Can you believe I’ve been doing this for four years? Well, almost; the site launched on March 32nd, of course, which was a Friday, and the first “regular” day was the following Monday, April 4th. Thomas Hundal took the first shift in this chair, and I took over on the 5th. Since the 5th is Sunday, I’m calling this my fourth anniversary post. And I’m giving you a chance at a bit of revenge for the terrible cars I’ve subjected you to over the years.
Yesterday, we looked at a couple of cute little road-trip veterans, and I want to thank Mercedes for adding some clarity and commentary about that Smart Fortwo. It’s always nice to have an expert weigh in, especially when I don’t know a whole lot about a car. It looks like she scared you all off it, though. I don’t know if the Mini Cooper would have won anyway, but win it did, by a landslide.
The Mini would be my choice for sure. I’d rather have a Cooper S with a six-speed manual, but I’m not scared of the CVT either. My wife and I have a friend back in Portland with a CVT-equipped Mini, and she loves it, and it has been reliable as far as I know. This one sounds like a good one as well, and I do like the color. And I don’t mind the stickers.
Now, the fact that I chose the Mini is completely irrelevant, because, as you may have noticed, this week’s final four are the cars I didn’t choose. The reason for this is simple: your task is to stick me with one of them. Choose the car you’d most like to force me to drive for, let’s say, a week. You can be as mean or as nice as you like; there are some good choices here, but some not-so-good ones as well. I’ll recap them, so you can make an informed decision.
1997 Ford Aerostar
As I have mentioned in the past, from 1994-97 I worked in a gas station with a garage, doing oil changes and other minor maintenance. In that time, I serviced dozens, maybe hundreds, of Ford Aerostars. I’ve never driven one further that fifty feet, or faster than five miles an hour, so I can’t comment on their road manners. I grew to hate them, though, because of one company that used them as a fleet vehicle and brought them to us for service. The drivers were all jerks, and the vans were always trashed. I guess I shouldn’t hold that experience against this van, but association is a funny thing sometimes.
This probably wouldn’t be a terrible thing to drive for a week. The interior reminds me of my wife’s old Ford Explorer, which was about the same age. The worst charge I’ve ever heard against these is that they’re underpowered, which doesn’t matter that much to me.
1994 Volvo 940 Turbo
I actually quite like this car; I just liked its Peugeot competitor better. It’s a sharp-looking car, and I do like how the old RWD Volvos drive. I don’t know that I have any real desire to own it, but I could totally drive it for a week.
And look at those seats! They look mighty inviting. And if I remember right, the air conditioner works. I’d have no complaints here.
1965 Chevrolet Chevelle
I have actually driven a ’65 Chevelle with a four-speed, about half a mile. A high school friend’s dad had one, a gorgeous blue convertible, and he let me drive it once. I was so nervous that I stalled it twice just getting it moving, and couldn’t enjoy myself. I gave up a few blocks later and let him take back over. I’d have no such trouble driving this one today.
The biggest problem I’d have with this is not hearing “Low Rider” by War in my head every time I saw that steering wheel. But I could definitely take a little trip, take a little trip, take a little trip with this car. As long as it’s only for a week. Any longer than that, and it would get tiresome.
2009 Smart Fortwo Cabrio
Yeesh. I mean, if I have to, I guess. Actually, it would be fun to try driving one of these, I think, once. But after a week, I’d be clamoring to get back in my Chrysler. It’s small, it’s loud, and it’s beat to shit.
But then again, my old Miata was small, loud, and beat to shit too, and I loved that car. At least, on those perfect summer days when the top was down and the stereo was up. Maybe this wouldn’t be too bad, if I can wait for warmer weather.
And with that, we begin year five of this adventure. Thank you all for your continued support; without you I’m just some guy who spends way too much time perusing the online classifieds. I’m still having fun, and I hope you are too. See you all back here on Monday, with a couple more cars that would make a Consumer Reports tester cringe.
If that Chevelle really has disc brakes with that single pot drum master cylinder, it will be TERRIFYING to try to stop. Good luck with it Mark!
It will have a brake bias valve and an emergency brake pedal, it will be fine.
It’s an easy master switch fix if you decide the terror is just too much any way.
I’d be wanting glow in the dark paint first.
https://pics.imcdb.org/4691/RepoMan96.jpg
I went with the Volvo since you’re always one of the first posts, if not the first post(sorry cold start), and help show us what’s around for cheap potentially enthusiast cars. Also I love the interior on that, out of the 4 it looks like the most comfy to just chill in.
My view is that everyone else should use public transportation, so I want to give you the vehicle that comes with the highest probability of you ending up on a bus. The ironically named Smart is the obvious choice. It was miserable when new and 17 years of mistreatment certainly hasn’t made it better.
When you are on the bus, please remind the driver to get out of my way as I drive that ’65 Chevelle.
At first I was gonna go Aerostar since those are ugly trash (Fix Or Repair Daily/Found On Road Dead) but I voted Smart since that is the worst choice… especially since this one has so many problems. Enjoy your uncomfortable buzzing tin can!
I went with the Volvo, since I don’t think you deserve punishment, Mark.
When I was in high school, I had a ’66 Mustang (289 K-code) and a ’68 Cougar (302). I was always in some phase of work on them and usually at the same time. So, I had to “borrow” my parents Ford Aerostar. I actually liked driving the Aerostar. It was comfortable, and got around just fine. I was also able to to load many more friends in the van when we would go out “cruising the strip” on the weekends. Not as cool as the Mustang or the Cougar but it was perfectly fine. I never had a complaint. I actually took my drivers test in it…for some reason I wasn’t allowed to take my test in either old vehicle. I don’t know if it was because it was a manual (Mustang) or just the age of the cars.
I’m on team Aerostar. It’s time to face those inner demons and purge those thoughts from your mind.
Also, looking forward to see what kinds of crap cans you can dredge up in the next four years.
You put it more succinctly than I could, although my “learning experience” pitch was heartfelt.
Time to eat the dog food, bud. You’ve been challenging us for years with hypotheticals. Let’s make this an Autopian feature like the Cross Cab or Vibe – which car should Autopian buy and the staff drive for a year?
I’m voting for the Aerostar. It’s got the funky unloved survivor vibe we appreciate. Mark can get his intervention and learn to love it. We already know the Bishop does. Mercedes could camp in it. Jason can probably fit a Changli inside (or at least install a space toilet), and David can collect Jeep parts in air conditioned comfort. I know SWG can wrench any little bit that goes awry back to health.
Go for it. I’d even chip $100 into the pot for purchase, repair, or cross country burritos and roller dogs.
I think it’s time for you and the Aerostar to have a little intervention. Laugh. Cry. Haul people and things. And you’ll come to find that it’s a minivan from the 80’s that you’ll probably never think about again after you got rid of it.
The hideous little toddler’s sneaker would be the pick if we want to punish you. But that’s not nice, you put a lot of work into this series and so you deserve that Volvo turbo. So go enjoy a week in an understated executive sedan from a decade of prosperity and optimism. It’ll be a nice little escape from the decaying tailspin of the current reality.
Seconded! A Volvo is a great way to celebrate an anniversary.
The Volvo is the most comfortable of the bunch. The Chevelle would be fun for about half an hour, then its outdated noise, handling, brakes, comfort and thirstiness would make it much less enjoyable. The Aerostar… I test drove one once, and it wasn’t impressive. They have starter/starting issues. If it won’t start, it won’t make it through the week. The Smart would be fun with the top down if you have a week of good weather. It has too many shortcomings, and not all of us are cruel enough to foist this on our intrepid author. For any kind of a trip, though, the Volvo is head and shoulders above the rest.
As the not2smart4two was the only one I didn’t vote for during the week I will vote for it today
I was playing nice… thought it would be fun to drive the Chevelle around for a week (and only a week).
I’ve heard that revenge is a dish best served cold. The Smart would probably be a properly vengeful choice then, as you freeze off one or more appendages, but that would be mean.
The Chevelle would be fun, but – as Ferdinand Porsche reportedly said – no car should be able to go better than it can stop. The Chevelle’s combo of V8 go and single-pot-of-death stop is 100% no bueno. Not trying to get anyone killed over here.
You would be safe in the Volvo, of course, but that doesn’t really have the good-natured April Fool’s Day type of vibe.
You’ll get the van and you’ll like it. 😀
I think you planned this week so you wouldn’t have any terrible choices… That said, I voted for the Smart, and no, you can’t wait for warmer weather. 🙂
I swear I didn’t. I came up with this idea Thursday afternoon as I was staring at the week’s results trying to find a common theme between them.
We should all vote for the Volvo just so he can drive it past @hardibo and watch him be jealous.
I wanted the Chevelle.
You need to learn yet, a week will just get you started.
Stock up on some vended food and head on out.
Oh yeah. don’t loolk in the trunk. .
If this is about revenge then it’s the Smart. What a horrible little pile.
I chose the smart because I wasn’t feeling very nice this morning. I’d put you in the Volvo if you actually were in this scenario. The Chevelle would be my personal pick though, just because it seems like decent enough work and would probably be the most fun.
But I don’t wanna see those tears again
You know, Jesus drives an *Astrovan*
– Mt. Joy
If it’s up to me, you’re getting the Smart for one reason only:
A short time ago you subjected all of us to that godawful bustleback Seville here in Michigan. That wouldn’t be a big problem by itself, but it’s local to me and the POS keeps popping up on my Marketplace feed and makes me throw-up a little bit in my mouth every time. Normally, I wouldn’t have even paid any attention to it, but because of your showdown, I did, and now it’s etched into my brain.
So, for that reason alone, you get a clapped out Smart for a week.
Does this count as schadenfreude or just regular revenge?
Either way, I’m here for it.
Just petty revenge. Like you would do to one of your boys if they lost a bet.
I’m not a Klingon, but I totally agree that, “Revenge is a dish best served cold.” So I had no qualms about voting for the Smart. Especially after you admitted that driving a Geo Metro long distances is unpleasant. That just means this Smart is right up your alley, right?
I’m making you drive that Chevelle and I expect a full report on everything that the prior owner screwed up. It should be reasonably fun to drive, if a little frightening.
There’s nothing as awful as a K-car so you’re getting off lightly. I picked the Smart but honestly they are all decent transportation compared to a K-car.
Aerostar = roof over my head when it all goes to hell.
Sorry, been in a bit of a funk lately.
The van comes with a roof but not the river you will park it by.
That’s what the four wheel drive is for. At least I think this one had that feature.
I picked the hot rod Chevy.
Redeem yourself!!
Everyone should drive/own a Volvo at least once. They are nice cars with some weird issues at times, but they are really comfortable.