I’m here in New Rochelle, NY – which happens to be the city where I spent the first two years of my life and yet, somehow, there’s not a plaque about that to be found anywhere – and boy am I exhausted. The drive from Chapel Hill, NC to the New York City area was only supposed to take like eight, eight and half hours or so, and yet I found myself rolling into town, what, 15 hours later? How did this happen?
You know what, though? I think I’m just going to be happy I was able to roll into town at all, considering everything about this 375,000-mile taxi. It made it! That’s a victory, a colossal victory over every rational impulse and thought I had about this steaming yellow heap when I first saw it. I get the feeling that this taxi is still very much an old-school New Yorker at heart, determined and unflappable, continuing to drive when by all rights it should have been freed of this mortal ignition coil long ago. It’s keeping going seemingly out of spite, and I respect that.
[Ed note:It was such a crazy delight to see Jason and Otto show up last night. It was also incredible to see hardcore fans still show up at the Taxi Depot last night. My favorite thing about this story is that, by buying a car that probably shouldn’t have had a second life, we’re able to do this incredible and unlikely journey. There’s a huge amount of freedom in an $800 taxi bought on Copart. – MH]
The day started on kind of a worrying note; my half – perhaps even quarter – assed fix to the air conditioning failed almost immediately, because of course it did. I rigged it up using alligator clips with wires designed to carry the cumulative energy of a good belch, not 14 volts from a car alternator , in a hot engine bay environment. Of course they failed.
That’s also when I realized just how much I didn’t want the A/C to fail; despite my insistence that I’m not someone who needs a lot of automotive comfort, it’s hot and humid and miserable out here, and this NV200 taxi is not a car designed to not have air conditioning, really. It’s not like a Citroën 2CV with a top that rolls open like a sardine can and all sorts of vent flaps – it’s a product of a climate-controlled era. The back is especially bad, basically a sealed box with two little tiny rectangular windows, and that’s it for outside ventilation. And my kid was back there!
In additon to the need for A/C dawning on me, I also felt some strange hesitation and missing while accelerating, a stuttering, pulsating effect that isn’t really something one associates with cars that, you know, want to be driven across country. The dash of the taxi was lit up like Las Vegas with pretty much every warning light on, but years of intensive shitbox driving have given me a preturnatural ability to ignore things like that.
Still, that check engine light did start to flash, and that’s when I remembered I forgot my OBD reader on my workbench. Happily, a different, better kind of reader – an Autopian reader named Jay – emailed me and told me he may have an OBD reader, or know where I can get one, so he met me in front of an auto parts store.
I ended up just buying a reader, and got these two codes:
P2081 and P0546, both of which had to do with the Exhaust Gas Temperature sensor. Could that be causing my hesitation and missing, somehow? I’m not sure, and I wasn’t really ready to deal with that, so I worked on what felt much, much more important: getting the damn A/C to work. It’s hot as hell and humid as heaven out here.
Oh, and by the way, the shape of that reader sure looked like it could have been some kind of novelty Batman-shaped tamagotchi or something:
The switch is because I was told I shouldn’t leave the compressor clutch engaged all the time, and there was already a convenient hole on the hood where the taxi medallion used to reside, so I just shoved the switch in there, and I think a random toggle switch on a car’s hood lends a certain rakish charm to things:
Jay gave Otto and I some cold beverages and was a real supportive pal, so thank you, Jay!
Otto and I set off into the world again, leaving Richmond and heading into DC, happily with air conditioning! Well, for now.
Before we got on the highway, a very peculiar Volkswagen Thing caught my eye:
What the hell was going on here, with that framework setup? A second story? I’ll have to revisit this later.
We got on the road, and then hit some absurd traffic around DC, which wasn’t too unexpected, but was made vastly worse because the A/C stopped working again. It was absolute torture, creeping along at 5 mph in the sweltering heat, time slipping away just like all my body’s fluids, via sweat that formed a waterfall down my spine.
Otto was a good sport about it, but I know he was sweltering back there, too. Oh, and it was also raining, which made me realize that my wiper blades were hot garbage, which I didn’t think to check because, remember, I’m an idiot.
Finally, finally, finally, we made it out of traffic, and I could get to an exit where we could eat and I could assess the A/C situation. Unsurprisingly, one of the wires got loose and rubbed against a spinning something, severing it. To really fix it, I’d have to roll under the car. But the ground was full of filthy puddles and I was already hot and miserable, so I thought, screw it, and fixed it like this:
Yes, the wire runs from where I could grab it under the car, then outside, over the bumper, and back in. I stand by this fix! Under the hood is full of hot, oily, sharp, spinny things! Outside the hood is the whole beautiful world! With sun and wombats and beautiful people! More importantly, the A/C worked again.
I even made improvements to the vent system up front, which had lost its directional vanes long ago. This top 1/3rd of a water bottle made a fine directed jet of sweet, sweet conditioned air.
On we drove. I saw someone who I thought was so into themselves they needed a whole truck for their ego:
…but then I saw it was their super ego, so they must be really freaking moral.
We went by our Nation’s strategic reserves of what I assume is puréed crabmeat:
And we blasted through tiled tunnels, like long, glorious bathrooms:
Over bridges the little taxi went on, mostly fine at speed, stuttering a bit under harder throttle:
I also saw this guy, who I guess had a lot of ladders:
That’s what, ten, a dozen ladders? And a wheelbarrow? I mean, it’s cool, I just can’t help but think I’d like to have seen more ladders.
Eventually, we did make it to New Rochelle to meet up with Mat and Griffin, and I, exhausted, fell asleep. Otto seems in good spirits overall, too.
Oh, if you’re curious how much it costs to drive in a NYC taxi from Chapel Hill to New Rochelle, check this out:
It rolls over at $999.99 so I had to add the thousands digit: $2,780.50, not counting tip. Taxis may not be the economic choice for long-distance travelers, I’m realizing.
I wonder if Otto is good for it? He better be.
it’s HOT, Sweltering, Humid and terrible. yet Otto in the back of a metal box wearing long pants, a jacket and a winter hat? What shenanigans going on here?
Teenagers, that’s the shenanigans. I say that as a dad of a teenage boy in Las Vegas that wears a sweatshirt year-round.
Teenage girls dressed like that in high school in the 80s. Or they wore big Benetton sweaters.
My kids are the same way. I can’t dress like that unless it’s about 10 degrees out, but come summertime they will be wearing all of that and sitting under a blanket while I’m in shorts and a t-shirt in an air conditioned house with a ceiling fan on, barely clinging to comfort.
Turn the AC OFF go outside leave a nannycam they will drop the extra clothes
Meanwhile, in December, they will insist on wearing shorts, sandals, and a tank top to shovel snow off the front sidewalk.
He will wear the shorts and sandals, but still have the sweatshirt on to go play in snow when we go back to Utah or Idaho to visit family.
You can get them to do manual labor in inclement weather? Impressive.
The antithesis to stories about the latest 1200 HP supercar snoozefest.
How long until Mercedes (either) is putting switches on the hood?
Is interior/exterior/interior wiring a new trend?
Water bottle hacks: not just for Teslas!
How high will Otto’s bill get? That’s a lot of lawns to mow.
When I obtained a ’64 VW Baha bug really cheap, I fixed some wiring by running it though the firewall over the rear seat to the engine through an existing rust hole which is somehow better? than running it on the exterior?
This is already better than most of the participants in Cannonball Run 2.
I realized looking at the pics for this one that we’re watching Otto grow up in your articles. I remember him being just a ‘lil guy in stories on the old site. Thanks Torch. Always enjoy your writing.
“Will It Baby” doesn’t seem that long ago.
“Will it teenager?”
…whatever Dad…
So, just to make sure I read this right, a trip in a NYC taxi took far longer than expected, was horrifically uncomfortable, and cost a lot of money. Yeah, that seems about right…
“Moving me down the highway
Rolling me down the highway
Moving ahead so life won’t pass me by!”
He ain’t no bad,bad, Leroy Brown, nor Rapid Roy(the stock car boy)
But he’s got a name, and dang if didn’t save cool in a bottle.
The Traveling Torchinskys!
The rollback roof might be a bodge fix for the AC dysfunction in keeping with the good enough theme. A HF death wheel, tarps, hd floor mats, some floor vent diffusers for ram air intake, clamps and bungees. Give Mercedes’ a call for tips. She has prior experience.
I’m looking at the vent modifications and wondering is there is a way to extend that to make a crotch cooler…
It’s the amps, not the volts that kill that AC wiring. Hope it keeps working for you.
That vent modification is brilliant!
I mean … and engine heat and spinning things. Zip ties are your friend here. Shitbox wiring doesn’t have to be tidy, it just has to be zip tied to something.
The masking tape rather than duct tape had me laughing. And removable blue type masking tape, on top of it.
I was also a bit in awe. Painter’s tape: The most hyper-specific type of tape ever made, utterly useless in any other application.
Electrical tape says “Hold my beer”
Huh? I use it all the time. It’s stretchy and fireproof!
https://saganelectric.com/blog/electrical-tape-guide-everything-you-need/
and only sticks to itself. Stupid black tape…mutter mutter
Ummm, wrong. Get some super 88+, it will change your life.
Yes, real 3M super 88 tape. If you’re buying electrical tape at Harbor Freight, you’re doing it wrong.
I’d go with aluminum tape. It’s not terribly strong mechanically and doesn’t stretch worth a damn, but it stays stuck forever and is impervious to heat and the elements. I’ve had pieces covering small holes in the roof of my car (places to mount a roof rack) for several years, and it’s still going strong. It’s made for sealing furnace/HVAC.
Trying to plug up gaps in a door jamb in a hurricane, I say to my friend, the homeowner, “you got some duct tape?” “Yeah!” she says. And hands me a roll of blue painters tape. “Oh. Ok.” Turns out it works ok if you roll lengths of tape into a snake and use it as a physical barrier, ignoring any adhesive properties.
-This non-sequitur brought to you by The Matts.
“…Something” – that isn’t a spinning thing – this might seem obvious, but considering his other solutions – maybe not!
Vans are truly the superior workwagon.
This is why I come back day after day.
So far this thing has sprouted a toggle switch on the hood, a water bottle spout on a vent, and a random wire that comes out and goes back in. In one day! Imagine how it will look by the end!
And it isn’t any better. GOLD
This is glorious!
No substitute for working air conditioning. Except a swamp cooler. But that works only in hot desert climates where the humidity is 5% or some other super low number.
Akshuly, do an experiment once crossing the desert. Which is more comfortable, air conditioning or a swamp cooler?
Yeah, here in Chapel Hill, NC yesterday it was NOT 5% humidity 🙂
The East Coast is not great for swamp coolers, as it’s already a swamp.
Yeah so is my crotch you just have to deal with it.
I know it’s not in the spirit of things here but how much more trouble could it have been to repair the A/C harness the right way in the first place?
Yeah, but no editorial value in correct repairs.
Especially since it would probably been quick and easier to fix it correctly following the directions I gave the other day.
From the pic I saw it just looked like some melted wires, maybe a connector. It sounds like it also just needs a thermal or clutch cycling switch, which I would think the dealer would have.
Look, the story’s going to be good either way, it just seems like A/C would be high on the list of things you’d want working properly. After all they did source some parts for it already so it’s not like they were against spending a few dollars.
Yeah what I saw was melted wires, which of course could have popped the fuse, which I never read anything about actually checking that. Oh well, why fix it once, when you can be miserable, generate more content, spend more time and money with the Torchy method.
In a parking lot?
No. His initial janky fix was done at his house before he ever left for NYC. That would have been the time to fix it properly. Granted he was pressed for time, but I don’t see this solution making it the whole trip.
Since you had to ask you clearly need instructions here
Matt and Griffin don’t get to complain about your a/c fixes since it must be tempting to just run the experiment to see how hot it has to get in there before Otto takes the winter hat off.
Also; Matt lives in the same ‘burb as Dick Van Dyke, or at least his character in the ’60s famous for tripping in the intro? For some reason I thought Hardibro was further upstate.
I thought the exact same thing.
Pretty bad when the water bottle air director is the least janky repair.
Don’t beat yourself up. No sane person would check to see if a car has functioning wipers or is capable of maintaining 40 mph before driving 500 miles.
So funny story. My old car has 3 different size wiper blades. The driver’s windshield wiper is the only one that’s a normal size. The passenger windshield wiper and the rear wiper are both oddball sizes that are hard to find. But they combine into a normal size. So I buy a wiper, pull the rubber out, cut it in two, and use it to replace the rubber in both the passenger and rear wipers.
On the first day of a two-week-long road trip we discovered my latest attempt at this had failed. When using the wipers, the rubber would slowly come out of the passenger side wiper. It was raining hard by the time we discovered this. We were also in a rural area. I stopped at multiple auto parts stores in about 3 different exits over the course of an hour before finally finding a wiper that would work.
I hate vehicles with different size blades. Well at least on the windshield, I understand that rears are going to be smaller. On my lightly used trucks, which do use the same size, they get one new blade per year. That goes on the driver’s side and the 1 year old one replaces the 2 year old one on the passenger side.
The blades sizes are a suggestion. If you have a car needs a 16 inch blade you can use an 18 or needs an 18 a 26 will do. Each inch difference is only half an inch. And if you need a wiper use it.
While you certainly can downsize your blade size but sizing up may or may not be possible. When I purchased my van the state mechanic had put on 16’s even though the listings state 20. I can just fit 22’s on it. On my daily driver it all depends on the brand. I tried a different brand in the same sizes as the previous brand and they ran into each other. Looking up that brand’s number and they called out for a 1″ shorter driver’s side. On the passenger side going up would cause interference with the driver’s side and the window frame.
I’m guessing it’s one of the oddballs that has like a 26″ driver’s side one, a 13″ passenger’s side one, and probably a 10-13″ (13″ from your description) rear one.
26″ driver’s side, 14″ passenger, and 8″ rear. I buy 26″ and 22″ wiper blades. I use the 26″ blades but cut the rubber from the 22″ blades down to 14″ and 8″ sections.
My ’11 Fit’s are 28” and 14” for the front!
I have beam style wipers and just buy the rubber wiper blade material itself in a spool and cut it to size. First thing I replaced on the car as I find the beam wipers to be better and easier to deal with.
I think they’re “Aero” branded?
The fact that most local stores only sell complete wiper kits and not just the refills makes me sad. Such a waste most of the time. Especially since the majority of cars I’ve had lately (imports) seem to have different sized wipers for everything.
I need one of these taxis to keep my kids behind the glass or my dogs jumping all around the car. Safe travels!
Great update, it’s so cool that you’re basically taking a road trip for the summer with your kid, across the country. Yes the car part is cool but just the whole vibe of taking a couple weeks as father and son on this adventure is awesome, making memories!
“I rigged it up using alligator clips with wires designed to carry the cumulative energy of a good belch, not 14 volts from a car radiator.”
Yeah, it’s difficult for even a trained mechanic to get 14 volts from a car radiator!
Yeah, the highest I’ve ever seen is about 3v and that was some seriously old and dirty coolant.
Is it Ray D Ator or Rad e Ator?
How in the heck do you convince Otto to go on these adventures? I can’t get my 12-year-old son to ride in a car for more than 20 minutes without bitter complaint.
Alligator clips aren’t just for holding roaches & making janky electrical repairs – they can also be used for behavior modification!
Yes as nipple clamps.
You’re why I want a block button.
Yup, so sick of this fool’s completely gibberish nonsense
and there’s just so much of it!
It is simple. You lay down a track of video games from the refrigerator to the car. Once he climbs in shut the door and go. He entered of his own free will.
After seeing the “wiring fixes” for the A/C, I am now convinced that it was indeed Jason who wired the Citroën 2CV!!! 😉 ( Just kidding!)
Anyway, stay safe guys, these blog updates are very entertaining!
Very impressive work with the switch through the hood and the wire around the outside of the bumper. That is genius level half-asserey right there!
I see those Super Ego trucks a lot. I’m glad I’m not the only person who thinks they’re funny.
Same here. In fact, after reading this latest stream-of-(semi?)consciousness from Torch’s heat-addled grey matter, I’ve come to the ominous conclusion that I think in the same ways he does. But I gave up being concerned long ago. Great minds don’t suffer from insanity — we revel in it!
As a trucker, I don’t think they are funny. Highly predatory corporate higher ups who force their drivers to do illegal things, and pay them crap.
Sorry to hear it. I will admit that, as a cynic, I tend to assume every trucking company is like that.
I’m sorry to say most are. I’m lucky in i work for a small family company that actually gives a damn for me.
Not ladders, Torch. Scaffolding. Otherwise, what an adventure!! I can’t believe Otto kept his hat on in that heat. Better to look good than feel good, I guess?
Ohhhhhhhhhhh
“It’s not how you feel, it’s how you look. And you LOOK mahvelous!”