Can you believe I’ve been doing this for four years? Well, almost; the site launched on March 32nd, of course, which was a Friday, and the first “regular” day was the following Monday, April 4th. Thomas Hundal took the first shift in this chair, and I took over on the 5th. Since the 5th is Sunday, I’m calling this my fourth anniversary post. And I’m giving you a chance at a bit of revenge for the terrible cars I’ve subjected you to over the years.
Yesterday, we looked at a couple of cute little road-trip veterans, and I want to thank Mercedes for adding some clarity and commentary about that Smart Fortwo. It’s always nice to have an expert weigh in, especially when I don’t know a whole lot about a car. It looks like she scared you all off it, though. I don’t know if the Mini Cooper would have won anyway, but win it did, by a landslide.
The Mini would be my choice for sure. I’d rather have a Cooper S with a six-speed manual, but I’m not scared of the CVT either. My wife and I have a friend back in Portland with a CVT-equipped Mini, and she loves it, and it has been reliable as far as I know. This one sounds like a good one as well, and I do like the color. And I don’t mind the stickers.
Now, the fact that I chose the Mini is completely irrelevant, because, as you may have noticed, this week’s final four are the cars I didn’t choose. The reason for this is simple: your task is to stick me with one of them. Choose the car you’d most like to force me to drive for, let’s say, a week. You can be as mean or as nice as you like; there are some good choices here, but some not-so-good ones as well. I’ll recap them, so you can make an informed decision.
1997 Ford Aerostar
As I have mentioned in the past, from 1994-97 I worked in a gas station with a garage, doing oil changes and other minor maintenance. In that time, I serviced dozens, maybe hundreds, of Ford Aerostars. I’ve never driven one further that fifty feet, or faster than five miles an hour, so I can’t comment on their road manners. I grew to hate them, though, because of one company that used them as a fleet vehicle and brought them to us for service. The drivers were all jerks, and the vans were always trashed. I guess I shouldn’t hold that experience against this van, but association is a funny thing sometimes.
This probably wouldn’t be a terrible thing to drive for a week. The interior reminds me of my wife’s old Ford Explorer, which was about the same age. The worst charge I’ve ever heard against these is that they’re underpowered, which doesn’t matter that much to me.
1994 Volvo 940 Turbo
I actually quite like this car; I just liked its Peugeot competitor better. It’s a sharp-looking car, and I do like how the old RWD Volvos drive. I don’t know that I have any real desire to own it, but I could totally drive it for a week.
And look at those seats! They look mighty inviting. And if I remember right, the air conditioner works. I’d have no complaints here.
1965 Chevrolet Chevelle
I have actually driven a ’65 Chevelle with a four-speed, about half a mile. A high school friend’s dad had one, a gorgeous blue convertible, and he let me drive it once. I was so nervous that I stalled it twice just getting it moving, and couldn’t enjoy myself. I gave up a few blocks later and let him take back over. I’d have no such trouble driving this one today.
The biggest problem I’d have with this is not hearing “Low Rider” by War in my head every time I saw that steering wheel. But I could definitely take a little trip, take a little trip, take a little trip with this car. As long as it’s only for a week. Any longer than that, and it would get tiresome.
2009 Smart Fortwo Cabrio
Yeesh. I mean, if I have to, I guess. Actually, it would be fun to try driving one of these, I think, once. But after a week, I’d be clamoring to get back in my Chrysler. It’s small, it’s loud, and it’s beat to shit.
But then again, my old Miata was small, loud, and beat to shit too, and I loved that car. At least, on those perfect summer days when the top was down and the stereo was up. Maybe this wouldn’t be too bad, if I can wait for warmer weather.
And with that, we begin year five of this adventure. Thank you all for your continued support; without you I’m just some guy who spends way too much time perusing the online classifieds. I’m still having fun, and I hope you are too. See you all back here on Monday, with a couple more cars that would make a Consumer Reports tester cringe.
Look – I’m not trying to torture you – but the Aerostar. Find a drive-in theatre, as I am pretty sure that those benches fold flat for a bed…. I rolled around as a kid on far too many road trips in one of those. An experience you can’t get anymore! You can drive a Volvo, or smart car any day. The Chevelle would be fun, don’t get me wrong, but driving the Aerostar and enjoying that backseat won’t be beat!
I’d love to drive that Chevelle. For maybe an hour, before the V8 summons my tinnitus and the chassis twist activates my sea legs. I’ve been in an accident in a 60s car too. Not very safe.
If Autopian is paying for it, we’ve gotta make sure you can write more showdowns for years to come. Welcome to the Volvo Owners Club of North America!
The Volvo. I am not a cruel man.
I agree. Part of me says that Chevelle, but with no A/C… Boring, safe, mundane, and the occasional whistle is the choice for me too.
I picked the Smart for you to drive… because I’m cruel. LOL
I spent a few weeks in junkyards 1n about 1982 putting getting parts to make a 68- 69 Chevelle -68 at the front, 69 from the puller back mostly – and the difference between a 67 and earlier Chevelle and 68 and later is dramatic.
The 66s just wadded up like paper bags. I wouldn’t drive around in one.
I’d drive that Volvo though.
The Showdowns have given me endless joy over the years, and in exchange for a merciful next week I chose the 940 for you. 😉
F*ck the Chevelle
Marry the Volvo
Kill the Aerostar
Gift the Smart to Mercedes bc you are made of love & like to see your friends suffer.
I voted for the Brick, because I like you. Or your writing at least, since I haven’t met you in person.
If I wanted to punish you, it’s have been the Smart.
And yes, those seats in the 940 look really comfy and the interior looked to be in great shape. At least back then.
Mark, the people love you! The Chevy is the least safe option, but (most) people don’t want you hurt! They even gave you the clearly best choice.
If you’re only driving a car for a week the Chevy is the obvious toy. “I told you one week is my limit. You know what this is.”
I voted for the Smart for all the crap you put us through,but i would totally let you have the Volvo for a week too,you seem like a nice man.
The “smart” car is the obvious prank choice and a good one at that. Mark seems like a decent guy, though, so it’s off the table. The Aerostar is just dull and utilitarian. I’ve already taken up enough time posting this for it to be worth voting for. That leaves the Volvo and the Chevelle. If this were to go for more than two weeks, I’d go Volvo, but the Chevelle would be much more of a kick to drive for a week, and that’s where my vote’s going.
I don’t think Autopian should be paying for the gas in the Chevelle even for a week, so Turbo Box it is!
I don’t know you, and I’m generally a nice person.
I think the Volvo is a solid running choice for more than a week, so there you go.
Oh, and if I weren’t trying to kindly teach you a lesson but merely thanking your for your good work, I’d join the crowd and say “get comfy in that Volvo, the nice ride is well deserved.”
The Aerostar, and hear me out (even though it’s runnin’ buck-nekkid last as I type).
You say you grew to hate this beast but not due to any fault of the vehicle, but rather, its drivers. Which is understandable! Especially if a lot of these drivers thrashed the vehicles you saw.
But if you’re required to drive a car that’s in decent shape, you may come to appreciate it as a not-terrible set of wheels, but, rather, perhaps redeemable. It’s a chance for you to maybe learn something you didn’t know before.
Not one of the other choices offers this.
Agreed. Mine (an ‘89) was 34 years old when it was stolen. I’d have it today, otherwise. Against all odds it proved to be the most reliable of all the vehicles I have owned. IIRC, it had the ranger V6 engine, not fast but just kept on keepin’ on. And the seats were super plush. When the electric window motors died, I installed cranks and was happy.
The Ovlov is nicest option, but if it’s just for a week or so, you should drive the Smart for the almighty Content.
Chevy.
I can’t be mean to someone who provides entertainment via Shitbox Showdown.
It’ll be an experience for a week, then you are done with it. The Volvo’s nice, but boring. The Chevy will be a good story and decent experience.
Rubbing your nose in that smart
Y’all are either way too nice, or you didn’t read what we were doing here. Vote for the smart from me!
I’m with you the Smart is the smart choice for punishment.
It’s the only choice! Especially with Mercedes’ comments that the top is clearly all jacked up and he might get rained on haha
This might be the first ever comparison that a Smart would win! Unfortunately, it’s technically a comparo to find the worst car…
The fact that the Volvo is winning should tell you how much we love and appreciate you, Mark.
Yep. I agree.
And/or how much we love Volvos.
I used to get dumped on constantly by beemer people (and frankly a lot of other groups) about how lame, boring, and slow my Volvo is. Glad to know that I’m with the right crowd now.
And yeah, I too like Shitbox Showdown and Mark. Don’t make him suffer!
No! Your Volvo is fun and interesting and reassuringly rectangular! Don’t take that shit from anyone, you hear me?