Spoiler Alert: 1986 Ford Thunderbird vs 1991 Pontiac Grand Am

It’s not uncommon for an auto manufacturer to alter a car’s appearance by just adding stuff onto the bodywork, nor is it uncommon for the aftermarket to step in and add stuff if the manufacturer decides not to. Today’s cars don’t have a whole lot in common, but they do share one feature: a big-ass rear spoiler. One came with it from the factory, and one had it added on later.

On Friday, we looked at two fun little cars with different functions, but the same spirit. There was a lot of love for both of them in the comments, and you all seemed to agree there was no bad choice. But in the end, “Miata Is Always The Answer” remains true.

I’d be happy with either of them, but as a couple of commenters pointed out, a good Miata is still not that hard to find, even if they aren’t as cheap as they once were. This one is a good deal, but not a great one, and if I wanted another Miata I think I might keep shopping. But when was the last time you saw a decent two-door soft-top Tracker for sale? I think if presented with these two options, I’d leave with the Tracker, just because of the novelty of it.

Generally speaking, I prefer most cars in their base trim, without all the spoilers and cladding and ground effects of the higher trims. Most of them look better that way. But I also have a weakness for completely pointless rear spoilers, and for cheesy aftermarket “body kits.” For your amusement and consideration today, I have a couple of two-door coupes that have absolutely no need of any potential extra downforce from their rear spoilers, whichever way they obtained them. Let’s check them out.

1986 Ford Thunderbird Turbo Coupe – $4,200

Engine/drivetrain: Turbocharged 2.3 liter OHC inline 4, five-speed manual, RWD

Location: Berea, OH

Odometer reading: 41,000 miles (but odometer is broken, so not accurate)

Operational status: Runs and drives, but needs cooling system work

In the 1980s, turbocharging was all the rage. Ford went all-in on a turbocharged variant of its 2.3 liter four-cylinder, and offered it basically across the board in Fox-body cars. The newly-restyled 1983 Thunderbird put an emphasis on sporty driving instead of luxury like the previous generation, and the turbocharged engine fit that mission perfectly. It even came with a manual transmission, which hadn’t been seen in a Thunderbird in years.

This is the non-intercooled version of the 2.3 turbo, making only 155 horsepower, which is sadly still a little more than the V8 available in other models. The transmission is a Borg-Warner T5 five-speed, and the rear axle has a limited-slip differential. This one has been sitting a while, and the seller has done quite a lot of work to wake it up, but the cooling system still needs attention before you drive it too far. At the minimum, new hoses and a radiator flush are necessary.

You won’t find a velour bench seat or a column-mounted gearshift in this car like you might expect; instead, this car has nice leather bucket seats with lots of adjustments, and all the power doodads the ’80s had to offer. The seller says the power windows don’t work, which is probably why the driver’s side door panel is off. The odometer has stopped, so the seller doesn’t know how many miles are actually on it, but with a car this old it really doesn’t matter.

Outside, it’s faded unevenly, like it was parked outside in the same spot for a long time. All the black plastic is now gray, and the paint has seen better days. It has an aftermarket body kit including front and rear spoilers, headlight covers (though it looks like one is missing), and a truly hideous grille insert. But if it really does only have forty-something miles on it, and it sat for a long time, there’s a good chance it isn’t rusty underneath.

1991 Pontiac Grand Am LE – $2,995

Engine/drivetrain: 2.5 liter OHV inline 4, three-speed automatic, FWD

Location: Wadsworth, OH

Odometer reading: 77,000 miles

Operational status: Runs and drives well

If you’re going to call yourself GM’s “Excitement Division,” you had better deliver. Pontiac talked a good game, and had a few certified bangers in the performance department, but it also made a whole lot of ordinary cars that weren’t particularly exciting at all. The N-body Grand Am was available with a turbocharged engine and Oldsmobile’s twin-cam Quad 4 at various times, but most of them settled for significantly less. This one is equipped exactly like the driver’s ed cars at my high school.

Pontiac’s “Iron Duke” inline 4 has its roots back in the 1970s, first in the rear-wheel-drive Sunbird, but eventually found in Jeeps, pickups, Firebirds, and Camaros too–not to mention a hundred thousand postal vans. In the ’80s, it was turned sideways for FWD use, given throttle-body fuel injection, and renamed the Tech IV. Nobody loves this engine, but millions of drivers relied on it for decades, and it rarely let anyone down. As is nearly always the case, this one is bolted to an automatic transmission. It runs just fine, and the seller just had a new battery put in.

With a GM car from this era, when you open the door, there are no surprises. The color palette may vary, but if you have ever spent any time in one, you know exactly how this car’s interior feels, sounds, and smells. This one is in nice condition, as you would hope from its low mileage. It’s a pretty basic Grand Am, without power windows or locks, but that’s just fewer things to go wrong. It does have air conditioning, but it “needs a charge.”

This was originally a Kentucky car, and the seller hasn’t driven it in the winter since purchasing it, so it’s unlikely there’s any rust hiding under that trademark Pontiac plastic body cladding. Pontiac was in its monochrome era in 1991, so the cladding is the same color as the paint, unlike earlier two-tone Grand Ams. The grille doesn’t match, however; it looks like a replacement from a junkyard. A can of white touch-up paint would make it look a whole lot better.

Some cars, like the Ferrari F40 or the Plymouth Superbird, need their gigantic rear spoilers for stability at speed, but I think a Thunderbird and a Grand Am could get along without them just fine. But would they still feel the same? Would I still have singled out these two cars from the sea of ads on Craigslist and brought them to your attention? Who knows? All I know is it’s now up to you to choose between the kinda-high-performance car with the aftermarket spoiler, or the rental-spec car cosplaying as the sporty version.