Viral photos are going around showing a Michigan crash involving a modern Kia Rio and a 1973 Chrysler New Yorker. The Rio is completely smashed up, while the New Yorker looks almost perfectly fine. “They don’t make ’em like they used to” is what a police officer allegedly told the classic car driver. But is that Chrysler New Yorker’s bumper really that strong and is that 2015-ish Kia’s front-end really that flimsy? Here’s the real story.
The full story comes to us from the owner of the Chrysler New Yorker, Markku Jaakkola, who runs the Detroit’s Unforgotten Wheels Instagram page and blog.
It all began with his post on Facebook, shown below:
“So, how’s your day going ? I was just driving home from company picnic…Cop said ‘they don’t make them like they used to..’ when he saw the ‘damage’ on my 1973 Chrysler New Yorker: the license plate fell off,” reads the post, which includes the photos of the battered Kia and remarkably intact Chrysler.
Pretty much the entire internet shared this post, with many rightly criticizing modern cars for having useless bumpers, and many others rightly criticizing old cars for having poor crash performance (i.e. a lack of a crumple zone, and therefore a high impulse, which is dangerous for humans and in this case would cause severe whiplash).
Jaakkola posted a follow-up:
“Couple additional photos of today’s accident with my 1973 Chrysler New Yorker (my license plate fell off),” the follow-up reads, showing the mangled license plate, but the otherwise beautiful rear bumper.
But is the Chrysler New Yorker — which shares its C-Body platform with the Demolition Derby champion, the Chrysler Imperial — really that tough so that its rear bumper could demolish the entire front end of a Kia Rio without sustaining a scratch? The answer is no.
Jaakkola, a car-loving Finn who lives in metro Detroit, chatted with me over the phone about what happened.
“I was coming back from a company picnic; I took Dequindre [road] northbound, and I was driving north, and I saw this girl [in the Kia] coming from the middle lane towards me… and the next thing I know I felt a huge bump in the rear,” he told me, “then I saw a Chevy pickup truck kinda like bouncing around next to me on the right side, so after everything stopped I went outside kinda anxious to see what I was gonna find behind me, because it was completely crashed, but the girl was OK.”
“Then the Chevy pickup guy came over there, and he said [the Kia driver] hit him while he was driving the same direction that I was,” Markku explained, saying the Kia driver was trying to turn left behind him in the old Chrysler. “The truck guy, he spun around a couple times, hit a Ford Fusion that was maybe three or four cars in front of me, then he drove his car to a driveway that was on the right side of the street.”
This left just Markku’s 1973 Chrysler New Yorker and the Kia Rio in the street, so that’s when Markku took the photo. “I would think the truck hit her on the left side [front], and she hit me on her car’s right side [front],” Markku went on.
“I just posted it [to Facebook] like, so here’s my day, how’s your day going. I wasn’t thinking anything else about it,” he told me over the phone. “People are starting to fight over if the new cars are better than the old ones or vice versa…People are claiming that I never was really part of the collision.”
When I asked Markku why he thought his post resonated with so many people, he replied: “I think because it’s kinda unique that an old car would be in a crash, especially somebody taking a photo of it…basically nothigng happened…because there are a lot of people interested in classic cars…especially a lot of older people.”
Markku’s post has received quite a bit of criticism from skeptics who understandably believed Markku was implying only his car and the Kia were involved in the crash, with one Reddit post titled “Chrysler guy is lying” garnering over 36,000 comments as of this writing.
When pressed about whether he understood why his initial post made many think it was just his car and the Kia involved in the crash, he told me yes. “Yeah I get that, and I didn’t really put any comments on what actually happened, any details, so it’s easy to assume that the Kia hit me…I didn’t really include any details.”
In response to folks who are claiming he backed up to the crashed kia, Markku texted me: “I’d like to know if they really think that I would back up my car there while police is parked behind us and intervene on his investigation to get a photo for social media.”
Markku finished by telling me his thoughts on the old car vs. new car-in-a-crash thing. “Of course [the old car is] made out of thicker steel, but if you’re going to be in a high-speed accident I’d rather be in a new car.”
Some people just love attention, even if they need to lie to get it, even if they get caught in a lie, they still love it.
I’ll never understand this mentality.
This does remind me of the time a lady in a ‘73 Torino hit my ‘72 Corolla. Her bumper guard fell off, while my tin can Toyota needed a fair amount of body work. The only bonus was I found a guy to fix it for less than the estimate insuance paid on, so that I got new tires in the deal.
First thing I thought was that the Kia had to have hit another car then spun behind the Chrysler, which it sounds like is exactly what happened. People need top put their thinking caps on. I believe that is a Kia Rio which weighs around 2500 lbs and based on the damage I assume it was doing around 30+mph. Simple physics will tell you that a chrome bumper cannot withstand a 30+mph crash with a 2,500 lb object. I was in my teens when the Chrysler was a new car and I can tell you from personal experience that bumping into a pole at 10 mph will put a good dent in a chrome bumper.
That ‘73 Chrysler didn’t have a 5 MPH bumper, either. It would have pushed the bumper into the body.
Strictly speaking they don’t make them like they used to, will any of those KIAs be driving around in 2067?
I was slightly taken aback that 2067 is as far into the future as 1973 into the past.
Then I realized you’re mistaken and that it’s actually 2077.
Yikes.
I mean, I think the various offerings in Shitbox Showdown can at least point to the possibility.
Sure, if anyone cares enough to restore and preserve them.
The real question is “Will Chrysler be around in 2067? Or even 2027?”
TBF, those KIA’s are abominable shitboxes. Had one as a rental and I was shocked it could pass crash testing looking at the minimalist structure. Must be all in the airbags. I will credit KIA for making it well-balanced, though—it was a POS in every aspect. Snark aside, in a low speed parking lot-type biff, I’d take the old car, anything faster than that, I want something new as I’d rather the car dissipate more of the energy before it gets to me. Just maybe not a Rio.
In 1970, my Mom traded in her Corvair to buy a new VW Beetle. The Corvair’s floor was so rusted that she said you could lift up the floor mat and see the road. In just a few years (<10) that had happened, in Kentucky… they don’t make them like they used to.
If he’d been hit by another Yank Tank, this story would be very different. He should be glad the Kia crumpled as designed and absorbed so much of the impact.
Right. All old cars are really solid, except that they are like a marshmallow precisely where you need the most structural integrity: the cabin. You know, where humans sit?
All these “old cars were safer” is so bullshit. I own a 70’s car. I know I’d die a horrible death if I ever got into an accident with it.
In my mind, the phrase ‘they don’t make ’em like they used to’ is more applicable to furniture and maybe houses. Cars, though? I wouldn’t want to be caught dead in one.
I lived in an old house built probably around the great depression era. The entire walls were WOOD. Like hard wood tat had plaster or drywall on top. i only found out after trying to mount a TV i could not believe it!! easiest tv install ever just drill with wood screws directly into the wall!
I live in a 1930’s house as well.
Be careful with that. It’s not solid wood, it’s plaster and lath. Thin horizontal strips of wood (lath) nailed against the studs an eighth of an inch or so apart, with plaster applied on top.
Don’t trust century old 1/4″ thick wood strips to carry your TV. It is best to hang heavy objects to studs. Don’t bother using a studfinder, it won’t work. Apparently a trick you can use is running a heavy magnet against the wall. It will stick where the lath is nailed to the studs.
Standard Boomer meme – they’ll believe essentially anything if you pair it with “they don’t make em like they used to”
Of course there was the time our 1967 VW bug was rear ended by a 1967 Camaro at a stop light (guy wasn’t paying attention) and it destroyed the rear of the bug (we got a Ford LTD rental) and there was a paint scratch on the lower and upper front grill surround on the Camaro.
One summer weekend a few decades ago, I was in stop/go traffic southbound on the Hampton Roads Bay Bridge Tunnel in my 1971 Volvo 144S.
At one point I thought traffic was picking up – then the Firebird in front came to a very sudden dead stop.
I had no problem braking in time.
The new Renault Alliance behind me didn’t fare so well.
After the crash I got out and walked back to check on things. Her front bumper had clearly slid beneath my back bumper, and my bumper demolished everything above hers. Grille and lights – in shards on the ground. Fenders and hood – bent and twisted. Internal fluids – Now external fluids.
My tailpipe was bent down a little.
I didn’t have insurance – but I knew it was her thing since she rear-ended me and there were no human injuries. So I didn’t stick around.
“Sorry – Good Luck – Bye!”
Later that week Midas bent my tailpipe up again.
No charge.
I used to be an estimator and asst man. in a body shop in a foreign car dealership in the late 70s. I used to make so much commission every time a TR7 or 8 would hit the rear end of an American car, especially at night. It would ride under and rip out the headlights (light, bucket, and panel) and strip the actuator motor, and rip them out of the core support panel, which sometimes also needed to be replaced. Good times…
HRBT! I live near there and am always surprised to see it mentioned. I avoid going through them as much as possible though because it’s always stop and go through there! Glad you fared so well in the wreck!
It sometimes feels like big ol’ boats were designed for old people who probably shouldn’t still have their license but they’re just going to the grocery store and church so it’s fine.
Those things can crush so many shopping carts without incident. They can handle every single low-speed tap you can throw at them. You’re not even going to get a scratch when you boop into the telephone pole outside of church because you weren’t paying attention.
But high speed crashes… Grandpa shouldn’t be going that fast anyway. And he’s had a good run.
Back in 80s I had a 77 Maverick (one with the huge chrome bumpers). On way home from work, a guy in a Chevette tried to dart across 5 lanes in the rain. Didn’t make it. I nailed him with my left front bumper and sent him back to where he came from. His car demolished. I had a slight bend on my front bumper and small crease in fender. His insurance gave me a check for $1200. I paid $1200 for the car. Paid for next quarter’s tuition. Never bothered to fix.
Nice time for the reminder that in every car accident, there are 3 collisions:
1. Car with an external object like another car.
2. Humans inside the car with the interior of the car.
3. Organs of each human with the inside of the body.
Older cars give the impression of doing ok in collision 1 (sometimes), but absolutely fail the humans in the car with collisions 2 and 3. Newer cars do a great job of 2 and 3 at the expense of 1. People who would say “don’t make them like they used to” need to stop living in the past.
My father is a retired first responder, and has seen first hand the difference between the two, and has described too many of them to me. It’s ghastly.
^^THIS^^
The one that has garnered a lot of attention lately is the collision between the brain and the inside of the skull. This extends to sports occurrences as well.
+1. I know someone who has had serious long-term problems as a result of two concussions in relatively close proximity to each other caused by car accidents (neither of which she was responsible for). Completely changed her life, and not in a good way.
“don’t make them like they used to” is technically true and absolutely a good thing.
My “unreliable” newish Audi will probably get me 200,000 miles, can cruise in quiet comfort at 80mph all day, and if god forbid we are in a substantial crash with it the car may be totaled but the odds are good that my wife and I will be basically fine.
The version of this I saw last night was “they don’t make em like they used to… because you were the crumple zone.”
My father used those exact words. Then described things I never want to see. *shudders*
Congratulations on COTD today! 🙂
My step dad owned a body shop up from the early 70’s until the early ’00’s . I worked for him for a couple of years and when anyone brought up the “they don’t make ’em like they used to” or “you can’t work on this new junk” tropes he’d always say he preferred working on newer stuff. Why? Less teeth/blood/etc left in ’em than there was in the good ol’ days.
My family had the more humble 1973 Newport version and while I agree there is no way it would avoid (and dispense) damage quite as dramatically as the photos it was a beast of a car.
There has been significant debate – even here at the Autopian – about what Chrysler was big as a whale and about to set sail to the love shack but I always assumed it was one of these. The only bigger vehicle in town was a 7th gen F-series Crew Cab long-bed.
“There has been significant debate…about what Chrysler was big as a whale and about to set sail “
In the video it was a 1966 300 Convertible.
Yeah but the ’66 was just not really big enough in my mind. It’s a cool looking car for the video and convertible is really the best way to get to the love shack though…
I took my driver’s range test in a 1971 Plymouth Sport Suburban station wagon (named “Sherman”) and passed. I think those were bigger than the 225.
That’s definitely one of those which makes you wonder what the marketing team thought the word “sport” means.
In my mind it was the ’76 Town and Country my Aunt Betty had. When she went to a Ford Escort the owner of the gas station she always used told her he had to let a guy go.
Pre oil crisis cars were thirsty! I commuted to my minimum wage lifeguarding job 32 miles each way one summer with my 2 options being the ’73 Newport getting about 10mpg and a Suzuki GS250 getting about 65mpg. I usually chose the bike and probably doubled my income from fuel savings alone.