“Why are we such idiots?” Jason pondered, loudly and with a hint of resignation. David is laughing so hard he’s almost inconsolable as we all suddenly realized that we just took a 10-minute job and made it an almost hour-long affair involving various spilled fluids, ruined clothes, and a remarkable lack of sense even for us.
What made it even funnier is just how easy the job seemed at first. As a little background, we’re taking the XPEL Murano CrossCabriolet to the only place that we think it’ll be appreciated: Monterey Car Week. While we’ve yet to be invited on the lawn either at The Quail or Pebble Beach Concours d’Elegance, I’m assuming it’ll happen as soon as Mrs. Button sees it passing down 17-Mile Drive. She’ll leap from the rumble seat of a 1931 Duesenberg Model J and insist we join the Concours on Sunday.
To be prepared for such an occasion, we’ve taken a few steps. First, it’s been lifted by our friends at Galpin Auto Sports and put on a pair of gorgeous Vredestein Pinza A/Ts. More on that later, though there’s a little teaser below. Second, we’re not sure when the last oil change was, but the oil change reminder light was on so David decided it was best to do the oil change last night, following a bunch of meetings, when both Jason and I were exhausted (my day started at about 4:30 am on the East Coast).
Because the Murano CC now sits higher, David discovered that he wouldn’t even need to put the car on ramps. With a quick turn of our Mustang V6 wheels, the tiny oil filter was suddenly accessible. David quickly changed into proper grease monkey attire while Jason and I stood around checking out how well the PPF had held up to various miseries.
Here’s where the issue began. David was unsure how much oil was left in his drain pan. Doing a little mental math, David assured us it would be fine. Probably. I walked away to grab something only to hear David and Jason start laughing and bickering.
The drain pain was suddenly and immediately full. David’s calculation must have been wrong somehow [Ed Note: My math is never wrong. -DT]. It was now stuck under the car, too full to move. Jason considered putting the Murano into neutral and having us push the car away, but he accidentally cranked the car with no oil in it [Editor’s Note: I blame the stupid start button, which is overeager. – JT] as David and I frantically yelled at him to turn off the car before it was too late. Thankfully, Jason already had his finger on the start button and immediately killed the engine before it actually fired. Jason then tried to wedge cardboard under the pan to pull it out, all the while spilling some oil on everyone.
This led us to wander around the Galpin backlot looking for David’s secret stash of car parts and fluids. We found another drain pain, but one of the screwtops was missing. We found one that would fit, but it was from an old bottle of coolant, so David mixed two coolants together and stole the top from the empty one.
As soon as we did this, of course, David found the original top, so we set the empty pan next to the now Valdez-like overflowing one, and David slowly began to sloppily attempt to scoop dirty oil from the overflowing pan into the other one (after remembering to grab the Cross Cab’s oil pan drain plug).
You can see what happened next in the Instagram video here, or embedded below:
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It was not great. Shortly after this clip ends, Jason asks the universe: “Why! Why are we so stupid? Why can’t we get a break?”
An excellent way to start the trip.
I need to find a better oil collection pan. I got one cheap at an auto parts store, and it fucking sucks. These days I just use the same old cat litterbox that I’ve been using to catch oil for nearly 20 years. I just pour it out into a five gallon bucket (with a lid) and give the pan a quick wipe down.
Won’t one of the Galpin dealerships take care of that for you guys so you don’t have to make a huge mess all over their parking lot? Or at least won’t they let you use a lift after hours?
Would you give these guys after hours access to YOUR shop?? It’s the Three Stooges for gawd sake.
Water will fall from the light fixtures as Torch runs in circles.
A pair of drive-on ramps are very convenient for oil changes.
And draining the oil from the drain pan into a 5 quart jug after each change means an empty drain pan ready to go for the next time.
Rubbermaid used to make one of the best oil pans ever. The entire width of it was open, but had a cover that threaded on. (A little fiddly to get the threads lined up because the plastic was flexible, but it still just works.) Had a peg molded inside to set a filter on to drain out. The drain spout sealed up with a gasket, and was pointed up so it resisted leaking. With the cover on and the spout opened up, it’s easy to pour the oil out into another container though a funnel.
Still using mine after decades now; I’d hate for it to give up. Fortunately, while plastic has a tendency to dry out and crack with age, keeping it soaked with oil seems to be keeping that at bay!
My old triangular open pan has a peg built in to allow the filter to drain out.
Bet I’ve had it 30 years…
I have the same one. What’s great about them being open is that you won’t leave oil sitting in it.
Nope, dumped every time.
I have found that in these moments, it becomes clear that the second point is completely a result of the first. The only hope is that the first point passes quickly.
It’s not my fault that the US changed the definition of quart in the 18th century!
A pair of Vredestein Pinza A/Ts? Maybe I’ve missed something along the way.
Mrs. Button has a charming smile and I’m sure she will give you a wink and a tip of the head saying “c’mon over.”
And can you please lighten up on the Instagram posts for the sake of those of us who choose not to use that platform? (And figure out to logically sort the comments?)
+! on the Instagram avoidance.
It seems I like Telegram this week. (-;
Seriously, it seems like every author on the site uses a different social media platform to host videos. YouTube sucks in its own right but at least one can watch without an account.
I love the site, but it’s definitely a peeve of mine. I’m here specifically to AVOID social media
I’m suddenly feeling smug for not being into this whole social media thing. 🙂 I prefer uploading what few videos I make to YouTube because I imagine a lot of people are like me and don’t really care about InstaTwitFaceSkyTok or whatever app the kids are using this week.
And we sincerely appreciate that!
And that’s why we love you and your stories so much! Unless you call YouTube “Social Media” I don’t use any social media and have no plans to do so.
Stupid as in, “We are at Galpin, which has lifts. But no, we will change the oil out here in the parking lot, crawling under with little clearance, cuz, WE MEN!”
I suspect that for insurance reasons the Autopian crew is expressly forbidden from using the Galpin service lifts.
Yeah, they’re clearly only at Galpin because Elise laid down the law about doing it at her and David’s place.
Based on history, I have a better chance of using Galpin’s lifts than this bunch.
I’m sure Sally told Elise about the chainsaw to the Changli as well.
Slapstick is not dead!
That’s why you sneak in at 2AM. Give the security guard a 20 to look the other way.
Sheesh, do I have to do all the planning around here??
Measure twice, cut once.
But when I measure once I get to visit the nice people at the hardware store again!
Shortly after I moved into my current place the local Home Hardware relocated to a 12 minute walk from my house. It is great having it that close. Plus the owners are nice.
During COVID when you couldn’t go in stores they were awesome. You could bring whatever was broken to the front door and they would find you a replacement, or at least a few options close enough and were great about returns.
When I lived in my old, beat-to-hell, needs-everything house, the hardware store was 3 houses down on the street corner. We became friendly very quickly.
I’m not one to speak as I use the old safety squint regularly but I highly recommend using gloves when changing oil. Oil, particularly used oil, has all kinds of nasty stuff in it.
Safety squint FTW. I do believe in safety glasses and keep a can of earplugs next to the mower. I keep glasses in the tool boxes for my grinder and sawzall.
I believe in them too even own them but alas laziness wins out more than it should.
Gloves FTW. We just changed the oil on my wife’s car this weekend and I thought “this is very straightforward and being careful I can avoid getting more than a few drips of oil on my hands and so I’m not going to walk over to the shed and grab a pair of gloves.” You all know how that turned out….
And yeah, I have one of those stupid drain pans. Having to wipe down the whole top/slide/whatever at the end is such a dumb design.
I have a big open drain pan, so I never overfill it. Instead I do stupid things like drop drain plugs, filters, and wrenches in it.
I more likely spill some pouring into the recyling jug.
Ha, I do the same. I have some 5 gallon buckets for waste oil and it’s hard to tell how full they are until the funnel stops draining. Then the swearing starts
I generally reuse the 5qt jug it was sold in. One for one. Use of a funnel and swearing may be involved.
I do this too. . .the swearing is usually involved in looking for what I did with the cap
That’s the smart move and I’m starting to do it now. I bring my oil to a local garage that has a waste oil heater. I have a bunch of 55 gal drums and I want to see if he’ll take one of full of oil and my funnel spilling days will be over.
None of my vehicles are exactly 5 quarts, so there’s always a little leftover. I try to keep an empty one from several changes ago around. But, fie on you if you use a milk jug or something else. They won’t take it even if it’s perfectly clean and dry. ????
My favorite moment is when you notice the funnel is no longer draining. Makes me so happy I “yell a prayer” every time…
Those aren’t stupid things, they’re standard operating procedure.
I’m liking DT’s East LA New Dad Facial Hair.
I sure hope that cup didn’t end up in someone’s kitchen tho….
I think the beard maybe a Parallel Universe thing like Spock, see he’s not the same.
The cup is lost for next time and becomes the Oily Grail.
Apparently Nimoy was a car guy too.
He had a ’64 Riviera and a ’70 GTO Judge
I was about to make some snarky comment about LA eroding David’s wrenching brain, but to be totally honest about 1/3 of the way through typing I remembered that every single morning I step over my drain pain which still contains around two quarts of motor oil that didn’t fit in one of the three or four five-quarter containers in my garage that are already full of oil that I keep forgetting to take to the auto parts store. They’re sitting next to the two full containers of used antifreeze I have no idea what to do with.
One morning I will step in that oil. Hopefully I won’t be wearing my cowboy boots. Either way, I’ll send pics.
This is also my current plight, it’s quickly turning me into a pay $10 for the labor of a shop to do my oil change.
I just – can’t. I pick my oil and filter, measure what came out.
I’ve done the provide all my own materials a few times, either because I didn’t have a driveway to work from, or because it was stupid cold out and I needed it done. I’d like to say I’m super diligent about tracking what comes out VS what goes in, but I’m not.
I’ve been trying real hard to not let perfect get in the way of good for the past few years, and this is one of those places I think I can improve, but I completely understand your motivation and needs.
I run full synthetics, I’m far more particular on filter brand than the oil brand. Oil must meet ILSAC/API etc stds but filters are hit and miss. I buy OEM Denso for the Toyotas, generally Bosch for the Acura. Doing it myself I know what is in the crankcase, plus another chance to once-over the underbody. I run fairly extended change intervals and forecast out, so I’m not changing oil in a sub-zero blizzard. At a minimum, one oil change a year – usually in nice autumn weather. I keep up with trans/diff oils as well at these times, as well as coolant flushes. Our lowest milage car has 135,000.
I understand not letting perfect get in the way of the good, I try to live my life that way (the wife sees different). Often good enough is – good enough.
The 80/20 rule is real. If I can get 90 percent there on most tasks that is more than good enough. That last 10% eats time and nobody notices anyway. Move onto something more productive.
I found a cool trick to solve that problem! Have friends come over and do minor maintenance on their car at your place since you have the tools and know-how, and in exchange they give you beer and take away your used fluids for you.
I let my oldest son use the driveways for repairs on the condition that he does the fluid recycling. He even does the oil changes for us. And at 6’4″ and 300 pounds, the neighbors two blocks away also hear his booming curse words. He went ballistic when he was doing brake lines recently and his cheap flaring kit (most likely from harbor freight) kept giving him fits.
I did a LOT of car repairs in college being paid for labor in beer. Oil changes, leaf spring replacements, sway bar end links, alternators, starters, power window regulators, brake pads and rotors, drum shoes …. I had a jack, stands, a full wrench set and the know how.
The Frat house had a parking lot and I set up shop for the brothers and girlfriends.
I have 6 qts of used oil sitting around right now – and I was at Advance yesterday!!!
Advance recycles antifreeze too.
This isn’t exactly what I had in mind in the thread about jobs you’ll never not do yourself, when I suggested David not turn a wrench on a company car unless he can get content from it.
At the same time I’m not surprised at all.
and here comes the content!
David broke another car he was doing maintenance to it. He should stick to rusted out junkers
It all started with the conversation David had with the Gaplin tech that offered to change the oil for him. When he declined he KNEW what he was setting you up for.
I’m pretty sure David is actually some variant of a Colin Robinson energy vampire, who feeds on automotive hilarity.
>writes another “These are the 14 cars I’m keeping forever” post and feeds on the comments<
In the one picture of David’s face, he’s clearly having the time of his life. This is the only sensible answer.
Torch is chaos incarnate. Matt may? be only sane person in the crew.
I’m so glad I splurged on an oil extractor. It’s definitely slower than pulling the plug, but can’t overflow and with a top mount oil filter I don’t even have to get under the car at all.
How important is getting the last ounce or two of old oil out? The last time I changed oil, I let it drain for about five minutes, then put the plug partway in. A few minutes later I removed the plug again and quite a bit more oil drained out. I would imagine an oil extractor would not get as much as removing the drain plug. On the same note, the quickie lube places probably leave quite a bit of old oil in there.
When I was looking to buy the extractor the general internet consensus seemed to be that there _might_ be a few more oz of oil that dropping the plug would get out, but given the total pan capacity it really didn’t matter. Seems like a lot of dealerships go the extractor method as well. There may be some oil pans that aren’t well optimized for extraction, but seems like most for cars it’ll probably do a solid job of getting all the oil out.
For me the convenience and cleanliness absolutely sold me, as well as my car (Mk7 GTI) really seemed to be optimized for it especially with the top mounted oil filter.
And this is why I said the other day I don’t like dealing with changing my own oil.
I don’t know these people.
Especially since the Ssaydepuke?
How Rodius!
I don’t have one of them fancy cars, but I’m pretty sure it won’t try to start if you don’t have your foot on the brake pedal.
Okay David, that was indeed pretty thick. LMAO. Of course, I have the same drain pan and have done the same thing, but luckily caught it before overflowing. Love when they burp too!
Autopian masthead is a lie – their real names are Larry, Moe, and Curly.
But who gets to come in and Shemp things up later?
No one will ever make this place Shemp shape.
David – Moe, Matt – Larry, Torch – Curly. And I love you guys to death.
Ah yes, the eternal struggle between “I should empty the drain pan before I do another oil change” and “there is probably enough room in the pan for one more oil change”.
See also: “I can probably make it one more exit before needing gas.”
Always check the drain pan first. Rule #1 for me. Actually, it gets drained immediately after the change to eliminate the threat.
But where is the fun in that?
This comment section is teaching me that some people late leave their used oil in the pan instead of putting it in a home depot bucket and taking it to Autozone. Animals, the lot of them.
I hate those pans with a passion. I bought one last fall, thinking it would make the process a little easier by eliminating the step of pouring the used oil back into containers.
I had the caps off so it was vented, but even then the 6.5 quarts in my 4Runner flowed out of the sump much quicker than it drained into the pan. As I lay there watching it flow, I realized the oil was rising closer to the top of the pan, and to my horror it eventually started cascading over the edge. I whipped off my sweatshirt to put down to try to contain the oil. I’d say at least two full quarts ended up in the street in front of my house, but the sweatshirt kept it from running down the gutter past my neighbor’s house.
I don’t know if there’s another trick to those or what, but I went back to using my coolant-style drainpan.
They suck so bad. Even the 4.5 quarts from a Fiesta overflows them with how slow they drain. And then the top is a dirty oily mess that just gets worse with time as it attracts dirt.
Yep. Much prefer the open top ones with the mesh to catch the bolts. No fear of overflow.
I had to drill out the holes in mine bigger for the same reason. BMW would flow out faster than it could drain in. But with the holes drilled out, no more issues. The first time I used my new pan it made a mess. Sigh. Can’t suck it out, no dipstick.
Thankfully my Mercedes is designed for an oil sucker-outer. The dipstick tube goes right to the bottom of the pan, so it sucks the oil out in less than a minute just jamming the sucker’s tube in the top of it. It’s like magic. Easiest oil changes ever.
I had the thought that I could enlarge the holes, but the oil hitting the pan itself splashed so much I’d be making a mess either way.
Mine was fine for that, just the holes in into the pan were too small, so it filled up and overflowed. Doesn’t help that my car holds almost 8qts and has a pretty big sump drain!
I’ve had the same issue before, but the one I have now (which I got at the curb with a filter wrench sitting on it!) hasn’t had the problem. I don’t know if it’s because it’s a bigger capacity, or they just made the holes all bigger, or it’s higher quality, but it’s been totally fine.
I was ready for it when I was doing the oil on my wife’s RAV and it came out of the car in a torrent, but to my surprise no issues.
Watching the video I’m reminded about a monkey doing something to a football.
Team America
Want to make it 1000X harder? I issue the challenge:
Get a spare oil pan. Begin filling it with an eye dropper. Remove the original oil pan. Replace. Recycle the old oil into the plastic container…with an eye dropper. Enjoy the madness.