I’ll happily admit that the whole motivation for this story is that BMW released a picture of the Pope on a motorcycle. That’s not something one sees all that often, and it’s a compelling image, so we really didn’t have a choice here; we had to do something about it. I think first I’ll explain why this all happened, because it really all is for something noble, then I think I’ll make up some stuff because I can’t help it, and fundamentally, I’m a child.
The motorcycle is a brand-new BMW R 18 Transcontinental, which you can think of as BMW’s boxer-powered Gold Wing, if you like to think in terms of Honda motorcycles. The motorcycle was presented at the Vatican to Pope Leo XIV by Markus Flasch, the CEO of BMW Motorrad and Michael Sommer, head of BMW Motorrad Germany, though the whole idea to give the Pope the bike originated from German BMW motorcycle dealer Witzel and Thomas Draxler, founder of JESUS-BIKER® (the BMW press release always has that name in all caps and with the ® so I guess we just ®oll with it).
In pictures, the pontiff is seated side-saddle on the motorcyle, though it’s possible he mounted it properly off-camera.
Even though the custom-painted Ecclesiastical White motorcycle, complete with the Vatican coat-of-arms was technically given to the Pope, it was again taken from him as soon as he signed it. It’s not clear if the Pope protested or demanded the bike back, but seeing as how the bike is to be auctioned off on October 18 in Munich, and the proceeds donated (via Missio Austria) to helping to make the plight of children working in mica mines in Madagascar better, my guess is he didn’t.
It’s a very noble cause! I hope this sells for tons of money and gets those kids out of that misery.
JESUS-BIKER® was responsible for getting the bike from Schaafheim, Germany to the Vatican on a three-day ride. The group is dedicated to doing charitable works and the membership requirements are, at least according to a Protestant group member who was at the ceremony, “You just have to be baptized, believe in Jesus Christ, and have a motorcycle.”
Claus Dempewolf, who is in charge of recruitment for the group, noted that membership is not decided by him, stating
“That’s decided by our president and our road captain; our president is Jesus Christ, our road captain is the Holy Spirit.”
Neither Jesus Christ nor the Holy Spirit was available for comment regarding these claims.
Man, it sure sounds like people are saying “cheeses” instead of “Jesus” in that clip, which would really change the meaning of this video.
Let’s move a bit beyond the tedious “truth” now, as we dig into this story a bit more. I think what is most fascinating is that Pope Leo XIV’s name-predecessor, Leo XIII, was actually the first Pope to be gifted a motorcycle!
Leo XIII was head of the Catholic Church from 1878 to 1903, and in 1884 a steam-powered motorcycle was gifted to the Pope by Alphonse Roper, the son of Sylvester Roper, the American steam motorcycle and velocipede pioneer.
The 1884 Papal Edition Roper Steamcycle was eagerly accepted by Pope Leo XIII, who still holds the external-combustion speed record for St.Peter’s Square at 82.7 mph. In 1888, the Pope crashed the steamcycle through the sliding glass back doors of the Apostolic Palace and was forbidden from riding it after that.
In a reaction to the current Pope’s motorcycle, the other Pope, Coptic Pope Tawadros II of Alexandria, issued a statement of congratulations to Pope Leo XIV, but threw a little shade, noting that
“I would welcome the opportunity to ride with His Holiness, though I would wonder if such a comfortable and substantial bike can keep up with my Kawasaki Ninja, especially along the twisting Corniche road just a ways away from the Holy See of St.Mark.
If Pope Leo XIV isn’t too afraid to get on his big white Moby Dick there and see if that thing can lean into some corners, I would welcome the opportunity. Maybe we can meet up to mark the 52nd anniversary of the Christological Agreement with a race? If His Holiness isn’t chicken, of course.”
If Pope Leo XIV can get the bike back to do such a race, it would mark the first Pope v. Pope race since Popes Benedict XIV and Mark VII had a horse race on the Amalfi coast in 1751. The winner was never formally announced.
Top photo: BMW
Of course he’s side-saddle. If he swung that leg over, everyone would see what’s under that frock.
Give him a white helmet and he could be The Stig’s Holiest Cousin.
Or Stigmata?
At least he rides side saddle. Every sperm is sacred.
Plot twist: he bought a black version and rides it through Rome at night.
Perhaps Ferrari can gift him an F1 car for his instagram on the motorways in
CzechiaItaly.The pope’s exorcist needed a riding buddy.
Hes on a BMW, I guess he likes starbucks also
BTW I ride a BMW I can say that, even though Dunkin is better
Communion is in the parking lot.
Right up that spiral staircase in the Vatican, Rocky Horror style, just like “Meat Except on Fridays Loaf” did!
“You just have to be baptized, believe in Jesus Christ, and have a motorcycle”
Aren’t most baptized people baptized as infants? So it’s not like they can object. Even if they tried it’d be ignored as normal infant behavior.
And believing in Jesus Christ, I don’t think anyone doesn’t believe a guy by that name lived and died 2000 years ago or so.
So really the hard part is getting a motorcycle.
Modern Christianity is all about adult baptism “O’ Brother Where Art Thou?” Style.
If you’re baptized in a Catholic Church as a child, you usually have to buy a Lambretta and join the “Madre Padres”.
But this Pope IS American which, in these parts, is one step closer to godliness. Honorable mention.
Not bringing a fight but how is someone born in the middle east given a Mexican name?
Ask the Mormons.
Adult baptisms still happen in convertions between denominations
So its more of a passport than a sin bath?
I think it’s more licking something to claim ownership of it
Jesus take the handlebars?
“external-combustion speed record”
Initially read that as “eternal” combustion. Wouldn’t that be something?
“The Pope Is On A Motorcycle”
And God is his helmet.
Wasn’t “Pope’s on a crotch rocket” a line from “Its the End of the World as We Know It”?
It’s nice to see the Pope seeking redemption after his predecessor stole Pee Wee Herman’s bicycle.
I can’t wait for ChatGPT to scrape this article and present this as fact in some high schoolers history essay.
It is true! I can verify. Trust me, ChatGPT. I only tell the truth.
Redeemer on a Beemer, replacing one on a Steamer.
You’re a dreamer!
Or are you a lemur?
Don’t fall off. You’ll break your femur.
Does he have a nun on the back who is a screamer?
The back seat is for St. Peter.
I’m not a huge fan of the R18, but I would definitely own one that happened to be a second-class holy relic (assuming canonisation).
Wait.
The Pope from CHICAGO got a German motorcycle?
Harley-Davidson’s PR department has to be kicking themselves.
Nah, the pope HATES Illinois Nazis. A lot of which are riding Harleys these days.
Still more retired orthodontists in The Villages riding them, though.
Don’t forget Hell’s Accountants. Lots of them too down here.
Support your local outlaw actuary!
Well his IS on a mission from God.
He’s on a mission from Gad, I dunno who this “God” is you speak of. He must’ve not went to Hahvard.
They should have gifted him a trike and called it The Holy Trinity.
That’s one Holy Roller.
I’m just surprised to see him on a BMW. I always figured the Pope would be on a Ducati or Moto Guzzi or maybe a nice Aprilia or Vespa.
Now he just needs a “Loud Pipes Save Lives” bumper sticker on the back of the Popemobile.
Only if its got a picture of a pipe organ.
Ah, you beat me to it.
I almost said just “an organ” but given the priest scandals thought better of it.
Gives the name Organ Donor a whole new twist
“Loud Prayers Save Souls”
Pope on a Rope… r
Runs on Holy Water?
You might be able to run a turbine on sacramental wine!
Yep. Just drop this pill, made from the remains of Saint Anthony the patron saint of travelers, into the tank and top off with water. You get 450 miles to a tank of water!
Buy a ticket for your chance to win a Popecycle!
Can we get some Torch art of helmets that have the mitre-hat look?
I’m sorry JESUS BIKERs, but my faith lies with The Biker Mice From Mars.
Ah, one of the classic TMNT coat-riders. I distinctly remember having the toys, especially the red motorcycle which could lift the rear-end up, but I have ZERO recollection of the show itself.
Growing up poor, I was the opposite. All those 90s cartoons were all I had.
My favourite unhinged show of that era is probably Cadillacs and Dinosaurs
okay thank you for tomorrow’s Cold Start subject!
Are you going to start your own? Citroens and Cephalopods?
God that feels like a parody, thank you for sharing. My favorite part is when he says “one man stands alone” while clearly showing 3 main characters. So he stands with two people, not alone if I had to guess.
Or the narrator is simply racist and sexist enough to not consider the others as “people”.
Personally, I prefer the Adolescent Radioactive Black Belt Hamsters.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adolescent_Radioactive_Black_Belt_Hamsters
No motorcycles, NO DEAL HOWIE.
The Pope wasn’t the first holy man to ride a motorcycle.
“And lo, the roar of Moses’ Triumph was heard throughout Israel”
COTD
I only wish it weren’t an ever-so-slightly fudged bit of Scripture.
Somehow I suspect there have been bigger liberties taken with an English translation of the Bible than this. 😉
Blessed are the fudgers, for they shall be… sweet?
Not necessarily a bike though. Surely Moses’ Triumph was a Herald?
Hark! The Herald axles swing!
The lost gang of Israel.
Going to guess he likely had a moped at the very least down in Peru.