How A Mid-Engined Geo Could Have Been The Most Fun Yet Useable Car Of All Time

If I ask AI to give me choices for “the most fun to drive car ever,” it will regurgitate a whole bunch of worthy selections (determined by scouring the work of actual humans and vomiting it out with neither credit nor compensation, natch), and do so in a fraction of a second. What I’m not sure about is how well AI could do at creating a hypothetical “most entertaining yet usable car of all time” – MEYUCAT for short.

“Fun” is such a subjective thing; a computer can’t judge the responsiveness of a steering rack or throttle pedal on a mountain road on a sunny day and truly understand such “feelings,” at least not yet. Of course, with our Autopian knowledge and experience, we could find the best features from history’s most likely and unlikely hoot-to-drive machines and combine them to make The Ultimate Everyday Fun Car. Let’s give it a try.

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Grunge-Era Gold

If you believe the hype from much of the media, we are living in the “golden age of the automobile”. Subjectively, you might make a case for that, as I’m sure AI might do as well. I’m here to tell you that’s a bit of bollocks. Throw the performance figures around all you want; just because you have 1000 horsepower and can get to sixty in 2 seconds doesn’t make what you have a “fun” everyday car. I feel bad for kids today who grow up driving go-carts at some local track and then learn on a modern car and realize that it’s just not the same.

What if we could select any timeframe from which this maximum-entertainment car could come? What era of car manufacturing seemed to produce cars with the best balance of modern performance and safety features or creature comforts?

Any person you ask will claim that their generation’s music, fashion, or whatever is unarguably the best in all of recorded history. I’m sadly no different, but looking at the cold, hard facts, it seems like the late eighties or early 1990s might be a sweet spot for building our hypothetical funmobile. I promise that I’m not just picking Jane’s Addiction years because I’m a biased GenX geezer. By then, sporting cars were finally free of byzantine malaise emissions systems, and they were no longer total deathtraps with zero niceties (or had “niceties” such as air conditioning that felt like a hamster blowing over an ice cube while still sapping twenty horsepower). Electronic fuel injection was the norm, but unless you had a built-in thirty-dollar-a-minute cell phone, there was no way anyone could bother you while driving. Also, by the dawn of the nineties, you’d likely get at least one airbag and maybe ABS, but traction and stability control were still basically the driver’s right foot. In this time frame, a 4000-pound car was considered “pretty damn heavy” and not par for the course as it is with most choices today (particularly EVs). Yes, you can make an elephant dance for sure, but why not do choreography with something lighter?

The Holy of Holies from this era certainly fit our target “fun” goal; Mazda Miatas and Honda CRXs come to mind, or even the front-drive Lotus Elan. Ferraris and Porsches naturally were faster than these less expensive cars, but I think starting with a more elemental and attainable small sports machine is a better approach. Whether I own it or not, I’m always subconsciously more willing to hoon a cheaper car, aren’t you?

Obviously, a small mid-engined machine would seem to be the ultimate in driving fun; something like a Honda Beat or a Toyota MR2. These were lightweight and rather simple cars that still eschew the cold-shower level invigoration of things on the hairy edge of being “actual cars,” such as a Lotus Seven or later impractical propositions like the Lotus Elise or bonkers Ariel Atom.

Wait a minute – does our target car have to be a sports car? Maybe, but there are plenty of unlikely non-two-seaters from which we could gain inspiration. How about a “hot hatch,” like a GTI? No, not that GTI; I mean the one that was legally forced to change its name to “GT” a few years in after VW complained. I’m referring to the Suzuki Swift GT; taking a tiny Geo Metro and essentially doubling the horsepower while adding more grip is something that artificial intelligence might not get, but we Autopians sure would.

It’s hard to get more fun than a “hot hatch,” but few would dispute that a mid-engined car is going to give superior handling to something chewing up its front tires. For that reason, a few brands did a 180 with their compact coupes- literally. Cars like the Renault 5 Turbo 2 or the Clio V6 took the entire drivetrain and moved it behind the front seats to make unlikely sports car fighters.

Could a combination of those things be the answer? So maybe we’re talking about a front-drive “hot hatch” that’s been turned into a midship modern-day X1/9 or Porsche 914? I think we’re on the right track.

The Summer(y) Of Fun

We now have enough basic information to start fleshing out the basics of this Ultimate Fun Car, so we’ll stay on track. We can begin with a rough schematic:

That looks about right, but what existing hardware of the late eighties from OEMs could we use? Let’s begin with something like that Suzuki Swift GTI, or maybe a Geo Storm/Isuzu Impulse with a similar motor to that earlier-mentioned “new” Lotus Elan. With engine and transaxle moved to the rear, we’ll keep an overall size around that of a Miata so us Americans that shop from the Extra Value Menu can fit if they suck in their guts. I’ll stick with McPherson struts up front as long as I can get a low hood on what has to be an open-topped two-seater roadster. Sure, a wedge-shaped body with pop-up lights is absolutely personal preference there, so sue me.

Put in an unassisted steering rack, a disc brake, and reasonably sized rubber at each corner, and you’ve got a concoction that should be off-the-scale fun for daily driving. Here’s roughly what I’m imagining: the Geo Gila, a midship roadster that could redeem GM by exemplifying everything you hoped the Fiero would have been but wasn’t.

Yup, that’s about as rounded-nineties-wedge-as-wedge-can-be. Note that the thin, high taillights wrap around the rear quarters to form side marker lights and then join a black plastic trim detail that includes engine compartment vents (with slats to funnel in air at speed) and ends in recessed door handles.

Bright red? Nah, that’s expected, and I want “fun,” so an MC Hammer-era metallic Geo Teal has to be the play. In back, I’m hoping I could incorporate the CHMSL into that thin band of taillights under the spoiler above the trunk lid, with a “heat exhaust” vent flanked by backup lights in the bumper below.

Naturally, this Japanese Isuzu-built Geo “captive import” would have a twin from the actual Asian manufacturer. The Gila’s sibling would be the Isuzu Chicane, with different front and rear clips. It’ll have round driving lights in the front grille and almost Corvette-style lights (with integral back-up lights and amber signals) instead of the Gila’s thin band taillight.

You can imagine that the curb weight would be low enough that even 130 horsepower from a 1588cc Isuzu 4XE1 twin-cam four would give you a memorable drive. In fact, my bet is that a lot of Autopians – particularly NA Miata fans – would say that too much power might ruin the thing. I might not even offer a more hopped-up model.

Nah, I’m just kidding. Of course we’re going to throw on a turbo, bigger brakes, and rolling stock for the performance version. The car in the renderings is actually a Geo Gila Monster, also available as the Isuzu Chicane RE (get it? Chicanery?). This thing would have no business packing at least 162 horsepower with not a traction control button in sight, but you wanted fun, right? It might even have matched concurrent F-bodies or base C4s to sixty (I’m thinking mid-five seconds), but GM wouldn’t care since any prospective ‘Vette buyer wouldn’t put their New Balances into a Japanese car called a “Gila Monster” if you gave it to them.

Inside, the fun continues with separate gauges that move on the steering column. Parts bin Isuzu controls dominate. Tubular aluminum accents act as door and center console grab handles, as well as the integrated emergency brake. There are electric windows and air conditioning on the interior of this Gila Monster, but if you want to be Mr. Masochist and go all pure lightweight on us, that choice is yours. Pretty basic interior, and that’s the idea.

The rear deck lid might be one piece, but I’d still rather see a two-part system where the skinny rear trunk has its own lid and the Isuzu turbo motor stays covered up when retrieving your (minimal) luggage, if that doesn’t add too much weight and complexity.

Under the hood, there isn’t a lot of cargo space in front of the space saver tire, but at least it’s more than some current EVs that inexplicably offer absolutely nothing:

The best part about the Gila and Gila Monster? They would likely be affordable and economical, so you wouldn’t be afraid to hammer it. Maybe you find wrenching on your old Lotus to be fun, but most of us prefer being able to drive our cars. Those old Japanese powerplants mean that you’d likely be out carving through canyons while the guy with an ancient Elan was home trying to track down bad grounds in his fiberglass car or replacing those rubber donuts in the driveline. Plus, as a new car, the Gila version would have allowed you to get dealer servicing at one of the bazillion Chevy stores across the country. No hassles is the ultimate fun in my book.

As a U.S. market 1992 car, our own Mercedes Streeter wouldn’t need to spend countless hours and endanger her life importing a mold-covered beat-to-shit thirty-five-year-old example of a Gila Monster herself today (come on, this stupid little green cheese wedge has Ms. Mercedes written all over it).

AI Means “Autopian Intelligence,” Thank You

Look, ultimately it would make my life easier to have artificial intelligence create whatever I want to see with just a few word prompts. I’m not going to be that Luddite demanding an old Honeywell round loudly clicking dome thermostat on the wall instead of a Smart Nest or Ecobee (like my dad), but I have yet to see proof that such AI systems can give me exactly what I’m looking for just yet.

Still, if AI could reliably make all of the drawings and renderings of my concepts for this site, I’d have more time free to drive my 1992 Geo Gila Monster. Well, if it existed, that is.