Home » Check Out The Indulgent Copywriting In This Old Jag Brochure: Cold Start

Check Out The Indulgent Copywriting In This Old Jag Brochure: Cold Start

Cs Jagcoupe1
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You know, it’s possible this might be the best example of a vinyl top that actually, you know, works. Because I think it does! This is a 1972 Jaguar XJ coupé, and it’s a really handsome car, one I haven’t thought about in a while, partially because I can’t recall the last time I actually saw one out in the world. I think growing up I may have had a rich friend who had one of these, and I think her dad just complained about it being in the shop all the time. But, seeing this brochure, I get it now. And, even better is the text of the brochure, which isn’t exactly mind-blowing but just has a few details that are so right and so weird.

Cs Jagcoupe2

Vidframe Min Top
Vidframe Min Bottom

Look at these elegant bon vivants, teeth glowing in the shadows, affably chortling about some erudite bullshit. The copy here is great because there’s really only one thing they wanted the writer to say – the car is elegant-looking – and then the writer had to stretch that out for those four truncated columns. That’s how we get the idea that the owners of such a machine are “individualists” put like six different ways, and then we get this use of the word “fluent” I’ve never encountered before:

“Here is a distinctive flow of line, emphasized by the simplified window arrangement and the fluent sweep of the black vinyl roof trim.”

Huh. I kinda like it.

Cs Jagcoupe3

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I also like this part, which really feels like grasping for some space-filling text. It goes with picture 8 up there:

“8. The insignia of the smooth, flexible power of the XJ5.3C”

So, it’s a picture of the badge, with the copy saying “this is the badge?” Holy shit.

I mean they could have noted the big reverse lamp there and said something like “Wide, crystalline reversing lamps cast a radiant glow to the rear, banishing shadow and making your retrograde progress an effortless and confident affair.”

Cs Jagcoupe 5I also like how moody this picture of the car is. And those tiny, almost cubic rubber bumper guards there, below the inner headlamps. Perfect for those gentle parking taps!

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Tagarito
Tagarito
8 months ago

Three different ways to park the wipers. Or wherever it locks in place, that must be it

Jakob K's Garage
Jakob K's Garage
8 months ago

Dear doctor Torchinsky

I want a black vinyl top on my silver 1966 Mercedes-Benz 250SE Coupé W111. A bit like this. Am I normal? Am I sick? What am I to do?

SonOfLP500
SonOfLP500
8 months ago
Canopysaurus
Canopysaurus
8 months ago

The use of ‘fluent’ instead of the mundane flowing or fluid is meant to evoke an association with affluent, a desirable association for a Jag. I thought of effluent, a far less flattering adjective.

Bongo Friendee Harvey Park
Bongo Friendee Harvey Park
8 months ago
Reply to  Canopysaurus

> far less

Whew, that was close.

AC2DE
AC2DE
8 months ago
Reply to  Canopysaurus

That would have been… crappy.

Cheap Bastard
Cheap Bastard
8 months ago

I gotta admit that last photo with a LS/T56 swap looks like it would be a lot of fun.

Tim Cougar
Tim Cougar
8 months ago

If I’m not mistaken, the XJ-C had a standard vinyl roof for the same reason the Plymouth Superbird did – to hide the sloppy seams where they cut and welded the roof.

Adrian Clarke
Adrian Clarke
8 months ago
Reply to  Tim Cougar

Excuse me, I think you’ll find that is fine Coventry drunken craftsmanship.

Chronometric
Chronometric
8 months ago
Reply to  Adrian Clarke

While in Coventry, I visited the Standard Triumph Club on the site of the old Triumph factory. The grizzled barman told me stories of the continuous stream of workers from the plant dropping in for a pint. During the lunch break they would drink for hours and return to the line “pissed as a newt”.

Last edited 8 months ago by Chronometric
Adrian Clarke
Adrian Clarke
8 months ago
Reply to  Chronometric

Years ago in another life I worked for London Underground. The old boys used to regale us youngsters of the times when every line had numerous subsidised staff bars and how they would call ahead and get someone to leave a couple of pints on the platform for the driver and guard to pick up on the way through.

Canopysaurus
Canopysaurus
8 months ago
Reply to  Adrian Clarke

What goes on in The Underground stays in The Underground.

Bongo Friendee Harvey Park
Bongo Friendee Harvey Park
8 months ago
Reply to  Adrian Clarke

Aka fine Coventry craftsmanship.

Andy Individual
Andy Individual
8 months ago
Reply to  Tim Cougar

*welded* You’re such an optimist.

Urban Runabout
Urban Runabout
8 months ago
Reply to  Tim Cougar

Urban Myth.
The XJC was actually built from the standard wheelbase XJ sedan shell with an omitted B pillar and welded in side panels aft of the doors. The lengthened door frames were actually the pieces that were assembled from two pieces of sedan doorframes welded together with a bespoke skin.
Jaguar just didn’t bother finishing/filling the lengthwise seams in the roof the way they did the sedans since they knew they were covering it with a fluent sweep of black vinyl roof trim.

Last edited 8 months ago by Urban Runabout
Bob Boxbody
Bob Boxbody
8 months ago

More than anything, I find myself fascinated by the smooth fluency of that lady’s glowing teeth.

Lokki
Lokki
8 months ago
Reply to  Bob Boxbody

“Glowing white teeth”….

She’s a Wolf-woman in pantaloons saying,

All the better to (redacted)…, my dear.”

Last edited 8 months ago by Lokki
Morgan van Humbeck
Morgan van Humbeck
8 months ago

I read your description of the tail lights and immediately bought three. You should moonlight as a copywriter. That shit was poetry

Hoonicus
Hoonicus
8 months ago

The unforgivable offence of vinyl tops. Too many otherwise gorgeous cars have succumbed to the indignity. I have twice been obligated to purchase such abominations, due to the cars rarity, and can’t pass price. All the parish-ability, and moisture penetration of a convertible with none of the benefits.

Andy Individual
Andy Individual
8 months ago
Reply to  Hoonicus

But they’re elegant! Like cheap cigars and Old Spice.

Jesus Chrysler drives a Dodge
Jesus Chrysler drives a Dodge
8 months ago

You can actually see the carpet wrinkles around those door speakers. In a MARKETING PHOTO. They look about as well fitted as a bargain bridesmaid’s dress.

Cheap Bastard
Cheap Bastard
8 months ago

“You’ll buy whatever shitcrap we make and you’ll LIKE it!!”

– Auto industry, 1970-1980.

Canopysaurus
Canopysaurus
8 months ago

That’s the exclusive Shar Pei fit deep pile carpeting.

Urban Runabout
Urban Runabout
8 months ago

That was a design element.
So one could easily ascertain ’twas fitted by genuinely-spirited British Craftsmen.
(whose preference in spirits was generally Gin)

Last edited 8 months ago by Urban Runabout
TXJeepGuy
TXJeepGuy
8 months ago

I do love the look of these.

Cyko9
Cyko9
8 months ago

This just reminded me the XJ was the inspiration the Hot Wheels “Fish’d and Chip’d”. Even missing a few headlights (and presumably those rubber bumper guards), it looks better with the chopped roof.

Maymar
Maymar
8 months ago
Reply to  Cyko9

I think it looks a little more Mark X-inspired, but just by virtue of the pillarless hardtop, the XJC was probably tapped a little bit.

Data
Data
8 months ago

Those elegant people are standing around talking about Grey Poupon.

Urban Runabout
Urban Runabout
8 months ago
Reply to  Data

…which, at the time, was only found in the back seats of Rolls Royce Silver Clouds.

Last edited 8 months ago by Urban Runabout
Chronometric
Chronometric
8 months ago

Humans are weird. We create styles that are inherently ridiculous and then uniformly followed. Then we celebrate the iconoclasts who dare to finally break the pattern.

Ad copy is a great example, along with bell bottom pants, legalese, and movie scripts. Not to mention landau bars, continental kits, and flying roofs.

Last edited 8 months ago by Chronometric
Slower Louder
Slower Louder
8 months ago

Squab, squab: stunned to see this word in context of, you know, elegance. It shows how little I know of the King’s English. Warning: I need to mention the Jello-P here: The sainted Rob Emslie uses the word squab 4 to 5 days per week in describing the destructed seating arrangements in his Nice Price-No Dice cars. I’ve long been accustomed to the word but I would not have thought of using it in polite company. Would appreciate knowledgeable comments or just more of the ridiculous ones.

Canopysaurus
Canopysaurus
8 months ago
Reply to  Slower Louder

Squab is a fancy word for baby pigeon, which upperclass Brits like to pretend is a fancy delicacy. Now you know why doves cry. Just trying to use words that denote aristocracy. Seat squab, hah!

Last edited 8 months ago by Canopysaurus
James Davidson
James Davidson
8 months ago
Reply to  Canopysaurus

Prince reference!

Larry B
Larry B
8 months ago

Call me a crude colonist but I much prefer the sound quality of radio speakers on top of the dash particularly when listening to the musical stylings of The Stooges. Kick Out The Jams by the MC5 wouldn’t sound as effervescent coming from speakers fitted inside the doors.

Paul B
Paul B
8 months ago

Reads like some product descriptions on Alibaba.

Drive By Commenter
Drive By Commenter
8 months ago

Perfectly cromulent, old chap!

Sid Bridge
Sid Bridge
8 months ago

“Reclining front seat squab release lever is easy to hand.”

Wow. I think it’s trying to say it’s easy to lean the seat back, but it’s implying that when you go to lean the seat back, you can release a bevy of small birds.

Dar Khorse
Dar Khorse
8 months ago
Reply to  Sid Bridge

Came here to say exactly this, but you beat me to it.
“Release the squab!”

Also, THANK YOU AUTOPIAN for killing the auto-play on the videos! It was truly annoying and interfered tremendously with my reading pleasure. Having to position the video window just so in order for it not to drag my eyes away from your glorious text was very troublesome.

A. Barth
A. Barth
8 months ago
Reply to  Dar Khorse

On my machine, auto-play is alive and well (?).

The audio is muted, which is nice, but the video resumes every time I scroll past it.

Even if I pause the video manually and then scroll away from it, when I scroll back the video resumes. 🙁 I paused it; it should remain paused until I tell it otherwise.

Dar Khorse
Dar Khorse
8 months ago
Reply to  A. Barth

Gaahhh! You jinxed it! I swear they weren’t auto-playing earlier, but they sure are now.
<rage face>

I hope they fix that soon – it’s super off-putting.

Andy Individual
Andy Individual
8 months ago
Reply to  Dar Khorse

Yeah, the decent thing to do is just have a separate area where videos are posted instead of inlining them everywhere.

Thomas Metcalf
Thomas Metcalf
8 months ago

The woman in white appears to be wearing pantaloons! What an individualist.

Roundbadge
Roundbadge
8 months ago

The fellow in the lead pic looks like he’s making a quick getaway.

“I’m borrowing your silverware for an event that I’m having at my place. No no, sorry, I’m quite late for an appointment. Thanks!”

NebraskaStig
NebraskaStig
8 months ago
Reply to  Roundbadge

In such a hurry he left the front door wide open.

Cheap Bastard
Cheap Bastard
8 months ago
Reply to  Roundbadge

In my Jaaaaaagggggg.

StillNotATony
StillNotATony
8 months ago

Vinyl top with no landau bars?

Crack pipe…

KC Murphy
KC Murphy
8 months ago
Reply to  StillNotATony

To be fair, they do make up for it with the easily to hand front seat squab release lever.

Thomas Metcalf
Thomas Metcalf
8 months ago
Reply to  KC Murphy

I don’t know what a squab is, or if I should be happy that it is easy to release.

StillNotATony
StillNotATony
8 months ago
Reply to  Thomas Metcalf

Everybody needs to release a squab now and then. It’s perfectly natural and nothing to be ashamed of.

Thomas Metcalf
Thomas Metcalf
8 months ago
Reply to  StillNotATony

My parents told me that I would go blind and grow hair on my palms…

A. Barth
A. Barth
8 months ago
Reply to  Thomas Metcalf

A squab is a posh pigeon.

I hope that was helpful.

SonOfLP500
SonOfLP500
8 months ago
Reply to  KC Murphy

I was surprised Jason didn’t pick up on that as the most egregious space filler of the lot.

Jb996
Jb996
8 months ago
Reply to  StillNotATony

You just need some of those self-adhesive stick on Landau bars from an old JC Whitney catalog.
I think Jason or someone had an article about JC Whitney add-ons that included those a while back.

MATTinMKE
MATTinMKE
8 months ago
Reply to  Jb996

Wasn’t that yesterday?

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