It’s not uncommon for an auto manufacturer to alter a car’s appearance by just adding stuff onto the bodywork, nor is it uncommon for the aftermarket to step in and add stuff if the manufacturer decides not to. Today’s cars don’t have a whole lot in common, but they do share one feature: a big-ass rear spoiler. One came with it from the factory, and one had it added on later.
On Friday, we looked at two fun little cars with different functions, but the same spirit. There was a lot of love for both of them in the comments, and you all seemed to agree there was no bad choice. But in the end, “Miata Is Always The Answer” remains true.
I’d be happy with either of them, but as a couple of commenters pointed out, a good Miata is still not that hard to find, even if they aren’t as cheap as they once were. This one is a good deal, but not a great one, and if I wanted another Miata I think I might keep shopping. But when was the last time you saw a decent two-door soft-top Tracker for sale? I think if presented with these two options, I’d leave with the Tracker, just because of the novelty of it.
Generally speaking, I prefer most cars in their base trim, without all the spoilers and cladding and ground effects of the higher trims. Most of them look better that way. But I also have a weakness for completely pointless rear spoilers, and for cheesy aftermarket “body kits.” For your amusement and consideration today, I have a couple of two-door coupes that have absolutely no need of any potential extra downforce from their rear spoilers, whichever way they obtained them. Let’s check them out.
1986 Ford Thunderbird Turbo Coupe – $4,200
Engine/drivetrain: Turbocharged 2.3 liter OHC inline 4, five-speed manual, RWD
Location: Berea, OH
Odometer reading: 41,000 miles (but odometer is broken, so not accurate)
Operational status: Runs and drives, but needs cooling system work
In the 1980s, turbocharging was all the rage. Ford went all-in on a turbocharged variant of its 2.3 liter four-cylinder, and offered it basically across the board in Fox-body cars. The newly-restyled 1983 Thunderbird put an emphasis on sporty driving instead of luxury like the previous generation, and the turbocharged engine fit that mission perfectly. It even came with a manual transmission, which hadn’t been seen in a Thunderbird in years.
This is the non-intercooled version of the 2.3 turbo, making only 155 horsepower, which is sadly still a little more than the V8 available in other models. The transmission is a Borg-Warner T5 five-speed, and the rear axle has a limited-slip differential. This one has been sitting a while, and the seller has done quite a lot of work to wake it up, but the cooling system still needs attention before you drive it too far. At the minimum, new hoses and a radiator flush are necessary.
You won’t find a velour bench seat or a column-mounted gearshift in this car like you might expect; instead, this car has nice leather bucket seats with lots of adjustments, and all the power doodads the ’80s had to offer. The seller says the power windows don’t work, which is probably why the driver’s side door panel is off. The odometer has stopped, so the seller doesn’t know how many miles are actually on it, but with a car this old it really doesn’t matter.
Outside, it’s faded unevenly, like it was parked outside in the same spot for a long time. All the black plastic is now gray, and the paint has seen better days. It has an aftermarket body kit including front and rear spoilers, headlight covers (though it looks like one is missing), and a truly hideous grille insert. But if it really does only have forty-something miles on it, and it sat for a long time, there’s a good chance it isn’t rusty underneath.
1991 Pontiac Grand Am LE – $2,995
Engine/drivetrain: 2.5 liter OHV inline 4, three-speed automatic, FWD
Location: Wadsworth, OH
Odometer reading: 77,000 miles
Operational status: Runs and drives well
If you’re going to call yourself GM’s “Excitement Division,” you had better deliver. Pontiac talked a good game, and had a few certified bangers in the performance department, but it also made a whole lot of ordinary cars that weren’t particularly exciting at all. The N-body Grand Am was available with a turbocharged engine and Oldsmobile’s twin-cam Quad 4 at various times, but most of them settled for significantly less. This one is equipped exactly like the driver’s ed cars at my high school.
Pontiac’s “Iron Duke” inline 4 has its roots back in the 1970s, first in the rear-wheel-drive Sunbird, but eventually found in Jeeps, pickups, Firebirds, and Camaros too–not to mention a hundred thousand postal vans. In the ’80s, it was turned sideways for FWD use, given throttle-body fuel injection, and renamed the Tech IV. Nobody loves this engine, but millions of drivers relied on it for decades, and it rarely let anyone down. As is nearly always the case, this one is bolted to an automatic transmission. It runs just fine, and the seller just had a new battery put in.
With a GM car from this era, when you open the door, there are no surprises. The color palette may vary, but if you have ever spent any time in one, you know exactly how this car’s interior feels, sounds, and smells. This one is in nice condition, as you would hope from its low mileage. It’s a pretty basic Grand Am, without power windows or locks, but that’s just fewer things to go wrong. It does have air conditioning, but it “needs a charge.”
This was originally a Kentucky car, and the seller hasn’t driven it in the winter since purchasing it, so it’s unlikely there’s any rust hiding under that trademark Pontiac plastic body cladding. Pontiac was in its monochrome era in 1991, so the cladding is the same color as the paint, unlike earlier two-tone Grand Ams. The grille doesn’t match, however; it looks like a replacement from a junkyard. A can of white touch-up paint would make it look a whole lot better.
Some cars, like the Ferrari F40 or the Plymouth Superbird, need their gigantic rear spoilers for stability at speed, but I think a Thunderbird and a Grand Am could get along without them just fine. But would they still feel the same? Would I still have singled out these two cars from the sea of ads on Craigslist and brought them to your attention? Who knows? All I know is it’s now up to you to choose between the kinda-high-performance car with the aftermarket spoiler, or the rental-spec car cosplaying as the sporty version.
When I saw the new aero Thunderbird, the first thing that jumped out was the massive overhang in the front and shortish wheelbase. It’s as if the car had longitudal-mounted engine ahead of the transaxle and front-wheel-drive, a.k.a. Audi and Renault.
I don’t want to work on either of these, so I picked the one that I’d have to do the least work on.
Maybe it’s my age, but I loved the Pontiacs of the late 80s through the brand’s unnecessary demise in the early aughts. (Seriously, both Oldsmobile and Pontiac looked far better than Buick. But Boomers always win, I guess…)
This wouldn’t be my first choice: a late Grand Prix with the 3800 is where it’s at. Or any of the stick shift Grand Ams. But I still like the style on this one enough to give it my vote.
Also, I have a lot more confidence in wrenching on an Iron Dookie than a finicky turbo.
If the ‘Bird had a V8, or even a V6, maybe I go for that, but not a turbo 4 of that era.
RWD / Stick for the win.
Grand Am…I miss Pontiac! Plus it’s not Fix Or Repair Daily/Found On Road Dead ugly junk w/ a lot of negatives. That Pontiac will run badly longer than other cars will run at all…too bad about the auto…maybe I’ll manual swap (if possible)
IF the Grand Am was manual AND had the Quad4, it’s a tossup. Without either of those the T-chicken wins.
I was actually excited to choose among these two…then I read their stories. Ehhhhhh. But there’s no easy way out…you must choose one, that’s the rules of the game. So I guess I’ll go with the Grandma Am, only because there will be less misery at the onset.
If I knew how to do an engine swap I’d find a junkyard V8 for the Bird (worked with someone who had the equivalent Cougar with that engine, it wasn’t bad).
But I don’t, so I chose the boring and slow and ugly, but probably reliable enough… I can’t believe I’m typing this, I could never stand those stupid things, couldn’t understand why anyone got suckered into buying them. Ugh.
grandam. There I said it. Think I’ll at least wash my hands.
Did a little digging and my pal’s Cougar had to have been a 1987, since that was the first of the 6th-gens to offer a V8 rather than the turbo 2.3.
On something that old, how hard could it be? A trip to the University of YouTube and a soupcon of grim determination and you’ll be rolling in no time, for sure!
I appreciate your support.
De niente. Maybe some kind of straight six?
I’ll take the T-Bird and swap in an 2.3 Ecoboost
Find a Pinto or Bobcat so you can swap the turbo engine and transmission from the T-bird in there
Or a second generation Mustang
I’ve always thought that the proportions in this T-bird were all wrong. Massive front and rear overhangs, too short wheelbase, tiny windshield, too long, too narrow. At least it is RWD and a manual to give it a narrow margin of desirability over a better design with an awful powertrain.
Even though it isn’t the intercooled Turbo Coupe or later SC, this T-Bird is still actually worth putting in some money and effort. The Grand Am, not so much.
I want to pretend im Bill Elliott so thunderbird
Gotta pass on these, though I did recently thing about how the Grand Am was so ubiquitous when I was growing up… it seemed like half the girls in my high school drove them… but you almost never see them as often as the ’90s Grand Prixs or Park Avenues or whatever nowadays. That Tech 4 theoretically runs forever (my TBI Iron Duke is still chugging along), so I can only assume it’s the entire rest of the car falling apart.
The T-bird, as so many have said, is outrageously overpriced, and I’d only really be interested in the drivetrain to put in something smaller.
Thunderbird. If the 2.3 Turbo is easy to get into good working order it’s plenty, and if not, a V8 drops in.
An ’86 4-door Grand Am with this powertrain was my first car, and it basically sucked. OTOH, that T-bird looks hideous, and why would I spend more for a car that needs mechanical *and* cosmetic work?
I’d take the Pontiac, spend a week or a month feeding the nostalgia, and then pass it along.
Thought I’d be picking the T-bird with stick but nope…Sitting for a while, cooling system problems, broken power windows…and over 4 grand.
So I’ll take that Grand Am for less and just drive it until it throws a major CEL. Bummer about the AC though.
Aw! C’mon! Turbos are known to run just fine with cooling problems after sitting awhile! /s
Colling system problems = blown head gasket, which is probably why it was parked.
Turbo Coupe, and it’s not even close. That’s a cool “Day 2” car with the period mods. I know these (and their sister Cougar XR7s) very well. Funny to see that people are still having issues with bad window motors on these over 20 years after I had the same issues with my own cars! They all go bad. Every. Single. One.
If that Grand Am was a Quad 4-powered example with the 5-speed, it would be a toss-up, because those were fun cars with an edge. But this is an Iron Duke-powered car with the lethargic automatic. Having spent significant time in these things growing up, I can assure you that Pontiac forgot the “Excitement” when they built these.