Good morning! We’re turning up the tempo and the volume on our musical-themed choices today, with two turbocharged hatchbacks. Are you ready to shift to overdrive? Good, because they’re both manuals, as well.
We looked at two cars from 1979 yesterday, a frumpy Toyota sedan and a completely over-the-top Corvette. I expected the Vette to go down in flames, and it certainly had its detractors in the comments, but when the dust had settled, the majority of you chose side-piped over straight-laced. All I can say is, you’re my kind of people.
I think the thing with C3 Corvettes is that you have to be in on the joke. You can’t take a car like this seriously, nor can you get all bent out of shape when others poke a little fun at it. Is it for everyone? Of course not. But it doesn’t have to be.
You know when you really love a song by a band, but it’s the song the “real fans” hate, or think is an example of them “selling out,” or whatever, and they give you a hard time about it? Don’t you just hate that? Just let people enjoy things. My favorite song from the legendary British hard rock band Judas Priest is “Turbo Lover.” Yeah, it’s cheesy, and poppy, but I’ve always liked it, and I have a fond memory of it that I’ve written about before over on Opposite Lock. Likewise, I’ve always kinda liked today’s two cars, at least in this form. You may not think they’re cool, but if you let yourself enjoy them, you could have a lot of fun. Here they are.
2013 Nissan Juke NISMO – $4,400
Engine/drivetrain: Turbocharged 1.6-liter dual overhead cam inline 4, six-speed manual, FWD
Location: Sacramento, CA
Odometer reading: 120,000 miles
Operational status: Runs and drives well
I have really come to dislike the term “crossover.” All it means, as far as I can tell, is a wagon or hatchback that’s a little taller than normal, maybe with some extra black plastic crap stuck on the outside. What on Earth are they supposed to be “crossing over” into? It’s a dumb term. Nissan called the Juke a crossover, but look at it; it’s just a hatchback. This is the NISMO model, Nissan-speak for “the fast/sporty one,” and it has all the typical hot-hatchback cues: bigger wheels, stiffer suspension, special trim, and, of course, a little more power.
All US-market Jukes had a 1.6-liter turbocharged four-cylinder, but the NISMO version makes more power and revs a bit higher. The Juke was available with either a manual gearbox or all-wheel drive, but not both. Whoever bought this one new chose wisely. AWD is useful once in a while, but a CVT – the other gearbox choice – is boring all the time. It has only 120,000 miles on it, and it runs well, but it’s being sold by a dealership, so that’s all I can tell you.
We only get this one photo of the inside, but it’s encouraging. It has nice suede-looking bucket seats that could use a vacuuming, but don’t look damaged. The wall of text in the ad is a little hard to sift through, but it seems to indicate that the air conditioning works, and the stereo has Bluetooth. Hey, that’s better than a lot of the clunkers we look at here.
The Juke’s styling is weird, but the NISMO version is a perfect example of why the black plastic cladding trend needs to die. On the standard Juke, those flares over the fenders are black, and it looks cartoonish. This one, with body-color flares, looks a lot better. It’s still bug-eyed, and the taillights still remind me of Cylon Raiders, but it’s kind of charming. This one is in good condition, but it could use a wash and wax.
2013 Fiat 500 Sport Turbo – $4,700
Engine/drivetrain: Turbocharged 1.4-liter overhead cam inline 4, five-speed manual, FWD
Location: Piedmont, CA
Odometer reading: 118,000 miles
Operational status: Runs and drives well
Revival models of beloved classic designs often fall short of the mark: Volkswagen’s New Beetle, and now the ID.Buzz van, are way more complicated and fussy than the simple, carefree originals, and a lot of the new Minis are anything but. But Fiat’s revival of the 500 stays pretty true to the spirit of the original. It’s bigger, sure, and the engine is at the other end, but it’s still small, cute, inexpensive, efficient, and fun to toss around.
The original 500 was powered by a two-cylinder engine in the back, driving the rear wheels. This one moves the engine to the front, driving the front wheels, in a design that Fiat pioneered in the late 1960s with the 500’s successors. In Europe, a 900 cc two-cylinder engine was offered, but over here, we only got a 1.4 liter four-cylinder, equipped with Fiat’s clever MultiAir variable valve timing system. This one is turbocharged, for a little extra oomph, and has five forward gears and a clutch pedal for you to play with.
Like the Mini, the 500 is fancier than a typical economy car inside. It has power windows, heated seats, air conditioning, and a big stereo. It’s in good condition, except for the bolster on the driver’s seat, where some of the bonded leather is coming apart.
It’s in really nice shape outside, and has been well cared-for. There are a couple of bumper stickers that you may or may not want to remove; I don’t understand why the seller didn’t remove them before putting it up for sale. I have applied my fair share of bumper stickers over the years, but peeling them off has always been part of the de-personalization of a car before sale.
I’ve always admired these upper-trim versions of economy cars; I just never seem to buy one. I gravitate towards the simpler base models. But these two look like a lot more fun, and the interiors look like a lot more pleasant places to be. And the extra power from the turbo engines is a nice little bonus. Which one would you choose?
Heritage design has its place, and that Fiat is adorable, but I’ll take the Nissan.
Like others in the commentariat, I’ve grown to appreciate the Juke’s aesthetic. The world needs more weird-looking cars! Plus, the prospect of hauling my AARP-card-carrying butt in and out of the 500 makes my knees ache.
Short and spicy Italians have a place in my house. Keys to the FIAT, please!
Bravo, bellisimo.
One of these days I’d like to pick up an Abarth and today’s 500 Sport Turbo looks like it could be a decent tide-me-over while I’m looking.
I loved my little FIAT (it’s an acronym and should be all-caps) 500e and I bet this Sport version would also be a hoot to hoon. The size is just perfect for twisty-road tossability. FIAT ftw!
Discussed to death on Italian car boards since the advent of the internet. While it’s started out as an acronym in 1899, even the company itself started using ‘Fiat’ internally and in advertising.
It’s still wrong. And it’s still an acronym. Even on the https://www.fiatusa.com/ website, they use FIAT exclusively (except when they replace the I with a lightning bolt).
That’s an automotive hill I’ll die on!
Well, the Juke is cool and all that, but the 500 is in another league of coolness.
Also, my own Italian heritage compells me to be wise.
A rented ’13 500 Sport got me to buy a new 500 Abarth. I went in to test drive a manual Sport, liked it, then drove the Abarth and LOVED the whacky little thing. Never should have sold it. Fiat all day every day – cheap and cheerful done right. Though IMHO, at this point the sweet spot is a plain 500 Turbo. Almost as fun as the Abarth, waaaay better color selection – especially the white and brown interior. I does baffle me that someone could go to buy a car that literally came in more colors than Skittles, and choose plain old boring white with a gray interior. Boooooooring. We live in the gray timeline…
The Puke looks like the product of a bad acid trip, but at least it doesn’t have a CVT. I’d be embarrassed to be seen in that thing.
The Nissan is a cynical abomination. The Juke is based on the idea that, because most crossovers are bland, a bad design becomes good. It doesn’t. The Fiat would be pleasant despite its retro nonsense, but it is priced too high. So neither.
Also, the term “crossover” is fine, and complaining about it is a bit strange. They have a set of characteristics that don’t fit other categories, and it isn’t as though a “wagon” is actually a wagon. The negative connotation of “crossover” has largely been earned and isn’t just a result of the term used.
What’s your least favorite country, Italy or France?
Heh heh heh, nobody ever says Italy.
How about we meet in the hammock district?
I guess I am nobody because I much prefer France to Italy.
Turbo Lover is nowhere as egregious a money grab as Kiss’ disco anthem, I Was Made For Loving You. That was as sellout as it gets. Personally, I prefer Judas’ Take on the World, but if you really want to see me dust off the ol’ air guitar, play The Hellion/Electric Eye combo. That is peak 80’s metal right there.
Oh yeah, cars. The NISMO is the correct version of the Juke. The Abarth is the correct version of the 500. I’m going with the correct option and choosing NISMO. Unlike many small-minded folks, I appreciate car design that strays from the norm. Highways filled with repetitive designs are “BORING! BORING!” Plus it is probably far more reliable.
As for premium small cars, I got a 3rd gen new Mini Cooper S with the JCW interior option and it is the most enjoyable car I’ve ever owned. And I’ve owned some reasonably nice cars over my almost 60 years of existence. I highly recommend taking the plunge.
“Turbo Lover” is when I said to myself, “Priest too? WTF?”
If I had to pick a single song to represent the metal genre it would be Painkiller
KISS was born as a sellout band. Most bands are made up of people who like making music, and with a bit of talent and a bit of luck, some of them wind up making money. Not KISS. Gene Simmons has clearly stated on may occasions that his purpose in founding the band was to make money by whatever means it took.
Why in God’s name would you buy one of the ugliest
carscrossovers ever made. Performance crossovers are a sick joke.Get the Fiat, an actual hot hatch.
Juke.
The styling has really warmed on me over the years. Though I’m displeased with the lack of AWD for the Nismo: it’s a more useful vehicle format than the 500.
I voted Juke. I’ve had a 500 non-turbo, and it was a very reliable, fun ride. But it rattled and buzzed and was no fun on the highway. Plus changing the oil required every extension I own to get the special socket onto the oil filter housing.
I’ve been shopping those 500s, and I can find scores of them for half that price in Canadian dollars. Not worth it.
I’ll take the Juke. My family will be happy they fit in it.
I’m apparently one of the rare people that finds the Juke’s odd looks kind of ok in a so odd it’s charming kind of way. Kind of like a baby pig, so ugly it’s cute.
That being said, I’d still go for the 500 this time as I’ve always kind of liked them and have considered getting one for a while as a toy. I’d prefer the Abarth, but this will do for relatively short money. Also, I’m an avowed small car person so I feel compelled to go for the smallest option available (provided it doesn’t suck too badly).
We all complain about every modern car being a grayscale blob but turn around and call everything weird looking ugly….
There is a happy medium between formless blob and science fiction acid trip.
Science fiction acid trip? Don’t threaten me with a good time
You do you!
There’s a band called the Juke Box Zeros. And I predict the non-box score for this matchup to be Juke zero, Fiat won.
For putting that song in my head, I will use the Foriegner belt from ATHF on you.
Circling down the drain
With its vote count low
Couldn’t get a ticket
It was so so slow…
As the owner of a different absurd hot “crossover” that the market said no thanks to I have a professional obligation to vote for the Nismo Juke. It’s more or less the spiritual predecessor to my car, and like my car it’s just a hot hatch. The CrOsSoVeR/CUV shit is just branding because for insecure normies hatchback is synonymous with nerdy.
While both the Juke and my car have some pretty glaring limitations I find it curious that idea of a lifted hot hatch hasn’t caught on down market. BMW, Mercedes, Audi, and Porsche will all happily sell you overly caffeinated…ugh….crossovers, and they sell a lot of them. I actually think I see more X3 M40is than Xdrive30s…and Porsche sells every single Macan they make.
But alas, folks of regular means don’t seem interested in this idea, and it seems odd to me due to how crossover crazed the market is. Toyota is about to take a stab at it with the GR Sport RAV4, and I’ll be interested to see how that’s received.
What absurd performance crossover do you own?
Kona N
Why does the Fiat look so much roomier on the inside?
Are the seats moved all the way up in the Juke to make it look like small adults can comfortably fit in the back seats? Is it the upright seating position because the car is so ridiculously tall for a hatch back?
I’ve seen ads where the seats are all the way back on the front seat shots and all the way up on rear seat shots. Shenanigans!
My favorite statistic about this generation of the 500 was that the rear seat was roomier than that of the same generation of Camaro. That might be a low bar, considering that the Camaro was infamous for ignoring any & all human factors in its interior design. But it also highlights the practicality of the 500’s upright stance. For such a small car, it did not feel cramped inside (well, at least not in the front seat).
Fiat, that fucker looks like a tossable jellybean.
di Gustibus Est Nost Disputandum
Fiat – it’s got an entertaining chassis that the Juke cannot match.
this is really kind of a toss up. both are perhaps the best of the optioned versions of either car if you want them to run for a while without major repairs.
For me, it really comes down to just two things. The 500 wins for me because it is not silver, and because it comes from a person and not a stealership.
I do also think the fiat looks a bit nicer. but really they are the same car to me in the end.
No Mr Halford, you are not my turbo lover.
Yes, in fact there is already another.
Ya know, just because you keep repeating it doesn’t make it true.
Run for cover…is that a threat????
No you are not, why do you keep repeating that?!?
Running for cover as he wasn’t out yet.
Big oof from me I would say neither as I do not care for the Fiat those cars never did anything for me and they Juke looks like an ugly fish. But I voted the Fiat as it would be more fun to drive.
Pass on the JISMO, yes to the 500 Spurbo
This is a hard one. The Fiat will be more mechanical trouble. The Nissan is NOT white, The Juke is UGLY but the Fiat is white (yuck). I went with the Fiat and would spring for a wrap of something not white.
I usually feel the same way, especially about trucks, but having owned and dealt with the people constantly hitting my silver car as it seems to be invisible, I can say I will never own anything silver again. so the white is by default better for me.
People do not see my crush orange traffic cone colored lifted jeep wrangler. I cannot shake the white cars are for grammas of the 1970s vibe with white cars. I know they are popular. sometimes when driving I count the white cars I can see and have easily hit over 20 in one glance.
Dealers know it’s a non offensive color for stocking the lot. They don’t want orders, they want you out the door today. Lowest common denominator
White is the base color for Alitalia livery… just sayin’.
Good point. https://www.etsy.com/listing/1504243427/kit-deco-martini-compatible-fiat-500-et for the win.
Correct!
I had to go with the Fiat. The looks of that Juke make me want to puke.