I wasn’t sure how to end this week of implausible cheap-car scenarios. Should I go big? Should I come up with some silly way of tying the four winners together? Both of those seemed like a lot of work for a Friday, so instead, I decided to keep it simple, and give you all a chance to get back at me for picking such horrible cars.
Yesterday’s scenario involved an inheritance, and a cheap car you had to drive exclusively for a year. Either one would have done the job, so it came down to personal preference, which always makes for a close vote. Last I checked, the Kia was in the lead by a few votes, so I’m declaring it the winner.
I think it’s probably the right choice too. All things being equal, I would have chosen the Cobalt, but its ad had too many superlatives in the text and too many questions in the photos. The Kia just felt more honest.
Now then: Today is really simple. You have the opportunity to bring one of the week’s winners to my house, drop it off in the driveway, and make me deal with it. (I almost had you choose between the losers, but I just knew I’d end up with that ugly-ass Sable.) Which one are you going to stick me with? Let’s recap and see.
1990 Ford Ranger XLT
What I think of it: I don’t need another truck. If I did need a truck, a Ranger wouldn’t be a bad choice, but a rustbucket with a 2.9 and an automatic would be pretty far down my list.
What I’d do with it: Sell it. It has enough new parts, and is in good enough mechanical condition, that it wouldn’t be hard to sell to someone who just needs a truck to do truck stuff. The rust would have made it a hard sell back in Oregon, but here on the east coast, buyers are more used to it.
2007 Chevrolet Aveo
What I think of it: Actually, I kinda like this one. I’ve always been a fan of small cars with manual transmissions, even ones that aren’t particularly sporting like this. It’s exactly the sort of car I like to rent when traveling abroad. A Peugeot 208 or a Renault Clio would be more fun, but this is about as close as we can get here in the States.
What I’d do with it: I think I’d be tempted to hang on to this one for a while. It doesn’t take up much space, and it can’t cost that much to insure. And it has to be more reliable than my perpetually-broken MGB, and therefore more fun. It’s hard to enjoy a car when you’re constantly worried about what’s going to fail next.
2006 Nissan Altima 2.5 S
What I think of it: It’s an Altima. It’s beyond the likes or dislikes of any one person. It exists as a brute object in the world, a monolithic totem to bad driving and survival by force of sheer will. Someone in the comments on this one said that this is the sort of car that everyone would actually be driving in a post-apocalyptic Mad Max-style world, and I think that’s accurate.
What I’d do with it: I’d be tempted to keep this one too, strictly for when I have to drive into Baltimore or DC. Even those maniacs have to bow down before the power of the shitty Altima.
2009 Kia Spectra EX
What I think of it: At least it’s a manual. And an actual color.
What I’d do with it: I’d sell this one, too. I don’t need it, I don’t particularly like it, and it would make a good runabout for someone who’s willing to drive a stick. Throw it back into the pond, and let someone else catch it.
I don’t want, or need, any of these cars. Any of them would be in my way. But now that you know what I think of them, you can choose how mean you want to be – keeping in mind that IÂ hate selling cars. It’s an absolute pain in the ass, and just the thought of it exhausts me. So take your time, deliberate, discuss, and I’ll keep an eye out for the imaginary car hauler dropping off my “prize.”
Having owned or driven all of these, the Spectra is my choice, primarily because it is the least awful of them all. I don’t have anything against any of these models, aside from the Aveo being just a terrible car from the outset, but of these specific vehicles the Kia is the best.
Altima is the perfect choice here. Only thing to change would be to replace one of the rear wheels with the spare. Believe it or not, there are many areas in Baltimore and DC where that car would be considered janky.
It’s Friday, I’m in a good mood. You give us great content. So, since you seem to like the Aveo, that’s my choice for you.
I would really appreciate 5 days of two-car Showdown, and make the five winners’ showdown a weekend feature, when new site content is more sparse.
I like it. Also a chance to get members involved. Thanks for being a member, here is a POS to write about. 🙂
Definitely going with the Altima. This is not just any Altima. This is a beat up dirt cheap Altima sold by a clueless low-end used car dealer. Again, this guy is making money selling it for $1,200. How did the seller acquire a reliable, moderate mileage car for a price so low he can make money at $1,200? Spoiler alert – that isn’t possible. This car has to be a tremendous POS.
I don’t understand the enthusiasm for this car. The probability of this being a good car is almost zero. If the goal is revenge, this is the obvious choice.
I’m shivering just looking at the images. I can’t imagine walking up to this car and actually getting inside!
If the idea is to stick you with something, Aveo it is. I got stuck with one as a rental back in 2008, and decided before returning it I had to pile the kids in for a ride around town so they could experience what a shitty economy car from decades ago (70’s/80s) looked and drove like. It sucked in every conceivable way. May you enjoy gazing at that cheerful color every morning before entering the chamber of sadness.
Altima, but first head to the Freedom Factory for the upcoming Altima 600 then bring it back to use getting in and out of the cities.
I saw the word “revenge” and a picture of the Aveo and knew that was my vote. A friend of mine had one and it was awful. I drove it once, to bed in a set of brake pads I installed. It was the only car I’ve driven where all of the controls felt connected by rubber bands, the most vague and numb driving experience of my life. A stick would make it a little better, but I bet it’s connected with rubber bands too. She was so thankful when someone hit her and totaled it.
Altima for the endless memes
2 small, manual, Korean cars. I get that it’s yellow, but that’s the only cheerful thing about the Aveo. The Spectra is just so much more car (first time someone ever said that and wasn’t just referring to the features list?) and revisiting the listings…the same price and 100k fewer miles!
Altima for you. Keep it for a bit if you like, it will likely be an easier sell when you wake up and have a snap realization “WTF am I doing with this car here?”
I have no ill will toward you, and I also find the little yellow Aveo kind of charming, Sure it’s not particularly interesting, but its yellow and has a manual and would be decent for driving in the city.
Sorry man, it’s the Ranger. Least I can do for making us look at that rolling mold factory Sable. That thing was HAUNTING with that stupid ass top.
” You have the opportunity to bring one of the week’s winners to my house, drop it off in the driveway, and make me deal with it.”
I like you Mark. So as a result, I have no desire to have revenge on you. And thus, I’m gonna pick the car that is the least-terrible of the bunch.
So that means Kia gets my vote because by the late 2000s, they were decently reliable cars… and that Kia is a better car than the Aveo. Actually I think the Aveo is the worst car on this list. And that’s not just my personal opinion. That’s also based on people I know who have owned them.
And after looking at the voting results, it’s clear that a large number of Autopians want revenge on you for some reason… LOL
Aveo. It’s the best, smallest footprint of the bunch. If you’re going to keep a car you don’t need, you might as well keep it small.
BAE FTW
Aveo, because I can’t be that mean. Really mean was the Sable and it was ineligible.
I’m sure someone has come up with this but I’m throwing it out there, what about the Grand Shitbox? A reverse tournament where we vote for the worst car of the week. I was going to say for the year, but that would mean keeping track of every week and then doing a monthly winnowing and eventually a twelve car tournament at the end of the year. Stuff like that sounds fun but keeping track of everything? Yeesh.
I so wanted to go Altima, but its a Friday.
Ooh I second the Grand Shitbox competition!
Ford Fucking Ranger
Sure, it might be a slushbox, but it has the 6-cyl
I’m not being fooled. Aveo for you. Assuming I’m supposed to be mean anyway.
Even if you think you wouldn’t mind the Aveo, once you had to drive it, I’m pretty sure you’d change your mind. The delightful small cars you compare it to are so, so much better than this sad sack Aveo. This was a bad car when new. And yes, I do like subcompacts.
And selling it would be more than likely a rough time, it being a manual, and because for the most part, people absolutely hate these cars. If you hate selling cars, this is easily the worst one to get.
The Aveo is an instance of failing to live up to even very modest expectations. You hope for cheap and cheerful, only to be served cheap and painful. It is almost like they made an effort to make a car so bad that they could later justify the fact they stopped selling cars.
At the time maybe. But I will say, GM followed it up with the Sonic, which I found to be a totally decent and not-hateful small economy car. They let it wither on the vine like every other brand chose to with their US small car offerings, but I feel like the Sonic was an appropriate “sorry, we actually tried this time” response to foisting the Aveo on us for the time that they did.
I had the Sonic as a rental once, and it was miles better than the Aveo.
My in-laws still have one that’s 11 years old with a decent chunk of mileage on it. Considering that they neglect their vehicles worse than anyone I’ve ever met, the fact that it’s still alive and chugging along is a pretty good sign. I wouldn’t say it’s a great car, but it rides surprisingly well for a cheap subcompact. It even has some whimsy built into it with the weird motorcycle style gauges and all of that.
It’s a solid effort and probably one of the best small cars GM has made (not that there’s a long list of those).
Most of us give a cheap little car a lot of slack since compromise is a part of the segment. I even have fond memories of my robust old Chevette because it did everything it was supposed to do without fail. It just did it very, very, very, slowly.
Altima.
I’d like to conduct a science experiment: is the origin of Big Altima Energy car based or driver based?
Hardibro seems like a pretty even keeled type of guy. If, after say, six months of Matt driving the Altima, it’s riding on at least one space saver spare, the tags are expired, has one or more bumper caps hanging off or missing altogether, and is perpetually doing 90 while swerving across multiple lanes of traffic, we’ll know it’s the car.
However, if it’s in pretty much the same condition and Matt’s driving record is reasonably unblemished, we’ll know it’s the driver.
Yeah, science, bitch!!!
Much like hopping in a 1980s Camaro and instantly growing a mullet, hopping into any year Altima turns you into a police-fleeing heathen before you even turn the key.
Every time a mullet reaches shoulder length, an angel gets its jean jacket.
Live in DC, so give me that Altima and I’ll print my own MD temp tags to terrorize 395
I went Aveo. I’m not mean, it’s my favorite of the bunch.
I have no desire to burden you with something useless. The only one of these that was the correct selection of its respective showdown is the Ranger. So I will go with that since the reason still holds true; a junker pickup can still be very useful for runs to the dump and Home Depot. The only function of the others would require me to spend more time in them than I am willing to contemplate. A bike or Uber would be a better option.
You need some Big Altima Energy forced upon you.
Suffering seems to be the theme lately.
I give you the Ranger.
Jatco cvt might snap a belt if the non cvt altima won again. So I voted for it