James Bond, everyone’s favorite womanizing martini enthusiast, is arguably best known for his gadget-laden Aston Martin DB5 that made star turns in Goldfinger and Thunderball. At Bond’s pushbutton command, it deployed such useful options as an ejector seat, machine guns, radar, and an oil-slick sprayer – crowd-pleasers all.
I was fascinated by Bond’s DB5 as a kid, and the highlight of any trip to visit my Aunt was the chance to play with my cousin’s Corgi model of the spymobile and activate its spring-loaded features – especially the ejection seat.
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Note how Corgi even captured the moment a baddie is about to put a 9mm hole in Bond before James shoots him out of the roof – Bond shot first, you might say.
I still love the spy-spec DB5 and its fantastical hardware today (who doesn’t?), but it would hardly fit my use case as someone who is, to be charitable, definitely not a spy, or smooth with the ladies, or attractive … (stop me anytime, gee whiz).
A bespoke gadget-ified car just for me would probably be a Mercedes C-Class, and for the gadgets, I’d like to be able to load Hot Pockets into the top of the dash like artillery rounds, which would feed into a microwave and be presented ready-to-eat at the touch of a button. I would also appreciate a set of pop-up headlights set into the trunk lid, so I may appropriately alert whoever the eff is high-beaming me that they are high-beaming me. Also, I would like massaging seats (those are already standard equipment, so that’s convenient), and you know what? Gimmie the front-bumper machine guns.
Your turn:
What Would Be Your ‘James Bond Car,’ And What Gadgets Would It Have?
Top graphic image: screen capture, United Artists
“definitely not a spy, or smooth with the ladies, or attractive … (stop me anytime, gee whiz)”
The unanswered question is how do you like your martinis?
Extremely Dry.
As in waive-the-vermouth-bottle-over-the-glass dry.
For me, it’d have to be a sleeper, something unassuming but could have gadgets. Lexus LS 400 or 430 probably.
james bond just needs a shaggin wagon
an Austin, perhaps?
I’ll take a G-6155 Interceptor, please and thank you. Guns, missiles, smokescreen, oil slicks, EMP gun, and A FLAMETHROWER. Oh, and outward-facing speakers so all the people can hear me blaring Peter Gunn.
Always loved the Aston V8 Vantage from The Living Daylights. I would probably keep all of the stuff on that one too.
…I mean it’s gotta be an Aston. A couple ideas;
Have Bond secretly replace Lance Stroll in next year’s F1 car for a race. That way when he inevitably brings it back in pieces due to spy shenanigans, no one will be the wiser.
But how about a DBX707, equipped with a device that remotely hacks vehicles with an internet connection and self-steering capabilities, to for example, redirect them to the nearest fast food place? Ooh, and chaff launchers to trigger emergency braking systems!
I think a Hot Pocket dispenser would be a driving hazard. I have attempted to eat these directly out of the microwave and the filling is usually the temperature of molten lava. Great care must be taken when attempting to consume a Hot Pocket.
Jim Gaffigan has entered the conversation.
As cool as 007 is – the times call for a Villain.
I’ll take Blofeld’s Mercedes-Benz 600 SWB – in “Diamonds are Forever” color spec (Dark Blue Metallic over Creme-Beige upholstery), with sunroof and added large driving lights like Daryl Van Horne’s 600 (Witches of Eastwick)
It will be an EV conversion with a single Lucid motor mounted in the rear, giving us over 400hp and 400 torques – far more than the antiquated old V8 – as villains don’t have time or patience for gas stations. 400+ mile range is more than sufficient.
It will be bulletproof, naturlich.
It will have rocket-launchers hidden behind the head/tail lamps, front and rear (Left lane bandits and tailgaters piss me off) as well as an extendable front bumper which can be used as a cow-catcher to, as Irma Bundt directed, “Knock Zem out of Zee Vay!”
It will have self-driving like Daryl Van Horne’s 600 – but a bit more developed to stay on the road. For when Gunther or Odd Job are indisposed to drive for me.
And it will have self-healing bodywork, like that certain Plymouth Fury.
Now where is my pink linen duster…
I had an old VW Bug with a broken piston. It threw out an oil slick and a blue smokescreen. I had a James Bond car.
I’m reasonably certain you had Harry Dresden‘s car. Are you a professional wizard?
A Reliant Robin with rocket launchers and folding wings.
I’d take the 2CV from For Your Eyes Only, along with whatever modifications allowed it to do multiple rolls with only minor body damage. What more could anyone want from a vehicle?
Silver Saab 900 Turbo boosted to police specs, special gun port, Browning 9mm in a slide out shelf activated by one of the innoculous buttons on the dash, other hidden compartments, tear gas dispensers at all four corners, bulletproof glass, armour plating, halon fire suppresion system, heads up display modified from the Viggen fighter, mobile phone.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=WV75-3rlgQo
Are you saying… no one spies like Gaston?
Never dies like Gaston?
And who keeps SPECTRE mooks so unwise like Gaston?
“I use turbos in all my acCELerating!”
My what a spy that Gaston!
Clever! 🙂
Make sure it has an oxygen mask. Halon will suffocate you when discharged in the cabin.
It’s under the seat 😉
Also forgot to mention the infrared goggles for stealth night driving!