It’s past the middle of January, which means that if you’re far enough north, you’re likely currently surrounded by eleventy billion tons of fluffy white nonsense. Mother Nature’s landlord special, just coat everything white. Look, you can only shovel so much and power-wash a daily driver so many times until you start to get grumpy counting down the days until your summer toy can come out to play. You might even start to take shortcuts, like not shovelling off that unused portion of driveway. However, there’s one shortcut you should never take, and that’s using a snowblower to clean off your car.
It’s an absurd premise. Back in the days of dial-up, the only useful snowblowers around were gasoline-powered. Not only were they heavy enough to throw your back out if you tried lifting them several feet in the air, but they’d cave in even the skateboard-thick sheetmetal of a chrome-bumpered yank tank if you succeeded at hoisting one onto a hood. However, modern solutions like powerful electric motors create modern problems for the rash and hasty, as one individual in Ontario going by the Instagram handle jacobsgoldenn seems to have found out.
The hapless victim of these antics is a facelifted E90 BMW 3 Series, as evidenced by the elephant ear mirrors and bumper-mounted amber retroreflectors. What you’re about to watch is unquestionably cringeworthy, tempered only by the knowledge that the xDrive badge on the fender indicates this will likely eventually be a parts car to keep rear-wheel-drive examples alive. The weapon of choice? Some sort of corded electric snow-thrower, I guess.
Yep, that device is supposed to be used on the ground, not on a car. Spinning blades aren’t good for the paint or panels, and that’s before you get into what an impact from them could potentially do to glass, or how they might pull wiper blades clean off of their mounts. Indeed, the caption on the video is “POV: you cracked your windshield with the snowblower.” Setting aside how nobody on social media seems to know what “POV” means anymore, you can probably guess what sort of shot comes next.
Hey, there’s supposed to be a wiper blade there. Where’d that go? Might it have been consumed by the snow blower? I don’t know, but the clips that hold these wiper blades on require a sort of lever motion to remove. It’s not horribly difficult to guess what may have removed that clip.
Oh, and would you look at that, cracks radiating out from roughly where the edge of the wiper arm would sit on the windscreen. Is it possible this is all just ragebait and the windshield was already cracked? Look at that other windscreen crack, you be the judge. Mind you, something tells me the extra carnage might not have been expected. After all, who carries around spare E90 wiper clips?
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You know what would’ve been easier? Using a brush. Preferably one of those foam snow brushes because they keep performing for absolute ages. I’ve had mine for a decade, and it’s still in service, putting in work. Light, cheap, easy to use, effective, non-windshield-cracking, what more could you want? While I won’t stop you from taking a snowblower to your paint, a foam brush really is the way to go. Just trust me on this one.
Top graphic image: Instagram/jacobsgoldenn
I couldn’t even lift my backup snowblower onto a car hood, and that thing probably weighs 1/5 of the primary snowblower.
BTW, both snowblowers are relatively useless today. Main one is not in winter mode yet and the backup apparently has some carb issues I need to address. Managed to get the driveway clear, but had to run it on almost full choke the entire time.
Small engine carbs are the devil’s work.
Electric Snowblowers are a huge improvement and worth the cost of admission because they banish those carburetors back to Hell where they belong.
I always have a moment with Tiktok: is this an act for the clicks?
Don’t get me wrong – the Maple Leaf offers no immunity from shit-for-brains moron kindred human beings we are forced to share the world with – but the act of heaving a heaving a snowblower onto the car kinda makes me wonder.
This particular person may have done it for the clicks, but I have no doubt that this has and does happen. My wife has cleaned the roof of her car off with the scraper end of the snow brush and has also used a snow shovel. (She is not a transplant, and has experienced a snowy winter every year of her life.)
I’ve never even owned a snow blower, but I’ve totally used a shovel to get snow off a car, and it’s not universally bad. The specific use case though is when there’s over a foot of snow on it and the shoveling is to get it down to a brushable (4″-5″) level.
The amount of times this occurred to me in a single season is one of the reasons I am now a Californian.
I remember cruising the streets of Boston pointing out “carcicles:” the results of owners who street parked their cars and gave up, leaving giant vaguely car-shaped mounds that were not moving until Spring.
I have no problem with that and have done it myself.
That was not her situation. She used the scraper to scrape ice from her roof.
I just don’t get it. The more clicks I got for something like this, the more mortified I’d be. Let alone doing the whole stunt on purpose.
I was searching for actual information on Youtube the other day, which landed me just rolling through ‘shorts’ after a few minutes of not finding what I needed.
Watched one about a husband confronting his wife with her tinder profile. That of course started serving up more of those videos. Then I realized that all the videos had the same woman. This entire channel is devoted to calling this woman a cheating *%$^&, but obviously it is all staged. None had crazy high view counts, so it’s not like they’re raking it in from this content.
Why would you want your face to forever be the search result for that topic, even if (obviously) not true?
Hey it just takes one to go viral and then you’re….
hm. I see your point.
Because they’re probably raking in plenty of money from views. All articles like this serve to do is give those brain rot accounts more attention, which encourages their behavior.
Hell, I clicked on this article too. I hate everything.
I don’t know how those shorts pay, but I saw no ads. They didn’t have very high view counts either, but I guess they could be posting the same things on tiktok.
I clicked here, but did not watch the video. I feel like I got enough information from the still images.
For some people, any attention is satisfying, negative or positive. That or they think they’ll actually make money. Statistically unlikely, but if the goal is $$$ for looking the fool, many are ok with that trade.
My sister once used a rock to scrape ice off the windshield.
Are you married to my sister? I thought she was single, but there can’t possibly be two people out there who have both done this.
There are plenty of them. Just watch any office parking lot at the end of the day and you’ll probably find several people doing it.
The best part was when the warm weather finally came and she felt entirely justified bothering me to detail her car so I could remove the scratches from her roof.
I don’t want to sound stereotypical, but that sounds exactly like something my wife would do in a flustered moment. She’s normally very logical and capable, but once in a while a moment of frustration will short circuit her brain and something like that is the result…
It is not tied to a gender. I have definitely seen men doing just as much ridiculous stuff to clear snow from a vehicle.
Make no mistake, I’m every bit as capable of doing dumb things. They usually just differ in that hers often have something that resembles logic where mine are usually more of the just didn’t think it through at all variety…
Opposite at my house, but spectacular fails are just as common for both of us. I once rigged a sailboat at a rental house with a flagpole as the mast. I still hear about that (for the record, it worked – kinda).
Back in the earliest of 1980s when I was a kid living in NYC, my dad had one of those corded electric snowblowers to clear the one short driveway in front of our brick-faced attached house in Queens.
Twenty years later, long after I moved to southern California, my parents finally made the move out here too. I remember meeting my sister to unload the box truck at a storage unit in Sunland.
Of course, my dad brought the snow blower out to Los Angeles. Red and white and rusty as hell. In SoCal, it was worth less than what it added to the gas bill for the box truck weightwise. In fact, half of the furniture in the truck probably cost more in gas than it was worth.
I was flabbergasted.
Sell it to someone in Big Bear?
I assume that was his thought. Like anyone would be hankering for a rusted crappy old snowblower that was the better part of 30 years old.
Sadly, if you’re mechanically inclined a 25-30 year old snowblower is better than most new gas snowblowers.
I just dipped my toe in the world of electric snowblowers with a powered shovel (basically a mini-single stage on a weed eater handle). It’s for the light duty stuff with the dual stage for clearing the heavy, icy snowplow debris.
Now do Bucket of Hot Water on Ice-covered Windshield!
I am embarrassed to admit this but maybe it’ll save someone else: do NOT try to melt the snow off the windshield by heating up the car. The temp gradient will crack it real good.
Wait what? That has (successfully) been my “heavy defrosting” method of choice since forever.
Maybe I just got really unlucky then. It had been sitting for a bit before I got around to selling it. Not a lot of snow but a few dustings that had time to thaw/freeze. So maybe that’s what did it.
My brother and I did the opposite to his Previa! On a very hot day in sunny California, we opened up the cold garden hose water and streamed it onto the already cracked giant windshield. It was glorius as the crack followed the spot the water hit the windshield. Long before cell phones.
How very stupid! Everyone knows that for heavy snow and ice you’re supposed to use a Rototiller! 😉 (☉̃ₒ☉)
Maybe an entire snowblower was a bit of an overkill, but leaf blowers are pretty good at this if you don’t have a brush around.
Not for the wet, heavy snow we typically get here in Pittsburgh. It is wonderful for a dusting, but our accumulations tend to be wet and heavy.
“However, there’s one shortcut you should never take, and that’s using a snowblower to clean off your car.”
Next on Instagram: Can 100# of rock salt dumped on a car magically remove the snow covering it?
Yes!! And eventually the entire car as well. Magic.
Eh. It’s a good way to see how much of your car is actually plastic.
I once looked at the large and very dense windrow I was supposed to clear on a walkway at a road, said nope and dumped 2 or 3 pails (so probably close to 100 pounds) of salt on it and walked away. It was clear (of ice) by morning so mission accomplished.
Kinda like Carthage. Nix delenda est as it were.
This is why I’m living as far north as I ever want to.
Knew a coworker who stated – upon retirement I’m loading a snowblower in a pickup and driving south. First person who asks what it is means I’ve gone far enough.
There was a post of a guy using a metal snow shovel on his car, his new car. It was scratched all over the poor thing.
19 years ago this month, I threw away all my shovels and brushes and ice scrapers and moved to Las Vegas. 120F is awful too, but you don’t have to shovel heat.
“120F is awful too, but you don’t have to shovel heat”
Shovel no, pump yes.
Won’t be much to pump if the lake level gets too low.
The lake that’s already mostly rocket fuel and agricultural chemicals.
Tastes great. Less filling.
It has electrolytes! Plants love it!
Looks like we’ve found the formula for Brawndo!
Just remember. We share the road with this genius and others like him…
Stuff like this is why we need to “own” Greenland.
I was expecting to see a video of a snowblower crashing through the windshield and shooting out a plume of E90 interior.
Given the number of people up here that just drive around with 20 cms of snow on their car, I’m kinda happy that this person at least tried.
That goes against my stereotype of courteous Canadians. Maybe we’re not so different after all.
A LOT of people have gone the BIG vehicle route without doing the due diligence to understand how to get snow off the thing.
So yeah… I bet our idiot ratio is about the same up here.
Humans being humans, you’re probably right. The thing is, I’m willing to bet idiot Canadians aren’t nearly as aggressive in their stupidity as idiot Americans…
You’d be surprised. Especially the Albertans… aka Canadian Texas.
The courtesy tap of the wipers across the front of the car is all it seems some people need. Forget brushing snow off the side or rear windows.
I thought my co-worker who had shoveled the snow off of the hood of his Forester was a dope.
That snow blower will have a plastic rubber tipped impeller, probably the best use for it, as they are at ground level, shitty for snow removal.
I use a Fusselschreck Outdoor Broom for initial automobile snow removal, no cars here have show quality paint. (-:
Yes, looks near identical to the corded electric model I own. It has seen one use this season.
Those single stages work OK in certain conditions. Light fluffy snow is fine. Unfortunately I live in the Toronto area and a lot of our snow falls are simply too dense for them to work effectively.
Now the gas single stage blowers can mostly handle dense snow. But pale in comparison to two stage machines.
Oh, a foam brush is best? YOU HEAR THAT MARK? I KNOW YOU READ THIS WEBSITE.
Now retire your awful bristle brush and join the foam brush brigade.
Foam brush is best brush. I have no idea why anyone buys that bristle shit anymore.
Preach. Mine is extendable and you can rotate the blade. I’ve had it for 16 years and it still looks brand new.
I have some pro grade car wash brushes with very long, very flexible bristles.
Extremely gentle.
My experience is that the super soft bristles can’t hold up to heavier, wetter snow. But YMMV.
I’m certain you’re correct.
I never knew brushes like that even existed.
I usually try to clear snow as it lands, before it builds up, especially on glass, then if the sun ever comes out again, it all clears up.
It’s really, really cold here right now, so if it snows tomorrow, maybe I won’t go outside?
Good plan, lol.
This weekend we’re looking at some of the coldest weather this winter, so I probably won’t be going outside much either.
outstanding work here.
I’ve unfortunately seen this before in real life. The first time was when I lived in Minnesota and I watched a person with a small single-stage snow thrower (similar but a bit smaller than the single-stage in the article, made for tight confines like apartment entrances), and they hit the radio antenna and ripped it straight out of the fender. The second time was in Colorado and the thing slipped off the side of the car and shredded a side mirror. Then again, the sheer number of people I’ve known who shattered a window by throwing hot water on a car is staggering, so the dumbness of people has always been there, they just have new tools at their disposal.
I guy I knew from high school tried to trim bushes in a yard by lifting a lawnmower up and cut off his kneecap. Power machinery will fuck you up six ways to Sunday if you use it improperly.
the yelp I yulped after reading that first sentence.
I still wince about it, some 19 years later. I’ve fractured a kneecap before and I can’t even fathom the pain that guy went through.
Honestly, he was lucky…
It could have been a lot worse.
Yup. Also I too fractured a kneecap (motorcycle wreck) and can confirm, 0/10 do not recommend.
I wish that I had a cool story about breaking my kneecap. I just fell over while picking up crayons in middle school.
I know someone who lost a few fingertips trying the same thing.
He was looking for a trim, and he took a little off the top. I fail to see the issue here.
I’m having a hard time determining if this is new stupid or if people have always been this dumb and we just didn’t have the ready means to record it and share it.
I mean, AFV has been on for a very long time.
same old stupid with all new, modern tools to accomplish the stupidity.
And many more ways for the stupidity to be documented!
I’m inclined to think this shithead is doing it for ‘content’.
The internet has allowed every village idiot to be a global one. And smartphones let us record all the global idiots we never could.
The glass may have already been cracked if that snowblower uses a soft paddle instead of a steel auger. My snowblower has a serrated steel auger for chopping through the frozen slush that tends to get pushed up the end of the driveway from municipal plow trucks. I suspect a small electric model like that has a rubber paddle.
But then if it ripped off the wiper blades and slammed them into the windshield I can definitely see that cracking the glass. Either way, don’t use a snowblower on your car kids.
Wow. Just wow.
Just when I think I have seen peak evidence of how dumb humans can get, here comes evidence of someone even dumber. There has to be a bottom, right? Please let there be a bottom…
I’m always fascinated how we’re losing the distinction between good attention and bad attention; there’s just attention now. Hard to imagine that at one point not that long ago, it was generally accepted that people would try to get others to view them in a postive light.
If there is a bottom, you’ll find it in Florida.
I read this differently than intended 😉
Oh there are many interpretations I’m sure.
Meh, Florida just gets all the publicity.
There is of course some middle ground: a battery-operated leaf blower!
Advantages: no contact with the vehicle, no extension cord needed, much lighter to wrangle, won’t eat windshield wipers, and you’ll look much less of a jackass when deploying it.
Disadvantages: won’t work on heavy/wet snow or on ice, still makes a little bit of noise
Turn it into a giant hairdryer FTW.
Detective man say not to use de power blowers all across the hood
A licky boom boom down
Me neighbor film de antics now insurance say my claim is no go good
A licky boom boom down
–Another Ontarian Snow, probably
Best album name of all time: “12 inches of Snow”.
Pretty sure that was a Rolling Stones “B” side.