I don’t really know what I did to anger some god or gods who may be in charge of regulating and managing human body temperatures, but I clearly did something, because I’ve been saddled with some weird fever at the worst time, when I need to do this Hemmings Road Rally with my kid. The fever is making everything a bit, you know, weird, and our Nissan Murano CrossCab is joining in on the fun, just a bit.
Also, I have this painfully infected finger and some weird something happening on my palate; I’m sort of a mess here. I think Road Madness is setting in, too, and I haven’t even started yet. This is going great.
Our Nissan Murano CrossCab I think will be an interesting choice for this rally, one I expect will be filled otherwise with some really appealing, lovely cars, because the CrossCab has that rare and magic combination of awkward looks, dissatisfying handling, and questionable comfort that make it what people in the parcel totality business call the Total Package.
Speaking of, what are these odds: I happened to drive by another CrossCab today:
Holy crap, right? There’s hardly any of these things still lumbering around, and two of them were right next to one another outside of LA today? This means something!
When I had the car handed off to me earlier, I found that the battery had died unexpectedly and the car had to be jumped, which for some reason caused the annoying beeping alarm for the top to blare anytime the car was in forward motion, which just so happened to be exactly the sort of motion I was planning to use for most of this rally.
To sort it, I eventually had to undertake the very risky move of opening the top and closing it again, a wild gamble seeing as how this top has an extremely limited number of open/close cycles left in it. Possibly none.
Thankfully, it worked, and my son Otto and I won’t have to do this rally with a soundtrack that sounds like an alarm clock moments before you smack SNOOZE for the fifth time.
So I think we’ll be okay there. I’m less confident about my own mechanical stability, as I have some kind of miserable fever thing happening; it’s making me not feel great and the overheating is Doing Things to my brain.
For example, over the toilet at this hotel is this photo of some seashore, seen from above:
But all I can see is an alarmed demon, sitting on his knees. Look, do you see him? Here, I’ll show you better. Computer! Zoom and enhance!
See? See him now? He’s looking right at me with a big eye, he has horns and a big snout. He’s sitting on his knees with his tail hanging down, and he looks shocked or worried or something. He knows something, probably something about this rally.
Clearly, he’s there to warn me of something, or threaten me? One of the two. maybe he’s letting me know that they’re all plotting against me in this Rally, and I need to make sure they don’t succeed, whatever it is they’re planning.
Is he the one making my finger and mouth and teeth hurt? Making me all fevery and achey? Probably. I can’t let him win. He’s probably working with the other drivers, leading some sort of unsavory cabal! It’s up to me to expose them all! I have my kid here to protect, after all!
Maybe by the end of this Otto will be doing all the driving as I stand ready in the back, the CrossCab’s roof frozen in the half-open position, my arms full of eggs stolen from a Ralph’s, ready to launch at any other Hemmings Motor Club rally participant in the Paso Robles area who dares approach to close, because they must be stopped.
This must be it; my purpose here has been revealed! I’ll get a little more sleep now and see what the morning brings, but if it’s going how it has so far, I think it’ll bring over-the-toilet-demon-picture excitement.
Unrelated: I’ve seen more Cadillac Lyriqs on the road here than I have anywhere. I looked at a parked one and realized something: Is Caddy hiding the reverse lamp in the badge at the rear?
Is that what’s going on here? If so, this would be Caddy’s first time incorporating a taillight function into a central-rear badge since the third brake lamp of the Allanté way back when! This is a big deal.
But now, sleep, and then the rally. Will I still have fevery madness come morning? I guess we’ll just have to see.
Not a light on the Lyriq, unfortunately. But it is the button to open the trunk!
I see a chillin’ weevil
You should do this rally in a Transcon Medi-vac.
Alright now that approximately 60 people have begged you to seek medical attention, we’re going to need an update.
Oh and I’m one of them. At least make a pit stop at an urgent care or something.
I know that I’m late this comment the party, if you really love Otto, and I know that you do, remember, this, his life will have many rally events, but only one Dad. GET YOUR STUBBORN ASS TO THE ER STAT!!!! you can’t be anyone’s hero in life if your dead. Don’t be stupid and see the tail lights almighty maker just yet. I lost my dad, to this day, in 2003. He called me on the 23rd. I didn’t take the call because he was so chatty, and I didn’t feel like being on the phone for an hour. The next day he was dead from a massive heart attack. I kick myself in the ass to this day for letting his call go to voice mail. GET SOME MEDICAL HELP STAT!!
Hey Torch, given your recent dispute with a major blood vessel, I’d recommend seeing a doc asap. Your symptoms are not normal.
Yeah does Otto have a license, perfect time to let him drive.
It sure sounds like you’re so run down that you’re not fighting off an infection and it seems like it’s a systemic one at that. Please rest.
On the I Am Not A Doctor But Like To Sound Like I Know Things front, may I suggest LevoFLOXacin 750mg SID x 10? Nice strong broad spectrum stuff.
Upper right hand corner. Raccoon face.
I know it is hard, but you should consider changing your plans. Life will go on even if you don’t go on this rally. Depending on how badly infected your finger is, your fever might be the first symptom that the localized infection is spreading into a systemic infection like sepsis.
And if you are not going to stop, at least consider driving an ambulance instead of the Nissan.
We can do without the article. Take care of health first.
Hand, foot, and mouth disease has been spreading on my daughter’s soccer team.
Joining the chorus, Go To The Doctor Now (or Urgent Care, etc.) this is nothing to put off. Could get pretty dicey if you don’t do something ASAP.
Go to the doctor! You don’t want to be doing the rally in an ambulance, or worse yet a converted Cadillac with fantastic storage space in the rear…
“I’ve been saddled with some weird fever” Dang sucks to be sick
“I have this painfully infected finger and some weird something happening on my palate” Please pull the plug on this and seek medical attention.
Get thee to an urgent care or a doc!
Might the infected finger have something to do with the fever? More of your brilliant writing in the long run is more important than this one story.
Torch…. stop guzzling the ivermectin simply due to a suspicion that you might have COVID.
Torch! Doctor! NOW!!
Huh, I didn’t know Hemmings was doing road rallies. I really want to do a road rally of some sort, but that entry price is kinda rich for my blood. I think a Lemons rally is more my caliber.
On the topic of flaky convertible tops, right before reading this article I was researching how to manually raise and lower the top on a Fox Mustang. I’m looking at buying one as a parts donor and the one I found has been sitting for a while with the top down. If I buy it I’d want to store it temporarily with a car cover and that’s much easier to do with the top up.
Assume they’re electric?
I had a girlfriend with a VW Cabrio that was hydraulic – there was an emergency shutoff, but for easier effort, you emptied the reservoir/lines.
Electro-hydraulic. From what I’ve read two people can slowly push the top and force the hydraulic fluid, or else there’s supposedly quick disconnect pins where hydraulic ram connects to the top frame.