“Why are we such idiots?” Jason pondered, loudly and with a hint of resignation. David is laughing so hard he’s almost inconsolable as we all suddenly realized that we just took a 10-minute job and made it an almost hour-long affair involving various spilled fluids, ruined clothes, and a remarkable lack of sense even for us.
What made it even funnier is just how easy the job seemed at first. As a little background, we’re taking the XPEL Murano CrossCabriolet to the only place that we think it’ll be appreciated: Monterey Car Week. While we’ve yet to be invited on the lawn either at The Quail or Pebble Beach Concours d’Elegance, I’m assuming it’ll happen as soon as Mrs. Button sees it passing down 17-Mile Drive. She’ll leap from the rumble seat of a 1931 Duesenberg Model J and insist we join the Concours on Sunday.
To be prepared for such an occasion, we’ve taken a few steps. First, it’s been lifted by our friends at Galpin Auto Sports and put on a pair of gorgeous Vredestein Pinza A/Ts. More on that later, though there’s a little teaser below. Second, we’re not sure when the last oil change was, but the oil change reminder light was on so David decided it was best to do the oil change last night, following a bunch of meetings, when both Jason and I were exhausted (my day started at about 4:30 am on the East Coast).
Because the Murano CC now sits higher, David discovered that he wouldn’t even need to put the car on ramps. With a quick turn of our Mustang V6 wheels, the tiny oil filter was suddenly accessible. David quickly changed into proper grease monkey attire while Jason and I stood around checking out how well the PPF had held up to various miseries.
Here’s where the issue began. David was unsure how much oil was left in his drain pan. Doing a little mental math, David assured us it would be fine. Probably. I walked away to grab something only to hear David and Jason start laughing and bickering.
The drain pain was suddenly and immediately full. David’s calculation must have been wrong somehow [Ed Note: My math is never wrong. -DT]. It was now stuck under the car, too full to move. Jason considered putting the Murano into neutral and having us push the car away, but he accidentally cranked the car with no oil in it [Editor’s Note: I blame the stupid start button, which is overeager. – JT] as David and I frantically yelled at him to turn off the car before it was too late. Thankfully, Jason already had his finger on the start button and immediately killed the engine before it actually fired. Jason then tried to wedge cardboard under the pan to pull it out, all the while spilling some oil on everyone.
This led us to wander around the Galpin backlot looking for David’s secret stash of car parts and fluids. We found another drain pain, but one of the screwtops was missing. We found one that would fit, but it was from an old bottle of coolant, so David mixed two coolants together and stole the top from the empty one.
As soon as we did this, of course, David found the original top, so we set the empty pan next to the now Valdez-like overflowing one, and David slowly began to sloppily attempt to scoop dirty oil from the overflowing pan into the other one (after remembering to grab the Cross Cab’s oil pan drain plug).
You can see what happened next in the Instagram video here, or embedded below:
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It was not great. Shortly after this clip ends, Jason asks the universe: “Why! Why are we so stupid? Why can’t we get a break?”
An excellent way to start the trip.
Everyone in my family knows Dad keeps lots of ABsorb/kitty litter around, cuz it’s almost impossible to change 0W20 without splashing.
And I always forget to empty the drain pan until I’m ready to do the oil change.
This whole thing just makes me feel better about the dumb things I’ve done while working on cars/lawnmowers/engines.
When we were driving around the US in 1984 on our honeymoon in a ’76 VW bus, we put enough miles on that we needed oil changes. At the time, in a lot of places, VWs were not at all common, and some oil change places had never seen one before. I brought out all the proper tools, laid down on the floor near the pit and coached the tech on how to do each and every step of the process. I even had the proper oil gaskets as I knew they wouldn’t have them. It worked out well, and they learned a lot in the process. We had to use an oil-change place as we were on the road and had no way to contain, hold, or dispose of the used stuff.
“…we’re not sure when the last oil change was…” I’m genuinely surprised that an oil change wasn’t the first order of business.
As professionals doing things that us commoners would do make us feel better about ourselves. It serves as a reminder that not everything goes to plan and even the pros have their off days. Plus you probably only count your failures, how many times has it gone smooth that you would never post an article, ” I change my oil in 15 mins”. That is not exciting. Give us the hi jinx and tomfoolery we crave.
Sincerely a Satisfied Member.
My first read of this headline had me wondering why you were changing the oil on a FIAT 500X.
Maybe it is my laptop monitor, but that oil looks to be the color of fresh blood.
CVTF? Wouldn’t be the first time someone’s done that. “My car is smoking but will not move. Help.”
I’ve screwed up oil changes TWICE!
First time, as a kid, long story short I stripped the threads on the drain bung, so it was stuck in the sump, slowly dripping. Had to replace the sump (which was of course, full of oil).
The second time, recently, I replaced the O-ring on the oil filter housing*, but put it in the wrong spot. It was fine at idle, but at high rpms the oil pressure was high enough to spray oil out past the O-ring, pretty much running me out of oil.
I ended up with quite a lot of glitter in the oil, but so far, after several flushes, the engine is still running. Taking the engine apart to see how badly I’ve hurt it would cost more than the car is worth, so I’m just crossing my fingers and trying not to go over 4000rpm.
*(my Polo has a plastic housing that screws into the engine, so you only have to replace the paper filter. Honestly, it’s a nice design)
It’s funny and
patheticsad that that a bunch of people with a ton of opinions on cars and tech can’t even do a decent oil change.“I’ve done this a million times before, what could go wrong?”
The Three Stooges of automotive maintenance
I got one of the those pan/jug contraptions as a gift. I used it once… the oil draining from the engine pan can splash out…. and then you need to clean up the integral pan in the pan/jug thing, otherwise it can drip/train if you turn the jug onto a different side. I used that POS once–never again. Now I use a dedicated plastic waste basket to catch oil which is poured into a 3 gallon jug to be taken the recycling center. Much better system.
What’s that saying? ” A fool and his dirty oil are soon united”? Something like that.
I have this 9 quart closed top but high sided oil pan: https://www.midwestcan.com/product/9-quart-drain-pan/ (ignore the price, that must be a bulk price)
It caps securely for transporting, drains like a champ and doesn’t burp oil with both drain holes open and the pour cap loosened. Great design. It works fine for the 5 quart oil changes I usually do. If I spill oil, it’s user error.
Thank you for posting that link. I have the drain pan in the OP. The vent cap is a plastic piece held on by friction and after about three uses and 0W-20 lubrication it will no longer stay closed. The result is that oil spills out of it when I drive to the recycler.
I checked every store within 20 miles and they all sell the same pan under different names. Nothing else has sufficient capacity and I was doomed to spilling used oil all over my car’s carpeting & upholstery. I don’t see the vent on your posted pan but am willing to take a chance.
It vents from the pour spout cap being loosened slightly and the drain holes being large enough to handle a passenger car volume of oil easily.
Everything about this is why I just pay to have my oil changed.
I would pay to have my oil drained if I could be the one to fill it back up. I just don’t trust a grease jobber these days to put in the right spec, or quantity, or any oil at all.
By a stoned school dropout with a single day’s worth of training, an itchy sawzall finger and a pneumatic ratchet dialed to 11.
By people who are worse mechanics than David.
David Tracy swears off group oil changes.
Mostly in regular situations I only handle fluids from motorcycles, but in the past one car used to be at least weekly. One thing I have learned is unless you have a big diesel engine a plastic dishpan is great, cheap and strong enough for water and dishes. I transfer oil to a plastic pail with a lid for recycling.
I empty my drain pan after every use. . .pours out easier warm. And no over flow issues.
Pfft, far too sensical for these parts round here. Hand in your membership card.
Same here. I used to keep a couple of changes worth of oil in it and take it to the store to drain, but it’s a mess and inconvenient as hell. I now immediately drain the old oil into an empty 5-qt jug until I’ve accumulated several full of engine oil, ATF, or CVTF.