I realize there’s a lot of things going on in the world right now that all demand a lot of your attention, but in the background of it all, this past weekend NASA slowly rolled out the massive rocket known as the Space Launch System (SLS), carrying the Orion spacecraft that comprise the vehicles for the Artemis II mission that will send astronauts around the moon for the first time since the last Apollo mission in 1972. The actual launch could take place as soon as February 6, which will send four astronauts further out in space, and traveling faster than any humans have gone before. It’s a big deal!
Of course, the real question on everyone’s mind is obvious: what’s the pooping situation going to be like up there?
Remember, this is a 10-day mission for four people. No one’s holding anything in that long; they have to focus up there, and having to jettison a colonworth of ejecta is no way to maintain concentration. They need to be able to comfortably pinch loaves of the steaming variety.

Previous Apollo lunar missions, while incredibly impressive from technical, cultural, scientific, and almost any perspective were, to be honest, absolutely miserable from a bowel-moving standpoint. The poop-management system for the Apollo missions was about as basic as you can imagine: a plastic bag with an adhesive seal. I’m not kidding; here’s an official NASA picture demonstrating its use:

Just imagine that sans the Sans-a-Belt slacks and much worse things in that bag than air. I actually reverse-engineered one of these bags and actually tried to use it myself, and I can honestly report that it was a miserable, dignity-obliterating nightmare. And I got to try it in actual gravity, not floating around in a tiny space capsule with two other people! These bags never worked great, and we have some direct reporting about that from Apollo astronauts, like this part of a transcript from Apollo 10, which went around the moon just before the actual landing during Apollo 11:
Cernan: “Where did that come from?”
Stafford: “Get me a napkin quick. There’s a turd floating through the air.”
Young: “I didn’t do it. It ain’t one of mine.”
Cernan: “I don’t think it’s one of mine.”
Stafford: “Mine was a little more sticky than that. Throw that away.”
Young: “God Almighty” (laughter)
Please note that none of the three astronauts claimed ownership of the floating turd. One of them was lying.

That was a long time ago, though. The Orion capsule may look like the old Apollo Command Module in shape, but it’s vastly different, inside and out. It’s got 30% more interior volume, and even factoring in that there will be an extra person inside compared to Apollo, that still comes out to an extra 8.5 cubic feet of space per person compared to Apollo. And part of that extra space has been devoted to making a better space toilet solution, in every possible way. I mean, the bar was pretty easy to beat, when you consider the old way was shitting in a bag, just out in the open.
I think the biggest improvement has to be privacy. Even if they were still pooping in bags, being able to have some sort of enclosed, private compartment would be vastly better. In Apollo, the waste management area was just in a corner:

That diagram deletes the crew couches for clarity, but as you can see, you’re just out there in the open. The Orion actually manages to cram a little separate compartment into the capsule for waste management:

See the label that says WMS? That means Waste Management System, and what it’s pointing to is Orion’s advanced space toilet, which is enclosed in its own tiny room. That diagram makes it a bit hard to visualize; I think you can get a better idea of where it is in this training mockup of the capsule:

See where the arrow is pointing? Behind the two tiers of couches, in what is sometimes the back wall or the “floor” other times, is a compartment that houses the UWMS, or Universal Waste Management System. When you open the door, this is what you see:

That’s a small but very usable bathroom! The idea of a separate, enclosed bathroom/hygiene compartment on a small capsule like this is incredible. To be fair, the Soviets (and later Russians) sort of had this since the late 1960s with the Soyuz spacecraft, because that spaceship had two habitable modules: a roughly spherical orbital module and a gumdrop-shaped descent module. The simple space toilet on the Soyuz was in the orbital module, so a cosmonaut could ask his fellow travelers to go hang out in the descent module while they did their business, unless they wanted an audience, which is entirely up to them. Some of those missions were really long, I’m not here to judge.
Anyway, Artemis II will have both women and men on the crew, so some bathroom privacy will be especially appreciated, I suspect.
Here, you can watch Canadian astronaut Jeremy Hansen giving you a little tour of the Orion space shitter:
I’m really impressed by this; if the ventilation system works as well as it should, then this compartment could prove useful for giving the crew some non-pooping private time as well, too.
Here’s another good view of the hygiene compartment:
This Universal Waste Management System (UWMS) toilet traces its lineage to shuttle-era toilet systems, which later evolved into the UWMS used on the International Space Station, and that system was further refined and reduced in size to become the Orion UWMS. A prototype of the Orion system was installed on the ISS for in-space testing:

Here’s how NASA describes the essential UWMS hardware:
The UWMS project’s two toilet units have key goals for a reduction in mass and volume over previous toilets used in space vehicles. The ISS UWMS (Toilet) is 65% smaller and 40% lighter than the current ISS toilet used by US crew in the Waste and Hygiene Compartment (WHC.) The Orion UWMS (WMS is 61% smaller than the toilet used on Shuttle missions. Air flow to aid in the collection of urine and fecal material is provided by a dual fan separator (DFS) which also serves to remove air from the urine/pretreat stream. Combining the two fans used in previous toilet designs into a motor arrangement with a single fan housing (separate impellers) provided much of the resultant reduction in mass and volume. The unit provides a simple startup operation with no need for an external panel that initiating the unit either with removal of the urine funnel or lifting the commode lid. Pretreatment of the urine is performed in both units to stabilize the urine for processing on ISS or venting on Orion. A Conductivity Sensor provides measurement of the concentration of pretreat dispensed for the ISS unit. Fecal deposits and consumables such as wipes, and gloves are contained in a hard-sided fecal canister.
This suction-based shitter is a real triumph of engineering, and the fact that the Orion is able to provide a private compartment for it is a huge development in human space travel. Very soon, people will return to lunar orbit, and while they’re out there, streaking through the vast darkness and cold majesty of space, they can take turns sitting in a private bathroom, comfortably crafting turds as they ponder the mysteries of the universe and our place within it.









“Please note that none of the three astronauts claimed ownership of the floating turd. One of them was lying.”
Unless someone involved on the ground left a “present,” like the beer cans in the doors of AMC cars.
“You think you’re cool pissing on the floor? It takes real guts to shit on the ceiling.”
– Spotted on a bathroom wall long ago.
Those were discarded lyrics to a Lionel Richie song
I thought America’s latest space toilet was that giant wart being appended to the White House. Plenty of space in that toilet.
Those plaid pants just sent me into a seizure – OMG HAHAHAHAHAHA
And I think those pants are paired with a paisley print tie.
Here’s what I want to know.
1) Will another astronaut tell the one who just used the crapper that she/he has toilet paper stuck to bottom of their space boot? Or is that not going to happen in zero gravity?
2) What kind of pine scent air freshener spray works best in zero gravity?
Zero G – that random floater can be stuck behind someone’s ear
The Skylab toilet had an interesting design. There were a number of rotors that would spin (after the astronaut was finished, of course) that would chop up solid waste and deposit it on a disposable cylinder.
So yes, the shit is supposed to hit the fan!
No matter how nice the facility, some people are just not astronaut material. Reminds me of a buddy of mine who broke off his honeymoon and headed back home because one of them couldn’t on a toilet that wasn’t their own [choose your emoji]
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Meatbag translator
https://share.google/mSuYxHnfcKsm8ep1k
Amazing. Thank you!
Can we get a, uh, test drive of the Airus urinal for fighter pilots?
The men’s version comes in two sizes, XL and MAGNUM, because of course it does.
https://www.flyairus.com/
But I didn’t see a place for the magazine rack!
…this is a deep dive on a subject that would end up being a bit gag on “Wait! Wait! Don’t Tell Me!” Of course, a comedy public radio program can’t provide the space for such detailed information on a space throne, whereas this ostensibly Car and Car-adjacent journalism site can, but I appreciate it all the same.
Granted, space is cold, but wouldn’t it be more appropriate for this to be part of the Morning Dump?
you’ll never believe where I read this article
(okay, fine: you would)
Why not get competitive with a Shitbox Showdown in space?
Vostok vs Mercury, Gemini vs Voskhod,
Apollo vs Soyez, then Buran vs STS is pretty much the whole show, unless you want to include Luna vs LEM for a special episode on the moon landers.
(The Chinese stuff, New Shepard and Dragon are too new for Showdown pricing.)
Or are you thinking more along the lines of orbital Fieros?
No window in the bathroom is a real missed opportunity
the mechanical vent is probably better than opening a window
I truly hope R&D tested these at Taco Bell or an Indian buffet. Design and function are important, but let’s not forget durability.
WTT: homemade ghost chile tacos for the chance to poop in space.
Just don’t stick me on one of those damn exploding SpaceX rockets. The explosion should come from my butt and my butt only.
Please no! The only burning I want in space is from the thrusters.
Well, that would be R&D’s problem. I’m just offering to help.
I’ll admit to once or twice having wondered about your butt, but only in a strictly non-exploding context.
Nobody has ever produced solid waste after a visit to Taco Bell.
Somehow it’s all three states of matter at the same time. It defies science.
Eat enough and it’s another liftoff…
A benefit of privacy is taking the time to ensure that there is no “streaking through space.”
okay, but you gotta admit that mooning earth would be hella cathartic right about now
Weightless streaking is perfect for my aging sagging body.
SPACE POOPING NEWS! My favorite kind of toilet talk.
…
Let me poop in space, yo. I want nothing more than to drop a deuce in microgravity. C’mon. Let me do it. I am nothing if not regular, and I need to experience this.
It appears that the Wolowitz design has been surpassed!
I was surprised there wasn’t a single reference to this, esp as this one would appear vastly superior for impressing girls by noting you designed it.
This one?
https://fairfieldcountylook.com/design/emily-wolowitz-brings-summer-style-to-the-table/
…needs more bread crumbs.
I can’t use my office restroom if there’s someone else in there. Another reason I could never be an astronaut.
I had to go back and read the Jalopnik article. Epic. It made me wonder what it costs to take a ride in a vomit comet. Seems to be about $9000 for ~15 free falls of 20 – 25 seconds each. I’ll add that to my bucket list.
Heh, bucket list.
Amazing. Interstellar travel has more room and privacy than an airline bathroom.
Commercial airlines really ARE peak human suffering.
We’ve already seen a decent toilet in The Mandolorian. They don’t even need room for the weapons or carbon frozen scoundrels.
If Nasa doesn’t start referring to this as the “‘fresher” it’s a lost opportunity.
While I am glad the astronauts have better waste management options now than they did 50 years ago, I still don’t understand why we are planning to return to the moon. In the ’70s, they decided that it was too expensive and too dangerous to continue moon missions to gather a few rocks. As far as I can see, nothing has really changed.
My understanding was it was to be a staging area to launch deep space missions. A lot less gravitational pull to overcome, and no atmosphere to fight the resistance of.
Also Helium-3.
I think that sounds awefully fanciful. No atmosphere or magnetic field to fend off cosmic radiation and 500 degree F temperature swings from night to day as well as no protection from meteors argue against that use case. I don’t know about H-3. Call me a cynic, but I don’t think it’s going to happen.
I mean, the ISS has been doing just fine in those conditions, and it has to contend with not having an anchoring surface.
The ISS is about 254 miles above the earth receiving the benefit of the earth’s magnetic field. And it’s one thing to make a tiny (comparatively) space station in earth orbit and completely another to make a techno-industrial base 238,000 miles away. I am not saying it’s impossible, just highly improbable.
Sci fi promised me Moon Bases when I was growing up. Someone BETTER DELIVER.
I want my jetpack, too!
We were promised them, after all!
And let me use the spacepooper!!!
Also, it’s freaking cool? I think it’s fair to be naturally curious about the universe around us. There’s got to be a lot more to learn about than the previously collected rocks, especially with some decades since of scientific progress since then. Who knows what else is up there, man, and if it can serve as a springboard to explore further, neat. I’m for it.
What else is up there?
Why the Tranquility Base Hotel & Casino is up there!
I hear there’s a taqueria on the roof.
Well you see, red China is making googly eyes at the moon, so we have to go back and re-establish our dominance.
Can’t we just pull out The Schwartz and see whose is bigger?
Honestly, at this point pushing the boundaries in space is worth it even just to have something to inspire humanity as a whole.
They’re playing the long game. NASA goes to the moon, Musk has to one-up them by going to Mars, and then we don’t have to deal with him screwing up existing countries because he’ll be too busy ruling Grokonia on Mars.
Mecha-Hitler can’t slip the surly bonds of Earth soon enough.
Let’s just send him up there now and not have to bother about getting him back.
Because we’re back in another Cold War-like situation with competing spacefaring powers
That’s still not a lot of room for four people, barely more per person than the apollo missions. 32 ft^3 of extra space shared by all astronauts is about the volume of a chest freezer, so basically this bathroom cubby is all they get over Apollo-era volume accommodations.
All those astronauts, thinking deep thoughts while perched on a stool, delivering stools, posing like Rodin’s “The Thinker”…
The Stinker, if you will.
Imagine being up there. Above all of this >gestures at everything<
Worth publicly pooping in a bag for, and now you don’t even have to do that. Technology is amazing.
I hate to poo-poo Autopian’s emphasis on scatology, but this is NOT the article I needed while drinking coffee and eating quiche this morning.
Saved it for the “reading room” later.
The Glovebox is NOT for whatever you’re planning.
Don’t tell me where to poop! You’re not my real mom! Neither is anyone at The Autopian, which is why I’m relieving myself in their glovebox!
Don’t you mean the reading bag?