As a child of the 1970s and 1980s, I remember the Chrysler K-Cars very well. These were the cars that get the credit for saving Chrysler, and they absolutely deserve that recognition. They were modern, unibody, front-wheel drive designs that significantly updated the Chrysler fleet, and they also formed the basis of the minivans that would soon become a Chrysler icon.
They were also kinda garbage.
I’m not just talking ex recto here; I grew up riding in these cars, in both Dodge Aries and Plymouth Reliant guises, driving them, seeing firsthand just how half-assed these things were, really putting that sub-par in Mopar. They were fairly rational, even boring designs, but they usually seemed to be built with the level of care and precision that your average hamster uses when crafting their sleeping litter.
One of my best friends in high school drove one of these, very much like the one you see above there, but in navy blue. In the mornings, on the way to school, it was unwilling to go more than 25 mph or so until it was damn good and ready, a 15 minute process at best, and once my friend closed the driver’s door and a four-or-so-inch-long screw clattered to the ground and then the door refused to open again.
(Look at that license plate, by the way: DGE481. Dodge for 1981!)
And keep in mind, the car was only about seven years old at the time.
Chrysler seemed oddly fixated on calling the K-Cars six seaters, too, and while that was technically true, as you can see here:
…I don’t think such an encramming would have made anyone happy, least of all the person in the middle of that front seat. I think we sometimes would stick three in the back seat, but I can’t ever recall being cruel enough to shove someone in that front middle seat in any of the K-Cars that were in my general automotive orbit, which was at least three, including one wagon.
Still, you can hear Dodge/Chrysler’s ad people crowing about being a “six-seater” in their commercials:
And yeah, that was Old Blue Eyes, Frank Sinatra, letting everyone know that “America’s not going to be pushed around anymore,” and I bet he followed that up by reminding everyone they better knock it off with this lousy car bunk or it’s ring-a-ding-ding for you jokers. And would it kill you to pick up a check every now and then?
Here’s another ad that reminds you that six people can be crammed in these things:
Yeah, take that Tempo and Topaz! Jerks.
Even the coupés were pushed as being six-seaters!
Man, Chrysler was really hyper-focused on moving around six people at once, weren’t they? Damn.
Some pretty sweet synchronized driving, though.
Anyway, for as dull and poorly equipped as the K-Cars were (early ones didn’t even have rear door windows that would roll down; my friend Jeremy’s blue Aries was like that, and being stuck back there in the summer, frying on those vinyl seats, was hell) there was at least one genuinely clever feature that I never knew about, but I saw on this Malaise Motors Facebook post:
Look at that! That may be the most clever vanity mirror light/map light combination and situation I’ve ever encountered! Is there any other car that used a setup like this?
See what’s going on there? The little light that is usually next to the vanity mirror, inset into the sun viso,r is here also able to be used as a map light, whether the visor is up or down, thanks to a clever hinge-and-swivel mechanism.
It’s hard to find images of this in K-Car brochures, but you can see it described and referenced:
“Swivel feature,” is how it’s economically described in one brochure.
Another calls it an “integral map/reading light,” which is I suppose a reasonable basic description, too, though neither captures the cleverness of the design well enough.
The only really good image of this that I’ve seen, other than that Facebook post, was in this very early viral-ish parody video made in, I think, the early 2000s:
The K-Cars were incredibly, even punishingly basic. This simple and clever little light really, um, shines as an example of clever and unexpected design and engineering in this overall unremarkable context, and I think that’s why I find it so fascinating.
None of the K-Cars I grew up around had one. I wonder what the take rate for these was?
I wonder if that fancy sun visor is a product of The Prince Corporation:
“The Prince Corporation also operated a successful diversification into auto parts by developing sun visors and other interior systems for car manufacturers”
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edgar_Prince
I had an ’83 Aries, the sporty two door version! I don’t think it had that cool map light, I feel like I would remember that. I do remember the massive ashtray with a little slot to hold your pack of smokes, it was great!
Yeah I recall that on the 600 as well, pack of smokes on the way to the party. Don’t throw out those Marlboro empty packs, tho, need the miles for cool stuff!
I never got that pool table or leather jacket before I quit smoking unfortunately.
As wretched as so many of them were, the K-cars had their uses. Lido stretching the K in every direction including up wrought sufficient market presence – especially in the brand-new and uncontested space (read “Blue Water Strategy”) of the minivan segment that Chrysler actually lived on beyond what everyone was certain was its last round in the ring.
When I was in Driver’s Ed in high school (1990), the range fleet consisted of a few Plymouth Volares, a Ford Fairmont, and the two newest cars, a Chevy Cavalier and a Plymouth Reliant. Compared to the Volares and the Fairmont, the Reliant looked like a modern compact, but I was legit shocked when I got behind the wheel for my on-the-road training and the Reliant handled sloppier than the Volares did.
That 1988 Aries LE is the equivalent of $20,173.76 in today’s money. That is actually on the cheap side of things even corrected for inflation but damn, you get a LOT better car for that money these days.
And that Nissan will come with everyone’s favorite transmission a Jatco Xtronic! CVT!
In the same vein: I had a BMW e46, and the glovebox light was also a flashlight you could remove from the car.
Such a cool feature that likely no one ever used. Anyone?
Some GM trucks from the 80’s/90’s had an underhood light that was connected to a long cord so you could use it for light while working around the truck (like a tire change)
My ’89 Suburban had that light. It could reach all the way to the back wheels for tire changes and it also had a handy magnet. I thought it was “the future” and then I never saw another car again with that cool feature.
“really putting that sub-par in Mopar. They were fairly rational, even boring designs, but they usually seemed to be built with the level of care and precision that your average hamster uses when crafting their sleeping litter.”
This is classic Torch writing that keeps me coming back. Impressive speedy recovery from your odyssey! You kept your cool, but I felt the punishment from here.
Still waiting for someone to do a K-car vs Kei car matchup.
We can make that happen. SWG vs Miss Mercedes.
And then learn that states are banning the registration of Aries and Reliants because polititians are that ignorant.
Now I’m surprised this hasn’t happened yet.
Back in college, my then-girlfriend/now-wife drove a blue one that she had inherited from her dad. It’s name was Bertha and she loved it like only a first car could be loved, though clearly not for its capabilities or coolness. I vividly remember spending a miserably cold November morning on campus in central Indiana, filling it with balloons as a prank while she sat in her dorm listening to coverage of the fall of the Berlin wall with her fellow poly-sci majors. I swear I could see it sag from the added weight of those 350 balloons.
One brother inherited a Fiero, and another got the rusted-out Chevette. Her dad was a really great guy who loved his kids, but he definitely knew how to limit their car-based shenanigans when he sent them away to college.
Six-passenger seating was so the driver would have plenty of help pushing when it inevitably vapor locked at the first stop. To be fair they did go to (single-point) EFI at around the time of the ’85 midcycle facelift so later ones were more drivable and less malaise-y.
We had a ’85 Reliant and it was definitely carbureted and it had that map light. But the fun thing about the ’85s was that was the only year that had three bolts, instead of two, on the struts. There was some other single year oddities but it had been thirty years and I can’t remember them all. We also had an ’81 and that year was the only one that had the push down door locks instead of the ones by the handle.
The funniest thing I ever did in the ’81 was I parked it on an ice covered slope and floored it to see how fast I could spin the speedometer. It looped all the way around and back to 100 km/h before the fear of Dad made me stop.
The easiest way to tell an ’85 is the facelift but no CHMSL.
My fault memory also thinks that ’85 was the only year with five lug wheels, but I can’t prove that.
Thank you for clarifying that they were indeed crap at the time, and not just viewed through a modern lens. That’s something we’re all guilty of.
Not to get too political, but this is what happens when an economy willfully or…um…”tarifully” ignores the competition for too long.
I rode in plenty of them, but getting into other 80s cars of the time (Jetta, Maxima, Cressida, Camry, Accord) was like a revelation — at that was just initial quality, to say nothing of long-term reliability.
Lee Iacocca delivered his line wrong when he said “If you can find a better car, buy it!”
In those days of “voluntary” import quotas on Japanese cars leading to their dealers being extra-super-greedy even by car-dealer standards, what ol’ Lido should’ve said under truth in advertising was “If you can find a better car, buy it!”
I remember those years – You could not buy any Honda at any number below MSRP.
It wasn’t greed – it was capitalism.
“It wasn’t greed – it was capitalism.”
That is all one
For the 1981 MY, the AM radio was a $90 option.
Ninety dollars. For an AM radio. No FM way.
What it fails to mention is the speakers were extra.
Ironically the damn things were so cheap that you had to remove the top of the dash and cut out speaker holes with a hole saw. Total crap cars.
If they had one on the lot, I can imagine a salesperson taking about 15 minutes on just that feature, to distract prospective buyers from the general crappiness surrounding them.
I got crammed in the middle front of my aunt Susie’s K-car wagon many times between her and my uncle, as my three cousins were in the back. And to add to the fun. I was a very tall (albeit rail-thin in those days) kid, having hit 6ft in the 8th grade, while my aunt was not. And her wagon, in good Maine fashion, was a *4spd stickshift* with a cranked lever that would be right at home in a pickup truck due to the bench seat.
My great aunt Marge had one too – but hers was an automatic and a fancier one with bucket seats. Marge was what we call a “good Maine woman” warmth in the wintah, shade in the summah, and her wagon had a pronounced lean to the driver’s side…
I spent a decent amount of time in K-Cars and I don’t remember seeing that light. Must have been on the fancy one that had verbal audio warnings.
With the headline I knew you were going to focus on the map light! My employer had a well worn Reliant K wagon as a service vehicle 25 years ago and it was garbage. The steering had a quarter turn of play in it, the digital AM-only radio only received ignition interference, and we kept breaking parts of the interior off and throwing them down the vents. We were all unanimous in the opinion that the map light was the only clever feature of an otherwise terrible vehicle.
I thought you were going to mention the adjustable map lights. I don’t know why Chrysler went through the trouble of making them for these economy cars, but it’s a neat distinguishing feature. My parents really liked their little Reliant wagon until a wayward Mustang sent it off to the scrapyard.
Had a “swanky” red LeBaron for a driver’s ed car, friend’s mom had one, they were everywhere. And they were garbage then. I hated them then and I hate them now. Is the map light cool? Yes. Enough to counterbalance everything else? No.
Frankie could shill all day, but these things all deserve to be fodder for monster truck crushing.
I had a buddy in college in Buffalo NY that put a set of Blizzacks on one of these and proceeded to never get stuck in the snow ever. Was jaw dropping what that car could do. Still a mega piece of shit, though.
was a student in Buffalo, can confirm
though my ’93 Civic CX on pizza cutter snows was the same, too
When I was a student in Buffalo, I want through this succession of vehicles:
82 Datsun 200SX with secondhand snow tires from my uncle. I was a menace. In snowy conditions I was wagging the ass and counter steering constantly. After two winters with it, I felt ready for the WRC, though.
88 Honda Accord hatch.. I never but snows on this, because FWD! I ran Dunlop all-seasons (when they were still locally-made!). They did well when brand-new, but by the third winter I did a lot of sitting and spinning.
94 Dodge Dakota Sport 2WD. For this I had a whole separate set of wheels for winter with aggressive snow tires, and I kept about 300 lbs of tube sand in a upside-down pallet in the bed. It was unstoppable. I could do U-turns over medians with 2 feet of snow and it never even thought about getting stuck.
I had an 88 Accord Hatch! Light blue, carb, 5spd. Went to UB, and we used to spend a lot of time in the parking lots doing donuts and ebrake turns. It was there in 2000.
Mine was Laguna Gold, also carb. I had it at UB ’95-’99. I also used to do ebrake slides in the empty lots after a snowfall.
How do we not know one another??? Were you in Engineering? I was there ’95-’00. I basically lived in Furnas hall with SAE and Lockwood library, 2nd floor. Worked at Hutchins Automotive on Niagara Falls Blvd.
EDIT: I stand corrected, my Accord was an 85, as it did NOT have pop up headlights. It was the last year before they started.
“With standard features such as:
Windshield
4 perfectly round wheels
Interior door handles…”
I would challenge the perfectly round wheel claim.
You forgot the fully illuminated lights! Those were a big selling point.
In the 1980s the US Air Force used Aries K sedans for much of the ground vehicle fleet. This resulted in K car police vehicles. I can see how it could be technically possible to squeeze three people in the back seat, but after squeezing decent sized guys in handcuffs into the back seat, I seriously think that was only a marketing gimmick.
I was assigned one day to drive our unit commander and a visiting general from Thailand around base in one of those blue Aries K sedans.
I’ve driven golf carts with better handling.
Was is a “high speed” pursuit with one. Things got interesting at 85 MPH. Thank god the guy we were after ran off the road. We wouldn’t have caught him.
I had a sort-of friend in HS who tried to outrun cops in one. Ended up teeter-tottering on a rock wall after (predictably) failing to negotiate a turn.
The coupe version was esp cool for how comparatively rare it was back then.
Chrysler made actual sport coupes on the platform that were much more in keeping with the 80s (DeeDee McCall drove one on Hunter!), so to choose say an Aries coupe was definitely an interesting choice – “I want staid, but with less practicality.”
Kitty changed her name to Karen and drove a spicier K LeBaron. But a convertible sort of gets a pass.
Coupes with “formal” roof lines stayed a thing for a long time, like a hangover from the 70s personal cars. I think the Mercury Cougar did it well into the 90s
My fam was beholden to Ford, so we never had one, but PLENTY of my friends families did. As a result, I rode around in everything from a straight up stripper that had a 4-speed manual and no AC to an “every box checked” Town & Country station wagon with faux wood trim and *omigod* a stereo with an ELECTRONIC DISPLAY!
Cars just idn’t last like they do now – 100k was pretty much end of life. Even with inflation figured in, they also weren’t as expensive as they are now. The result is that it wasn’t uncommon to see middle class families cycling through their cars every 4-5 years. K-cars were a way that middle America could do that, and be covered by a pretty solid warranty in the process. They were modest, honest, and a way for the average family to embrace the decade.
Adjusted for inflation, cars are not more expensive now. Adjusted for content, they are wildly cheaper today. But everything else, housing especially, IS more expensive, and people weren’t paying hundreds a month for “infortainment” and such. No multi-hundred dollar cable/internet bills, far fewer electronic gadgets, sports fees, etc., etc., etc. We didn’t even have a microwave oven until I was in high school. And that thing cost a *fortune*. We also went out to eat about three times a year, max. And delivery of food simply did not exist in suburban Maine.
But for sure, cars did not last like they do today. In Maine, miles weren’t even really a factor – it was RUST that killed cars, early and often. My grandparent’s first Subaru , an ’80 hatch, failed inspection for rust at only three years old. The second, the ’82 GL sedan that I got as my first car, was scrapped at eight years old when the trunk floor rotted out. That one got the Rusty Jones treatment. I doubt the hatch lasted that long, but it was traded in for an Olds 98 when it was four years old.
Was going to say the same thing—for cars that weren’t trash heaps like Ks, it was rust that was the big killer. Lot of good running cars ended up in junk yards from it. For all the credit given to modern electronic control for increases in longevity, I’d say it was big, rarely-credited improvements in rust protection that have made the bigger difference.
K-cars were just pretty typical cars of their era. A bit more cheaply built, maybe – but they also cost less than the competition. But they didn’t blow up any more or less frequently than anything else in their class, and if anything were probably more rust-resistant than a lot of cars. All American cars of that era pretty much sucked. The Japanese were mechanically better but bodily FAR worse, and relatively speaking, nobody could afford the good German and Swedish stuff, or deal with the eccentricities of the really oddball French and Italian cars – that also tended to rust.
They probably weren’t much worse than any American compacts, but those were all horrible. Comparing the K to anything Japanese was night and day. They did seem a little better in rust prevention (the American cars were in general), but the mechanicals and build quality and driving experience were a lot worse. We had a 2.2 Voyager. Engine blew at 80k and the paint was almost completely peeled off the hood. My sister had an Aries that the engine also went on, but it was pretty rusted, as well. Might have been the transmission, I forget. Either way, it didn’t make 100k. I was almost killed by a drunk driving the wrong way down the highway in one, too. That doesn’t have anything to do with the car’s build, but it’s another reason to hate them. Thankfully, by the late ’90s, the numbers I’d see on the road had fallen drastically and most were later models.
Trying to think of something good to say about Ks . . . I guess they were fairly comfortable and they put a lot of new drivers on the road for next to nothing as used cars and hand-me-downs from grandparents and they were good first cars because they weren’t fast enough or fun enough to encourage too much stupidity (except for an idiot I knew who tried to outrun a cop on a winding road) and, if you destroyed them, it didn’t matter and another one was about $500 away (though, so were better options). A few years back, I saw one that was obviously taken care of, which was shocking for so many reasons, but it did put a smile on my face.
Where I grew up, Japanese cars didn’t last long enough to know if they were mechanically better or not. When your car fails inspection for rust when it is three years old, that leaves a mark. In milder climates they certainly made a better impression. But relatively speaking, all cheap cars sucked.
The K-car was a cheap, decent enough car that was a LOT better than the Aspen and Volare that it replaced with the sort of room inside that the typical American wanted. And that is why it sold by the million.
I live on the coast of MA. The ’80s Japanese generally lasted 10 years before worrying about inspection. By the ’90s, most had improved a lot.
Maine is notably worse. ’80s Japanese cars usually barely made it 5 years. They certainly got better over the next couple decades, but so did everything else.
My grandfather’s beige Aries wagon was a definite upgrade over his previous car. How is that possible? His previous car was a beige Aspen wagon.
Oof, Aspen, what a downgrade from the Valiant/Dart. Baffling how Chrysler went from having probably the toughest, most durable, most reliable compacts to the absolute worst in all those areas basically overnight, while carrying over the same drivetrains
My grandfather had one as a Company car. There were ash trays in the back door arm rests and when I would get bored I used to just flip them to click. It was something that my family never let me forget I would do.
Oh damn, I remember doing the same in our ’88 Reliant. Those chrome-plated covers made the absolute most satisfying snap as they closed shut!
Ours was noteworthy for being the only vehicle my parents ever purchased that didn’t make it off the dealer’s lot before breaking. The radio shut off as we were attempting to leave. If only dad had read that as a sign…
Kinda a “snnn-clinnk” sound IIRC!
Less n on sn and more n on the clinnnk, but that is about right. That little cup resonated quite well.
Oh did it ever and my grandfather was the no radio kind of guy then. So the car was ever so quite until the Clink
And then….giggles.
Thanks for bringing back the memory!