Good morning! Today, we’re going to look at a couple of cars that aren’t putting their best face forward. But is beauty, or lack threreof, really only skin-deep? We’ll see.
I was needlessly cruel to you yesterday, making you choose between two truly awful early 80s luxury cars. I thought the voting could go either way on this one, and in fact, it was pretty close. The Cadillac Seville won, but only by a handful of votes.
There really wasn’t a good answer here; I know that. Lots of you said “neither” and sat this one out, but as we all know, that’s not how the game is played. I think I’d take the Chrysler, solely for the reason that there is no piece of automotive trim I hate more than a fake convertible top.
All right, let’s check out a couple of fast cars in need of new front bumpers.
1995 Pontiac Firebird – $5,000
Engine/drivetrain: 383 cubic inch overhead valve V8, six-speed manual, RWD
Location: Collegeville, PA
Odometer reading: 94,000 miles
Operational status: All the ad says is “starts and runs.”
Firebirds, Camaros, and Mustangs (oh my) are often thought of as “fast” cars. But the reality is that the majority of them sold over the years weren’t the famous fast versions; they were four- and six-cylinder pretenders, with all of the style and not much of the substance. But that doesn’t mean they always stay that way; plenty of these cars had their engines swapped for something more potent. This base-model Firebird would have originally come with a 3.4 liter V6, but it has a bit more than that now.
The classic Chevrolet small-block V8 was meant to be modified from the start; Chevy sent early production versions of the engine to Edelbrock and others to see what they could make of it. And hot rodders haven’t stopped tweaking the engine for more power since. What we have here is a common twist on the classic 350 architecture: the “383 stroker.” Take a 350, install a crankshaft from a 400 small-block that increases the stroke from 3.48 inches to 3.75 inches, and you end up with a displacement of 383 cubic inches and an absolute mountain of torque. It spins the rear axle, and rear tires no doubt, through a Tremec T56 six-speed manual, which I assume has had its annoying 1st-to-4th “skip shift” feature disabled.
The gigantic aftermarket tach and shift light seem to be the only modifications inside. Everything else looks like standard-issue Firebird, and in pretty good shape. The seller says they replaced the power window motors recently, and re-sealed the T-tops (yes, it has them). One thing I don’t know is whether the air conditioning compressor stuck around after the engine swap; lots of folks fooishly don’t consider it important, and leave it out after a swap. It’s awfully crowded in that engine bay, and I can’t see whether it’s there or not.
Outside, it looks pretty good, except for the front end. What is that? Is that fire damage? Or some chemical spill? What would eat away the paint, but leave the plastic? I guess you could repaint it, or replace the whole bumper cover, or – hear me out – leave it as-is, and tell people it’s so fast that the paint got scorched from the friction.
2004 Volkswagen Golf GTI – $4,499
Engine/drivetrain: 2.8-liter overhead cam V6, six-speed manual, FWD
Location: Northwood, PA
Odometer reading: 125,000 miles
Operational status: Runs and drives well
The GTI has always been the fast version of VW’s Golf hatchback, but over the years the horsepower gap between Golf and GTI grew quite a lot. The original GTI had a little more power than a standard Rabbit, just enough to make good use of its lower gearing. By 2004, the GTI came in two flavors: fast (180 horsepower 1.8T) and faster (200 horsepower VR6). This is the latter, which was only available with a six-speed manual, like the hot-hatch gods intended.
The VR6 is the sort of engine only Volkswagen could make, a V6 with a narrow 15 degree angle between the cylinder banks, close enough that it can cover both banks with a single cylinder head. It’s a complicated engine, but it has turned out to be pretty reliable over the years, certainly more so than the 1.8T. The seller claims it recently had its timing belt replaced, but I think they’re confused; the VR6’s camshafts are chain-driven. Hopefully, they’re not as confused when they say it runs and drives great.
This is the era in which Volkswagen tried to make its lower-end cars seem high-end, with soft-touch plastics inside that disintegrate and get gross after a while. I think these are the ones that smell like crayons inside when it’s hot out, too. The interior photos in this ad are lousy, so I can’t really tell you much about its condition, but I do see the typical wear on the driver’s seat bolster.
This one needs a new front bumper cover as well, but it’s pretty obvious what happened to it. It doesn’t look like the headlights or grille are damaged, and hopefully the bumper structure is all right as well. The rest of it looks fine, though of course it’s worth looking underneath and making sure it isn’t rusty, considering it’s a Pennsylvania car.
Some cars are born speedy, and others have speediness thrust upon them. Here we have one of each: a factory hot-rod Volkswagen, and a home-brewed Pontiac. I guess the question is which one you trust more.
The Firebird may have been reborn under a tree outside a double wide (no shame, I’ve lived that life), but that GTI has been rode hard, put away wet, and then beaten some more. I’m going to pass on an abused German hot hatch and go with the car that has a surprisingly clean and simple swap.
Plus, you can’t beat that Joe Dirt-looking raked stance. You can’t put a price on that kind of cool. Just think of the “Hell yeah, brother”s per mile you’ll get in that car.
GTI. Replace the seats and the bumper cover. I never liked Firebirds, and this boy racer edition does nothing to improve my mood.
I never cared for the 93-97 body style but I have to vote for that firebird. I cannot vote for anything besides a firebird.
In your heart you know the Firebird was beaten like a rented mule.
Since I already have a muscle car, I voted for the VW. My first car purchased with my own money was a ’98 GTI with the 2.slow. I would swap out the seats for the typical but still cool plaid ones, get a golf ball shifter and send my son to the breaker yard he frequents (in his ’96 Jetta Trek, no less) to find a replacement bumper. Job done!
This one was actually easy since I don’t really like GM products of any era.
I owned a ’04 GTI VR6 which is why I have to say take the Firebird. This example has the exact wrong mileage that you want if you have any expectations towards reliability. I’m also not sure what the hell is happening with that interior, is that leather? My cloth looked great even at 15 years old when I sold it. That generation looks freaking awesome and is super fun to drive when working, but stay away!!
My dad still DDs an ’04 R32, so there technically was a “third flavor” available. His is absolutely mint. I can’t believe the price on this one, given the condition.
(Note: I still semi-DD a 2001.5 Passat that spent the last half of its life outside in Alabama, so I still can’t believe the condition of this one.)
I would ignore my own advice about not purchasing a VW of this era for an R32, I absolutely love those.
Maaaan, I adore Mk4 GTIs, but this one is a basketcase. Especially for the price. I’ll pick the Firebird with the go-fast parts.
Sitting this one out.
The Firebird interests me not at all, not even as a speculative fiction.
And I owned a ’04 VW for 23 years. Mine was a TDI, and the engine was that cars primary redeeming feature. Thus, this VR6 GTI has the same body, electronics (mostly), interior, various bits as my car.
Hence my abstinence this morning.
I’ll pass on the certain electrical nightmare and on just the nightmare.Even with play money I’m a hard pass today.
“Why don’t you call me sometime when you have no class?”
Whether the A/C compressor is there are not doesn’t matter since we can see the expansion valve lacks any hoses connected to it. So no working A/C compressor or not. That nose has been sanded, not sure why, but that edge screams that they were trying to feather the edge of the various layers of paint.
It does appear that the hit to the VW was higher than the impact absorber and impact bar, so yeah find a used cover that is already black and you’ll have it looking good in no time.
I picked the GTI because I like hot hatches, and used to like Volkswagen. As they say, the Bird is the Word, and that is probably the better choice today. Also, I need to recalibrate my shitboxometer because I thought you could get a factory v8 f-body for like $7k.
GTI. I still regret not purchasing a clean mk3 VR6 Jetta several years ago.
The bird of fire all the way for this guy! You cannot beat that green. Thanks Mark!
I’m with SWG, green for the win!
You should buy it and add a supercharger. Do it!
Neither of these cars has a valid PA safety inspection sticker in the window! Instant red flag. I think the Firebird has no A/C – I see openings where the factory lines went into the firewall. The thought of working on a V8 half buried under the windshield makes me sad. Reluctant vote for stock looking GTI.
I’m not really hot (no pun intended) on either of these cars, so I guess I’ll choose the Firebird. As for the scorch mark..do they still make car bras?
Screaming Chicken for me. GM muscle cars are a bit like Legos. They’ve been around forever and pretty much anything can be made from them. This seems like a safe bet compared to the wrecked GTI.
Mark, don’t you recognize friction burns when you see them? That Firebird must have gotten to somewhere north of Mach 1.5 for there to be that much damage.
Long live the 383 Stroker!
(Kidding, of course, but I’m voting for it anyway.)
Owned. Jetta GLI and an Audi A4 at the same time. The problems I had with both of these at the same time makes me scream never again VW group. Fire chicken and endless tire smoke for me.
Firebird, no question. I’d leave the paint alone.
That 383 Stroker is a beast-and-a-half, especially hooked to a 6-speed manual. I’d throw a cheap wrap or paint job on it and go hunt Teslas.
I voted for the T-tops
I’ve owned several 4th gen F-bodies, so I was ready to choose the GTI until I noticed the kink in the driver’s fender near the A-pillar. The pictures aren’t quite good enough to tell, but I suspect the GTI is more tweaked by whatever it hit than it seems. Plus, as much as I love the looks of this generation of Golf, they were garbage enough that buying the nicest one you can afford is the only way to go. The Firebird wins the day, especially since I can probably still wrench on the thing with my eyes closed two decades after owning one.