It’s been absurdly rainy where I live lately, a fact that I’m pretty sick of, to be honest. Whatever the point this weather is trying to make, I think it’s made it, already. It’s wet. Water falls from the sky all the damn time. That also means that I’ve been thinking about windshield wipers more than normal lately, and I have to say, what I’ve realized is downright disturbing. That’s because the state of windshield wipers in the world right now is one of absolute madness, and for no good reason whatsoever. It’s not because of how they function – windshield wipers are generally just fine on almost every car – but how we replace the wiper blades.
Wiper blades are a consumable, as we all know, and the difference between old, worn wiper blades and fresh, new ones is dramatic and obvious. It’s a safety issue as well, since these directly affect how well you can see while driving, which is, I’m told, quite important. So you’d think it would be a good idea to make wiper blade replacement as easy as possible, right?
Well, if you’ve replaced your wiper blades recently, then I think you’ll agree that we have, as a species, not achieved that goal. Wiper blade replacement is an ass-pain, and for no good reason that I can tell. It’s not so much the physical act of replacing the wiper blades –it’s usually not so bad, though it can vary pretty wildly – it’s more a matter of figuring out exactly what kind of wiper blade you need. And I don’t just mean size, I mean the shape and design of the fitting that holds the blade to the wiper arm, of which there are a bewildering array of options, and I am absolutely baffled – no, wait – flummoxed as to why.
The level of madness hit me the other day when I went to replace the wipers on three of my cars – a 1989 Ford F-150, a 2010 Volkswagen Tiguan, and a 1990 Nissan Pao. They all used different fittings, and I had no idea which one used what kind until I went out and checked. After this, I decided to check all my cars and see what kind of wiper fittings they used, and here’s what I found:
Of the seven cars in my fleet, running and non-running, I have five different kinds of wiper fittings. The Dodge RV and the F-150 both use a form of the “pin” style of wiper blade fitting, the Pao and Beetle both used the J-shaped style, the Tiguan used some kind of pinch-tab/button thing, the 2CV uses what may be a claw-type arm (I’m not sure), the Changli uses something surprisingly substantial-looking and mysterious, as was the case with the unknown wiper I found in my driveway from some other car I no longer have.
Here’s the thing about all of those wiper fittings: they’re all fine. I’ve had all kinds of cars in all kinds of states of repair/disrepair, and I’ve almost never had a car fling off its wiper blades. I’ve had wiper problems, sure, but I think the problem of how to keep the blade attached to the arm is an extremely solved problem, for every one of these methods.
It’s not like there’s ones I like better or worse, or, really, have any opinion on whatsoever. They’re all fine. I had no idea what type each of my cars had because who gives a brace of BMs about this? Are there people who will, say, refuse to drive a BMW because it uses pinch tab wiper arms instead of top button arms? I’m going to say that person does not exist. And if they do, I think they’re fools.
And my small sample of wiper blade fittings was just a tiny slice of this whole huge ridiculous pie of wiper fittings. I tried to get a full list of all the different types, but you know what? That’s almost impossible to do, because there are so damn many of these things, there doesn’t seem to be one standard set. Conservatively, I think there are between 16 and 18 common types of wiper fittings, and likely many more less-common ones. Just look:
We have hooks and pin arms (large and small, side and otherwise) and bayonet arms and pinch tabs and rock locks and J-hooks and push buttons (of slim and non-slim varieties) and claws and so many named for combinations of letters and numbers and what the hell are we doing here? This is, objectively, madness. These all do the same job, in basically the same way, with the same general look, size, performance specs, everything. There is nothing a pinch tab wiper attachment mechanism does that is so much better or worse than a J-hook or a push button or whatever.
I defy anyone to tell me that they have some sort of deeply-held preference for a particular kind of wiper fitting. Some are easier to get on and off than others, so I can believe that people may have preferences there, but in actual use? No one can tell one from the other.
Is there some kind of engineer mass delusion happening here that makes automotive wiper engineers think that they need to re-design fucking wiper arms because they have an idea for one that is so much better? It’s ludicrous.
The wild proliferation of different types of wiper blade fittings has become a safety issue too, because normal, non-car-obsessed drivers, people who should be able to easily replace their wipers on their own, as needed, often don’t have any idea how bonkers the world of wiper blades is. They go in and buy blades of the size they think they need but perhaps don’t realize there’s forty heptillion kinds of fittings, and then end up with the useless wiper blades just sitting on the passenger floorboards of their car after they tried to install them, saw a small black plastic puzzle as complex as a Rubik’s cube, and gave up. So old wiper blades end up staying on longer, because finding replacements is a pain. I’ve seen this happen many, many times.
It’s not impossible, of course; most auto parts stores can check databases and find the kind needed, and usually – but not always –they’re right. But that doesn’t make any of this actually make any more sense. The only sensible thing to happen here is that there should be only one type of wiper blade fitting, and that should be standard across all cars.
I’m not kidding. This should be mandated legally, if possible, and if a carmaker refuses to comply with The One True Wiper Blade Fitting, then the CEO of that company goes to jail. Maybe we let them out when the company finally agrees to use the wiper blade standard. Maybe.
I don’t even really care which standard type of fitting is picked. I’d prefer one of the less complicated ones that are easier to install, but if there was just one, I’d accept almost anything. And sure, if some company has some radical kind of wiper that absolutely has to have some proprietary blade fitting, then, fine, they can apply for an exception. But everything else? One kind.
I’d even want to mandate recalls for every freaking car on the road, where wiper arms are replaced with whatever standard we pick. I don’t care what it costs! We’ll print the money if we have to! It’ll all work out in the end with the massive savings that will come from companies not having to build a snacktillion different kinds of wiper blade fittings.
If there is an argument to why we somehow need all these different kinds of wiper blade fittings, I will listen to that argument. I’d love to hear that argument, actually, because I genuinely do not understand why we’ve let wiper arms get so out of hand like this. Maybe there is a reason! A reason that I simply cannot see because I’m too shallow and crude to appreciate how much better a claw-type wiper arm is as opposed to a pin-type or whatever. Feel free to make this make sense.
If not, then please consider this my formal demand that all wiper blade fittings be standardized by, oh, 2027. That should be plenty of time. Come January 2027, all you need to know to buy new wiper blades will be the size. You can swap good ones from your Camaro onto your BRZ if you want, or from your Land Rover to your Jeep, or whatever in this glorious future. You can buy new blades for your partner’s car because you saw they needed them with barely a thought.
It’s going to be a beautiful new world when we finally have true wiper blade unity.
I guess I’m lucky, every car I’ve owned had the J hook style, although I am aware of the pin style.
My major issue is the arcane methods of removing and installing rear wipers on so many cars, even though the underlying wiper arm is a J hook.
The J-hook is the only right answer.
Torch writes this, but then goes down to his DEN OF HYPOCRISY, otherwise known as the Taillight Bar, where he and his cronies revel in the “glory” that is all the different types signals for the back of cars!!!
And goes back to his sealed beam denialism, when we all know that’s the one, true headlight that will save us all
In regards to money
But tail lights aren’t consumables.
I do realize you were joking.
YES! When I bought the ’90 Celica GTS former race car last year, I knew I wanted new wipers. The KOI across the street from work was almost useless, and they finally handed me two packages that were different shades of yellowed and after the fact I realized had two different sets of adapters.
Remember when headlights were 4 choices? Round or square, big or small. #getoffmylawn
The pin type on German cars has always been my favorite – I can swap beam-type wipers out in 30 seconds.
Worst design, the Germans. Over engineered the wiper blade.
I wish they would put a little plastic bumper on the arm so when the blade eventually falls off, there isn’t metal scraping on my windshield.
I fall into the j-hook FTW category.
And then add all the oddball proprietary REAR wiper setups for cars that have them. The rear wiper for my BMW is ONLY available from BMW. Though thankfully you can remove the rubber and replace it with one from a generic wiper. Which is also what I do with the hard to source wipers for my Spitfire. Not that it ever ventures out in the rain.
I do much prefer the bayonet style mount that BMW and Mercedes use today over the others. Super easy and now widely available. Not the case when my BMW was new, but for the first four years new wipers were BMWs problem, not mine, and they changed them at every free annual service. I find the OEM Valeos whether from BMW or in a Valeo box last a really, really, really long time. Even in the FL sun, the pair on my BMW convertible are five years old and work like new. Worth the mild expense.
I’ve only ever experienced 1 car with something other than a J hook, and I’ll bet you unknown wiper, citroen, changli, and pao are all J-hook under the covers.
What I will highly recommend is getting silicone blade wipers. They may cost twice as much but seem to last a lifetime and are Silent! Another thing that helps is to put a ceramic coating on the windshield. It’s like Rain-X that lasts a year.
What’s wrong with everyone just using J-hooks again?
Don’t tell him about oil filters!
Man, I have a box of filter wrenches…
Fun fact, the filter from a 2001 GM big block 8.1 fits a 2.5 WRX motor and gives it more oil flow and filtration area, but it does hang down a tiny bit more. Still won’t save you from blowing up the engine after 3 hours on track though.
The filter for a Ford 302 fits on a Jeep 4.0 and has about 30% more filter area.
Now that’s actual beneficial knowledge for others to know around here.
We need a whole article like this. What parts are cheaper or better and interchangeable?
I bet we as a community have 1000 car hacks like this. Yes, a standard Ford 302 filter (Fram PH8A) screws directly onto a Jeep 4.0 and is 1/3 larger. This was common knowledge 25 years ago.
I feel like an idiot I own both of these engines and never knew. I think at least once I made a special trip to get the one for the Jeep when I had a 302 filter sitting on the shelf
IIRC the BMW E30 oil filter is the same fitting as a VW Rabbit but shorter so you have more clearance on cars with oil coolers. I don’t recall any difficulty changing the filter on an A1 Jetta with the factory cooler.
My car did have vented rotors from a GTI, which will work with standard calipers if you use a slightly thinner brake pad
I support the J hook. It was the most common on 90’s and 00’s cars, it works great. I’ve actually modified wiper arms and welded J hooks on to them for some older vehicles I’ve had to make it easier to find wiper blades no matter where I am.
+1
Good idea! I grew up with the fiddly Ford pin design, and honestly not sure how common it is to find anymore. I hate having a big plastic adaptor piece bigger than the wiper.
It took me WAY too long to figure out how the J-hook works the first time I changed blades.
J-hook is a very secure design, changes can be a little fiddly but it is my preferred design.
Anybody remember the days when you’d replace just the rubber wiper part of the blade, and not the metal frame part?
Yes, my rear wiper still requires this.
I was digging out stumps the other weekend in what was apparently the previous owners automotive junk pile. In addition to digging up a tire and a lug wrench I almost had a heart attack when I saw just the rubber wiper part sticking out of the dirt and thought it was a snake.
I do!! Those were the days.
Honda still does this. It’s great.
Yes. And it was a good thing. And it wasn’t that long ago.
My conspiracy theory is that the evil wiper blade manufacturers are in collusion with the auto manufacturers to spec different attachment systems. This way one out of x times, when someone finally buys new wiper blades, they don’t fit, and they wait long enough to exchange them (it being such a PITA) that they lose their receipt. Ka-ching! Profit. Kickback goes to automaker.
Joking aside, it is hard to fathom. It may be, say, that pin-types pivot better than hook- or clip-types, but there’s still no reason I’m aware of to have more than one pin type, and if they’re cheaper, one clip or hook type. I mean, there’s one standard valve stem as far as I know. There are probably exceptions by Porsche or Bugatti or something for esoteric reasons, but by and large isn’t a valve stem a valve stem across the world?
We could call it the Highlander Wiper Law: There can be just one. Of course, Toyota would sue …
I care more about the fact that it continues to become more difficult to buy just the replacement rubber inserts instead of entire blade assemblies.
I’m a fan of modern beam elements. I get roughly a year out of a quality set.
Every car I’ve had for several years now has been J hook, but I’ve had the pin before as well. GM also went through a phase in which they had an oversized J hook, which was not compatible with the normal J hook. That was fun. I thought at this point that it was all standardized to the J hook though, is that not what’s hidden underneath all that fancy frippery on the Tiguan?
Hated this shit when I was a parts salesman. They should be ALL J-hook. It’s the most common, and it always works. No fuckin excuses to why you can’t just use a J-hook.
And this is how The Autopian gets their first cease and desist letter from the Wiper Attachment Engineers Local 738.
The one that pissed me off to no end is I replaced my blades one year, then went and got what I thought were the same brand the following year. I looked at the “Universal adapter” cartridge I used the previous year and saw it was type A, then used Type A on the new blades, and they were two different Type A cartridge adapters. And once you clip them onto the blade, they’re impossible to get off. Also, once, I installed the passenger side blade and the universal fit adapter doohickey extended the blade to where it interfered with the weatherstripping, which ripped the blade off one stormy night. I so hate this dance we have to approach every year.
I actually run smaller blades than OEM on the wife’s Corolla, the OEM driver side blade slaps the window trim, next size down does not. Yes, I have set and timed the arms.
Pin works, J-hook works… Any others are just annoying frippery. I will sign the petition to get the standardization rule off the ground if you draft it, Torch.
This is the important work The Autopian stands for.
Yeah, I’ve never had problems with the pin types, and tend to like that as long as the pin is attached to the arm with a plastic piece, then it’s less likely to gouge the glass if a poorly-made wiper attachment gives way compared to a metal J-hook.
The problem in the last ten years or so is that the proliferation of the J-hook has encouraged more and more wiper blades to be designed more or less around it, and the pin-type adapters are often oversized and janky. Wiper blades made just for pin attachment can be compact and simple, but they seem to have become uncommon.
My xB blades attach differently than my FJ Cruiser and both have different sizes for driver and passenger. Don’t even think about rear wiper blades.
And the FJ is so fun replacing the middle wiper haha also I was actually able to find some cheap rear wipers on Amazon for my FJ.
Rear wiper on my MDX involves threading a refill through the factory arm.
Ok the Holy Grail/Fail: someone’s got to have a car that has different attachment methods for driver vs passenger blade.
The stupid side pin ones always seem to give me issues. The hook ones are not to bad. And whatever my polestar 2 has were quick and simple to change out. But yeah there should just be one easy to replace but also fits on there snug standard.
Hey now, can’t impede on corporate and dealership profits selling wiper blades only we make and sell for the next 5 years.
Profit – the buyer is more likely to go dealer/OEM if some oddball fitting.
All my cars now use j-hook type wipers. They work well overall, better than the pin type I grew up with.
Relevant.
https://xkcd.com/927/
Damnit I was literally loading up that exact one to post here!
Exactly what I thought of.
Though honestly, why can’t I just have some microscopic windshield wiping gnomes that deploy in an army, with their little towels, wiping away as I drive?
Step one – remove wiper blade
Step two – ?
Step three – Profit!!
Wiper Blade Gnomes!
Directions unclear, wiper arm gouged a huge scratch in the windshield. 🙂
The correct answer is usually to just pick the most popular of the existing alternatives and run with that, instead of layering on yet another new design
True, but there isn’t an XKCD for that.
The comic is accurate, everyone wants to solve problems by creating something new instead of elevating an obvious solution that already exists, partly for the ego trip of their solution being the one to win out
But… Patents… 🙂
Merchandizing, merchandizing, merchandizing.
Spaceballs: The Wiper Blades!
I see a fellow GenX.
We’re the boomers of the near future. Not that we care.
“Hey Jim, congrats on the patent, what’s it for?”
“I’ve spent the last 18 months working on a modified J-style wiper attachment arm no one asked for.”
Pretty much. 🙂