Who wants a nice hot take? Because I have one, fresh out of the air fryer, with only a bit of melted plastic stuck to it from where I left a chunk of wrapper still on it. It’s a hot take in the purest sense, an opinion felt fiercely and one that came into being surprisingly quickly, almost a visceral gut reaction – maybe realization – that was born when I read the subject line of an email I got just now. The email was from a company that makes restomodded Land Rover Defenders, and as I glanced at that email, one thought popped into my head:
Fuck restomodded Land Rover Defenders.
Okay, maybe that’s a bit harsh, and I don’t entirely mean it, but I don’t entirely not mean it, either. And I’m not just pulling this take ex recto, it comes from some experience with both restomodded and original Defenders and I think a pretty clear view of this whole market. Let’s get deeper into this by looking at the email I got that triggered all of this:
A company called ECD out of Florida sent this out, showing off one of their restomodded Defenders. It’s got a Chevy small-block LT V8, upgraded luxury interior, updated lighting and instruments and big fancy wheels and all that. If this is the first time you’ve seen a restomod Defender, you’ll likely think it’s reasonably cool, albeit in maybe a sort of dickhead way. But, you know, let people like what they like, it’s fun.
The problem here is that there seems to be, according to my estimates, a metric snacktillion of these companies making restomodded Defenders that are almost exactly like this. I’m not kidding; do a Google search of your own and you’ll see: if you have between $75,000 to $500,000 or so to throw around, you can have your pick of any number of unsettlingly similar restomodded Defenders.
It’s not so much about how many companies are out there transforming old, slow Defenders into new, faster, swankier versions of themselves, it’s more about how they’re all pretty much doing the same damn thing.
There’s absolutely a formula here: tear down an old Defender, replace all the corroded stuff, perhaps use a whole new frame, gut it and replace the interior with a lot of leather and Alcantara hides, slap in some aftermarket electronics to let you use CarPlay or Android Auto, lots of speakers, shove a GM LS or LT or similar V8 engine under the hood, give it a fancy paint job with paint sourced from some premium carmaker, stick it on some huge garish wheels, then sell it for about $200,000 to someone who likes to go fast but is indifferent to turning or braking.
Seriously, they’re all like this; I reviewed a couple of these from a local maker of such machines, and while they were fine, even fun in some ways, they’re not really all that different from so many other companies’ en-fancified Defenders. At all. I’ve seen so many uncannily similar ones from other companies that seem to use the same sources for instruments and interior fittings and major mechanical parts – everyone’s singing from the same, uh, playbook.
And, if you actually drive one of these, I suspect that you’ll find this basic formula that everyone uses is kind of, well, stupid. Original Defenders were incredible off-road, and have well-earned their iconic status, but for day-to-day driving, they’re quite gleefully miserable. I drove one when I was in Iceland a number of years ago, and while it handled the rugged terrain like a champ, doing any sort of normal driving in Reykjavik was a miserable chore.
On normal, paved roads, the ride is harsh, the handling skittish, it’s top-heavy and has a turning circle with a diameter that has ends in two different area codes, visibility isn’t great, it’s simultaneously slow and also too fast for its own handling limits – it’s just kind of a mess. A charming, wonderful mess to perverts like myself, but the idea that a Defender is a good or comfortable on-road car is just kind of delusional.
And you know how you don’t solve those problems? By shoving a Corvette motor in one.
And yet, that’s pretty much what all these companies do. Oh, maybe not specifically a Corvette LS3, but something equivalent. The Defender restomods I’ve driven have been way over-powered and under-braked. There’s so many, I’m sure there are some that are better than others, but overall, a Defender with 600 horsepower or so is just inane.
And it’s not like these restomods are great for off-roading, or used for that. Sure, there are some that are made more off-road capable, but who exactly is taking their leather-interior’d, ultra-luxury $200,000 SUV with a paintjob that costs as much as tuition to a respected university rock crawling? Nobody is doing that.
Look, if this is the kind of thing you like, fantastic, I hope someone just hands you the keys to one the moment you walk outside your door tomorrow morning, and I hope you enjoy the crap out of it. But I think even the biggest proponents of incredibly expensive, over-engined, over-done Defenders can admit that this is, really, a very solved problem.
There’s plenty of fancy restomod Defenders out there, and unless some company is going to start doing something radically different with these, I think we can call it. I don’t even know how many companies are cranking these things out, but I bet we can reduce that number down to something like, I don’t know, three or so? That seems plenty.
Is there really that much demand for these? How does the market support so many nearly identical expensive-as-hell, questionably-useful cars? I’m not the only one to notice this, of course. There’s multiple articles that are just lists of companies cranking these out.
I’m just saying I think we’re good on restomodded Defenders. I think we can call this one, declare some sort of victory, and move on. Congratulations, boutique car-modders, you did it. You won. Now let’s find something else to do, how about?
Nobody is restomodding Ford Tempos! Just saying!
Top graphic image: Jason Torchinsky; Google screenshot
I first read “swankier” as “wankier.” Still fits.
Also that quilted material is going to look very dated five years from now when the trend subsides.
I guess they call them “Defender” because you have to.
Where are the Jeep restomods?
How long until the new fad is taking these super expensive, silly “urban SUV” vehicles, and spending even more money making them look artificially beat up and scruffy? Sort of like buying new, pre-ripped jeans? WTF is an “urban SUV lifestyle” anyway, driving over pretend zombies? Driving up the front stairs and through the entry of public buildings and getting arrested? Or just being generally super insecure?
Restomodding is kind of like art — I know what I like and what I don’t like, but it’s going to be different for everybody as to what’s well-done and what’s wretched excess.
Personally, my preference is making well-thought-out updates that make a car serviceable and pleasant in modern usage, but without massively changing the designers’ original intent. Keep it as original as practical/possible and update where it makes sense. Less is more.
To most Americans, there is no such thing as over-engined.
I’m going to disagree with this take. I love car culture and updating/modifying cars is a part of the culture. I have never seen a restomod defender in person. They simply aren’t in my region. I think this comes down to the internet showing every available option, rather than a real problem for enthusiasts. It’s an internet problem, not a product problem.
Oh man, if modding Defenders is triggering, don’t look at what Jeep guys to. We don’t call it “restromod” or even “modding” – this is just “Saturday”.