Which One Would You Take To The Early-Bird Special? 1988 Chrysler LeBaron vs 1994 Mercury Topaz

Sometimes you can look at a car and just tell that its owner is elderly. Older domestic cars that are suspiciously clean and stock, especially with AAA stickers in the window, are almost always the property of retirees. With modern cars, it’s a little harder to tell, because a few vehicles aimed at young buyers ended up being the darlings of older drivers, like the Scion xB and the Kia Soul. But the two we’re going to look at today have definitely done their time in the parking lots of bingo halls and sensibly-priced buffet restaurants.

Yesterday, we looked at two CVT-driven hatchbacks that had seen some serious use. A lot of you were as impressed as I was at the condition of that Dodge Caliber, considering its mileage, but not impressed enough to give it the win over the little cranberry-colored Mirage. There’s just something endearingly plucky about those Mirages; they’re like Rudy in car form, and you can’t help cheering for them.

Unless for some reason I needed the extra interior room, the Mirage would be my choice as well. If I’m going to drive something as uninspiring as these, it should cost as little to operate as possible. Besides, I don’t think I could ever stop being mad at the Caliber for not being a Neon.

Spending four years back in the mid-1990s working in a gas station/garage gave me an appreciation for a certain category of car: elderly-owned low-mileage American cars. I saw a lot of them; the neighborhood was near a college, but also home to a lot of retirees They all seemed to know my boss’s boss personally, and half of them got special deals on service because of it. I saw the same cars over and over again, at 3 months on the dot, for oil changes, even if it had only been a few hundred miles. I explained over and over that “winterizing” a car isn’t really a thing; it’s just checking everything over to make sure it’s ready for the cold weather. These folks clearly loved and appreciated their cars, and would have been highly offended if any young Honda-driving whippersnapper dared to call them “junk.”

These two would have been fairly new cars back then, but they’re very much cut from the same cloth. I know they don’t hold much appeal to enthusiasts – a hundred horsepower and a three-speed automatic aren’t exactly a recipe for fun – but they are just about the nicest examples you’re likely to find, and they are that way because someone took care of them. Let’s check them out.

1988 Chrysler LeBaron Sedan – $5,200

Engine/drivetrain: 2.5-liter OHC inline 4, three-speed automatic, FWD

Location: Bristol, VA

Odometer reading: 54,000 miles

Operational status: Runs and drives well

In 1987, Chrysler introduced a redesigned LeBaron coupe and convertible, a streamlined shape that shared almost nothing with the earlier boxy K-car shape, even if it was the same mechanical bits underneath. But the four-door sedan and wagon stuck with the old shape for another couple years, to appease older buyers – and Lee Iacocca, who reportedly preferred this design.

One thing that Chrysler has always done well, no matter who its parent company has been, is iron out problems in a design. The later in a model’s run you get, the better the cars are, and the LeBaron is no exception. Improvements like electronic fuel injection and balance shafts made the old K engine a more pleasant powerplant, and a bump up to 2.5 liters gave it more power and torque. The transmission is the same old three-speed Torqueflite, but half of the art of improving something is knowing what to leave well enough alone. The seller says this one has had some recent work including a new valve cover gasket (a common oil leak on these), and it runs and drives beautifully.

The LeBaron was quite a bit fancier inside than its Aries and Reliant siblings, but you’ll notice the windows are still manual crank – they work fine, and we’re not made of money, you know. This is one of very few cars I can think of that paired manual windows with a digital dash, however. The interior is in beautiful shape, and the seller says everything works as it should, including the air conditioning.

It’s very clean outside as well, with only a few blemishes and some faded trim. It has a landau top, but I’m pretty sure that was standard on the LeBaron sedans then; if you didn’t like it, go buy a Plymouth. Most photos show these awful Pep Boys wheel covers, but one photo shows the original Chrysler ones; hopefully all four of those are included, because you’ll never find a complete set of them.

1994 Mercury Topaz GS – $3,500

Engine/drivetrain: 2.3-liter OHV inline 4, three-speed automatic, FWD

Location: Sioux Falls, SD

Odometer reading: 35,000 miles

Operational status: Runs and drives well

GM and Chrysler had already been producing their front-wheel-drive midsize cars for a few years by the time Ford got into the game with the Tempo and Mercury Topaz in 1984. But Ford was leading the way among the Big Three when it came to aerodynamics, so the Tempo and Topaz looked a lot sleeker and more modern than their contemporaries. The two nameplates had different designs for the four-door sedans, but the two-door coupes looked the same, and it’s a style that still looks pretty good today.

Mechanically, the Tempo/Topaz was a bit of a strange throwback: its four-cylinder engine was “all new,” but based heavily on the old Falcon inline six, and therefore an older overhead-valve design. It’s not a high-revving engine, but it’s reasonably smooth and efficient. It drives the front wheels through a three-speed automatic shared with the Ford Escort. Again, it’s nothing special, but it works. This one has a scant 35,700 miles on it, so it’s barely broken in. It could probably use a good “Italian tuneup,” but the seller says it runs and drives well.

As you would expect from the mileage, it’s in beautiful condition inside, though the carpet could use a shampooing. The interior of these is nothing special, but it’s comfortable and functional. Unfortunately, when the passive-restraint mandate arrived in 1989, Ford elected to equip the Tempo and Topaz with motorized seat belts instead of airbags. I personally don’t like them, but I know some of you don’t mind. I’ll leave it up to you to decide if they’re a dealbreaker.

I always found it charming that the Tempo and Topaz coupes had luggage racks on the trunk lids. Did anyone ever actually strap luggage to one of these things? I can’t imagine it. This one is nice and clean outside, except for a few minor things, and since it’s a GS, it has nice alloy wheels on it. And of course, like all 1990s Mercurys, it has a light bar across the grille. Any bets on whether or not it has one bulb burned out, like they always seem to?

Yes, you’re absolutely right – these are both going to take thirteen or fourteen seconds to reach 60 MPH, and they’re both going to understeer like an overloaded Costco shopping cart. But if you’re concerned about that, you’re missing the point. They’re both very clean, low-mileage cars from late in their respective production runs, after their manufacturers had ironed out all the bugs. Yes, they’re priced a little high, particularly the LeBaron. But either one would do nicely for a second car, or as an offbeat weekend cruiser. You’re guaranteed to have the nicest one around in either case. Which one speaks to you?