What Form Would Your Revenge Take? Ford Ranger vs Chevy Aveo vs Nissan Altima vs Kia Spectra

I wasn’t sure how to end this week of implausible cheap-car scenarios. Should I go big? Should I come up with some silly way of tying the four winners together? Both of those seemed like a lot of work for a Friday, so instead, I decided to keep it simple, and give you all a chance to get back at me for picking such horrible cars.

Yesterday’s scenario involved an inheritance, and a cheap car you had to drive exclusively for a year. Either one would have done the job, so it came down to personal preference, which always makes for a close vote. Last I checked, the Kia was in the lead by a few votes, so I’m declaring it the winner.

I think it’s probably the right choice too. All things being equal, I would have chosen the Cobalt, but its ad had too many superlatives in the text and too many questions in the photos. The Kia just felt more honest.

Now then: Today is really simple. You have the opportunity to bring one of the week’s winners to my house, drop it off in the driveway, and make me deal with it. (I almost had you choose between the losers, but I just knew I’d end up with that ugly-ass Sable.) Which one are you going to stick me with? Let’s recap and see.

1990 Ford Ranger XLT

What I think of it: I don’t need another truck. If I did need a truck, a Ranger wouldn’t be a bad choice, but a rustbucket with a 2.9 and an automatic would be pretty far down my list.

What I’d do with it: Sell it. It has enough new parts, and is in good enough mechanical condition, that it wouldn’t be hard to sell to someone who just needs a truck to do truck stuff. The rust would have made it a hard sell back in Oregon, but here on the east coast, buyers are more used to it.

2007 Chevrolet Aveo

What I think of it: Actually, I kinda like this one. I’ve always been a fan of small cars with manual transmissions, even ones that aren’t particularly sporting like this. It’s exactly the sort of car I like to rent when traveling abroad. A Peugeot 208 or a Renault Clio would be more fun, but this is about as close as we can get here in the States.

What I’d do with it: I think I’d be tempted to hang on to this one for a while. It doesn’t take up much space, and it can’t cost that much to insure. And it has to be more reliable than my perpetually-broken MGB, and therefore more fun. It’s hard to enjoy a car when you’re constantly worried about what’s going to fail next.

2006 Nissan Altima 2.5 S

What I think of it: It’s an Altima. It’s beyond the likes or dislikes of any one person. It exists as a brute object in the world, a monolithic totem to bad driving and survival by force of sheer will. Someone in the comments on this one said that this is the sort of car that everyone would actually be driving in a post-apocalyptic Mad Max-style world, and I think that’s accurate.

What I’d do with it: I’d be tempted to keep this one too, strictly for when I have to drive into Baltimore or DC. Even those maniacs have to bow down before the power of the shitty Altima.

2009 Kia Spectra EX

What I think of it: At least it’s a manual. And an actual color.

What I’d do with it: I’d sell this one, too. I don’t need it, I don’t particularly like it, and it would make a good runabout for someone who’s willing to drive a stick. Throw it back into the pond, and let someone else catch it.

I don’t want, or need, any of these cars. Any of them would be in my way. But now that you know what I think of them, you can choose how mean you want to be – keeping in mind that I hate selling cars. It’s an absolute pain in the ass, and just the thought of it exhausts me. So take your time, deliberate, discuss, and I’ll keep an eye out for the imaginary car hauler dropping off my “prize.”