So I promised myself I’d get back doing Cold Starts, at least, here in this fresh, brand-new, still-vacuum-sealed Year of Our Lard 2024, and so I am. I mean, sort of. I’m doing this one, and I hope to keep it up, but I’m not gonna lie – I still don’t feel exactly 100%. Mind if I kvetch a bit here? Sure, that’s how everyone wants to start the new year – listening to some dork whose aorta exploded gripe about things!
So, during surgery, there was a bit of unexpected nerve damage to whatever nerve-wires feed my right thigh. That means it’s weirdly numb save for shooting lightning bolts of pain that appear at unpredictable intervals. I hate it. It’s driving me bizzonkers, and it makes sleeping difficult. Even better, the doctors plan for it is to do, medically, fuck-all, since all you can do it wait it out, which they say will take months. Oh boy.
I’m also kind of achey all the time, which is to be expected, since I was cracked open like a delicious crab, and while I’m weaning off the pain meds, when I do give in and take them they make me feel nice and loopy, like last night, when I tried to explain to my wife something dreadfully important that also, somehow, had precisely zero words in English to describe whatever the hell it was, which I absolutely cannot remember. But I sure tried to explain it, just, you know, sans words.
I did not explain it.
I still get tired quicker than I want to. And I’m tired of being tired, tired of not being able to do the things I did like drive or pick up heacvy things or wrestle full-grown badgers into submission. And yet, I have to remind myself, that’s okay, I actually am recovering, and this is all part of the process.
I know. And I also know how thankful I am to be here, and for all of you, who have kept me going in some very real, non-metaphorical ways.
So, yes, I’m bitching. And I’m sick of my thigh feeling like it was caught fucking Zeus’ daughter. I’m sick of feeling cold and brittle. But it won’t last forever, and I’m so happy to be able to complain.
Oh, and that car up there is a 1924 Renault NN, one of the Renault “coal scuttle” cars that had the radiator behind the engine, with cooling air pulled into those gills on either side of the hood. These things only had a 951cc inline-4 making 17 hp – honestly pretty damn good for the era!
Just glad to have you back Torch…. go ahead and complain all you want. Your ability to articulate even the most mundane subjects into steamy clickworthy piles of adorable reader goo makes us want to hang on to your every word. Get better soon amigo.
So you have 17 hp now. By the end of 2024, you will have a Renault with 350 hp. We all get confused a bit. It will fix itself. Glad to have you back!
” … was caught fucking Zeus’ daughter.”
I mean, for all the arcane stuff you educate us with in your articles, it’s phrases like this (usually dispersed within a delicious rant) that separate your writing from the rest. You’re one of the few writers that consistently make me legitimately laugh out loud.
Keep being you, and hope you start feeling better soon.
Have the doctors tried just cleaning all your grounding terminals?
What about them points? Like Dippin’ Diesel says, it’s always them points.
It’s so good to hear from you Torch and that you’re on the mend. Be patient, you’ll be ok in the long run! Take your wife on a vacation when this is over with.. 🙂
Great to see you back Jason. David has been bitching about having to carry you. Lol
Today’s Fun Medical Fact for Jason — nerves regrow roughly 1mm/month. So if you’ve suffered nerve damage, it can take a wee bit of time for it to heal up.
BT;DT, and had nerve damage… uhh, ‘down there’ post-hernia repair. 🙁
So it took 2 months to grow back to normal?
😉
Please, for the love of all that’s holier than David’s rocker panels, take it easy and take care of you and yours. That’s more important than anything.
> holier than David’s rocker panels
Nice.
Oh man. Nerve damage is the worst.
About a decade ago I accidentally sliced my left thumb down “to the white meat” as my brother, who watched me pass out after I had done so, said.
Took probably a year till my entire hand wouldn’t go numb and burny when I bumped my thumb, and maybe another 5 before I started to get regular feeling back.
Its still kinda weird sometimes.
Better than no thumb, though.
Glad you’re back, Torch
Welcome back, jayjay. Kvetching is allowed. Take it easy, please, else we will do a gofundme to replace all your and your wife’s cars with two low-miles 2009 champagne-colored Camry’s.
Well, now I’m curious about what was so important last night, and it seems like in never going to know, right? THANKS AORTAPLOSION!
Torch, We’re all so glad you are on the mend, and I can’t help thinking about your family, whom you probably scared the living S**t out of . I’m sure that are just glad you are here and able to whine a bit. You are entitled, although it certainly sounds like you owe your wife one….
I don’t have the time, with the new job to comment here, very often, but I do check in, pretty much every day. I have been here, since the beginning, when I migrated with D.T. and yourself, from the German Lighting site. While I certainly missed your taillight ramblings for a few weeks, you and D.T should be proud of the merry band of weirdos you have put together. I’m sure that D.T has been working double time, but he is only one man. The team seems to be firing on all cylinders and content has been as intriguing as ever.
Over at Jello-picnic, I would skip over 3/4 of the by-lines looking for something by D.T. or yourself, and occasionally a few others. Some I pretty much avoided, as I knew the piece would likely degrade into some sort of political rant, by the half-way point. I have never had that experience here. There is not a byline or a contributor here, that I don’t look forward to reading. I actually get excited, when I see new names, because I know I might find a new favorite writer.
In short, take care of yourself. Focus on your health. Check in when you feel up to it. For what it’s worth, this random reader thinks the kids are all right, and the site looks great. Wishing you and all of the Autopian staff a Happy New Year and good health.
-Carl Brandenburg
Goodyear, AZ
“I’m sick of my thigh feeling like it was caught fucking Zeus’ daughter.”
BWAHAHA! That’s a great line!
Your feelings are totally understandable and normal. You’ll recover, it will get better. I remember visiting my friend after he had a major hear attack. He was so weak, it took both arms to lift a knife. He’s fine now though.
Glad to have you back! Take it easy and write when you can. We’ll all be here when you get back!
Duuude! Good to see you back on the Cold Start. Don’t feel obligated to do all of them. Take your time and listen to the doctors and your body. (Unless you need to overrule them to write about a tail light inspiration that has suddenly taken hold.) And complain all you want to us – if it takes a little of that load off of your wife, we’re happy to listen.
I’d rather be reading you kvetching than reading your obituary, so you are entitled to whine and moan as much as you’d like.
Amen to that. Welcome back Jason.
“…I tried to explain to my wife something dreadfully important that also, somehow, had precisely zero words in English to describe whatever the hell it was…”
I can totally relate to your dilemma Torch. I had the misfortune of sustaining a head injury a few years ago. At one point in my recovery, I had a pretty frustrating word choice problem. I knew exactly what I wanted to say, but as the concept traveled from my brain to my mouth I couldn’t come up with the right word–or even one like it.
Take heart. This will pass eventually, and you’ll be irritating your wife just like you used to. I know this because I went right back to irritating mine once I started returning to something like my old self.
I had a neuro incident after which doctors put me on a medication that made it very difficult to recall words. I’d start a sentence then abruptly stop dead in my tracks for several seconds until I found the next word I meant to use. Sometimes (and even to this day) I still can’t come up with words I know perfectly well.
Hearts and brains suck, man. Single points of failure. Poor design.
True dat. It’s always struck me as an odd choice to plumb the two most important organs with supply systems that tend to clog.
Knowing that, we should probably use better fuel, but junk food tastes better than health food.
We all bitch a little bit when we take that first test drive around the block. If it’s not about what you obviously got wrong in the repair, it’s your back hurts and you just want to lay on the couch on a heating pad, and the remote is just outside the reach of your grabby stick. Have you nicknamed your grabby stick yet? I bet you sharpie’d it right on there.
“Even better, the doctors plan for it is to do, medically, fuck-all, since all you can do it wait it out, which they say will take months”
Yeah it sucks BUT it will heal. As will your aorta and all the rest of the broken bits. Till then kvetch, kventch, kvetch away and for fucks sake lay off the chainsawing for a while.
Hey, you know what’s great for recovery? A wheelbarrow of shrimp! 4 out of 5 doctors agree (to disagree).
Glad to have you back.
17hp, haha! Cars were so underpowered a century ago… My 1991 Renault 4 has twice as much hp.
BLISTERING SPEEDS
The speedo goes to 160km/h – this may well be one of the funniest bits of trivia about the Renault 4.
Although if Waze is to be believed, I did take it to 130km/h a couple times (speedo pointing to close to 145). Do not recommend.
160?! Wow that’s funny. 130 in a 4L sounds scary.
It’s a thrilling experience that I personally do not need to repeat, but then again, I can’t say I won’t find myself ever again on an empty stretch of highway, going downhill in perfect weather conditions and the can running great. If and when the conditions are met, I may or may not do it again.
It is absolutely not something I can in good conscience recommend to anyone. It would be criminal of me.
I meant the car, not the can, too late to edit now…
No need, both options are equally correct.
Kvetch on
Bitch away JT. You’ve earned it. Hang in there!
Glad to have you back and on the mend.
Also, the Renault NN has really tiny little tail lights for the size of the car.
We all appreciate your kvetching. Any alternative is not good. Happy New Year!
Welcome back!!!!
Now get off those drugs, because you make sense now 😛 We can’t have that from you