Remember the early ’90s? Sure you do. Those were some fun times! We were all being slackers and grunging it up and, if we could get away with it, committing the sin of the Lambada, the Forbidden Dance. It was also kind of an odd time when it came to environmentalism and superheroes, because there was a strange urge to combine the two. Remember Captain Planet? That’s the kind of thing I’m talking about.
Other organizations got into this environmentalism-via-cheap-cartoons game, including some organizations that probably were doing it for, let’s say, less than forthright reasons. Like oil giant Texaco. In 1990, for Earth Day, Texaco released a comic book featuring Captain WOW, which was an acronym for “Wipe Out Waste.” Captain WOW was a sort of environmentally-focused superhero who fought against evil forces (some alien named OW?) who sought to, let’s see, make recycling sound unappealing?
I think that was the basic plot. Anyway, there’s now someone on Facebook Marketplace selling what seems to be an offically-converted WOWmobile, based on a 1990 Pontiac Firebird:
Just so you can see the resemblance, here’s a panel featuring the WOWmobile, which can travel in space or drive with wheels on the ground. I suspect the one for sale on Marketplace can only pull off the latter.
…and here’s the WOWmobile venturing through the vast emptiness of the cosmos:
Here’s the big thing about this whole WOW business, though – Texaco was absolutely terrible environmentally. Even among other oil companies, which I think we can all agree don’t exactly have stellar track records when it comes to being good to the planet, Texaco was especially awful.
For example, they had operations in Ecuador from 1964 to 1992, and during that time Texaco dumped 18.5 billion gallons of toxic water into the rainforest, contaminating 2,000,000 acres of Ecuadorian Amazon land. Their time there is referred to as “Amazonian Chernobyl.”
At the time they published this comic, they would still be wreaking havoc in Ecuador for another two years.
With that in mind, I think all of this Captain WOW crap takes on an extra element of hypocritical crappiness.
The plot of the comic is hilariously weak; this alien comes in a big spaceship with a grand plan to … convince people that recycling is a waste of time. No giant trash-beams encrappifying Earth, no launching trash-missiles into national parks, just a poorly-planned information campaign to derail consumer recycling efforts. His big evil master plan for doing this is, let’s see, buying some airtime on a TV station:
He paid for five whole minutes of airtime! Oh no!
They do mention an “unknown middleman,” and the writers and artists were careful to include panels showing OW in makeup and getting used to reading cue cards. Riveting stuff!
It’s also worth noting just how deeply ugly the kids in this comic are. Look at that kid in the middle! Holy crap, what happened to his face? Also, I’m not crazy about “segregating” as a word choice for recycling.
Texaco is such a pack of hypocrites here; they even published these “15 Commandments of Environmental Stewardship” while they were still, it’s worth remembering, dumping millions of gallons of toxic water into the rainforest.
Texaco’s dumping was about 30 times the amount of contaminant that poured into the ocean in the Exxon Valdez spill, to give some perspective.
Anyway, maybe you really want to drive an artifact of all this cynical mess? If so, the car does look pretty fun:
Very spaceshippy. Especially around back, where the “engines” are:
The dash seems to be a slightly modified version of the Knight Rider car-star KITT’s dashboard, with a very similar-looking steering yoke and control panels:
It does have WOW decals in the middle there, so you won’t forget what you’re driving.
Is this actually an official Texaco-blessed Captain WOW car? The seller hasn’t gotten back to me to answer any questions, but just think about how infinitesimally low the odds are of any private person choosing to spend their own time and money making a replica of the WOWmobile. Who would do that? Nobody, I say.
I mean, I hope nobody would. Who even remembers this ridiculous bullshit, anyway? Well, if you decide you’d like to rep Texaco’s half-assed attempt to paper over some atrocities, and you have $17,500 to blow, boy are you in luck.
The sad part is that this makes sense in the broader context of “environmental” messaging from corporations. There’s been a concerted effort to put the responsibility at the feet of individuals while the corporations profit from shirking their responsibilities. They were blaming us and getting to claim they were doing something useful in the process.
The funny part is that the evil alien could have just as easily funded “give a hoot, don’t pollute” commercials and they would have just been a stand-in for the corporations that won’t take responsibility for their own pollution (and the ways their choices cause consumers to fill landfills instead of recycling).
Alkaline batteries are a good example of this thinking. They are technically recyclable, as long as you’re willing to drive to a drop off point. So companies produce a toxic consumable product that — even if untouched –will be useless within a few years, and it’s the consumer’s problem to figure out what to do with it. Every store that sells batteries should be required to also accept the dead ones. Just stick some bins between the CoinStar and the dry ice freezer. It’s not that hard. It might even be profitable.
I want to drop my kid off at school in that thing. She’s well past the age of thinking it’s cool and would be incredibly embarrassed.
Was so hoping it would be the Wonder Warthog car.
WOW
I’ve got $17.50 to spare. Seems about right.
When I saw that car and “most cynical hypocritical superhero”, I thought of two Cyanide and Happiness “superhero” characters who could drive a car matching that description.
I’m impressed that the real answer might’ve been worse than both!
(Especially given the suspicious use of the word “segregating”.)
Let’s face it: oil companies, or for that matter all extraction industries, are pretty bad. Remember when BP (British Petroleum) tried to convince us that BP stood for “beyond petroleum”? Then Deepwater Horizon happened, and they said screw it, we’re an oil company, now clean up this mess we’ve made.
https://image.tmdb.org/t/p/w500/oaNM1HBOLGbDp0uh0pL3jjjvzOt.jpg
They’re only still ‘British’ in the sense that they are still nominally headquartered here, but otherwise they’re fully multinational, with no loyalty to any country, except where they get a good tax deal.
Has the current administration considered appointing “OW” to a position in the EPA?
He got Senate confirmation months ago along with Shredder and Jafar (CBP)
Looks like we caught him mid… something in that cover, and he is saying “wait, it isn’t what you think”. No, WOW, I’m sure it is far worse that anything I could’ve thought.
If we’re 90s, I’d rather have a “DARE” car.
My local DARE chapter had a DARE minivan. Freaking losers.
I feel like I’ve seen any number of Firebirds and Camaros. IIRC the police would confiscate the cars of alleged dealers and paint the DARE livery on them.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tp8INMugpf0
Thank you
She needs premium dude. PREMIUM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Minivans deserve better.
Well, it’s the 2020’s, and I happen to live in one of the little corners of the country where they still have DARE, cheesy lion guy and everything. No Camaros or Firebirds, though.
Wow, I did not imagine.
“Kids 30 years ago thought this was lame, so we haven’t changed a single thing.”
Local police here had a PT Cruiser for their DARE mobile…it definitely generated interest…just not what they were hoping for
In Freakonomics the authors posited that low level drug dealers earn less than minimum wage.
The DARE PT Cruiser is the proof.
Looks like Captain WOW was cheesing it pretty hard:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=pHZfCPW7hlE
Seriously, why is everyone so fucking ugly in this comic? Did the artist secretly hate that he was working for Big Oil and try to sabotage the project?
There is a non-zero chance of that. They were probably also underpaid and on ridiculous deadlines.
I’m sure Texaco spent top dollar hiring talent for this noble project…
The comic’s artwork reminds me of Blackthorne’s. They were a particularly cheap press that was in existance in the middle years of the Eighties and went under as fast as it arrived. They did a lot of very half-@$$ed mass media tie-in comics.
That cover art is weirdly good for some corporate PR bullshit.
I mean, the cover is the whole point right? You can waive it around like the prop that it is. It’s not like anyone is ever going to open it up to read it.
The car looks weirdly 1950s and 1990s at the same time, much like the comic book. I dont think that was an artistic choice, either
It’s absolutely Toxico PR hacks whose own childhoods were in the ’50s trying to appeal to kids in the ’90s.
Wait, so Rob Liefeld WASN’T the worst thing to happen to comics in the 90s?
Chick Tracts is like Vermeer compared to these dreadful things.
Even the cover is hideous. It looks like the offspring of Conan O’Brien and Vince Vaughn.
Edit: I just read that these were the works of their refinery workers in Port Arthur, Texas.
Now I feel bad. These were not pros and I was punching down.
If by the oddest chance some of their creators came across this… Sorry.
Wow just some random workers, I guess they did an okay job then. Way better than I could draw.
I remember Torch roasted one of the motorsport-themed Chick Tract on the old German lighting site.
The WTF value was worth a laugh.
So either it was a genuine morale project — OR — they didn’t even bother to pay to produce something halfway decent. If that latter, they somehow managed to make this even more cynical.
Your eyes just glaze over when looking at this comic, thankfully.
With Chick Tracts however it’s like you’re dragging your corneas across a the stapled underside of a well used high pile carpet.
No way, I used to go to their website and read them for sh1ts and giggles.
Username absolutely checks out.
You are so right
Odd to see the Mobil pegasus on a Texaco-themed car.
Nice pull. Good question
That leads me to think this car is not an “official” build, but a fan boy knock-off.
There’s fan boys for THIS? I mean, I know everybody has some interest others would find weird, but, really? And to put that much effort into it?
This is like if someone decorated their entire house in a Canfield’s Diet Chocolate Fudge soda theme
All it takes is one.
I think we all want to meet this One.
HOLY SHIT. Core memory unlocked. My mom got CDCF soda for a while when I was growing up. It was surprisingly tasty. I hadn’t even thought about it in years until just now.
Not going to decorate my house to celebrate it, though.
I was trying to think of a soda obscure enough to not have any OTT fanbois, because people do get this obsessive over T@b
But, yeah, the Canfield stuff was pretty good, kind of amazing they got it to taste that close to chocolate without any sugar or calories
Now I’m craving the liquid tootsie rolls
Okay yes the oil companies did do horrible things and maybe, probably not, didn’t know better at the time. But playing devil’s advocate:
1. Despite being evil incarnate and doing poor comics they did convince kids to care about the environment. I bet they didn’t see that coming.
2. Why is it when crude oil is underground it’s okay but once above the surface it’s pollution? It’s the same stuff. This is like saying water on a stream is okay but if you use it to water your lawn or drink it is pollution
You ever try to drink oil?
…that would explain a lot…
Mom used to feed me castor oil and I frequently have food that is cooked in oil or has oil added to it. Just need the proper oil
They don’t do anything voluntarily. You’d still be using leaded gas and chewing the air if they weren’t regulated. Water to oil analogy is the dumbest one I’ve heard today.
Pour some oil on your house plants and get back to me.
Just did neem oil, result:
Less bugs were on my plants.
The poop up your bum and the poop over the hands of your chef is the same poop.
Sometimes context is important.
Hey man, I love what you’re getting at and completely agree; however, pedantic as I may be, I cannot fathom why a chef would put their hands in my poop.
You’ve clearly not met the chefs I’ve met.
Somewhat related fun story: I used to work in a factory that made novelty chocolates and Easter eggs. We all had to lift the chocolates out of moulds and pack them. For hygiene reasons we had to wear white cotton gloves.
My first toilet break I took my gloves off, put them in my pocket and did what I’d went in there to do.
While I was washing my hands another guy came in, gloves on, used the urinal, gloves on, and walked out.
No hand washing, no new gloves.
The devil doesn’t need an advocate.
Crude oil when burned is ALWAYS pollution, cuz physics. Combustion causes particulates (PM2.5, gets in lungs, causes cancers, you might have heard of it) and CO² (mass combustion over decades shifts the environment, causing crazy weather patterns, flooding, etc., you might have heard of it). It’s why you shouldn’t idle your car in a closed garage, or code requires a vented hood over a gas stove. Combustion baby.
The oil companies knew all this 50 yrs ago and purposely sat on the info while doing ACTUAL green washing, literally getting paid to make our kids lives worse. The devil already has lawyers, and ad agencies, and now you.
That was fun. Do another one. Now defend slavery! Or war profiteering!
“Why is it when magma is underground it’s okay, but once it’s above the surface it’s dangerous?”
I love it
1. Magma is super hot underground so dangerous if you come into contact
2. Above ground it is called lava so magma above ground doesn’t exist
well that settles that.
Asbestos is also good underground and not good above. So is lava.
An added layer of hypocrisy is that recycling programs have been, in large part, propped up by oil giants in an effort to make plastics look more sustainable than they are. The portion of plastic that gets recycled is abysmally small. So those aliens might have been the true environmental heroes after all…
Hah I tell people this all the time. Glass, metals and papers almost always get recycled. Plastic yeah no sure there is research going on to convert it back to oil but it is just not a cost worthy process so it just gets tossed. Just a note I worked in the Oil R&D field for ~5 years (don’t anymore) and my dad has for over 30.
The easier and cheaper it is to recycle the more likely it is to be recycled. Can we just blame the problem where it belongs, on tree huggers. We can replace the trees but they said no.
Did the tree huggers force glass to no longer be used? I think you need to head over to Truth Social with that bullshit.
Aluminum cans subsidize the rest of bottle recycling. It’s inherently cheaper to recycle aluminum than to smelt it from ore which requres amounts of electricity so vast that smelters are sited not necessarily near where ore is mined, but where there’s enough cheap hydro power to run the plant.
I have a client that is a trash and recycle company. They are working with a major company to make single stream work. Colors matter. Recycling is going high tech
Indeed, the true crime was making people think that the absolute explosion in single use plastics was okay on some level, because, yeah, we’re recycling it now!
and putting all those feel-good happy arrow symbols with special numbers.
Fun fact: #7 isn’t a specific plastic type, it’s just everything left that isn’t in 1-6. Given how hard it is to recycle plastic even when it’s separated correctly, who’s going to want to do anything with all the mixed up mystery stuff? In short, #7 = for sure burned or landfilled.
Heck, my municipality has put out new, vague guidance to disregard the numbering all together and has directed us sort by shape/use, with vague and/or conflicting instruction. I no longer have much of an idea what could even potentially be recycled.
I think those kids were probably Ecuadorian refugees subjected to Toxico’s poisons.
Your forest will be scarred
By the man who wears the star
The big, blight Toxico star!
They had so much potential the Toxico avengers genetically mutation of hot teenagers by pollution have super powers to fight pollution. I wonder if anyone ever realized if we kept up with Clean nuclear power we could dump all garbage into the reactor and vaporize it thereby eliminating the need for dumps. Or so says my rambling mind. With nuclear power making a comeback did I just solve the worlds garbage problem?
Damn I’m good
Haha! If only. Sadly, AI Joe says these would be the consequences of such actions:
1. Disruption of the Chain Reaction:
The materials typically found in trash (plastics, metals, organic materials) are not designed to be part of the nuclear reaction. They could absorb neutrons necessary to sustain the chain reaction, slowing it down or stopping it altogether.
2. Undesirable Byproducts:
These materials, upon exposure to the intense radiation within the reactor, could undergo unwanted nuclear transformations, potentially creating hazardous or difficult-to-manage radioactive byproducts.
3. Cooling and Structural Impairment:
The structural integrity and cooling efficiency of the reactor could be compromised. Trash could block cooling channels, leading to localized overheating and potential damage to fuel elements or other components.
4. Contamination:
Introducing non-nuclear materials could lead to contamination of the reactor’s systems with unwanted substances, necessitating costly and time-consuming cleanup and repair operations.
I’m sure Musk Melon can come up with a solution for us , like forcing the poor to eat garbage. Of course we’d have to do something about all the human waste that would generate.
Weren’t we supposed to have a Mr. Fusion powering our cars by 2015?
Shit, we’re supposed to Replicants and off-world colonies, too.
So with the proper garbage we could actually stop and put of control nuclear reaction like Chernobyl? Just think of it a cheap method to stop what happened. Lol
I’d hate to be the front passenger. Nothing like staring at the pointy end of a V-shaped dashboard ready to meet your acquaintance.
Was there a Mrs. WOW? Please tell me there’s a fan fic community…
Wow…
Ben Stein approves.