I have a confession to make: I have not seen the entire series of The Fast and the Furious films. In fact, I have only seen the first one, and not even in the theater. I did see Hobbs & Shaw on the big screen, however, though I can’t tell you why. That is not to say I am refusing to tell you, but rather I simply don’t know what I was thinking.
I didn’t not enjoy The Fast And The Furious, but once the manifold was in danger, I kind of checked out, and I haven’t checked back in. I don’t say that as a movie-snob flex, I assure you. I watch Godzilla movies for Pete’s sake, and I don’t just mean the new ones. No, I only mention my lack of investment in the F&F series to explain that since I have no reverence for it, I would not hesitate to go hog wild with the franchise in the staggeringly unlikely event that Universal Pictures handed me the reins.
Now, I’m not going to direct any of the movies myself – that sounds like a lot of work – but in the fantasy where I can get anyone I want to direct a F&F, I am absolutely going Full Auteur with my favorite filmmakers. What would James Cameron do with a carpalooza featuring Dom and crew? Can you wrap your head around The Fabulous Fast And The Furious, a quirky stop-motion adventure helmed by Wes Anderson? And don’t get me started on the story treatment I’m giving to Scorsese. I also think Dom vs. Jason (Voorhees, not Torchinsky) would be a lot of fun.
I suspect you have much less silly ideas for the franchise, so your turn:
You’re In Charge Of The Fast And The Furious Franchise. What’s The Plan?
Top graphic images: Universal Pictures; NECA
I don’t know how we’d get there, but I know the final shot:
Dom’s Charger driving down the highway, as the camera slowly pulls back into the sky. The shot blends to show a toy car in a snow globe. Continue to pull back, and we see a young Dom shaking the snowglobe and staring intently at it. He’s an autistic child with neglectful parents, and came up with a scenario where Family is the most important thing in the world.
F&F Traffic Jam. The gang is blocked waiting for 2 hours and the do a BBQ. End of franchise
Ardmann Animation doing a claymation version.
The F&F franchise needs a new direction, so how about a tie in with another franchise – Fast & Furious: Tron AI
Dom now drives a Charger EV, and Brian is back as a sentient Max Headroom-esk AI program that lives in the Charger’s center infotainment screen. While Dom’s out and about in the physical world, electro-Brain, er, Brian is zipping through cyberspace and infiltrating the bad guys’ computer systems (or say Teslas). The “Brian flying through cyberspace” visuals will replace the “NOS flying through the intake manifold” sequences, because the Charger is now electric and there’s no need for nitrous oxide.
The plot would revolve around Ludacris stealing an Optimus prototype so Brian can take over its operating system and interact with the real world.
Yeah, there’s a reason I don’t work in Hollywood.
Are you kidding? Billion dollar franchises have been built around less of a concept.
Speaking of which, you need to watch the YT video clip of Eddie Murphy describing Arnold’s pitch for a Re-Make Sequel to Twins called “Triplets”, with Arnold and Danny D back as two thirds of the eponymous Triplets– and the “hook” being the addition of Eddie as the third Triplet. Arnold was apparently serious.
So, nah, your concept’s ready for a first draft and a few pitch meetings in a bungalow at the Beverly Hills Hotel. Bring knee pads and Evian.
Family it needs more family.
Lets follow the Minus-1 recipe for success- back to basics.
The first F&F was good because it was a bit cheesy, basic, and grounded. Minus-1 took Godzilla back to post-war Japan, with less Godzilla and more focus on the world he changes.
Make F&F less about the action, back to the cars, the culture, the cheese tuners and bit of muscle. We dont need constant Corona Family Charger Rocket Submarine time.
We can keep Cena though.
Cannonball Run III: The Fast and Furious. Someone kidnaps the Sheik and…
I read this as “someone kidnaps shrek and” and now that’s where i am
Okay, keep the plot EXACTLY THE SAME (why mess with success?), but here’s the twist: they have to accomplish their latest heist using only 11 gallons of gas.
That’s right, Fast and Furious: All Geo Metros.
So all the camera shots inside the car are the same as usual. Foot to the floor, working the shifter to keep it in the powerband.
However, all the outside camera shots show all the Metros trying to slice-n-dice through traffic, and the Camrys and Caravans are driving normally and pulling away easily. Nobody even notices the heist is happening.
YES
One of the lines has to be: “Naturally aspirated engine, Manual Transmission with a Unlimited Slip Differential”
FnF:1937. Moonshine, flathead V8s, and some sort of origin story for the Toretto “fambily”.
Ooh, I like it! “Hector is going to be running 3 Model A’s with Offenhauser intakes. On top of that he just came into Harry’s and ordered 6 Holley 94’s and dual exhaust kits.”
I don’t have any interest in the fast and the furious franchise, but I would absolutely go see a biopics of Vin Diesel’s childhood growing up in Westbeth. If you don’t know about West Beth it’s an artist housing complex in the building that once housed Bell Labs.
Oh wait it’s supposed to have something to do with cars? I’m sort of torn between a remake of Jacque Tati’s Traffic and Godard’s Weekend.
It just needs to stop.
The franchise is trapped in a cycle of out-doing the previous movie…which is how we had cars in space.
Bring it back to a simple low-budget heist movie centred around the current popular aspects of car culture. Have car chases that use 0% CGI. Basically a modern rethink of Ronin.
FWIW, the F&F movies are guilty pleasures. But it’s not because they’re good, or because they depict anything resembling real life or culture. It’s mostly because they’re better at being comic movies than anything Marvel since Winter Soldier.
You already suggested the ultimate F&F remake Dom vs Jason Torchinsky an epic chase scene with the 2CV and a Dodge that is movie perfection!
Why not push it to the extreme and have Jason tune the Changli to something like 5-7 horsepower? That would give Dom a run for his money 😉
I am not the best choice for managing the franchise as I found it sophomoric and barely b grade drive in fodder. I didn’t finish the first emission. The kid dragged us the the Japan slides or drifts one which was better than the first; honestly not a ringing endorsement.
I’d fold it and put it on a box on the shelf for half a decade then try again with ice’s, EVs, hybrids, phevs, Erevs and a new cast. Make it green environmentalists vs the old school, gang warfare the whole outsiders gig.
I would ruin the franchise. No more bodies flying through the air and landing gently on cars also flying through the air. No more cars in space. No more cars on parachutes.
I’m not sure you understand the concept of “ruin”. Those sound like improvements.
I would just stop the madness. No more.
Somebody PLEASE find some new ideas for Hollywood. Please?
All the new ideas for Hollywood are coming from other countries, it seems
woah woah woah woah. Are we equating Oscar winning Godzilla to F&F?
Now I love F&F. I think it’s good as in it does what it intends to do.
But Godzilla is high art.
Anyways they should do time travel next. Unceremoniously bring back Paul Walker via AI (because you know they will).
Absolutely nostalgia bait the hell out of everything, racing thru each movie, literally.
Then finally they get to an impossibly wide drag race. You gotta win the race to save the girl, save Brian O’Conner and save the world.
The usual squad pulls up to the race.
Then Johnny Tran. Then Jesse. Then Hector. Suki. (It’s obvious what’s going on here). It’s an ensemble moment avengers endgame style. Everyone is time warping in for this race. Instead of Cap going “avengers assemble”.
We get a tight shot on Vin. Looking left. Looking right. “Let’s race”
and the back half of the movie is just this impossibly long race. Like how mad max fury road was just one big car chase. Everyone has their hero moments.
Family saves the day. Vin has to make a sacrifice or something. Idk some sort of injury that means he can never race again. But its for FAMILY (all caps).
Throw in some one liners, zingers, some michael bay type mayhem complete with that one circling shot with the parallax.
Billion dollars guaranteed.
Opening scene:
Stellantis plant churning out EV Chargers – and they start talking to one another.
Scene two: EV Chargers start driving off dealer lots and out of owner’s driveways all by themselves. When they need to recharge, they assist one another plugging in. When they bump into things – they heal themselves. Self-awareness is evident.
Scene three: Cut to network news reports of EV Chargers marauding across the continent – Knocking Altimas and Rogues off the road, braking hard for tailgaters, giving free rides to little old ladies, and stopping for pedestrians.
Scene four: EV Chargers go hunting – for Billionares. Various scenes of Billionares in their chauffeur-driven Escalades & Range Rovers. Groups of EV Chargers attack – causing crashes – and eventually eating the escaping Billionaires and their overpulled side-pieces.
Scene five: EV Chargers go hunting for Druglords and Dictators. Same as above. More car chases, crashes and bad-guy deaths ensue. One of them involves The Beast.
Scene six: Cut to network news reports of Billionares, Druglords, Dictators and their usurping scions & minions wiped out – then pan out to this report being watched from a sunny beach in Mexico where EV Chargers are drinking in sunlight, recharging their own batteries via solar power, and giving rides to happy Tamale Ladies, little children and small dogs.
Roll Credits
I’d just pull the plug. No wrap up for the last movie, no more sequels, no reboots. It’s done. I’m doing it for the faaaaaamily
The crew has settled down and moved to the suburbs, the plot now revolves around the quotidian concerns of family life.
“We need to get these girls to the soccer game in the next 15 minutes or the team will have to forfeit a playoff game.” (Vehicle is a heavily modified Honda Odyssey done up in the full Japanese mods/bodywork.)
Hot take: I love it the way it is. It is absurd, over the top and so much fun. As for it being not about cars, well, we love James Bond and he resembles a spy about as much as I resemble a humanitarian
Easy… https://youtu.be/Gz6um5wjhjw?si=5df3BDUVR7GF5llv
Make it the way it was intended to be.
Easy…https://youtu.be/Gz6um5wjhjw?si=5df3BDUVR7GF5llv
Make it the way it was intended to be.
I think I’d go much more Robert Rodriguez Grindhouse style with them- more homages to films like Bullitt, the original Gone in 60 Seconds, Vanishing Point, etc.
Sora 2 prompts for Felliniesque (Vin would have it no other way) movies about brotherhood and cars. We will see if AI hallucinations can outdo a Fiero in space.
Picture it: Anywhereville, U.S., 2026ish. A family is gathered around their patriarch’s newly-arrived prized ICE-powered sporty car in the driveway (a model not yet seen in the franchise, and something less common and no longer easily available, like an AMC AMX or Javelin or something), idling with a pleasant rumble (but not so loud that conversation can’t be had). The family’s 3-row appliance daily driver resides in the garage with the dad’s practical commuter appliance.
Suddenly a brodozer that looks like a stainless steel dumpster on wheels (no particular reason) comes barreling through the neighborhood, heading right towards the gathered family.
They all dive out of the way to safety, but the prized sporty car – which was idling, don’t forget – gets wrecked. Its final moments are immortalized with a warning “danger to manifold!” on the dash right before the engine rips itself apart (but without anyone being harmed).
The driver of the brodozer rolls down his limo-dark window and yells at the family as if it’s their fault that he destroyed the beloved sporty car. He drives his damaged ‘dozer away, fleeing the scene while flipping off the family.
The family and startled neighbors assess just WTFF happened. We finally get a closer look at the family members and close-ups of the some of the individuals from the family and neighborhood as they gather together to check on the family and mourn the car he’d worked so hard an fling to acquire and/or restore: Matt Damon as Jason Bourne. Liam Neeson as Brian what’s-his-face from Taken. Keanu Reeves as John Wick, along with Ana de Armas from the same world. “The Professor” from Money Heist and several of his crew, especially Sierra and “Lisbon” for their investigative skills. Daniel Craig as Benoit Blanc for the same reason (who will note that de Armas’ character Eve Macarro looks familiar but like she’s from another world, for the meta-lulz as they were in his last Bond film together). Nicholas Cage as Randall “Memphis” Raines, and some of his crew. Some of the Oceans Eleven group (notably with Matt Damon reprising his role; yes, he plays two parts, but no one comments on his characters’ similar appearances) happen to be visiting their friends. Anthony Mackie but as himself. Maybe more as the budget allows, since we won’t need so much for computer generated effects with my version. The family patriarch would be played by Rob Delaney, reprising his role as Peter from Deadpool, but not as Peter (same character, just not MCU).
After the crane group shot, it cuts to Morgan Freeman’s unnamed character, who is the next-door neighbor to the family whose car got wrecked. He declares, “This is for family.”
Cut to opening title card: “The Fast and the Furious: Electric Boogaloo”.
The group all work together with both friction and cohesion, and trace the bro-dozer to some billionaire a-hole living in Los Angeles. They assemble, and setup very elaborate and convoluted way to capture him, and put him under citizens’ arrest, and will broadcast his crimes for the world to see. However, the cast of “The Rookie” in character catch wind of this group (of almost all criminals) and have to setup some sort of deterrent and defense against their actions, and protect the billionaire a-hole.
VEHICULAR CHAOS ENSUES in a good way, lots of cat and mouse games, deception, quality police work, the billionaire a-hole acting a lot like the antagonist whiny son Iosef in John Wick 1 (maybe played by the same guy?), and rebelling against the police forces sent to protect him. Practical effects only, no CGI.
No one gets killed, but there is much hand-fighting, top-tier driving skills (with some helicopter and/or auto-gyro action, probably from the police airship’s part), and sneaking around shown, the protagonists executing their various plans to get up the skyscraper to the penthouse where the billionaire resides, all of it.
The protagonists are successful after some difficulty, with some being detained, but the bad billionaire is forced to make a live apology video to the social media platform he owns and operates, and it goes viral. He doesn’t show as much remorse as he should, and the world rightfully shuns him and his products, making him lose much of what he had.
The protagonists go back home to Anywhereville and start working with “Peter” on repairing the wrecked car (a bit like the end of “Gone in 60 Seconds).
The run-time is right about 2 hours.