I have a confession to make: I have not seen the entire series of The Fast and the Furious films. In fact, I have only seen the first one, and not even in the theater. I did see Hobbs & Shaw on the big screen, however, though I can’t tell you why. That is not to say I am refusing to tell you, but rather I simply don’t know what I was thinking.
I didn’t not enjoy The Fast And The Furious, but once the manifold was in danger, I kind of checked out, and I haven’t checked back in. I don’t say that as a movie-snob flex, I assure you. I watch Godzilla movies for Pete’s sake, and I don’t just mean the new ones. No, I only mention my lack of investment in the F&F series to explain that since I have no reverence for it, I would not hesitate to go hog wild with the franchise in the staggeringly unlikely event that Universal Pictures handed me the reins.
Now, I’m not going to direct any of the movies myself – that sounds like a lot of work – but in the fantasy where I can get anyone I want to direct a F&F, I am absolutely going Full Auteur with my favorite filmmakers. What would James Cameron do with a carpalooza featuring Dom and crew? Can you wrap your head around The Fabulous Fast And The Furious, a quirky stop-motion adventure helmed by Wes Anderson? And don’t get me started on the story treatment I’m giving to Scorsese. I also think Dom vs. Jason (Voorhees, not Torchinsky) would be a lot of fun.
I suspect you have much less silly ideas for the franchise, so your turn:
You’re In Charge Of The Fast And The Furious Franchise. What’s The Plan?
Top graphic images: Universal Pictures; NECA
Reboot to the original remake of Point Break.
Brian infiltrates a Chop Shop that steals and recycles F150 taillights, Prius catalytic converters.
And, uh, DVD Players.
Have to admit I only saw Point Break about two years ago. I was surprised how entertaining it was.
Yeah, it’s no Citizen Kane, but I actually have affinity for that movie. Doesn’t take itself TOO seriously, but is a fun watch.
If you lay the scripts next to each other? FnF#1 really maps it scene by scene and character by character… right down to the aggressive jerk boss cop and the premature raid of the wrong perps in the wrong place for the wrong reason.
I’m quasi-serious that the right “re-boot” probably takes the basics– “Undercover cop infiltrates adrenalin junkie gang conducting high value heists when not street racing or surfing or whitewater heli-skiing…
Begins to bond with the ring leader and goes rogue.”
It’s sorta a shame that the producers of Point Break didn’t have the balls-n-audacity to take it to the next level, as they had a pretty good set-up with Bohdi and Johnny Utah already on the other side of the globe ready to surf. They ride out with the tide and … just… disappear. They turn up two years later knocking over diamond mines in South Africa or stealing the gold bars out of the Saudi Royal Court… but only when the surf’s not up, of course.
Would have made more sense than “The Family Goes To Space”.
Back to basics, slice of life prequel series set in the late 1980’s.
Vin Diesel gets mad and turns bad (if it hasn’t already happened, I haven’t managed to sit through a full movie since the first one). He hijacks a Space-X rocket by driving a new Electric Charger up the side of it and just holding on. When they get to the moon, he punches it out of orbit (somehow for family) and then does a cannonball from space into a rooftop pool in Miami to watch the city drown as the new orbit of the moon causes a huge tide.
Unfortunately, Amazon’s Web Services predicted that Diesel would do that (although they could never predict when an F1 driver would actually catch the car ahead) and Jeff Bezos called The Rock. They strap him to one of Bezos’ rockets to meet the moon in its new orbit. Mr. Rock then bursts from the ratchet straps holding him to the rocket, pulls back his fist, looks into the camera with one eyebrow raised and punches the moon back into orbit.
He then drives another electric charger (electric motors can run in the vacuum of space) back from the moon and has to save Las Vegas because the slight interruption of the moon’s orbit upset Mike Tyson’s pigeons. Tyson is on a punching rampage through Las Vegas looking for the person who upset his pigeons. He has already punched (and killed) 10,000 people and is on his way to dig up Elvis so he can punch him too (he always wanted to punch Elvis). Tyson assumed he was buried in Vegas.
While Tyson is digging up graves and punching the contents, Rock shows up in his Charger for the final showdown. They fight. One of them loses.
So…. yes, I would in fact watch this
We have a winner! Honestly I bet the writers are taking notes. Only way to top the current films.
Bonus Cross-Promotions:
All songs in the soundtrack must feature a sample of Dodge’s Fartzoic exhaust.
Electric Charger owners will be able to download a new exhaust noise that sounds like Vin Diesel hacking up his morning phlegm.
Also, the amount of people that are admitting in this thread that they haven’t seen Tokyo Drift is the most disappointing thing I have read all day. And I read the news!
Much like QoS? It’s MUCH better on re-watch. And maintains greater fidelity to the original concept.
It’s easily the best of the franchise, probably because it ignores the entire franchise until the very end.
I made it a few minutes into whatever one had a small bridge that ludacris opened. I turned it off before the cars made it to the bridge and really never revisited the franchise.
The first one was silly, but it was really the only thing other than Mischief videos at the time that featured modified imports.
Paul Walker spin off (pun intended) made by AI. What could go wrong?
How didn’t his twin brother get into this after Paul died? I know they used him in the one movie that Paul had started. It’s not like he’s Bryan Doyle Murray and you want Bill Murray. Paul’s brother is a twin.
F&F crossover movie featuring the Max Max survivors.
And the feral kid as the lead…
And have only watched one F&F movie on the tube.
Couldn’t finish it…WTF?
I never saw any of them but enjoyed this short low budget version so I think I got the story.
https://youtu.be/VU5RU2bhF_Y?si=Xg-DK0NuMrhzSTPG
You can have anything you want, as long as its a Corona………….seltzer.
Sell it.
Same budget, all hooning. The Past & The Rana
I think I have only seen the first four or five of the movies, so I can’t really comment on where the franchise has already gone since I gave up on it as soon as they started dragging a bank vault around Rio. But I think taking the films back to what Tokyo Drift did, in telling more side stories that are only tangentially related would be good. In fact, I have the same idea for Star Wars – there are a lot of people in this world, each with stories to tell, so tell some new ones from different people instead of dragging the same storyline on into eternity…
Star Wars is already doing this. THIS is the way.
Heh. Spot on. That’s basically the Disney model.
In a twist of irony? I sincerely believe the BEST of all the spin-offs is the Star Wars story of smuggling out the Death Star Plans. Great characters, better dialogue, wonderful tension. I was totally bought in. Completely psychically tuned in to the protagonists.
Regrettably? EVERY SINGLE ONE of those characters perished. Great job, DisneyDicks.
I feel like Star Wars is only doing it by accident after making the prequel trilogy and sequel trilogy rehashes of the original trilogy, then striking gold on their anticipated flops that were Rogue One and The Mandalorian. Of course, then you have them going back to the mainline with mixed success with Book of Boba Fett and Kenobi and then going way off into left field with The Acolyte…
Dont forget Andor. Its incredible.
Doh! Yes, ESPECIALLY Andor.
So like Hobbes & Shaw?
Maybe? I never saw that one either as it looked even more ridiculous than the main F&F movies.
It was. The Rock pulled a helicopter down with a chain
Ah. Yikes. In that case, maybe not like Hobbes & Shaw…
Time travel. I’d bring it into the post-apocalyptic era. Toretto and crew get to build vehicles out of scrap, Mad Max style, except they have to figure out what to build because there’s no guzzoline available, anywhere.
Why Mad Max style? Go actual Mad Max. Sign Miller, bring Mel back.
“The family moves to OZ as a global pandemic destroys life on the other continents”
I’d pay to see Mel hitting on Brian’s widow.
That would be hilarious. I like how you think.
I’d go the other way.. Fast and Furious Moonshine Drift. Set in 1930, Appalachia Vin Diesel and his family of moonshine runners tussle with a racist sheriff (Jason Stratham) and a hulking Revenue Agent (the Rock). However tensions peak when a deputy’s (John Cena) mixed race child gets abducted by the Klan (headed by Stratham of course) and Rock’s Revenue Agent and Diesel’s Moonshiners have to band together in a race against time to do what’s right, even if it’s against the law.
Just go 1970s Dukes of Hazzard style.
Just let it die already and do something new
Or, reboot with a totally new cast, maybe all female this time. Alternatively, do a streaming series with self contained plots in each episode, like 40 minute mini movies. Either way, Vin Diesel should cameo as a different character
Aliens.
Fast & Furious & Aliens.
Did I mention the aliens would be illegal?
Facehuggers are the cutest things ever.
They are the most “dangerous kind” right? /s
They may be illegal, but they are FAMILY.
We have more self respect than that.
Jk… im in. Want ta use my ufo?
Sure. Any chance we can talk the grays into playing the antagonists? They seem a natural.
Oh, and where do we overnight parts from?
Im all for messing with the Grey’s. And Sigma Draconis is the place for quality ufo parts
Do they prefer “greys” or “grays”? I heard they’re a trigger happy lot and I’d prefer not getting zapped for a simple faux pas.
Pretty sure once we start blasting Tiny Tim through our kicking systems it’ll all be over anyways.
They have kicking systems too.
https://youtu.be/S4PYI6TzqYk
And you do NOT want to piss them off! You think Tiny Tim is awful? Mesifliglorb Wioxytipatim Xagtyhu will literally blow your mind.
You made me snortlaugh!
Better not ask me. Im part of an invasion force from an interstellar empire. Diplomacy is not my strong suit.
Sure it is! Gunboat diplomacy is still diplomacy.
Jah-Pan!
Since F&F is really about family, I’d make a ’90s-style sitcom like Full House, Family Ties, etc.
Fast House, Furious Ties.
Vin could play the Urkel type. “Did I do thaaaaaat… for the family?”
“90’s-style sitcom like Full House, Family Ties, Cosby Show, etc.”
I’d go prequel. Pick a background character from the first film and do film about a guy who likes cars, but isn’t so obsessed by winning that he resorts to a life of crime. You know, like we all are.
Then after about 40 minutes of relatable heart-warming story-about-an-everyday-car-fan it goes unexpectedly batshit Vampire, like From Dusk Til Dawn.
Or maybe zombies.
Feature length spin-off about the pizza guy
Kill it.
This is a tangent off the F&F franchise, but I’d take some of the F&F production team and make a Star Wars podracing-centric movie.
Think Ford vs. Ferrari, but with rival podracing teams vying for racing dominance across the galaxy: dealing with Hutt cartels for funding, securing top performance parts via questionable legal means, and full contact cutthroat racing across a wide variety of planets and biomes.
I’d bring back the original sound design team who created the original podracer engine sounds for The Phantom Menace, which in my opinion is still the greatest foley work ever in a movie.
As long as they use the sonic bombs that the Fetts used, I’m in.
“I live my life a quarter parsec at a time.”
Muppets: The Fast & The Furriest.
I know which one I’d be.
ANIMAL
All Muppets, or do we have some humans?
This is a common film nerd question. Take a movie, replace all but one of the cast with a Muppet. I say Repo Man, keep Harry Dean Stanton.
Statler and Waldorf will be driving their Buick doing 45 in the left lane just ripping on the reckless drivers, listening to their loud music and failing to use their turn signals.
I would like to see Edgar Wright take a crack at F&F. We’ve already seen him handle action/cars with Baby Driver, and I would kill to see some of the comic inspired visuals he did with Scott Pilgrim brought into a racing film.
All set in the village from Hot Fuzz using terrible Vauxhall Astras as cop cars.
Replace Vin Diesel with Michael Cera while you’re at it to make it even more Scott Pilgrimy
All Kei cars.
The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Stroll
I was going to say Tokyo Droll, but yours might be better.
My aunt and I love the F&F franchise. It’s tradition for us to see each release in theatres since no one else in our respective lives can give a hoot. I am incredulous that it still gets the fanfare it does because the last movie was mostly fan-service and I don’t how they’re getting new eyes.
I would like to see the Fast and Furious Musical parody in person, barring that, an official recording or film adaptation.
As a fan given the reigns for the future, I’m not sure where it could go from this point. Even a reboot seems so farfetched with how different the feeling of the later films compares to the first three. A single exciting locale does nothing for a franchise that regularly crosses the globe as if by teleportation. And they’ve already gone to space.
Maybe a Freaky Friday situation where they all have to play as each other. Or they go back in time and use Model Ts to take back whatever world ending mcguffin.
We have the budget. Maybe we do a Space Jam-esque escapade and jump through various other franchises where the car is a central character. Italian Job, Starsky & Hutch, Transformers!?
I just watched Tampopo last weekend. Something like that. With less turtle murder and more egg yolk transfer from mouth to mouth. (I watched half of the first F&F and just don’t get it- and I too adore stupid movies.)
Now I want Ramen. Keep the vacuum cleaner handy, I like mine with mochi. Tampopo is a great movie.
I will admit, I have never seen these films.
I would keep the title and completely revise the concept with preschoolers desperately in need of a nap with Big Wheels and Little Tykes Cozy Coupes.
Sell!
The series took a detour into the absurd when they went from street racers who hijacked electronics shipments to super spies working for Mr. Nobody. At this point I’m kinda of ready for it to end. Unfortunately I forgot Part X was split into two and watched it before Part XI was ready and it’s been years. Practical effects gave way to CGI and Fiero’s in Space (Say it like Pigs in Space from the Muppet Show for maximum effect).
Frankly, I would like to see what Tommy Wiseau (of The Room fame) could do with it.
Oh hi Dom.
Yeah, 5 is kind of the last one that I really enjoy, and even that was a big jump from where they started.
If a Fiero can be a Ferrari it can be a spaceship.