DO something in OUR advertising to make our Grand Prix a cool villain’s car stat!

Now this is 1969 and the movie had been out a few months and it’s time to do a campaign for the 1970’s. Can’t directly copy the San Francisco vibe; you have to go to Europe to find some place cooler. Done! Now the villains in Bullitt aren’t young punks -they’re <em> seasoned professionals </em>. Hell, the Charger driver even wears <em> driving gloves</em> (he also puts on his seatbelt – something only a professional driver did in 1968).

So the Villain in our ad has to wear driving gloves to show He’s a professional. But: how to make him look like a villain and not just some dude putting on gloves? Hat! But dammit in Europe they probably still wear hats. Sunglasses? Not enough. Everybody wears sunglasses. Okay: both! Bingo we got a villain! Now let’s give him a beautiful lookout. We got it, boys!

Now all the villains are going to want Grand Prix’s!

If you’ve never seen the car chase from Bullitt, I’ve attached it here. If you’ve seen it you’ll want to watch it again, if for no other reason than the tribute to Jason and HIS driving skills at the very end of this clip. Wait for it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E81Kv2gkF0Q

Last edited 5 months ago by Lokki
Phyrkrakr
Phyrkrakr
5 months ago

You guys are all focusing on the wrong villain. Look at the hood of the car – you can see stranger danger’s reflection. But where’s the pink lady? That’s right – she’s a VAMPIRE!

IRegertNothing, Esq.
IRegertNothing, Esq.
5 months ago
Reply to  Phyrkrakr

Ohh, good catch! He’s putting on a glove so he won’t get vampire blood all over his hand when he stakes that unholy monster right through the heart.

Dale Mitchell
Dale Mitchell
5 months ago
Reply to  Phyrkrakr

The dudes hat made me think Peter Sellers / Inspector Clouseau
( yep I did have to look up the spelling )
anyway, not a threatening vibe for me, and also not for you now that it can’t be unseen

Last edited 5 months ago by Dale Mitchell
Lew Schiller
Lew Schiller
5 months ago

Pontiac lost me when they went with The Nose.

10001010
10001010
5 months ago

I remember the trunks on those Grand Prixs being very large and accommodating.

Doug Ward
Doug Ward
5 months ago
Reply to  10001010

Billy Batts sure fit nicely back there.

Joe Day
Joe Day
5 months ago
Reply to  Doug Ward

And a deer paw fits right into the grille.

Thomas Metcalf
Thomas Metcalf
5 months ago
Reply to  10001010

I believe the plural is Grands Prix

10001010
10001010
5 months ago
Reply to  Thomas Metcalf

I dunno, the more I look at it the more I’m thinking Grand Prices looks right.

Michael Sharp
Michael Sharp
5 months ago

I see a heist in his near future.

CSRoad
CSRoad
5 months ago

Torch, providing this entertainment is going to make us all crazy. Just look at the cars and read the spec. sheets, ignore everything else. There are the seeds of madness in the artwork.

CatMan
CatMan
5 months ago

Pink Lady needs to seek shelter under the umbrellas like two seconds ago

Outofstep
Outofstep
5 months ago

the Grand Prix driver doesn’t so much look like a cool guy with a bit of a sexy, dangerous streak, but more like a terrifying psychopath moments before his hands close around your neck and he gets erotically stimulated as he watches the life leech slowly out of your eyes.

This is very specific. Is there something you want to tell us Torch?

DubblewhopperInDubblejeopardy
DubblewhopperInDubblejeopardy
5 months ago

Personally, I think the guy is the mark. The lady in pink is subterfuge. She winks, he flirts, then the crack of a Barrett M107 rings from the distance. The dudes melon is no more.

Cyko9
Cyko9
5 months ago

Diabolik!

Flat6Fever
Flat6Fever
5 months ago

Swarthy. He is swarthy.
Hey look, I edited. This is the future.

Last edited 5 months ago by Flat6Fever
Larry B
Larry B
5 months ago

Growing up on the Left Bank of Detroit (aka the east side – home of Gratiot and Cadieux) this is how I viewed the neighbor that bought a new Grand Prix. Debonair and dangerous!

Rollin Hand
Rollin Hand
5 months ago

“Pardonnez-moi, mademoiselle, I just have to punch the shit out of this Poncho…”

Flyingstitch
Flyingstitch
5 months ago

A bored artist decided to see how much he could slip by the suits in marketing. A lot, apparently. I’m impressed.

Richard Odenweller
Richard Odenweller
5 months ago

You always have to watch out for those cold war spies.

Canopysaurus
Canopysaurus
5 months ago

That’s not a dangerous villain, that’s Sammy Davis, Jr, the guy who sang “The Candy Man.” He’d never hurt anyone, right Candyman? Candyman? Candyman? Candyman? Candyman? Uh oh…

Ranwhenparked
Ranwhenparked
5 months ago
Reply to  Canopysaurus

Really? I thought he looked Irish.

IRegertNothing, Esq.
IRegertNothing, Esq.
5 months ago

This guy only wears one glove because he’s a pro. He knows he needs one hand for choking and another for stroking. This is not the unsub’s first kill, team.

StillNotATony
StillNotATony
5 months ago

Hat guy is absolutely taking her to his murder basement.

But that Grand Prix definitely has the trunk space for transporting his quarry!

Not that I would know from personal experience or anything…

Fuzzyweis
Fuzzyweis
5 months ago

Glad you noted he was putting on the other glove as to me the one not on yet looked like a small coin purse/european carry all he was digging in for coins to fill up the meter, which totally emasculates his coolness, which then makes him look like he’s a septuagenarian wearing prescription sunglasses due to his cataract surgery with his heavy coat as he’s really cold compared to the young lady with her springtime jacket.

Jack Trade
Jack Trade
5 months ago

I think you’re mistaken…isn’t this actually a storyboard from Three Days of the Condor?!

“…he’ll leave the door open, offer you a lift.”

Mr. Asa
Mr. Asa
5 months ago

Torch, I think you mean “lesions” on his face.

ExAutoJourno
ExAutoJourno
5 months ago
Reply to  Mr. Asa

Yup! He’s a French War Hero who won the Lesion d’Honneur!

Mr. Frick
Mr. Frick
5 months ago

Nobody wants Roman foot soldiers on their face

Stu Riegel
Stu Riegel
5 months ago
Reply to  Mr. Frick

Hey, no kink-shaming here!

Harris K Telemacher
Harris K Telemacher
5 months ago

That lady has a type, I guess. She’s attracted to pimps with meth sores on their faces.

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