Home » Back When Lincoln Tried AI Models: Cold Start

Back When Lincoln Tried AI Models: Cold Start

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You know how there’s all that talk about artificial intelligence (AI) potentially replacing writers now? And how some automotive websites I could mention are actually run by companies that are using AI to write crappy articles? Sure you do. Well, get this – back in the 1980s, it appears that Lincoln dabbled in AI replacing human talent, too: in this case, car models. Don’t believe me? Look up there! Look at those sexy bald robots trying to get you into a new Lincoln!

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Lincoln went full-in on AI models, hiring defense contractor Raytheon to develop robotic models to showcase their cars, replacing expensive and often problematic human models. As you can see, Raytheon did all they could to make these robots nice and sexy, complete with erotic radiation (ER) emitters in seven locations on the robot, capable of broadcasting sexy feelings at a rate of 46 thirsticlons/meter.

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Lincoln even developed a sort of “Turing test” for their robotic models: they’d heat them up to human body temperature and moisten the robot’s stainless steel and polished aluminum skins with various lotions, then shove a blindfolded human in a closet with the robot, with instructions to dry-hump whomever they found themselves in the closet with.

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The human test subject was not told if they were being placed in a closet with a human or robot, and most of the subjects didn’t seem able to tell the difference, or, if they could, they just didn’t care.

Lincoln’s bold AI experiment ended in 1988 when a malfunctioning robot model slapped the dentures out of 44% of Lincoln’s executive staff and set a break room on fire.

The robots responsible escaped capture and remain at large today. In fact, reports have surfaced that one of them was asking about you.

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Peter d
Peter d
10 months ago

Is there something wrong with me? That car looks awesome (except for the fake almost wire wheels!), if I could get one with modern suspension and engine (and hydraulic power steering) I would be at the dealer now. Love the look – even the pinstripes- the world needs more pinstripes!

Michael Sharp
Michael Sharp
10 months ago
Lew Schiller
Lew Schiller
10 months ago
Reply to  Michael Sharp

I can never make GIF replies work either

Collegiate Autodidact
Collegiate Autodidact
10 months ago

What the heck is that neon sign in the background of the second photograph supposed to be?? It’s so illegible it could actually be Russian cursive writing: https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/7/76/Russian_word_in_cursive_02.jpg/876px-Russian_word_in_cursive_02.jpg
https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/9/9f/Millii.png/440px-Millii.png

Mike Harrell
Mike Harrell
10 months ago

That’s the Continental Givenchy Designer Series, so my guess is it’s a version of the signature of Count Hubert James Marcel Taffin de Givenchy, even though it’s not the version typically used for the Givenchy brand’s logo.

Rust Buckets
Rust Buckets
10 months ago

Gee, having left the old light ing site just seems like a better and better decision as time goes on, doesn’t it?

Phantom Pedal Syndrome
Phantom Pedal Syndrome
10 months ago

The Model T-X Terminator is capable of easily crushing a human spinal column with just two fingers, and its thighs can crush with a pressure greater than an industrial hydraulic press.
I’m not going anywhere near that closet.

Last edited 10 months ago by Phantom Pedal Syndrome
Cheap Bastard
Cheap Bastard
10 months ago

Yeah but ya gotta check out sometime. I can think of a lot worse ways to go.

At least this way you’ll end it all with a goofy smile on your face.

Last edited 10 months ago by Cheap Bastard
Phantom Pedal Syndrome
Phantom Pedal Syndrome
10 months ago
Reply to  Cheap Bastard

I’m not into robuts, I’d prefer death by snu
snu.

https://youtu.be/3f8sjzETQ5o

Last edited 10 months ago by Phantom Pedal Syndrome
Trust Doesn't Rust
Trust Doesn't Rust
10 months ago

Little Known Fact: These Lincoln AI robots inspired Jeff Lynne to write the ELO song “Yours Truly, 2095”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wtfjzmYZvTw

She is the latest in technology
Almost mythology
But she has a heart of stone
She has an IQ of one thousand and one
She has a jumpsuit on
And she’s also a telephone

Dar Khorse
Dar Khorse
10 months ago

Jeff Lynne is a GOD.

Phantom Pedal Syndrome
Phantom Pedal Syndrome
10 months ago
Reply to  Dar Khorse

I’ll stand with you on this hill.

The Beatles are as overrated as Nirvana and Santana.

I mean.. Nirvanas best songs were just cheap rip offs of The Meat Puppets.
Santana can’t hold a candle to The Mars Volta and the best songs The Beatles ever came up with sound like kids bop compared to ELO.

Chris D
Chris D
10 months ago

The only Beatles song that I ever really liked was Revolution. The were just a bit before my time. But that’s just me… The Rolling Stones, however, made (and still make) timeless music.

Drive By Commenter
Drive By Commenter
10 months ago

Bender!

StillNotATony
StillNotATony
10 months ago

Years ago, I read an account of an ad photo shoot for a Lincoln Town Car. Twas the 80’s, I believe.

Anyway, they had a black Town Car against a black background with a model in a slinky black dress. Someone spoke up saying “There’s too much black. We need some contrast!”

Someone – who is lost to history – suggested bring in a polar bear and putting it in the car. This was hailed as a brilliant idea.

The bear was brought in, heavily sedated. It could walk, but it was quite docile. It was led into the car and the door closed.

When the bear settled into the compartment, it sat on one of the lights.

Instantly, the bear was awake and UNHAPPY. But also trapped in the car.

Everyone just decided the best thing to do was empty the studio, shut off the lights, and let the bear calm down before extracting it.

Later, when checking out the car, the interior was, of course, destroyed, and HUUUUGE claw marks were visible through the roof skin.

I read this story decades ago, but I still think about it occasionally…

UnseenCat
UnseenCat
10 months ago
Reply to  StillNotATony

Ahh, nothing quite like the cocaine-fueled advertising and marketing departments of the 70s and 80s…

Hugh Crawford
Hugh Crawford
10 months ago
Reply to  UnseenCat

I worked in the photo studio in the late 70s, and you know you’re absolutely right.

Ranwhenparked
Ranwhenparked
10 months ago
Reply to  UnseenCat

But, man, could they move product though

Cheap Bastard
Cheap Bastard
10 months ago
Reply to  StillNotATony

Ironically polar bears are pure black under all that fur.

Data
Data
10 months ago

I need ya, Deck. This is a bad one, the worst yet. I need the old blade runner, I need your magic.

Jack Trade
Jack Trade
10 months ago
Reply to  Data

I was quit when I came in here, I’m twice as quit now.

Gilbert Wham
Gilbert Wham
10 months ago

Tell the thirsty sex bot to DM me. It’ll be fun.

Aaron Nichols
Aaron Nichols
10 months ago

Wowza, this one descended into its own realm of madness as it went on. Was THIS written by AI?

AC2DE
AC2DE
10 months ago
Reply to  Aaron Nichols

While we may not be able to prove that it wasn’t, I don’t know that any chat bot could ever emulate Torch. True randomness is incredibly hard for computers.

StillNotATony
StillNotATony
10 months ago
Reply to  AC2DE

How many of us have actually seen Torch in real life? Could he, in fact, be an AI?

Ranwhenparked
Ranwhenparked
10 months ago
Reply to  StillNotATony

He’s real, he did the worm

Duke of Kent
Duke of Kent
10 months ago
Reply to  Ranwhenparked

He’s real, and he’s spectacular.

Ted Fort
Ted Fort
10 months ago
Reply to  StillNotATony

I’ve met him in real life and, if anything, that makes me more suspicious of his existence.

Tim R
Tim R
10 months ago
Reply to  Ted Fort

COTD

Chronometric
Chronometric
10 months ago
Reply to  StillNotATony

I have met The Great Torchinsky and he is definitely not a sex bot.

BigThingsComin
BigThingsComin
10 months ago
Reply to  StillNotATony

That square bald patch is mighty suspicious. Could be a bad pixel in the simulation.

Canopysaurus
Canopysaurus
10 months ago
Reply to  Aaron Nichols

I saw him on the cover of “Axe and Battery,” but that could’ve been a deep fake.

Data
Data
10 months ago
Reply to  Canopysaurus

I’m pretty sure it was “Legs on the Driveway: A Chainsaw Safety Demonstration” video on how not to use a chainsaw.

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