Good morning! We’ve got a short week this week, and I’m making the most of it by subjecting you to some really silly stuff. Don’t make that face; it’ll be fun. We’re starting out with what used to be a couple of humble little economy hatchbacks – but now they are both more and less than that.
We stayed nice and sensible last week, looking for a good cheap used car for a friend. Our four finalists on Friday offered a good range of options, but one choice really stood out: that super-clean Subaru Outback. As I expected, it ran away with the vote, with Your Father’s Father’s Oldsmobile taking a distant second.
I think that’s the right call, assuming the Subaru checks out mechanically. Finding a car that nice for that cheap is hard to do these days, and I think it’s worth spending a weekend teaching someone how to drive a manual. It’s a car that will inspire its next owner to take care of it, unlike a typical beat-up inexpensive car that is easy to neglect.
Now then: Get ready, because this week we’re going to look at some absolutely ridiculous crap. Why not? Who’s gonna stop me? Have you seen the sorts of cars that my co-workers spend actual money on? Ridiculous crap is what we do here. The mission I’m giving myself this week is to find cars even more ridiculous than those, and force you to choose between them. Heh heh heh. (I feel like I should grow a mustache so I can twirl it.) We’re starting out with two little hatchbacks that have either seen better days, or are halfway to a glorious new existence, depending on your perspective. Here they are.
1982 Pontiac T1000 – $2,000
Engine/drivetrain: 4.3-liter OHV V6, three-speed automatic, RWD
Location: Cleburne, TX
Odometer reading: unknown
Operational status: Unfinished, runs, or possibly ran, and now needs some wiring work
We haven’t had nearly enough opportunities here to celebrate GM’s T platform. Sold all over the world, in dozens of variations, this little rear-wheel-drive wonder was obsolete from day one, compared to FWD competitors like the Fiat 128 and VW Rabbit, but it sold like hotcakes – mostly because it was cheap. Here we have Pontiac’s take on the T-car, a badge-engineered Chevy Chevette called the T1000.
The original Chevette and T1000 featured a 1.6-liter engine producing approximately nine and a half horsepower, or at least that’s what it felt like. Lots of different engines have been shoehorned into these things over the years; this one has a 4.3-liter V6 out of a Chevy truck. It’s at least triple the horsepower and probably quadruple the torque of the original engine, so it should improve acceleration quite a bit. It looks like this T1000 was originally a manual; I think I see a clutch pedal in one of the interior shots, but it now sports a Turbo-Hydramatic 350 automatic. There’s a brief video of it running and driving in the ad, but it sounds like it’s currently in need of some wiring work. Despite the power upgrade, it uses the stock Chevette rear axle, which may well prove to be the weak link in the drivetrain once it’s all up and running.
The interior looks pretty good, actually; the vinyl seats are nice, and the dashboard only has a couple of cracks. It has an aftermarket steering wheel and a Lokar shifter for the TH350 coming up through the stock center console.
It’s really clean outside, too. I maybe shouldn’t admit this, but I’ve always kind of liked the styling of the two-door Chevette and T1000. This one has wide tires on it to try to harness the power, and the rear end is jacked up just a little bit for clearance. Obviously, the big engine won’t fit under the stock hood, especially with those ridiculous exhaust pipes sticking out, so it has been removed. That’s good; if you wanted to ditch the truck engine and put something more refined in it – I’m thinking an Ecotec four and a five-speed manual – you can just put the hood back on.
1997 Honda Civic – $2,600
Engine/drivetrain: 1.6-liter OHC inline 4, five-speed manual, FWD
Location: Encinitas, CA
Odometer reading: 237,000 miles
Operational status: Unknown, but it is registered, so it probably runs?
The Honda Civic hatchback was, of course, the darling of the 1990s and 2000s tuner scene, and with good reason. It’s a tough and reliable car in stock form, it handles well, and it easily accepts parts from other Honda models to add more power. The aftermarket picked up where stock Honda parts left off, and allowed builders to make their Civics as wild or mild as they wanted to. The heyday of modified Civics has come and gone, but like other commonly hot-rodded cars, there are still plenty of examples around if you want one.
This sixth-generation Civic has been modified six ways from Sunday, but strangely, it looks like the engine is original. Or at least, it’s a D16 four-cylinder of some sort. The seller rattled off every other modification done to it, and said nothing about the engine, which leads me to believe it’s essentially the stock engine. They don’t tell us whether or not it’s drivable, but it is currently registered, which means it probably runs and drives. But don’t quote me on that.
Inside, it has some serious-looking racing harnesses and, appropriately, seats that appear to be fifty shades of gray. (I’m really curious to see if that joke makes it through.) Most of the rest of the interior is still intact, except for the center console, but none of it is in very good shape. This is not a first-date car, let’s put it that way.
It’s hideous outside; there’s no other word for it. The paint is terrible, the trim is falling off, and it has a broken left rear quarter window. This brings up an interesting question, however: If each sticker on a car’s windows adds five horsepower, do those extra ponies go away if the window those stickers are affixed to gets broken?
One thing to keep in mind for this week: “Neither” is not an option. For every comment of “ugh, neither” I see, I will add a vote at random to one car or the other. In other words, if you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice. You don’t have to actually buy one. But be a good sport, exercise your free will, and play the game.
I have a fondness for that vintage civic hatch, but the pontiac is really calling to me this time.
I would definitely un-fuck those headers and find a way to stick the hood back on,but the Pontiac wins I guess. That poor Civic is just horrible and I can’t bother with those silly seat belts.
The t1000 is interesting it’s almost the gm equivalent of some of the 80 bmw mods you see. Some of those ej civics were asking for crazy money not long ago that still seems like a $2k or less car but he probably knows that and left in some room. To keep and mess with I would go t1000 but if selling it within a few years ej.
The T1000 is in the spirit of a build I wish I had the know-how to do. Take a crappy, old car and shove a huge engine in it that is worth more than the entire car. Take the T1000 and LS swap it if I get bored.
(Bear in mind I would love to convert a Geo Metro to rear wheel drive and drop a 200+ horsepower engine in it, or do the same to a 90s Malibu but put an LS in it.)
The best possible worst idea is the Pontiac and perform more surgery. It’s not responsible fiscally or otherwise, but it has 4 unmolested corner and all of it’s windows. While the Pontiac’s interior is stock and horrible I’m sure the eBay seats in the Civic are much worse, and that bundle of zip ties at the ready isn’t giving off vibes of confidence. Inarguable in good nick the Honda is a much better car, but in current condition it’s nothing but tetanus and heartache.
The T1000 only because it is interesting and rather hilarious. The Civic is a sad and neglected relic of a bygone era.
Bonus points for the T1000: My mom had a Chevette back in the day (1987-ish). Once, it got stolen and the cop who handled the report told her the thief must have gotten really tired of walking. So, you know, a quality automobile even when relatively new.
at these prices, these are both a big no for me. The T1000 is sort interesting in that if the rest of it works, then maybe a 5.3 v8 swap would at least be fun to talk about. but it would never happen either.
I don’t understand putting a truck engine in a car. I had a minivan with a truck engine in it, and it drove like a truck.
It might look nicer at first, but no Pontiac for me.
The Pontiac looks cleaner but I wouldn’t want to go any further with the 4.3/350. I’d probably sell those and get myself a 2.4 Ecotec and 5 spd from a Solstice, it should be lots of fun + would be able to get the hood closed.
Too bad about the Civic, it’s the body style I like the best, but that one’s done
This is a terrible idea but also the correct one.
$2 thousand for a Pontiac Chevette? With an engine/transmission that doesn’t belong there? Where the project is at a dead end because the owner has run out of intellectual capacity?
Sure! Why not? (That was sarcasm, BTW.)
Honda. It runs. Worse case I part out what’s left of it. The Pontiac in Chevette clothing is an undrivable rabbit hole…atrocious on every level.
LOL…those Pexmor seats…< $300 for pair!
https://www.pexmor.com/products/pexmor-2-pieces-universal-racing-seats-with-pu-carbon-leather-adjustable-seats-with-sliders?variant=45943818092736
Agreed 100%! 🙂
I choose “bus pass”.
Pontiac for me today.
That Honda looks like it’s been abused by a ricer kid for the last 20 years.
Hard pass, crack pipe.
Well Chevettes were sketch right from the factory with a weak-assed chassis.
The V6 Chevette I would go for would be one with the 2.8L V6 or the the 3.8L Buick V6… with the 4 or 5 speed manual.
Sidenote: back in the day, GM actually had some prototype Chevettes with the 2.8L V6.
With the 4.3, I would be concerned about twisting the frame/body if I floored it too hard/too quickly. And with the 3 speed slushbox, it’s an automatic no sale for me.
Not to mention that it’s basically much more of an unfinished project compared to that Civic.
I very much would rather have the sketch Honda Civic that has the manual
I mean if it fit in an X11 Citation then it should fit in that T1000, but nobody would have purchased that either.
True the T1000 is an unfinished project where the Civic is just finished
Nah… there’s more life in that Civic yet!
As bad project ideas go, the Pontiac is the better money pit.
A rear wheel drive compact!!! My lizard brain really wants to “fix” the Pontiac despite it leading to the end of my marriage. I’d sell the 4.3 and trans. Find an appropriate 4cyl turbo and manual trans and live my best life…alone…except for all my new middle-aged male friends at Radwood….
I really wouldn’t want either car. I voted Pontiac, because:
A – That Civic looks like it had to be thrashed within an inch of it’s life, even with the absurdity of that engine swap in the Pontiac.
B – I love that the photos were taken in Portrait mode, essentially making these the best collection of pictures EVER taken for a Pontiac T-1000.
Is there a third option?
A) Pontiac wins as it’s clearly far more absurd in every way than the Honda.
B) No, Mark, you should not admit that you like the styling of the Chevette.
I’d be medically safer to just burn the money on hookers and blow.
I come here aiming to valiantly defend Japanese machinery and…I just couldn’t. Voted Pontiac.
I’m gonna take the relatively clean T1000 and sort it out. That civic is a hot mess that would only be worth it at scrap value to build a weekend tracker or LeMons car.
That Civic is a total disaster. As others have said, the T1000 could be parted out and you can stuff something in there that allows you to close the hood.
Having driven a Chevette, I don’t know how anyone in their right mind would want the Pontiac. Death Trap is an understatement.
+1… four of those pieces of shit passed through my family when I was growing up. My older brother had one and my sister had 3 in a row.
Watching their experience with them (as well as my own first hand experience occasionally driving and helping maintain them) convinced me to never want one.
Chevettes were cheap and “easy to fix” back in the day. But they were crap and always seemed like they needed constant fixing.
They were built to a price. Thats why they broke at 25k miles.
Hey that’s not bad. Remember back in the day the Big 3 warranty was 12 months or 12,000 miles so lasted twice past the warranty
[insert Family Guy puking gif]
Well, hell. Since you quoted Rush, I have to make a choice. I’ll take the T-1000 and search for a modern donor Camaro with a I4T and 6-spd.