You know what’s a strange thing? The way that, on certain cars, the “standard” configuration was incredibly uncommon. One might even say it was non-standard. I think the most glaring example of this has to do with manual transmissions – there’s a reason why for a lot of older folks, a manual transmission is referred to as a “standard transmission.” Because they were the standard. Of course, by the 1980s, that “standard” was becoming less and less so.
I was thinking about this because of this old Mercury Monarch brochure from 1980. The Monarch – the re-badged sibling to the Ford Granada – was never a great car. I’m not even really sure I’d call it a good car. But they were absolutely everywhere when I was growing up, and I spent a fair amount of time around and in various Monarchs and you know what I never, ever saw in one of those Monarchs?
One of these:
Yes, that’s the Monarch’s “standard” transmission. As far as I can tell, absolutely no one accepted a Monarch with the standard transmission; every single one I’ve ever seen has been a column-shift, three-speed automatic. I would lose my lettuce if I saw a manual Monarch in person. I’d want to sit down and touch that strange, bent shifter with its weird faux-burled walnut shift knob, which labels fourth gear as O/D. I would want to slowly move it through the gears, feeling like I was rowing a unicorn horn through its gears.
I’ve seen more Facel-Vegas out in the wild than I have manual Monarchs. I’ve seen more Innocenti Minis, more Iso Grifos, and more Soviet Volgas on public American roads than stick-shift Monarchs. And even more rare than just a manual Monarch is this one, the Monarch ESS:
This was the “sporty” Monarch, and I can’t think of a car that is less able to live up to its brochure description than this car:
The “elan” of a European sports sedan? Oh boy. That is some wildly delusional copyrighting there. I’ve driven a Monarch. Well, not an ESS or a manual one, because, as I think I mentioned, they’re more rare than foie gras in a Happy Meal. Even so, I can pretty confidently say that I did not detect a single ounce of “elan” in the Monarch, European or otherwise. I do kinda like the wheels on that ESS and the funny plastic louvered cover they stuck over the opera window.
This is more how I think of Monarchs; the color of a condiment halfway between butterscotch and mustard and with a half-vinyl roof. Actually, now that I think more about it, even the coupé versions were sort of uncommon. Most Monarchs were like these:
Four-door sedans, in somber colors, wire wheels, full vinyl roofs, and parked in front of the Frank Leonard Gallery. These Monarchs were all over the place. And they were all automatics. Really, this was the standard, despite what Ford called “standard.”
Monarchs were really conventional, kinda boring cars. But that sound insulation sure was “deluxe!”
They came ins some good colors, though! Oh damn, you could get the ESS in a four-door, too? I had no idea! Where’s the time machine keys? After my usual dodo-and-brie sandwich, I’m gonna swing by the Mercury dealership!
A friend in the mid ’90s drove his dad’s US Granada, one of only 2 in our city. We even made a videoclip with it featuring yours truly impersonating Shannon Hoon.
A decade later I sort of dated a couple of sisters (not at the same time, mind you), who’s dad had another US Granada, but they lived 400 km away. And another one used to be park in front of a friend’s house (whose dad won 4 Turismo Carretera championships in the ’70s driving a Falcon, a story for another day).
So, it’s fair to say that I knew or rode on 60% of all the US Granadas sold in Argentina. The vastly superior European one was far more common.
In my area, two door Monarchs and Granadas were far more common than the four doors.
A good friend in high school owned a baby blue four door Monarch. It was the 4 door only one I recall clearly, and he sold shortly after he bought it, in order to buy a two door dark green Granada with the 351 and a stick shift.
The Monarch ESS is the perfect competitor for an Alfa Romeo Alfetta sedan or a BMW 530i.
In the early 90s I regulary saw a Dodge Aspen wagon with 4 on the floor, and a circa 1980 Malibu wagon that also had a floor shift. For further oddball you could get a Ford Econoline with a floor shift manual in the 70s and 80s. I’ve never seen that in the wild but it was definitely available in a half ton with the 6, not sure about V8.
I suppose the polar opposite of the old Detroit order any option you want was an early Honda Accord. In 1977 you had one body style, 3 colors, and the only factory option was Hondamatic. Everything else including AC was an accessory. Ours was a 5 speed with an FM radio, nerf bars and a cargo covcoverIt was great until it rusted.
Kind of like trying to find a “Regular-Cab” truck nowadays.
And a “Standard Transmission” in a truck has been an 6,8, or 10 speed automatic transmission pretty much since 2008 or so.
Here’s something you’ll never see; a second generation Camaro with a column mount auto shifter. The floor shifter and console were actually options. I’ve seen one column shifter Camaro in my life and that was on a TV auction.
The first gen Camaro actually had a front bench seat if you went with the column shift. Cant remember if it was a two piece or one piece. Also I think it could be 3 on the tree or a column shift powerglide. Since most of the bench seat cars were low option units, Im thinking they were all powerglides if you chose the automatic option
Jason you confused me. Yes you might not have seen some things but I have driven the vehicles you haven’t seen. As a young person I don’t think you can claim to be the authority of vehicles built before you were born.
Once upon a time, many moons ago, I saw a mention of some very very early Lexus RX300 “base” models being sold with a manual transmission in the US…I’ve never been able to confirm this. How I’d love to have one of those. I’d slap some “Harrier” badges on it so fast…
Maybe in the European market, but that wasnt offered in the USA. I know for a few years in the early 90s you could get an ES300 with a manual. Along with a v6 manual camry.
Not even in Japan did the Harrier/RX300 offer a manual; 4-speed slushboxes only. On the other hand, the Harrier’s slogan was “WILD but FORMAL” which makes up for a lot.
The Monarch – the re-badged sibling to the Ford Granada – was never a great car. I’m not even really sure I’d call it a good car.
Not a good car? It was good enough to compare it to a Mercedes Benz
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qzIVJlOPwxQ
People always compare me to 90’s George Clooney, but this doesn’t mean 90’s George Clooney is nowhere good enough.
it was the replacement for the comet, so it is kind of interesting how much of a design difference it was. but let’s be honest , even the ones people kept like the v8 ESS versions are rarer than hens teeth these days. pretty much the worst of the worst from the malaise era
And a Cadillac
Second last image: “*Manual* Front Disc Brakes”?
Yes, a friend had an 80s escort with no vacuum booster. Since disc brakes have no servo effect relying on raw leg power on anything bigger than a Kei car was a bad idea
The early FSJ Jeep Wagoneers / Cherokees were offered with manuals, but they are rare.
I’ve seen a few for sale that were built into the early ’80’s…
When I was a kid, my parents went out to purchase a car, initially they came home with a pea green Chrysler wagon, I really have no clue as to the model – but – I know it wasn’t the Volare rather MUCH bigger in size. They only had that car for 24-48 hours, not sure the reasoning behind it being at our house (I was only 4-5 years old at the time), but it went away shortly after being acquired.
If I had to guess, the dealership may have “rolled” the car absent full credit approval, my parents where high credit score types in those days, but regardless of the “why” it went back, the return trip was in a Baby Powder Blue Mercury Monarch with contrasting dark blue vinyl roof. (And no Torch – it wasn’t a manual!).
Shortly after that purchase, we went Great Adventure in New Jersey ( I think it’s now Six Flags ) and drove through the animal safari wherein a group of monkeys mounted the car in a pseudo sexual guided destruction event whereby they shredded the vinyl roof into long 2-3″ wide strips the length of the roof.
My parents were livid, forget the whole “travel at your own risk” signage at the entrance, they Demanded reparations for the damage to the car, and when they didn’t receive them, proceeded to “glue” and repair the roof using different vinyl repair kits on the market in that era.
Those repairs didn’t last, soon the strips of vinyl would flap in the wind as travel was made in the car. A funny side note, this was the car my parents decided to start enforcing a seatbelt rule, so young me used scissors to cut away the rear passenger lap belt, my mom catching me in the act, but the belt itself already cut nearly halfway through, that being an endearing feature of the car until such time as it burnt to the ground one day as my father drove home from work.
He was fine, the Monarch – totaled.
Oh the memories this site brings back, I’m starting to feel like my membership fee is going towards making me feel old!
-Jason
I remember there being a no vinyl roofs policy at the drive-thru safari at Great Adventure. Maybe implemented because of too many incidents like yours. We once took my mother’s Seville there and we had to take an alternate road that didn’t go through the monkey enclosure but we could see them from the other side of a chain link fence. Another time through a baboon urinated on my dad’s Pontiac wagon.
The monkey always wins.
at least in the instance of my parents!
Summer ’82 we went to a Safari park in Sandusky OH. A camel attempted to eat the passenger side headrest in dad’s Fairmont.
I’ve experienced a real Mercury Monarch with a manual. A friend of mine got one from relatives in Chicago and helped with driving it back. It was a clapped-out 1970s version, with the original Brougham-tastic grille and round headlights. Had the “Ride-Engineered by Mercury” badge in fake chrome on plastic “wood” above the glovebox. It rode like crap on worn-out shocks.
It lasted for a year or two, and then I once again joined in on ferrying back another car — this time an original diesel VW Rabbit. That was a whole other exercise in… patience…