Which Over-Hyped Ad Persuades You? 1982 Ford F100 vs 2009 VW Jetta

It’s natural to want to talk up a vehicle you’re trying to sell, and to minimize its faults, but I get amused when I see ads that go way over-the-top with praise, and gloss over some major shortcomings. Today’s choices have such ads. Hopefully you find them as entertaining as I did.

Yesterday we looked at two coupes in need of some help. I thought you all might have some more sympathy for that wrecked Acura, but apparently not – the only place that car was going to find sympathy, as my Uncle Bill would have said, is “in the dictionary, somewhere between shit and syphilis.” (Yes, he was, in fact, quite a character.) The Javelin won, I think in part, by default. Not trashed was all it needed to be.

I’m fully on Team Javelin here. I really like the second-gen Javelin’s styling, and the fact that it’s the fancy SST model with a six and an automatic tickles me. I wish you could still get options on cars ala carte like that. It made for some fun combinations.

Writing a classified ad for a car, if you give a damn about it, is hard work. You don’t want to be too long-winded, or no one will read it, but you still want to hit the points you think are important. You want potential buyers to get excited about it, but you also want to be honest about its condition. Sometimes, though, sellers go a little too far in talking up a vehicle, and the resulting ads can be humorous. Are they also persuasive? That’s up to you to decide. Here they are.

1982 Ford F100 XLT – $4,900

Engine/drivetrain: 4.9-liter OHV inline 6, three-speed automatic, RWD

Location: Two Rivers, WI

Odometer reading: 95,000 miles

Operational status: Runs and drives great

Ford’s F-series trucks are available in a dizzying array of configurations, so some confusion about which version is which is to be expected. But while using a heavier-duty truck for light work is simply wasteful, overloading a lighter-duty model can be dangerous. The seller of this F-100, a basic half-ton light-duty truck, is under the impression that it can haul as much as 3,500 pounds in the bed. That’s close to three times its rated capacity. Furthermore, they say that the aftermarket receiver hitch installed can handle 6,000 pounds, which is true for the hitch, but if the truck can tow that much, I’ll eat my hat.

This F-100 is powered by Ford’s legendary 300 cubic inch inline six, fed by a one-barrel carburetor – a tough engine, but a powerhouse it is not. I’ve driven a number of Ford trucks equipped with this engine, and they can barely get out of their own way. This one has a C6 three-speed automatic, which is a good stout transmission, but everything has its limits, and I’m afraid that if you push this truck as hard as the seller seems to think you can, you’ll find out those limits in a hurry. I have no doubt that it runs and drives well, but I do think that the seller’s claim of being “as smooth as a Cadillac” might be hyperbole.

It’s an XLT model, so it has fancy stuff like carpet and fake woodgrain. The bench seat is covered, but based on the condition of the rest of the interior, I’m hopeful that the cover is there to keep the seat nice, not cover rips and stains. It has a bunch of auxiliary gauges, which are a nice upgrade over the factory idiot lights.

It’s a Wisconsin truck, and that shows in the rear wheel arches – they’re eaten away around the edges. One front fender is a junkyard part, and the rest of the paint isn’t great either. But it’s still solid underneath, the bed looks good, and there’s no sign of rust-through on the frame.

2009 Volkswagen Jetta 2.5 S – $2,150

Engine/drivetrain: 2.5-liter DOHC inline 5, six-speed automatic, FWD

Location: Brighton, MI

Odometer reading: 178,000 miles

Operational status: Runs and drives great

You can use a lot of adjectives to describe Volkswagens from a couple decades ago, but “reliable” is not often one of them. Volkswagen’s push upmarket, which added a lot of complexity to its cars, resulted in cars that were excellent to drive, but very fragile and finicky. This Mk5 Jetta is one of the better ones from a reliability standpoint, but at 178,000 miles, the prevailing wisdom is that it’s reaching the end of its useful life. The seller speaks incredibly highly of it, however, saying that it has needed nothing more than basic maintenance and wear items for the past ten years.

This Jetta is powered by a 2.5 liter five-cylinder engine and a six-speed automatic transmission. This engine has a decent reputation, especially compared to VW’s turbocharged four-cylinder engines, but it’s still no Camry. The seller sings the praises of how well this one runs, how powerful it is, and how reliable it has been for them, but I’m always a little leery of claims that a car has “needed nothing” for long periods of time. Is that reliability, or deferred maintenance that’s about to catch up to it?

It’s in very nice condition inside, and the seller says everything works fine, including the air conditioning. It even has heated seats, a nice feature for Great Lakes winters. I think VW had backed off on the crappy soft-touch plastic by this time, too, so it shouldn’t be all sticky inside like the Mk4 Jettas got.

Things aren’t as rosy outside; it has a lot of dents and dings, and the back bumper is toast. Apparently the seller tried to fix some damage to the plastic bumper with Bondo, and, predictably, it is now falling apart. A bumper cover from a junkyard, even if it didn’t match, would look so much better. I don’t see any signs of rust, however, which is impressive for a Michigan car.

These might be every bit as good as the sellers claim, and I hope they are. But I know for certain that Ford truck can’t haul or tow as much as the seller claims, nor is it likely that any VW product was completely trouble-free for a decade. But if you can overlook the hyperbole and wild claims, which one looks like a better deal?