Which One Would You Drive Cross-Country? 1999 Mercury Sable vs 2006 Nissan Altima

Welcome back! Today’s scenario is all about winning a bet. We’ve all shot our mouth off about something sometime and then been forced to back it up. So we’re going to go through a little mental exercise that involves two terrible cars and a matter of pride.

Yesterday, we were looking for something to teach a kid stickshift on, and we checked out a Ford Escort and a Chevy Aveo. Lots of arguments were made both for and against each one, but the consensus seemed to be that either one was fine for the task. The Aveo won, by virtue of being a little newer and therefore marginally safer, and having fewer miles.

I think I agree. If the mileage were equal, I’d feel better about the Escort, but the difference in feel between 200,000 and 300,000 miles is huge. The Aveo just seems like it has more life left in it.

So here’s today’s scenario: You’re three drinks into a nice, long Skype-and-bourbon conversation with an old friend who lives on the other side of the country. The talk turns to crappy old cars, a topic you’re both more than a little familiar with. You’ve recently moved to the West Coast, and he wants to know if the cheap car market is really as good as it seems.

“Oh yeah!” you say. “As long as you’re talking just basic transportation, you can find a lot of good, cheap deals out here. And they don’t rust! Why, I bet I could buy a car tomorrow for like fifteen hundred bucks, drive it to your place, and sell it for a profit, just because there’s no rust on it.”

Your friend takes a thoughtful sip of his drink and swallows slowly.  “You’re on.”

“What?”

“You’re on. Buy a car for $1,500 or less tomorrow, drive it here, and we’ll see if we can sell it for more than you paid for it.”

“What do I get if I win?” you ask.

He thinks for a second. “My undying respect,” he says finally, “and the rest of this bottle … but no Toyotas or Hondas. That’s too easy.”

You text him back in the morning to confirm that you’re actually going through with this, and start shopping. You find a whole lot of nothing; all the cheap cars seem to have dried up just when you need one. But these two ads jump out at you, and you think maybe one of them is up to the challenge.

1999 Mercury Sable LS – $1,299

Engine/drivetrain: 3.0-liter OHV V6, four-speed automatic, FWD

Location: Los Angeles, CA

Odometer reading: 192,000 miles

Operational status: Runs and drives well

“Not a pretty car,” this ad states, and that, at least, is a fact. The “catfish” generation Ford Taurus and Mercury Sable were never attractive cars to begin with, but someone has seen fit to equip this one with a landau top. Not only that, but it’s not like the landau top on a Town Car or something, that starts at the B pillar. No, this one starts in the middle of the rear door glass. It’s like a toupee with a built-in receding hairline. I’ve never seen anything quite like it, and I hope never to again.

Unattractive as it may be on the outside, the Sable has a lot going for it as a cheap, reliable car. The Vulcan V6, which I’m presuming this car has based on the lack of a “DOHC 24V” badge on the front fender, is a solid piece, and while Ford’s automatic transmission game hasn’t always been the strongest, these seem to hold up all right if you keep clean fluid in them. This one has 192,000 miles on it, enough to shake the bugs out, but not so many that it should feel worn-out. The seller says it runs smoothly and quietly, and it even has current tags.

We don’t get a very good view of the interior in the ad. This is about as good as it gets. It has a cheap steering wheel cover on it, and some garbage in the passenger footwell – not encouraging signs, but I guess you’d have to see it in person to determine whether or not you’re willing to spend a few days driving across the country in it. There’s no word on the status of the air conditioning; that might be a deciding factor.

Apart from that spectacularly ugly roof treatment, it does have a few issues outside. The trunk lock is missing, as is one hubcap, and the right rear window looks like it might be off-track. The clearcoat on the hood is in sorry shape, too. But it is rust-free, so it fits the brief.

2006 Nissan Altima 2.5 S – $1,200

Engine/drivetrain: 2.5-liter DOHC inline 4, four-speed automatic, FWD

Location: San Gabriel, CA

Odometer reading: 149,000 miles

Operational status: Runs and drives well

As far as I can tell, every third-generation Nissan Altima on the road was purchased secondhand. They were never actually new cars. It’s like they sprang into being sometime around 2010, spawning from the ground on buy-here-pay-here lots, complete with balding tires, aftermarket stereos, and at least one scuff on the bumper. And yet, they seem to reach a certain state of decay and just stay there, racking up the miles and refusing to die. This one has a long way to go before it reaches that final stage; other than a mismatched hood, it’s almost too nice.

Underneath that taupe hood is Nissan’s QR25DE four-cylinder engine and a four-speed automatic, the quintessential “Altima going 90 MPH down the freeway” drivetrain. Earlier versions had some problems with oil burning, but by 2006, it had been pretty well sorted out, and this one should be reliable. There is one bit of weirdness in the ad, however; they say it passed a smog test, but then claim that the catalytic converter is going bad. Those two would seem to be mutually exclusive; if it passed the test, the cat should be fine, right? The seller also seems to think that using premium fuel will help alleviate the cat issues, which, of course, it won’t. Nissan specs regular 87 octane unleaded in it; there’s no reason to use anything else.

The interior in it doesn’t look too bad, actually. It’s in good condition, not ripped or stained, and I don’t even see any air fresheners dangling from anything, a telltale sign that a car might be stinky inside. The seller does note that everything works inside, including the air conditioning – which, on a car this cheap, is a massive score.

Apart from the hood, it doesn’t look too bad outside either. There is some clearcoat peeling, and a few scuffs and scrapes, but those just serve as a warning to other drivers to give you a wide berth. In the interest of full disclosure, this is not a California car – it came from Colorado. But although they get a lot of snow, Colorado doesn’t typically salt the roads, so it shouldn’t be rusty underneath.

Typically, if you buy a car this cheap, you’re just hoping it starts the next morning. For the purposes of this exercise, however, I’m asking you to go further and put a couple or three thousand miles on it, exactly as it sits. According to the sellers, both cars run and drive just fine at the moment, but which one do you think will keep doing so for long enough to win the bet?