When I first took this job, David and Jason were kind enough and trusting enough to give me near-complete autonomy, as long as I stick to the formula and hit deadlines. And I thank them for it, because it makes this job a lot more fun than if I had to run everything by them. Though the formula is cheap cars, there’s no actual price cap here. If it’s for sale on Craigslist (or Marketplace, or just about anywhere else with an ad I can link to), it’s fair game. Even if – hell, especially if – it has no business being listed for sale on Craigslist.
Yesterday’s choices stuck closely to the formula, two cheap old Toyotas with some questionable aesthetics and dubious mechanicals. I thought the Paseo’s possible oil pressure issues might kill its chances of a win, but apparently not; it took more than eighty percent of the votes. The Camry’s ratty interior and bland driving experience turned a lot more of you off than the chance of throwing a rod. Good for you.
I’d take the Paseo as well. I don’t care one way or another about the fact that it’s a convertible; it’s tiny, and has a stick, and that’s enough for me. Also, I used to work with a woman who drove a black Paseo, and I had an enormous crush on her for a time. It’s not always about the car itself; sometimes it’s about your memories of it.
When I found an F40 for sale on Craigslist, I couldn’t believe my eyes. It has to be the most expensive car I’ve ever seen listed there; it’s like finding a Van Gogh for sale in a Goodwill store. It just doesn’t fit. I knew immediately I had to feature it. But what to put up against it? Our very own Mercedes Streeter had the perfect answer: a Fiero. The two cars have more similarities than you think: both are mid-engined, with close to the same engine displacement; both have five-speed manual gearboxes; both have pop-up headlights and big-ass rear spoilers; neither one has power steering. So what makes one of them cost three hundred and forty-five times more? Let’s check them out and see.
1987 Pontiac Fiero GT – $14,500
Engine/drivetrain: 2.8-liter OHV V6, five-speed manual, RWD
Location: Puyallup, WA
Odometer reading: 81,000 miles
Operational status: Runs and drives great
Pontiac slipped the Fiero past GM’s execs by claiming it was a commuter car, but we all knew different. The first couple of years weren’t anyone’s idea of a sports car, either, but as time went on, it got better. This penultimate production year Fiero GT doesn’t quite have the handling of the last ones, but it’s a lot more fun than the original Iron Duke/four-speed version.
The Fiero’s entire drivetrain and rear suspension is just the front end of a Chevy Citation, moved to the back. The GT model is powered by a “High Output” version of GM’s corporate 2.8-liter V6, sending 140 horsepower through the better-than-you-think Getrag 282 five-speed manual. It still won’t set the world on fire, but it will snap-oversteer with the best of them. This Fiero has only 81,000 miles on it, and is “so much fun to drive,” according to the seller.
This ad has half a dozen photos of the interior, but they’re all of little details. This is the closest we get to an overall interior shot. It’s in pretty good shape, but there are a few flaws: the driver’s seat bolster is worn through, and there are some cracks in the dash. But considering it’s a thirty-eight-year-old GM interior, it looks pretty good. It has a modern touch-screen stereo, which you may or may not think is a good upgrade. The air conditioning doesn’t work; the seller, of course, claims it just needs to be recharged.
The base model Fiero kept the original notchback body design throughout the run, but starting in 1986 the GT got this fastback shape, with rear quarter windows that are exposed on both sides. It’s in great shape; the seller mentions one small paint chip on the roof, but that’s all. They also installed aftermarket LED headlights, which is unfortunate, but at least it’s easy to undo.
1990 Ferrari F40 – $5,000,000
Engine/drivetrain: Twin-turbocharged 2.9-liter DOHC V8, five-speed manual, RWD
Location: Santa Barbara, CA
Odometer reading: 7,000 miles
Operational status: Probably runs fine, but is probably begging for exercise
I honestly don’t quite know where to start with this thing. It’s not even really a car; it’s a celebrity. Not, you know, a Celebrity; like a real celebrity. Like Penn & Teller. And come to think of it, I didn’t know what to say when I met them, either. I’ve never seen a Ferrari F40 up close, let alone sat in one, and I imagine I’d be terrified to drive one. I remember the reviews from back in the day, and everyone said this car was a handful, untameable, not for the faint of heart. It’s the sort of car that’s best enjoyed in poster or model kit form, I think – unless you’ve got a cool five mil sitting around and really want to know what it’s like.
The F40’s engine, visible from the outside under this iconic louvered Lexan rear window, is part of the car’s design. It’s so cool-looking that its performance is almost irrelevant – except that nearly five hundred horsepower will never be irrelevant. It has the power-to-weight ratio of a bottle rocket, and absolutely no driver aids of any kind. Not that anyone has had much chance to be scared by this one; it has only moved four of the six digits on its odometer. I always think that’s a shame. Cars don’t want to sit in climate-controlled storage, even rare Ferraris. They want to be driven.
The seller of this car is not the owner; it’s being sold as part of a bankruptcy settlement. Sucks to be someone, I guess. If you can wait a month, it will be auctioned off by the court, with a starting bid of $2.6 million, or, if you have the means, you can pick it up for a buy-it-now price of five million. For that price, you’d think you would get a stereo, but no; the F40’s only soundtrack is its wailing twin-turbo V8. It does have air conditioning, however.
Outside, it’s pure sex on wheels, the final evolution of the Pininfarina design that started with the 308. It has air intakes and louvers all over, and not a one of them is only there for looks; they all do something. Its most prominent feature is that huge rear wing, of course; because of it, there’s no mistaking an F40 for anything else before or since. You could only get it in red, though a few did later get painted in different colors. It looks great in blue. But I guess a red Ferrari is kind of like “Stairway To Heaven;” yeah, it’s overdone, but it’s so damn good.
I know it’s a silly comparison, and I know it’s a moot point – none of us have five million dollars sitting around to spend on a car. But just imagine you did; would you spend it on the last Ferrari built with the old man’s blessing? And if so, would you dare drive it? Or would you be satisfied with a humble Pontiac, and spend the rest on a vacation home in Monaco?
I voted Ferrari because why not.
However, someone who’s resource allocation, and planning skills, lead to bankruptcy was both responsible for preventive maintenance and couldn’t sell on their own.
If I’m into selling my soul I’d take the Ferrari. The Fiero is not mint, not a ’88 and overpriced not even sole worthy and I’m wearing knock-off Sliders.
“none of us have five million dollars sitting around to spend on a car.”
Speak for yourself, Mark.
I mean, I don’t. And if I did, that would not be what I would by.
There isn’t a world where I would spend $5M on a car, or own $5M worth of cars, but there also isn’t a world where I would ever have that money. By the time I have multiple millions of dollars to my name, I will be retired and content with a fun car (but probably not a Fiero), a daily, a truck, and a motorcycle (maybe 2), along with a nice bicycle and a decent canoe.
I might be a bad judge of value, but I think the F40 is overpriced at $5M, the Fiero is also overpriced, but I don’t think it’s as far off the money.
Ferrari, hands-down. Had the money, I would buy it and drive it home to Wisconsin. If I only had enough money to buy it, I would do so and have it shipped to Wisconsin. And then wait for it to appreciate like we all know it will.
I got to see an F40.driving down Champs-Elysees in Paris in 1998. I did a triple take bc I had never seen one in person before.
I get it is a poster car, though I’ve never been personally super taken by it.
If I want an amazing driving car, I’m looking towards Gordon Murray’s rocket car or a Lotus Elise
Real question… Id like to more elaboration on the story behind how the F40 ended up listed on Craig’s List. I’d think a “buy it now” of $5M on bringatrailer or even ebay autos. Or a Ferrari specific enthusiast “classified” website. Any auto company interested in Ferrari would get huge exposure by having this as a listing
So along with the imaginary $5mil do I also get the imaginary money for insruance and maintenance on this thing? Apples to apples I think the Fiero is overpriced for condition so I’ll use my internet money on the better value F40, even if I could only afford to look at it sit.
With this one, I looked at them each individually and tried to see which one I thought was priced more fairly. That’s a lot of scratch for anything below a pristine showroom quality Fiero, so with paint imperfections, non functional AC, interior that shows it’s 38 years old… I went Ferrari because it seems to be worth the asking price, even if I would never spend 10% of that on it. Mostly because I will never have it.
I could either own the Fiero or let the Ferrari own me…
This is the Ginger or Mary Ann question in automotive form.
In the house, I’d take Mary Ann. In the garage, Ginger. Oh, so lovely Ginger…
Being Gen X, I’ve always seen it as a “Jennifer Marlowe or Bailey Quarters” question.
I miss WKRP. They weren’t afraid to tackle big topics with a lot of great humor. Workplace bombings (Johnny Fever’s “phone cops” paranoia, and the bomb being in the toolbox Johnny used to smash the telephone), religion (when someone asked what God looked like, Bailey answered “she’s Black”), etc. Great show. Very well written.
Amen to all that. On my list of TV laugh attacks, Les Nessman’s report on the turkey promotion is only surpassed by Garrett Morris’ introduction of Buck Henry and Gilda Radner at Lorne Michaels’ party.
+1 for the guests of honor.
Lord and Lady Douchebag…(the best!)
At least it’s not a Mrs Howell question. Right?
BTW I am up for some 2 on 1 garage wrestling with Ginger and Mary Ann.
Of course the Professor needs to build me a time transport machine so I can go back 60+ years…I wonder if Michael J Fox still has that car around?
So the rules for this, is F40 or the Fiero and pocket the difference?
Fiero: use some of that money to install the five-speed/suspension into a Zimmer Quicksilver.
F40 because it has working air con. I’m not going to be sweating.
That was a deal breaker for me too.
Yea, the fiero owner is a liar (just needs a recharge, sure buddy, just needs a tuneup and it’s a $20 part on ebay) so F40 by default.
Fiero, because I’m weird enough about my cars now and I don’t want/need to be $5-million weird.
“It has a modern touch-screen stereo”
That little single-din does look like a modern replacement, but it sure doesn’t look touch-screen. You sure about that?
It probably pops out of the unit and then folds up for display. Not a lot of room for that sort of thing, I’d go for one of those 80’s retro head units.
It has the pop up screen, if you go to the ad you can see a picture with it up and it certainly looks like a touchscreen to me.
ugh, as low as that’s mounted and behind the shifter like that, it must be very difficult to see and use. In this car I think I’d RATHER have actual buttons.
A grossly overrated mid-engined deathtrap with poorly-aged styling that was immediately made obsolete by its competitors and will almost certainly set itself on fire?
Or a Fiero?
See? They’re more alike than you’d think!
If I had $5M lying around, I’d be debt-free, retired and living in a hut on a Caribbean beach. The Fiero would be parked next to a Samurai, as I will no longer be in any hurry.
I’d use some of the money to add a gated shifter to the Fiero just for the hell of it.
Caribbean huts have horrible wifi and the starlink antenna keeps getting blown over so you’re not missing much.
Good! I don’t wanna know what’s happening. 🙂
Let see a car that is obtainable and I would not feel bad driving it? Or car I would have to sell my family’s souls to Satan to be able to afford it and would be to afraid to drive it let alone see the insurance on it? Also I love these year GT Fiero’s only thing missing is T-tops and a 3800 sc swap hah
Going with the Ferrari, But will wait for the auction and bid on it. Who knows, could end up saving a cool Mil or so and then go shop for a better Fiero.
I’ll take the Ferrari and call every Viper owner a wimp.
People saying the Fieo is over priced, its only a little bit over what GT’s are going for these days. Yes ac is not working, these cars are basic 80’s GM, the AC is pretty easy to fix. Besides if I got it I’d drop in a L32 3.4 L out of a Camero/Firebird. Offer 12k and settle at 12,500 and you got a nice project car.
5mil for a car? FUCK NO!
Great Fiero, but c’mon man, FFucking 40!!!
Why do you think no one here have 5 million to buy this?
That’s true for me, probably for anyone else too, but I bet it is not true for Beau.
There is about a snowball’s chance in Hades I would ever spend $5,000,000 on that F40. The interior is crap. It looks horribly uncomfortable. It probably isn’t very reliable. It doesn’t even have a radio. The court-ordered sale is weird. Sure, it looks great and is objectively a cool vehicle, but that is only worth maybe $1.5 million to me.
If I had $5,000,000 to spend on a car, I would go with either a Chiron or an Aston Martin Valkyrie. I want luxury with my performance. Some of you are going to say I could better use this money to “feed the poor” or “house the homeless” or some other hippy stuff, but that ain’t gonna happen. In the event someone hands me $5,000,000, I’m blowing at least $4,000,000 on a car or cars and saving the other $1,000,000 to live off of (taxes, you say? yeah right… there are no taxes where my holding companies are incorporated).
So I voted for the Fiero. I don’t want either for the prices they are asking, but if I am going to light a pile of money on fire, I will light the smaller pile.
And again, seriously $5 million for that??
I like your plan, but I’d say keep 2million to live off of. I’m assuming you’re planning on living off the interest, and 1M doesn’t get you what it used to. Plus, with 3M in cars, and you sound like a guy that’s going to drive them, you’re going to need to be doing some oil changes.
Keeping at least 2 million to live on is a good idea. It is hard to know what I would actually buy if I were handed $5,000,000 tax free, but I think I would start with a Veyron and a Huracan Sterrato. I figure both could be purchased for around $2 million total (I want cars to drive – rougher examples of both would be ideal). I would keep a few hundred thousand in a high yield savings account to cover maintenance and insurance. I could always add a third vehicle to the fleet if it ends up being cheaper than expected.
Not like that is ever going to happen, of course. I just like seeing supercars when I get the chance.
For purposes of this particular challenge, I’ll take the Fiero. Even with ludicrous amounts of f*#!-you money, I just can’t spend that much on a single car — so the Ferarri isn’t it. Besides, I’m more of a Lambo person. Sorry/not sorry.
Realistically, I’d buy the much less expensive and nicer Corsica LTZ on Craigslist from a few weeks ago and use it to embarrass the Fiero. Sorry/not sorry as well. 😛
Pretty sure that red car is a Lambo.
(sorry, someone had to)
My imaginary money goes to the F40. It’s the only Ferrari I’ve ever had any desire to own and used to have a poster on my wall. Someone would be paid to teach me to drive it, I’d get my knee replaced, and it would be driven multiple times a week.
Going Fiero here, because I can’t stand the snobbery that comes with Ferraris.