As a child of the 1970s and 1980s, I remember the Chrysler K-Cars very well. These were the cars that get the credit for saving Chrysler, and they absolutely deserve that recognition. They were modern, unibody, front-wheel drive designs that significantly updated the Chrysler fleet, and they also formed the basis of the minivans that would soon become a Chrysler icon.
They were also kinda garbage.
I’m not just talking ex recto here; I grew up riding in these cars, in both Dodge Aries and Plymouth Reliant guises, driving them, seeing firsthand just how half-assed these things were, really putting that sub-par in Mopar. They were fairly rational, even boring designs, but they usually seemed to be built with the level of care and precision that your average hamster uses when crafting their sleeping litter.
One of my best friends in high school drove one of these, very much like the one you see above there, but in navy blue. In the mornings, on the way to school, it was unwilling to go more than 25 mph or so until it was damn good and ready, a 15 minute process at best, and once my friend closed the driver’s door and a four-or-so-inch-long screw clattered to the ground and then the door refused to open again.
(Look at that license plate, by the way: DGE481. Dodge for 1981!)
And keep in mind, the car was only about seven years old at the time.
Chrysler seemed oddly fixated on calling the K-Cars six seaters, too, and while that was technically true, as you can see here:
…I don’t think such an encramming would have made anyone happy, least of all the person in the middle of that front seat. I think we sometimes would stick three in the back seat, but I can’t ever recall being cruel enough to shove someone in that front middle seat in any of the K-Cars that were in my general automotive orbit, which was at least three, including one wagon.
Still, you can hear Dodge/Chrysler’s ad people crowing about being a “six-seater” in their commercials:
And yeah, that was Old Blue Eyes, Frank Sinatra, letting everyone know that “America’s not going to be pushed around anymore,” and I bet he followed that up by reminding everyone they better knock it off with this lousy car bunk or it’s ring-a-ding-ding for you jokers. And would it kill you to pick up a check every now and then?
Here’s another ad that reminds you that six people can be crammed in these things:
Yeah, take that Tempo and Topaz! Jerks.
Even the coupés were pushed as being six-seaters!
Man, Chrysler was really hyper-focused on moving around six people at once, weren’t they? Damn.
Some pretty sweet synchronized driving, though.
Anyway, for as dull and poorly equipped as the K-Cars were (early ones didn’t even have rear door windows that would roll down; my friend Jeremy’s blue Aries was like that, and being stuck back there in the summer, frying on those vinyl seats, was hell) there was at least one genuinely clever feature that I never knew about, but I saw on this Malaise Motors Facebook post:
Look at that! That may be the most clever vanity mirror light/map light combination and situation I’ve ever encountered! Is there any other car that used a setup like this?
See what’s going on there? The little light that is usually next to the vanity mirror, inset into the sun viso,r is here also able to be used as a map light, whether the visor is up or down, thanks to a clever hinge-and-swivel mechanism.
It’s hard to find images of this in K-Car brochures, but you can see it described and referenced:
“Swivel feature,” is how it’s economically described in one brochure.
Another calls it an “integral map/reading light,” which is I suppose a reasonable basic description, too, though neither captures the cleverness of the design well enough.
The only really good image of this that I’ve seen, other than that Facebook post, was in this very early viral-ish parody video made in, I think, the early 2000s:
The K-Cars were incredibly, even punishingly basic. This simple and clever little light really, um, shines as an example of clever and unexpected design and engineering in this overall unremarkable context, and I think that’s why I find it so fascinating.
None of the K-Cars I grew up around had one. I wonder what the take rate for these was?
Off the subject, but relevant: What earth-shattering, JFK conspiracy Illuminati Dark Web Templar level dirt did Iacocca have on Ol’ Blue Eyes to get him to make that commercial? Granted, the Chairman of the Board must have filmed that commercial before taking delivery of his personal 1981 Imperial…
First: My uncle had a 1981 Dodge Aries 4 door sedan with A/C, 2.2L and the soul-crushing (probably) A413 Auto. I was 14, only had my learner’s permit, yet I was sent off alone in this car to pick up more beer for his daughter’s wedding reception, during the reception. I met his ‘buddy’ at the liquor distributor, paid cash, and helped load kegs into the car in July in the beautiful Inland Empire. It must have been 139 degrees in the shade, and the car was all vinyl inside. I had to turn off the A/C to accelerate from a stop. I managed to return to the party without incident, even though I was driving without a license and I had just purchased a lot of booze as a minor. I had the misfortune of having to ride in the back later, and I remember the fixed rear windows. More on that later. Later that year, I acquired my first car, a 1977 Ford Maverick 4 door, which was closely equipped and equally miserable, except for a few things: the Maverick had the 250 six cylinder (98 vs 84 hp) and roll-down rear windows. It outweighed the Aries by almost 800 lb, but the interior/exterior dimensions were close. They both posted similar 0-60 times (all info courtesy of Automobile Catalog; no way that I knew this stuff at 15) and both cars shared the same numb, off-putting driving dynamics typical of cars from the late ’70s and early ’80s. Both were green with brown vinyl interiors, and both had indifferent build quality. Somehow, the Aries felt less annoying to drive.
Second: The mother of a girlfriend in high school had a Dodge 600 with the turbo 2.2. That car was fun to drive, even though it was an automatic. The grill was nice, too.
Third: In college, I bought a (heavily) used 1986 Dodge Charger 2.2, black with a giant silver “2.2” on the hood. It was the 100 hp high performance non-turbo engine, and the car was lively, especially when I would hit a pothole and the headlights would go out. Still, a fun car, even though I’m sure the odometer had been (significantly) rolled back (the dealer I bought it from went to PRISON for rolling back odometers; he must have really pissed someone off). The Charger wasn’t a K-Car, but an L-car variant of the Omni, but still…
Last: My blushing bride had a 1991 Plymouth Acclaim, ‘Champagne Gold’ with tan cloth interior, 2.5L four and the A413 3 speed auto. This car was not remarkable, except for one thing: it did everything it was asked to do with reliable competence. It was fuel efficient, it contained five passengers in relative comfort, it never broke down, and it was so anonymous that state troopers would ignore it when we sped past them. It was smooth and predictable on the interstate, and a road trip over 400 miles on one tank was not out of the question. I loved that car, because I could do all of the maintenance myself in the driveway, and its phenomenal reliability. It never, ever, broke down. It was rear-ended three times and came back for more. A T-bone accident (other driver’s fault) finally took her away from us.
Epilogue: Why the stories? BECAUSE ALL OF THOSE CARS HAD THAT MAP LIGHT. ALL OF THEM. I should have taken that map light when we removed our valuables from the Acclaim at the salvage yard. Bonus: GM’s downsized B (later G) bodied 4 door sedans from 1978 also had fixed rear windows, and my cheap-ass uncle (different uncle) didn’t have A/C.
My mom had an early Reliant that my older sister inherited. After she drove it for awhile, mom got a sweet trade-in deal for basically the same exact car. Same colors in and out, just newer. It must have been at the dealer for too long… Whenever it would rain, the fog on the windshield would appear “make an offer” in giant letters. They must have used those 1″ circle stickers to make the letters and the glue wouldn’t wash away. It was hilarious.
Also, closest I ever came to death was in that car. My sister’s husband tried running a left turn through a yellow light, while an Acclaim was running it straight from the opposite direction. The image of that grill coming at us is forever in my brain.
In 1983, I attended a driver’s education school. That school had a fleet of Plymouth Reliants. All of them without air conditioning system because the school was too fucking cheap to opt for it. Dallas has been known for the oppressive heat waves during the summer. Anything without air conditioning is death sentence.
Many students dreaded sitting in the back due to lack of ventilation possibilities. The students despised being the first to drive because they would end up sitting in the sweat-drenched rear seats after completing their turn. The stench and foreign bodily fluid stuck to us after completing the driving practices.
Parents complained about the Reliant being the torture chamber as well as threatening to pull their teenager sons and daughters out of the school. So, after a few days, the class size dwindled to one-fourth. Back then, we didn’t have Google Reviews so people relied on the word of the mouth to find out which school had a fleet of air-conditioned cars.
My parents refused to budge and gleefully told me to tough up for three weeks while they drove in their air-conditoned German cars. God, I couldn’t believe I survived three weeks and earned the driver’s licence.
Wow, that Aries ad is old enough that I have it saved on my NAS as a wmv file. A pre-youtube download.
I love the K-Car twins and all their variants…Our family would rent one every summer for $10.00 per day with unlimited miles and take a trip averaging around 28-30 mpg…..Never knew of the map light…..See,Chrysler was still innovative even when they were on their knees teetering towards going out of business….The most expensive K-Car derived variant of them all was the 1990-1993 Chrysler Imperial…..It was a far cry from the mighty V8 Imperials of yesteryear,but at least they tried.
With the notorious Ultradrive transmission. Good idea at the time, but released before it was ready… our neighbor down the street had one as a company car, he joked at least he was only 7 miles from the then new Chrysler HQ so he could probably get it there for another one when it failed (multiple ones did too). Failure limp mode was usually second gear.
Yes,I’ve heard about the Ultradrive…..My grandfather always had a thing for Imperials…Always had to have the best that Chrysler offered….And he had a brand new 1990 Imperial…..Then he traded it to a used 1993 Imperial because from “91-“93 they had the bigger V6…He never had any trouble out of them but he didn’t keep them that long either….So at least he didn’t experience the Ultradrive problems.
If I recall they ironed out some of the later Ultradrives in that generation, but by then the damage was done and it was LH time anyhow.
Maybe it’s rose colored glasses, but I recall those imperial seats – front and back, being like a comfy recliner and a smooth ride too…
A high school friend of mine first got a 1985 Caravan with the wood package, put bass in it and all. We loved cruising around in that thing, AC even worked. Then it got wrecked. Anyhow his parents “gave” him their old 1984 600, was a fairly base model. That also got the bass treatment, but had no working AC, and not much equipment. That 2.2 4 banger it had was so so slow, I suppose it kept us out of trouble. I do recall it broke down a few times, but generally got you where you needed to go. Being the DD for parties it was funny to drive, going down the highway with 65 speed limit loaded with 5-6 passengers and the pedal to the floor just to maintain 70 up a modest hill… this was all in 1994-1995. Sometime in 1996 said car had a cracked block, milk shake oil and all, smoky exhaust. We still drove it around for another few months like that, till it died on the side of the road and that was that. It did make it to 140,000mi tho which I suppose for par for 80s crap cans…
That light is cool…my brother and I have been making fun of the Dodge Aries/Plymouth (Un)Reliant for a few decades now as one of the worst cars ever made. Now I’ve slowly warmed up to them a little due to this site. Some of the other/later variants were better
My father bought one new – his only new car purchase ever – in 1987. I remember the map light now that I’m reminded of it. And the 6 passenger seating. It lasted a little over 4 years and in its final years in our driveway, I was a licensed teenage driver that would fit friends in it. 6 was easy, and happened relatively often.
And..it was not a good car. WAY better than the Dodge Omni it replaced, but not by much. My favourite “quirk” was its tendency to stall in the rain. We kept WD-40 in the car, and is the main reason I know what the WD stands for.
Was your father a Mopar diehard? Seems strange that he would buy those 2 cars back to back otherwise.
They got better versions north of the border. A Canadian K-Car was a nice relient automobile.
Pretty sure you had to have a million dollars to buy one, though. Could’ve been the exchange rate at the time.
I think I’d rather have a bunch of nice Chesterfields or some Ottomans than a K-car
Yeah, sure, but I think I’d want to put them in a tree fort in the yard.
That’s, uh, the quebecois spelling.
If I had a million dollars in todays world I’d still buy a K-Car.
I wonder if Chrysler ever flirted with the idea of a mid-engine car? GM did it with the Fiero by taking a X-car front, flipping it around, and putting it in the rear. I bet a mid-engine car with styling like a Laser/Daytona would could be interesting. Anyone wanna do that with AI and see what turns up?
They were trying really hard to push that these K-cars were capable of doing all the routine stuff that a typical full-size landyacht was doing, encouraging people to trade down to a smaller, more economical car by stressing that they weren’t really giving up that much of what they were used to. So, K-cars still had overly soft, mushy suspension and cushy, thickly padded seats, often with velour upholstery, and they still carried 6 people with a front bench seat – just like the 1977 Monaco or 1979 St. Regis that a customer might be trading in
Families tended to be somewhat larger, and a 6 passenger 4-door sedan was still seen as a perfectly acceptable option for a family car, vs a 3 row wagon. SUVs were around, but were more for people in rural areas or on ranches, or eccentrics.
I had a new 1984 Dodge Daytona Turbo. It was better looking. That’s all. Worst car I ever owned.
My first car was a 1987 Dodge Daytona, in 1995. It was a 5 speed, NA, gold, with T tops. It looked nice from the outside. It was the most miserable piece of shit ever crafted by the hands of man.
I feel your pain. You deserved better.
I just want to know more about that old parody ad
Back when I was young and stupid, in 1996 (feels like yesterday) My college roomate and I drove a Dodge 600 up through the Cortez Pass (MX) which is almost 12K feet in altitude. We though it was just a short gravel road connecting two highways. Took 10 hours. It got weird when we started seeing snow on the road. We were wearing shorts and sandals. The only damage was a loose muffler, which we recovered and put it in the trunk. Later we found that A) There was an emergency warning since one of the volcanos was vaping sulfuring acid. and B) the road is only recommended for hardcore 4X4s and it is usually closed for safety.