We’ve been looking at cars I know a lot of you dislike this week, but today we’re going to change gears (metaphorically; they’re both still automatics) and look at two cars you probably don’t have any opinion about at all. And that can be advantageous, in some cases. Keeping a nice low profile can keep you out of a lot of trouble.
Yesterday’s old-people cars would have been practically invisible once upon a time, but nowadays they’re both so rare that they stand out. Show up to any place that anyone cares about cars in either one of them, and you’ll draw attention to yourself. And you’ll probably hear a lot of stories about a car someone’s family or friend or ex used to drive that was just like it. The vote was close, but the Chrysler LeBaron finished slightly ahead, despite being more expensive.
I have experience with both of these; I owned a ’92 Tempo coupe for a couple of years, and I’ve had a number of K-cars and derivatives. The Tempo wasn’t a bad car, and it did fine on weekend freeway trips (I was living just outside Chicago and dating a girl in Milwaukee at the time), but it felt tired and used-up by the time it hit 100,000 miles. K-cars seem to hold up better over the long haul. So I feel like the LeBaron is the right choice here.
There might be no less noticeable vehicle in the US than a twenty-year-old mid-sized General Motors sedan, especially in rural areas. Cars like these are everywhere, and nobody pays them any attention at all. And I kind of love them for that. Why would anyone want to be so invisible, you ask? Are they up to no good? Not necessarily; maybe they’re just introverted. Or don’t think it’s anybody’s damn business where they go or what they do. Or, maybe they’ve just entered the witness protection program. Whatever the reason, these cars will give you more anonymity for fifteen hundred bucks than a whole Q Branch’s worth of gadgets. Need to disappear? Pull into the parking lot of any Wal-Mart or large apartment complex, and poof – you’re gone. Let’s take a look at them. No, not those; these ones over here. There ya go.
2003 Buick Century – $1,500
Engine/drivetrain: 3.1-liter OHV V6, four-speed automatic, FWD
Location: Medford, OR
Odometer reading: 230,000 miles
Operational status: Runs and drives great
Believe it or not, the original Buick Century back in 1936 was a performance car. The name “Century” was chosen because it could cruise at 100 miles an hour, quite an achievement in those days. I’m guessing that this one could do a hundred as well, but so can pretty much anything. This sixth-generation Century is based on GM’s venerable W platform, like its sibling the Regal, but the Century was set up with softer suspension and more traditional trim.
The engine in this Century was GM’s go-to powerplant for a quarter of a century: the 60-degree V6 first introduced in 1980. By 2003, it had been blessed with sequential fuel injection, and put out 170 horsepower. This one has been around the block a few hundred thousand times, but it still runs great, according to the seller. That’s about all the seller has to say, though. If you want to know more, you’ll have to go look at it in person.
The Century featured a split bench seat and a column-mounted shifter, instead of the Regal’s bucket seats and center console. It was an anachronism even in 2003, but some older buyers still preferred that layout. This one seems to be holding up remarkably well for the mileage, but there’s no word on how many of the interior gadgets still work.
It looks pretty good outside too, neither too clean and shiny nor obviously damaged, perfect for clandestine use. And it’s silver, like half the old Buicks on the road. Being a southern Oregon car, it should be more or less rust-free, too, so it can hide in plain sight for a good long while yet.
2005 Chevrolet Malibu Classic – $1,500
Engine/drivetrain: 2.2-liter DOHC inline 4, four-speed automatic, FWD
Location: West Jordan, UT
Odometer reading: 149,000 miles
Operational status: Runs and drives great, but burns some oil
Chevy brought back the Malibu nameplate in 1997 after a fourteen-year hiatus for this car, a replacement for the Corsica sedan. It’s based on the N platform, along with the Pontiac Grand Am and Oldsmobile Alero. This car was more or less replaced by an all-new design for the 2004 model year, but Chevy kept this design in production for a couple more years as the Malibu Classic. I’m not sure how much of a classic anyone thought it was, but it was cheap and practical, and it looks like at least one person bought one.
The only drivetrain available in the Classic was a 2.2-liter Ecotec four-cylinder and a 4T40-E automatic transmission. This one has been showered with more love than any Malibu I’ve ever seen: the seller includes a long list of recent repairs and service, including a new timing chain kit, transmission fluid and filter, tires, battery, and more. I’m sure there’s more than $1,500 worth of parts and labor there, making this a great deal. It runs and drives well, but it does go through a quart of oil between fill-ups, with no sign of where it’s going. Often, when this happens, it’s the fault of the PCV system. Unfortunately, this engine doesn’t have an easily replaceable PCV valve; it’s just a little orifice inside the intake manifold. Pulling the manifold and cleaning it out is a chore, but it might be worth it, so you don’t have to keep adding oil.
This one looks all right inside as well; these two are laying to rest the notion that mid-2000s GM interiors don’t hold up. It doesn’t even look dirty. It has an aftermarket stereo and speakers, and everything works, including the air conditioning. It’s not the most exciting interior ever put in a car, but comfy seats and good strong HVAC go a long way.
It’s a little rougher outside than the Buick; it has a little rust, the windshield is cracked, and the paint isn’t the best. But in some places, that actually adds to its camouflage. You might want to take a peek underneath and make sure the rust isn’t too advanced, though.
Hopefully, you never have a need to travel incognito. But if you did, you could do a lot worse than a twenty-year-old General Motors sedan. But nobody should spend much money on such a contrivance, which makes these two a good deal at $1,500 each. So which form of invisibility would you take?
That generation of Malibu (even more so, its Olds twinsie) was so anonymous that even Chevrolet made fun of its anonymity when introducing the 2008 version of the Malibu:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OL946vRUDJg
I chose the Buick in this case–possibly the nicest one of these cars I’ve seen in a great while.
Here’s a choice between a rusty Malibu former rental car that consumes oil or ANYTHING ELSE. I’ll take the wicker sculpture of a duck.
Both would have been great choices for a getaway car in 2011. Neither are adequately anonymous today, though. If I decide to pull a bank job in 2025 I’m going to rent a grey CRV. An Altima might also be a good choice – if nothing else, the aggressive driving required to flee the 5-0 would be interpreted as normal behavior in an Altima.
I honestly can’t choose between these two vehicles. Realistically, just buy both. If you really need anonymity, two generic sedans are better than one.
Also, don’t rob banks. It is low yield relative to the effort required.
I agree. At least here in the rust belt, if I saw either of those cars, I’d probably give it a second look. Now, maybe that’s only because I pay attention to cars and am aware that these have become rare, while passive observers might not realize that the world has moved on?
That depends on where you are going. At the local Dollar General you’d fit right in!
V6 and not-Utah win the day here. Buick all the way.
Throwing us a softball here! Buick!
These Malibus were hateful things.
As long as it’s got A/C, I’d take the Buick, even at 230K miles.
By the time the Malibu was renamed the Classic, it was fleet-only. That means this was either a rental car or a corporate fleet vehicle and that’s not a good omen.
Bench seats and made in the current century is all I needed to go Buick.
The century has cupholders. #shrug
To drive around: the Century. Rust = nope.
On the other hand, were money, tools, time, and talent (and access to an open-wheel racing constructor) not an issue, a Malibu would become a Supertourer. Just not that one.
I picked the Century.It will definitely be more comfortable waiting for the tow truck if it breaks down in the middle of a bank heist.
Six cylinders are better than four, plus the Malibu Classic doesn’t appear to be the Epsilon platform shared with SAAB among others. Wish the Buick had the 3800 though.
For a $1500 beater, I don’t think either is bad. But I chose the Buick.
I was already in for the Century as that generation of Malibu is a particular brand of suck, but then I saw it was the 4-cyl. Holy crap no way.
Disappointed neither of these have the legendary 3.8L. Tough choice, The Buick is in much better condition and is the obvious choice but the Malibu would take care of my used oil problem.
You’ve gotta step up to the Lee-saab-ray to get a 3800 Buick.
The Regal of the same age had it I’m pretty sure. Same body as the Century but bucket seats, shifter in the console and the 3800 vs the 3.1 were the major differences.
Yeah, that sounds right.
Buick hands down today. I’d daily it without a problem if I needed a cheap winter car. Actually, I kinda do.
Difficult decision as both of these cars pull at the nostalgia strings. My Grandma had a Century in ‘Champaign’. When I was 13 I convinced her to let me drive it with her to the park a few miles away when they’d visit.
My high school girlfriend had a Malibu quite similar to this one. Same color if I remember correctly. It was about as bland as white rice but it was roomy for extracurriculars. Far more roomy than my Geo Storm.
Went Century because it’s in better shape over all despite the mileage.
I chose the Malibu because of the lower miles and the recent maintenance. I’m clearly the minority opinion. I guess I’ll go ponder where I went wrong in life.
I came to the comments just to see if someone confessed to picking the Malibu and explained why. Hey, sometimes you have to throw reason to the wind, Malibu Man!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M7Yk3tbASvI&list=RDM7Yk3tbASvI&start_radio=1
Well, you aren’t the only one. There’s nothing tied to that Buick that interests me: it’s not even a 3800 car!
Also, people comment about rust, and I don’t believe it could be as rusty as they say it is. Being a New Yorker in the middle of relative nowhere, I’ve seen what a bunch of rock salt can do to a bunch of 3-year-old vehicles, let alone something 20 years old. The little rust I see doesn’t scare me, so I’d rather rock that Malibu.
I like the Century more as a vehicle, but I had the same thought process as you. There are dozens of us!
Almost 5 dozen of us!
The Century, is arguably, a very good car. Every person I’ve ever known to have this or the Regal, sings it’s praises. It also looks pretty nice?
The Malibu is objectively, a pretty shit one. These used to be everywhere, and every person I’ve ever known to own one hated it with the heat of a thousand suns. The lower mileage means little to me, as this thing was obviously a fleet car at some point. Though, I’ll give it some credit, it’s in better condition than any Malibu of this era I’ve seen in a long time.
Anyway, I chose the good car.
*I’ll add that if one must be saddled with a Malibu of this time, you’d be far better served by this fleet special than the absolutely fucking terrible 2004 Malibu non-classic, which I often consider to be the worse vehicle of the 21st century.
curious as why its the worst?
I remember the reveal of the ’04 Malibu well. I was in high school at the time, my dad wanted to try one out (we would go test-drive cars pretty frequently as he put a solid 30k on his vehicle a year, and was never far from needing a replacement).
The car was so bad, we laughed. First, it didn’t help that it was pretty miserable to look at, with an ugly mug and proportions that were, to be generous, misshapen. It was slow. It was LOUD. Our ’01 Hyundai Elantra was far quieter, more comfortable, and simply better to drive. And the interior, oh God the interior. This is the single worst interior of the era, and would make Cerberus era Chrysler blush. The miserable hard, hollow plastics. The severely misaligned panels. The rattles and squeaks from a brand new car. Upholstery that reminded us of what you’d find on a baby’s high chair or some sort of Fisher Price baby bouncer. And this was Chevy’s weird answer to splitting the difference between a Corolla and a Camry? It was an embarrassment. My dad, who once owned a VEGA, called this iteration of the Malibu “the very worst Chevy I’ve ever experienced”. The previous Malibu, which was uncompetitive already, was a vastly nicer car, which of course, is a pretty bad sign.
Despite my region being… extremely value oriented (read, sort of poor), Chevy couldn’t move these despite it being a “value-oriented” option. They were just that uncompetitive. You don’t see cars like this bad at reveal anymore.
I know we mostly have an attitude of “no bad cars” here, but as a new car, this was about the biggest hunk of crap ever. I still wouldn’t want one as a used car, but I can understand someone loving it as an extremely cheap used car that outperforms other options by simply being a form of transportation. No judgment there.
ty for the context! yeah sure sounds like a miserable pile of poop!
Gimme the Buick! More miles, but unless there’s something glaring I’m missing, it’s in SOOOO much better condition than the Malibu.
And wasn’t the Malibu Classic basically a fleet special? So it was probably a rental car in a former life.
As time marches on, an old silver sedan starts to stand out against the sea of RAV4s & CRVs.
Yeah. My silver ’01 Accord is starting to be a noticeable thing in the faculty parking lot full of crossovers. It doesn’t stand out quite as much as the grandmother white ’99 Corolla it replaced. That was a downright anachronism.
Old GM sedans are nonexistent where I live, but when I travel to Middle-of-Nowhere PA to visit my wife’s family, they are everywhere. Like every third vehicle on the road is a mid 90’s to mid 2000’s GM sedan.
I had a friend who had a similar Malibu and my grandfather drove a Century of this era. Good memories in both, but I’m going with Pop today. That bench seat and smooth ride are just the ticket.
I Googled “flip a coin” and it came up heads. I voted Century.
If the goal is to “disappear”, then Malibu. Doesn’t matter if it’s a good or bad car, it is invisible. No one will ever remember seeing that car.