With the arrival of my beautiful child Delmar (not his real name), I find myself with a problem: My one safe, childworthy car also happens to be my newest, and it also happens to be in mint condition. And I mean mint. It is a car I love so much that I spent a small fortune on it, and I plan to keep it for as long as I live. This is why I take extra care of it, but I’m worried that my child will not. In fact, I’m sure he won’t, which is why I need a plan to protect it from this his destructive tendencies. Here’s what I’ve come up with so far.
I was a kid once, and so were my five brothers, so I’m intimately aware of how careless children can be. I remember taking my bicycles out of the garage as a kid, and the number of times my sharp metal handlebar — whose rubber grip had been shredded off from all my crashes — scratched the side of our family’s Chevy Astro van is more than I care to count. That poor paint.
And the interior? Oh man, we vomited in it, we sat our muddy and wet butts on those seats, we got fishing hooks stuck in the headrests, we spilled every possible food all over — it was brutal. And then our dog just added to the mayhem.
My wife and I don’t have a dog yet, but I could see one on the horizon; right now, though, I want to focus on this child, because I shouldn’t let his smiley face fool me — this little guy will do a number on my BMW i3 unless I do something about it:
I’ve already started with a full PPF job. While the materials were provided by XPEL, and the installation was discounted by our sister-company Galpin, I still paid a few grand for this job, and I’ll tell you right away: It was worth it for the peace-of-mind — I’ve stopped having that recurring bicycle handlebar nightmare, and thoughts of Delmar swinging the door open onto a parking garage column no longer live in my head rent-free.
But that’s just the exterior — that’s the least of my worries. While my family’s Chevy Astro van’s interior actually managed to hold up remarkably well, that was a utilitarian machine meant for tough people-hauling duty. My BMW i3’s cabin is a hipster’s paradise, with “Kenaf” fibers making up the door panels, olive leaf-died leather on the seats and door panels, and — perhaps most worrying — wool. Lots of light-colored wool.
I am deeply concerned about the future of this wool. Will my child rub food or paint or excrement or whatever it is that children rub against mint-condition BMW i3 interior wool surfaces?
I can protect the seats reasonably well, I think, with some basic covers that go over the bench. In fact, it turns out BMW sells an OEM seat protector (see above)! I think that’s just to keep the child seat from rubbing against the seat (and the thing on the right is to cover the front seatback), so it really doesn’t offer a ton of coverage. Maybe I need something bigger, like this:
The manufacturer, Weathertech, even shows photos of dastardly child-behavior as proof that this seat-cover can handle a toddler:
Seriously? Cheerios? Why is the cup on its side; kid, pick it up! It’s just sitting there, spilling!
Oh lord, what? The animal crackers I can give a pass; we all lose one or two on its way from the bag to down the hatch, and the toys are going to trap sand — that’s hard to avoid. I don’t love the sideways cup, but it’s the sunscreen that’s killin’ me here! What the heck, kid?! Why is the sunscreen cap open, and why is there all this creme on the seatcover?
And… what are those on the front passenger’s seatback? Markers?! Absolutely not! Look at what this menace is doing with cups and sunscreen and crackers; there’s no chance they should have access to markers!
Sorry, I need to relax. But this is making me nervous! You know what else is making me nervous? My coworkers, who have not provided me any reassurance on this topic:
My god; two year-old carrots!
Maybe I should have a “no food in i3” policy, but I do have concerns because… I mean, I want my kid to eat and be happy. And lord knows, if he’s like me, he’ll want nothing more than to jam some McDonald’s french fries into his face during a roadtrip.
Anyway, I think the seat cover above will do the job, and the PPF will protect the outside, and I already have floor mats:
But there are two major issues that I still need to solve. The first is the seatback, which even on a normal car is a vulnerable spot, since children tend to kick seatbacks. But the i3 needs more than the BMW OEM seatback cover I showed before, because the seatback is a piece of off-white cloth that’s being stretched taught across a central opening.
Literally one swift kick will tear the fabric, and even if somehow the fabric holds up, it definitely won’t avoid stains.
So my plan is to buy some fairly stiff seatback protectors to prevent that fabric from tearing. Something like this:
My bigger worry is the rear armrests, because though I can protect the rear seat cushion and front seatbacks, what can I do about these lightly-colored wool armrests? I can’t really put a cover on them given their shape:
My colleague Thomas suggested “CQuartz Fabric 2.0,” which is a spray described as a “super-hydrophobic barrier that repels water and stains, whilst resisting abrasion, UV fading, alkaline and acid attack for up to 12 months.”
Hmm, looks like our friends at XPEL might have something similar. Does this stuff actual work? Will it permanently alter my beautiful wool? I’ll have to look into it.
In any case, I’m worried, because so many people have told me that I’m doomed, and to just embrace the destruction that will inevitably take place inside one of the most gorgeous automotive cabins ever designed. I’m not sure I can.
[Looks over at Delmar. Sees him spitting up milk and excreting strangely yellowish poos]. Yeah, maybe I am doomed.
Top Photo: Depositphotos.com/David Tracy
Delmar, for those wondering, is the name of the chief engineer of the WWII Jeep. Delmar “Barney” Roos. A total legend.
By the way, thank you all for your feedback! I’m reading every comment.
Best wishes for all of you.
Thank you!
Thank you for the explanation. You are now forgiven. 😉
And here I thought it was short for the DelMarVa peninsula.
I’m just glad it’s a pseudonym because every time I read it I think “old Delmar” thanks to Bing Crosby and living close to the Del Mar horse track and seeing their ads on TV.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rxSnJZkH1KY
I’m still partial to Ferrous.
Bueller?
I’m thinking “Baller” depending on how pimped out that i3 ends up becoming.
Ferrous “Rusty” Baller. Has a nice ring to it, no?
Hahaha!
I’m too old to figure out the perfect programming to handle a website that handles comment threads perfectly, but this one deserves better than what we have now. But I have ideas.
Matt, or whoever webmaster this gets to, I have a suggestion.
When I get to the end of an article and scroll past the mini-bio of who wrote it, can YOU PLEASE show the first chronological page comment/response/correction. NOT the most recent. The original.
And then show, an option to read to read the second level responses to the first level responses. Rather than clutter up the screen with a bunch of stuff that isn’t interesting to us, the end user.
Instead of the most recent responses that I don’t get the context of because I read the article after they did and made their comments.
And I say that as a base-level velour member. So, not as an investor, but also not a zero-level feces-thrower.
And, while you’re at redesigning “THE Autopian” 2.0 or whatever version you might do, give us an opportunity to give a thumbs up or a heart or a laugh, without having to do an actual reply that we did any of that.
“give us an opportunity to give a thumbs up or a heart or a laugh, without having to do an actual reply that we did any of that”
Isn’t that what the smily face under each post is for?
It’s too binary for me.
It’s also the name of a town about fifteen miles from me, on the Delaware-Maryland state line.
I saw that town on signs heading to Salisbury, MD from BWI. The trip to Salisbury, UK, was far more enjoyable.
That makes more sense than what we thought on the discord- that you had a movie night of ‘O brother, where art thou?’
“I’m a Dapper Dan man!”
Rusty was right there.
We’ve owned 3 i3s and had little kids in all of them.
The official BMW i “Function Cover” is great. Good quality (since we’ve been using it for 10 years now), soft on one side, water resistant on the other side without being plasticky, loops to attach to headrests, holes for belts in the right places.
It’s a must-have for kids+i3, IMO. We still use it in our other vehicles even now that we don’t have an i3 anymore.
I think it’s discontinued, but somebody might have one, like these guys:
https://parts.bmwoforlandpark.com/p/Bmw__i3/i-Function-Cover/71999159/51472348066.html?srsltid=AfmBOoqYy_TS_rdlfWbyv6yXtvu5wcJ1V2Gd246npgwcGBXfN6cFz4ff
Probably not a problem as much now that carseats are required, but I’ve been told that I liked to chew on the vinyl part of the door card of my mom’s 1977 Ford Grenada, to the point there was a hole in the vinyl. So beware that anything within reach of Delmar’s mouth will probably go in his mouth.
One of my kids liked gnawing on the seat belt of her carseat; we attached some different toys to the carseat to try and redirect but that wasn’t always successful. The seat belt seemed to hold up fine, just always a bit damp…
You’re gonna lose. Sorry, but them’s the brakes.
Kids ruin everything you loved prior to having kids. And its totally ok, because the kids are better. Most of the time.
Ahoy! I’ve had a child ride in the back of my i3s since they were one; they’re now proudly four *and a half*. Here are my thoughts:
suicideclamshell door and high roof are great for leaning into the car to strap them in. The kid could load themselves way earlier into the i3 than into my SportWagen or the grandparents’ Santa Fe.I do have a question – why the PPF? The body panels are plastic, not painted. I guess the PPF is just a sacrificial layer? At that price I’d just vinyl wrap the thing in some obnoxious design.
(Congrats on your spawn. Enjoy the ride. Remember to breathe.)
As to the question … the site is sponsored by XPEL, so …
“but I said I spent my own money on it!”
And you did do that, that was a good job.
Kids having a sippy cup and snacks for every drive isn’t really needed.
My kids only got food/drinks in the car when we were doing road trips and needed to make time.
Teaching them car manners also works.
The kid’s a quarter German, he can be the quarter that sneers at the idea of cupholders.
But when he starts to wonder why Bernd das Brot is so glum about not getting the bakery-mascot gig when he’s the host of his own series, it’s time to get the kid out of Hollywood.
Look up seat protectors for pets. You can get one that will cover the entire front seat, front and back. The rear seat ones have holes for the seatbelts and the kid can sit on top of them. Some even have winglets that you can put up over the door panel.
These are creatures that can lodge Matchbox cars in their noses. You really believe you can outthink one?
I don’t have any kids but I have friends with kids and they all agree on one point, kids destroy absolutely everything you love. Time to just accept that the i3 won’t be mint for much longer.
Five gallon bucket.
Packing peanuts.
Five air holes in the lid.
Done.
Four isn’t enough, trust me.
As soon as someone pees or vomits in a car, it’s time for a new car.
My dog once vomited in my lap in my Miata.
I miss that little guy.
The dog, or the Miata? heyooooo
Still have the Miata. I miss my little Sato (Peurto Rican street dog) buddy.
🙁
No matter how much you think you are prepared, a child’s ability to make a mess will always outpace a parent’s desire to clean. It may take hundreds or thousands of messes but that cost is nothing to them and it will break you.
No matter how much you child-proof your car, it will get messy. Sorry for the bad news.
We don’t drive long enough in the car to snack and I suspect you won’t, so there’s hope there. No food in the car (for the most part) is easier to enforce with a routine snack schedule (which we have). Keep in mind that instead of a no food rule, you can just not offer food in the car. How you present things has a large effect…no food rule induces a desire to eat in some cases lol
Back seat protectors are a good idea.
Dirty shoes from sandboxes etc. seem pretty unavoidable but anything that isn’t wet mud can be vacuumed pretty easily
Keep in mind you’re raising a kid not an i3. The i3 is just transportation. Let yourself enjoy it, but don’t let it weigh on you. That would be a shame
Consider ordering some spare wool seat material, so if sweet little Delmar does irreparable damage, you can just have panels replaced as needed without the difficulty of an upholstery shop sourcing fabric for an unusual car. Also, if you minimize the crap that goes into the car, you minimize what can spill, melt etc. I think my Giulia only ever suffered one melted crayon in a cupholder. Those back seat dog hammocks can keep a lot of mess contained as well. It will always be a game of minimizing the destruction though, you can never fully prevent it.
My grandfather’s name was Delmar. My wife was strangely uninterested in bestowing that moniker upon our offspring.
David – you’re doomed. Children are filthy chaos gremlins who will destroy your prized possessions for the next 18 years. Learn to chill now.
With the money you’re spending to kid-proof the i3, you could be buying a used minivan. Maybe even an AWD Astro! Whatever you use to primarily transport children, it will be stained, ripped, scratched, and filled with lost toys, lost French fries, and mouldering half-eaten McNuggets. By the time your kids all leave the home, the interior of the van will be a compost bin.
Bonus – with an old minivan, you’ll get to teach the kids to wrench. Their small hands are perfect for retrieving those lost bolts.
Your family vehicle needs to be a safe appliance that you don’t care much about. Consider it a sacrificial anode to prevent corruption of the i3. (And prepare your soul and parenting skills for the day the i3 takes a hit anyway.)
The ultimate expression of this will be the day the phone rings and a crying 16-yo Delmar says, “Dad, I’ve had an accident.” Believe me – the first words out of your mouth will NOT be, “How’s the car?”
this is enabling.
Please be careful with those bench seat covers. Some car seats are not rated to be on them or don’t recommend them. Make sure to read the car seat manufacturer’s best practices.
Also, a car you are super protective of should never be your daily, and should certainly not be transporting children. Never let your children riding with you be an emotional stumbling block.
Poor, sweet, innocent David. You thought rust was the problem…oh, honey.
Rust never sleeps and neither do babies.
I love the comments on the new parent, saying “My child will never be like I was as a kid”. They are kids, destroying stuff comes with the Territory. You can try, but something is ALWAYS gonna happen.
Maybe go the opposite direction, get easy on/off shoes and nice soft coveralls for Delmar for when going in the car, maybe a bubble tent to go around the child seat like they make for motorcycles and such so whatever is spilled just stays in the bubble.
Spills and other messes can be cleaned. The most problematic thing I’ve found is the car seats themselves. If the car seat is secured correctly, it WILL leave an unattractive imprint in the seat foam and covering material. Leather, Naugahyde, Cloth, doesn’t matter. Your kid will probably mess up your interior somehow. The kid’s seat WILL leave it’s mark.
My kid is older so I had her in seats before the latch systems. I would always be bleeding from the back of the hands by the time I got those child seats installed properly.
There are a few higher end seats nowadays that have a really trick setup where they self tighten onto the seatbelt as you slam the seat bottom into place. Way easier to achieve proper tightness, but also creases the heck out of the seatbelts.
I have a Britax Boulevard with that trick function. I guess I’m just lucky, it hasn’t creased the belts. Good seat, for anyone in the market.
The creases work themselves out eventually
Maybe I’m lucky but the leather seats in my Silverado, wife’s old CX-5 and her current CX-90 all recover well from the car seats. If I remove the car seat, the indentions disappear overnight. (I do this whenever I detail the cars)
Should have used Delamain as the fake name. IYKYK
“Beep beep, motherf*cker!”
I believe there are child-size bubbles you can buy that may suit your desires. They do make cuddling a bit more difficult, though, and also add to the steps needed for diaper changes.
Cars are disposable, people aren’t. The I3 isn’t going to be a forever car, especially with battery technology as the albatross around its neck. Take appropriate preventative measures, but don’t expect it to survive anywhere near unscathed.
You also have that Scout on order. Let the I3 and RX be the bay break-in models and use the Scout as the longer-term family vehicle.
See “Bubble Boy” movie, or “the Boy in the Plastic Bubble” for those ideas in the first paragraph.
Moops.
Lol we had the same idea, why baby-proof the car when you can car-proof the baby!
Within one nanosecond of putting a child in a car, there will be Cheerios in obscure, hard-to-reach places. It’s just science.
I’m going to say this carefully.
You suggest it to Elise at your own risk.
Backseat dog hammocks are amazing at keeping messes off the upholstery. You can toss them in the washer whenever they get soiled, and they’re cheap enough that you might as well buy 2 or 3.
Get a minivan
We bought a low mileage 2012 Mazda5 back in September for our first child. My wife swore off vans for as long as I’ve known her, but now she loves it!
Minivans rule. They are fantastic vehicles. It’s a car. It’s a wagon. It’s a truck. It’s…a minivan!
I think not calling the kid Rusty is a missed opportunity.
Stop revealing their actual name! He’s trying to maintain some privacy!
Russell J. Tracy.
The J keeps that standard Jeep naming convention.
If that isn’t the boy’s actual name, we need to petition the courts to force the name change.
To be fair, he’d need a lot of work ( like he won’t anyway)
Unfortunately, rusty is the name of our kitten who died (I blame myself for it; the kitten got trapped in an upright rug. I had seen him on top of it playing around and sticking his head in, but I understand the risk until it was too late). Needless to say, that name conjures up some trauma/deep regret. That poor little orange boy. :'(
I’m sorry, David. Loosing a pet is rough! You shouldn’t blame yourself. Accidents happen, and no one can anticipate every risk.