Last year, we challenged 200 of you to get a new Autopian membership with the promise of buying an Aztek and living in it. You held up your end of the bargain, so we bought an Aztek, and David spent a week sleeping in it. This year, we want to do something bigger, both physically and emotionally. If 100 of you become new members (or upgrade) between now and the end of June, we will not only buy a car Top Gear once said looked like “an outbreak of cold sores,” we’ll make our fancy car designer use it as a daily driver and force him to take it to the Goodwood Festival of Speed.
That’s right, we’re talking about the Ssangyong Rodius, a giant Korean crossover-SUV thing that AutoCar called “The Ugliest Car” on sale. There are still a few of them that haven’t been crushed for the benefit of mankind, and who better than to make drive it around than our cranky goth prince car designer/design professor Adrian Clarke?
He’ll hate it, I’m sure. In fact, when we told Adrian about this idea, he just screamed, “Are you mad?” and then spent the rest of the week trying to convince us to buy literally any other vehicle.
Why? I guess Top Gear did once call it one of the biggest “fails of the century,” noting that it looked like “that fetid juice that pools at the bottom of your food waste bin” and “Barney the big purple dinosaur, looming outside your bedroom window with a chainsaw, eyes unblinking, giant dino-mouth fixed in a horrific, rictus grin.”
How Do I Help Make This Happen?
Great question. If you haven’t yet become a member of this website, you can sign up for any plan at any level. For that, you get fewer ads, no autoplay video, special Discord access, and some other perks, as well as the warm feeling of supporting a website that you love to read. Any plan will count, but if you sign up for an annual one, we’ll give you a 10% discount with the code “ssangwrong” (or click this link).
That means for less than $5 a month (Cloth Annual), you can make one special British car designer just a little miserable. And what if you’re already a member? First, and most importantly, thank you! If you’ve been contemplating making the jump from Cloth to Vinyl, perhaps, then you can get a sweet shirt and sticker to go with your membership. Plus, I’m extending the 10% discount to upgrades as well!
I really, really, really want to make this happen. That’s why we’re starting this drive a day early, since June only has 30 days. If you sign up today (or tomorrow), it’ll still count.
I’m Not Convinced, How Can You Sweeten The Pot?
Perhaps the above is not quite enough to get you to pull the trigger. Perhaps you want more. If we buy this car, we will also make Adrian drive it (and us) to the very fancy Goodwood Festival of Speed. In particular, we’ll make him drive us up to the Duke’s house for the ball in front of all the paparazzi and, like, Lewis Hamilton or whoever in the Rodius. It seats seven, so there’s plenty of room.
Is This Thing Really That Bad?
I’m genuinely curious! I’m not saying that this car was so ugly the company completely disowned it, but the car was entirely redesigned, and SsangYong changed the name of the whole brand shortly thereafter.
AutoExpress gave it 1-star rating in its review, stating “the SsangYong looks ungainly from almost every angle.” Yeah, it looks bad, but it’s huge! And the drivetrain is actually interesting. The most common motor is the famously reliable 2.7-liter OM612 inline-five diesel borrowed from Mercedes, mated either to an unloved manual transmission or the universally praised 5GTronic automatic. The pairing of the diesel and the auto is one of the most robust drivetrains imaginable.
Technically, we could buy the post-facelift version, which sort of fixed the puckered face while doing nothing about the strange, Yacht-inspired rear deck. We will do our best to purchase the early, extremely terrible version.
Why Is Membership So Important?
Quite simply, we couldn’t exist without members. Many car sites you may read are forced to overwhelm their pages with advertisements, rely on egregiously underpaid freelancers creating endless slideshows, or both. We don’t want to do any of that. You’d have to read approximately 9,000 articles a year to provide the same benefit to us as signing up for the cheapest annual plan with the discount. Because we are conservative with our ads, we generally make less than our competition.
That’s ok! We want to make this place readable for everyone, the way websites used to be. We also don’t want to be beholden to the whims of marketers. We want to be an independent website that brings you the best (and strangest) automotive content on the web.
And if you can’t become a member, that’s ok, too. We understand! If you’re curious, this page has the details on all you get. Together we can make this world a truly better place by making Adrian’s life a little worse.
I have one of these, it is on permanent loan to the community pub. Probably ( certainly) a legal mine field, it gets driven by the designated driver, picks people up and takes them home. It is not a taxi, or a bus. or a vehicle for hire. It is the thing that your mate drives to the pub. It is ugly, not fast or brilliant. It just trundles about with drunk people in it, slowly, on teeny Pennine roads.
Replace Pennine with Goodwood and it will be the same deal.
I’ll admit that thing is pretty rough, but when I read ‘ugliest car ever’ my mind went directly to ‘1998-2003 Fiat Multipla’. It’s close, but I’d still give the edge to the Fiat as the ugliest ever.
If I remember correctly, Adrian likes the 2G (? – it the original from the ’50s and not the restyle that was just bland, but the six-passenger muffin top) the Multipla, so that won’t do at all.
Multiplas are cool, I wrote about them (and drove one) here last year. Matt said no to a Multipla, because he’s a monster and wants to make me unhappy.
That is what I thought I remembered.
You can’t really blame Matt for all this, though. I’m sure you’d do something roughly equivalent if your positions were reversed.
Oh I can blame Matt and I will. Until my dying breath.
I was in Italy for work in 2011 and I saw one of these… it broke my brain. As an American I’d never seen anything like it and it brought up profoundly mixed emotions. It’s super weird, which is awesome, but also incredibly ugly. It might be so ugly that I like it for being ridiculous? So many confused emotions about this.
Wait, people really think that’s the “ugliest car ever” when the Citroen C2 exists?
At least this car is consistent.
You’re probably refering to the european version with the ‘washboard’ grille tather than the rebadged/facelifted 206 for China.
European version, yes. The inconsistent lines created by the windows are worse than even the exterior rear asymmetry of a USDM Nissan Cube.
Oh yes, it was so ugly!
Will you make him wear cargo shorts and a Polo shirt?
Ed Hardy shirt.
a Dan Flashes shirt
And comb his hair?
His hair is perfect. Aw-woooo.
You are a saddist.
Tommy Bahama.
I cant afford an upgrade, but can I do a super early renewal?
I’m doing my part!
Would you like to know more?
It’s not ugly. It’s awesome 😀
Will an attire change requirement be part of the package too?
I’ll defer to our UK autopians, but here in the States, it’d have to be something like a bright plaid short sleeve shirt, khaki pants, and running shoes, plus maybe a golf windbreaker. Think Hal from Malcom in the Middle (which is returning BTW).
Hawaiian shirt? White sneakers – those chunky leather walking shoe type.
No polo shirt, khaki slacks and a sweater tied around his neck and comb his hair
I have the ability to picture even the wildest things in my mind, and this is no exception. I’m laughing my gonads off.
mit velkro
I would literally fire myself from this hellsite should that happen.
I am very strongly considering upgrading, just so I can see a current take on 1 of 2 cars that made me gasp when I lived in the uk (the other was, no surprise, a fiat multipla, though that’s so bad it’s good).
Did anyone but taxi drivers actually buy these?
Can we up the Bet? 200 Subs and they have to find and buy a Tartan Prancer. and then road trip it from Chicago to Disney World in Anaheim.
You didn’t do a Blues Brothers movie copy? Who are you? We have a Tartan Princess, a half a tank of gas, a box of coils for our Vape cigarettes, 800 miles to go, it’s night time and we are wearing goggles and flippers and we don’t have to worry the lighter doesn’t work.
Disney World is in Orlando. Disneyland is in Anaheim. Or am I missing a joke?
Forget it, he’s rolling.
Awesome! Sounds great…wait, doesn’t Adrian already drive one of these? Ha ha (I love his Mondial)
No but it might be fun to see experience a more reliable and attractive car than what he has. JK
Well, now I know what I’m getting my dad for Father’s Day.
Honestly, it looks a bit better than I remember. The Actyon is definitely worse.
Why does the nose get snurbled in under itself like that?
I may have just attempted to sell memberships to several coworkers on the basis of “this is my homie, he is possibly even more prissy than I am, we can make him do something terrible…”
Do something terrible is probably right.
Sorry, but the Fiat Multipla, you know which one I’m talking about, is uglier than this monstrosity. (Tho to be honest, the Multipla does grow on you after a few beers.)
I’m stone cold sober and I would gladly take a Multipla any day!
Did your mother ever have you tested for a brain tumor?
I have a genetic predisposition to weird cars, but it it comes from my father’s genes.
Seconded. The only downside is that Adrian at least appreciates the Multipla, and thus his suffering may not be so abject. He did call it the ugliest car in the world, though. Or at least repeated the claim in scare quotes.
Yeah, that’s the 1st car I thought of that’s worse than this
Hell, the 4th gen Prius is uglier than this.
Actually I think the multipla is worse and I could drive this van daily if I got it cheap
The Multipla is not ugly. It’s cool 🙂
The Multipla has platypus like charm going for it. Probably due to the rounded lines it has. This looks and sounds like a rodent with a giant tumor on its butt.
I sort of wish I wasn’t already a member so I could join to help make sure this happens, because I have no doubt Adrian’s rants will be absolutely glorious if it happens. I freaking love when Adrian picks apart bad designs, and the Rodius has that in spades.
It does say that if you upgrade your membership, it counts towards the goal
2005 Ssangyong Actyon is uglier than this.
Yesh… the Actyon looks like an inbred Aztec.
It wouldn’t look half bad with sliding rear doors. If you make it obviously the minivan it should be, then the front 3 quarters at least look appropriate for the segment.
That ass though. Having a massive square back end on an otherwise soft and smooth family wagon can’t be fixed. I have to give it some respect for putting function way above form though. It would have plenty of cargo space for the amplifiers and drums that Adrian has to transport for the post-punk/industrial band that I just assume he is part of.
Just a minute…
David spends a week “sleeping” in the Aztek, and approximately three quarters of a year later ENHRN gives birth to DNHRN.
Adrian: Be careful if you don’t want to end up departing the Duke’s ball at the end of the night with an amorous lady-friend alongside you in the Rodius…
Also, I would genuinely love see a race added to the FOS weekend, with the Rodius going up against Ford Aerostars, Nissan Axxesses and VW Sharans. You could sell half a dozen passenger tickets for each car, with that much ballast the odds of rollovers going through St Mary’s would be (slightly) decreased.
Hold up, are you suggesting a child was conceived in the back of an Aztek? That may be a first…
And in her parent’s driveway, possibly.
Every time my sister goes out for a drive in her 21 window VW, when she stops at a crosswalk somebody inevitably comes up and says “Hey I was conceived in one of these!”
But an Aztec?
Maybe it looks better from the inside while getting laid?
I mean once you’re inside the vehicle, you can’t see the outside of the vehicle anymore
I’ve never been in one, is the interior like a romantic boudoir?
Sadly no. They had abandoned Bordello red interiors before this was even envisioned.
I mean once you see y̶o̶u̶’̶r̶e̶ ̶i̶n̶s̶i̶d̶e̶ the vehicle, you can’t see t̶h̶e̶ o̶u̶t̶s̶i̶d̶e̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ v̶e̶h̶i̶c̶l̶e̶ anymore
I was doing the math, and I think David’s and Elise (NHRN)’s bun was in the over prior to the Aztek camping. That doesn’t mean the van wasn’t rockin’.
Maybe DT needed an escape during the pregnancy. I heard Torch talked him down to living in it for a week from DTs proposal for living in it for 18 years.
I mean, what woman could possibly resist a smart mouth goth with his own Rodius?
Autopians of every gender would have a hard time resisting Ssanggoth…
Someone please remove the capital R from the name.
Maybe the R has been silent all along?
Dammit, I was typing. Kudo to you.
Anxiously awaits a review of this very ugly thing by Adrian…
I’m looking forward to Adrian’s consternation over the hit to his image prompting him to go undercover in cargo shorts and a pink polo with socks and sandals and a floppy hat.
How about dressed like a Corvette owner. Jorts, polo, white tube socks and white New Balance.
…Although the more I think about it, the result will more likely be “(normal/goth) Adrian increases public esteem of abomination simply by arriving in it.”
Ooh! Ooh! I have a great idea! One of those signboards with “200_ Ssangyong Rodius owned by ADRIAN CLARKE” on it!
That’s not so bad, make him drive a Beetle.
I’m with you, except then the passengers are also crammed into the Beetle. Seems like they only want to torture one person per membership drive.
I think it should be ugliest cars ever built. Plural, because it seems like there’s parts of at least three completely different designs mashed together in there
This is awesome; I’ll let some friends know they oughta subscribe.
After this, all y’all oughta make a “how to ship a car to Europe” series so the CrossCabriolet and the Rodius can have a face-off!
EDIT: also, it’s worth mentioning that “stick-shift inline-5 diesel 7-seat wagon” would get serious on-paper cred from many an enthusiast. Get it in brown!
I think Matt is overselling it. I’m pretty sure it’s a van engine. Or possibly from a trawler.
When you say from a trawler, was the engine powering it, or used as it’s anchor?
Works in either capacity.
Oh, marine engines are cool.
“Joint Venture” a modified Freightliner currently holds the world record for Modified Diesel Truck at 228.8mph with a 16 cylinder diesel engine taken from a tug boat.
And a friend used to live in lower Manhattan next door to a warehouse where someone kept a Cigarette boat. Stupid place to keep a Cigarette, since the trailer it got carried around on had to hold it on its side, but occasionally they would start the engines for a couple of minutes, and that thing was crazy loud. Much louder than when it was in the water.