Now everything is said and done, we can consider ‘Operation Make Adrian’s Life A Living Hell by Making Him Buy a Rodius’ a success. I hope Matt, and by extension you horrible lot, are happy. I most certainly am not – and haven’t been for the past twelve weeks or so that the Rodius has loitered with malevolent intent outside my house. To live is to suffer, and suffering makes good content. The trouble is, I don’t want to suffer. I want to live like a VIP, gliding through life like I’m in The Matrix. After all, I’ve got the wardrobe for it.
Therefore, my time with the Rodius must come to a fortunate end. And not a moment too soon. We, or rather Evil Matt concocted this heinous scheme with three intentions in mind. Firstly, to encourage readers to sign up to become new members, which was an unqualified success, so if you were one of those who pledged to support us with cold hard cash, thank you. Secondly, the Rodius was to be used as an Autopian staff vehicle at the Goodwood Festival of Speed in July, collecting and ferrying myself, Jason, Thomas, Beau and our hard-working videographer Levi, around and in between Chichester, Heathrow Airport, and the Duke of Richmond’s estate for five days. Which it mercifully did without breaking down and leaving us stranded.
Lastly, there would be the dubious side benefit of pushing the Autopian’s most debonair, stylish and sane member of staff (me) to the brink of automotive insanity by making him drive one of the ugliest cars of recent times. I’m convinced this was part of a plan on the part of everybody else here to drag me down to their chaotic level. Professional jealousy is so unbecoming. Nevertheless, the Rodius has been a thorn in my side, and it has caused me genuine anguish and no small number of headaches. I really haven’t been putting it on.
View this post on Instagram
And now, in the spirit of ooh, I don’t know, wanting to get shot of the thing as painlessly as possible and passing the burden on to someone else like the cursed videotape in The Ring, we are offering our UK readers (or anyone who can get to the UK) the chance to own their very own Rodius. Specifically ours. Please. Come and relieve me of it before the last vestiges of my psyche give way and I become an even more broken husk of a human than I already am.
Matt, wanting to get one final knife into my back, suggested advertising the Rodius on Facebook Marketplace. I resisted because it’s taken me over six months to unsuccessfully buy a pair of clear indicator headlights for my Mini from there. The sort of person who participates on FB marketplace probably goes to the shops in their pajamas, and I just don’t have the time or inclination to deal with people like that.
View this post on Instagram
The situation is this. The Rodius will cease to be road legal on 20th September, so one way or another it needs to be out of my hair by then – ideally a few days beforehand because I’m going to Germany for Car Design Event on Monday 15th and I’d like this large silver monkey off my back before that. It’s not economical for us to get it repaired – and in non-MOT related problems, it appears to have a mystery electrical drain, but it seems a shame to scrap it if there is someone out there with the skills, the facilities and the wherewithal to store it and save it.
This is 100% serious and genuine. If you want it, it can be yours. The old days of just driving to the local scrap yard, dodging the resident Alsatian, signing the logbook, handing over the keys, and walking away with a fistful of grubby ten pound notes have, thanks to environmental legislation, long gone. If no one wants it, I will have to arrange for a licensed vehicle dismantler to come and collect it. I just want and need it gone, but if it means I get to pass on the pain I have endured to someone who was partly responsible for me ending up with the Rodius in the first place, then all the better.
So make your best and most ridiculous offer. It needn’t be cash – trades are more than acceptable. I want to come out of this whole ordeal with something that brings me pleasure: I deserve it after everything I’ve been through with the wretched thing. So what have you got to tempt me? This is your chance to demonstrate your love for me by offering up your most precious baubles and trinkets and relieving me of my most pressing burden. If you want to inspect it in person, I will be taking it to Rustival at the Temple of Terrible Decisions – sorry the British Motor Museum at Gaydon this Saturday, the 30th August. I promise I will have cleaned off the remnants of Thomas’ vomit from the exterior and pumped up the tire by then.
If you are interested in making your life worse and mine infinitely better, drop a message in the comments below or message me in the Members Only or General channels in the Discord. I think I’ve more than held up my end of the bargain, so it’s time for one of you to step up. I’ve even fixed the stereo by swapping some fuses around. You can’t say fairer than that.
Btw, best wheel choice!
Some cold comfort right there.
So no thought given to donate or renew if the Rodius remains in Adrians hands?
It literally cannot remain in my hands. It will not be road legal and I have nowhere to store it.
Is it still available?
What do you think.
Not surprised.
(Please don’t ban me. I feel like someone had to do it. I really do hope you find a taker/buyer soon.)
Or, you could, you know, just destroy it.
It deserves better. YOU deserve better. Put it (and everyone) out of its misery.
Then I’d have lots of smaller pieces of Rodius to get rid of, instead of one big piece of Rodius.
Make it into a Man Cave or She-Shed. Making it into a yacht has been done already. I think a potting shed or chicken coup(e) would be fun.
I’m in the UK, and I would think about taking it on, except for a few small issues:
That’s not the sort of commitment I expect from my readers, tbh. Disappointing.
So, with no major issues, there’s still a chance you could buy it. 😛
Have you tried selling it to Nino from the Not Economically Viable channel on YouTube? He’s living in England and always buying basketcases like this Rodius.
I’ll take it off your hands for a grand, not a penny less. And you would have to include a face mask so absolutely nobody could recognize me in it.
I suggest one of those COVID N95 masks that are black with the evil skeleton mouth.
I can include the paper bag with eyeholes I wore in one of the reels I shot.
Fill it with money and we have a deal!
It seems like we have a misunderstanding. You give me money or non-fattening gifts, and I give you a Rodius and paper bag.
Yes indeed, a misunderstanding – you would need to pay me to take that nasty thing away. Plus a means to hide my identity lest I be seen in it by anyone I know. A bag full of cash would suit both purposes admirably – good thinking my man! 🙂
I see the problem, the health and continued existence of the the whole Autopian empire has somehow become,in a quantum sense, entangled with this awful Rodius and the need to keep it healthy and happy. Adrian right now you are in a position of incredible power.
Robert Llewellyn is working on a new show called Zaphead Challenge, maybe they’re taking donor vehicles, could get some tv swag out of it or some such.
I did not know about this. Apparently Colin Furz will be presenting too, which is entirely fitting.
Ill wire you the money for a good bottle of liquor so you can drink it, and take video of you setting the odious on fire and rolling it down the hill.
Don’t they have any local demo derbies you can enter?
It’s banned from banger racing because of its weight.
Too bad, thats such a Valhalla way to go
Give it the convertible treatment. That should add lightness. There’s a challenge: how much weight can you cut off while keeping it “drivable”.
Seems like a UK reader should offer a silly walk for it.
Wasn’t there a fantastic Seinfeld episode with a very similar setup?
“…interesting trades considered…” “But I don’t want to trade!”
Should you consider driving the Rodius to the Design Event in Munich, I may offer you as many (German issue) car brochures from the 2000s and 2010s as your luggage will allow for the flight back to England (ideally from Stuttgart, as I‘m nearby).
Good lord I’m not driving it that far are you insane.
I‘m willing to part with a stack of painstakingly collected brochures (well, duplicates) in exchange for a right-hand-drive Rodius, so, yes, probably.
I see that there‘s a tradition at the Autopian to drive remarkable distances with minivans of questionable reliability. But I totally understand that you‘d much rather take the plane to Munich 🙂
If you’re going to Germany before the MOT is up, you might as well see what the Ring Time is.
I’ll take it! Just gotta figure out how to get it across the border. 😀
Yes, it certainly should go to a person with such a huge gap in her fleet ownership, LOL!
I got you covered: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YVjo6YOT3Zg&pp=0gcJCfwAo7VqN5tD&t=249
I almost wish I was closer to the UK. Almost.
Someone is about to own this thing for a pint.
Several pints and they have to drive me home.
not if one is the best offer
After what I’ve been through with this thing, one wouldn’t even touch the sides.
Deal! I’ll expense the flight to the company. lol
Think I can fit it into my luggage?
I don’t think checked luggage goes up to 5000lbs.
Balloons. Lots of balloons.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lawnchair_Larry_flight
“ The Rodius will cease to be road legal on 20th September, so one way or another it needs to be out of my hair by then”
Nah… you can just leave it parked on your lawn after that point. No need to worry about it being road-legal if it’s not physically on the road, right? RIGHT?
I don’t have a lawn. Also that wouldn’t be classy.
“I don’t have a lawn”
Any friends or family whose lawns you could abuse?
“Also that wouldn’t be classy.”
But you’re missing an opportunity to jump on the Redneck-Goth-Chic trend!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UAXrbihq08s
JFC awful AI video put me off whatever merit the music might possess straight away.
I think the merit of the video is about on par with the merit of the music.
It doesn’t have to be your own lawn. Pick a random stranger to whom you can bequeath it.
You’re obviously renting from the wrong landlord.
I hear that if you get really lucky, your rental will include parking for several vehicles and also a mud bog in the back for the odd Kia you might possess, among other odd amenities.
When my GF and I left Europe to return to America (I know. What was I thinking?). We left da Dutsa the VW panel bus cum camper with a friend whose father had a ‘farmette’. It became chicken coop and may still be there. So turn it into a chicken coop.
Warning: incoming earworm:
1-800-KARS-4-KIDS.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fux1QiKYCUg
Do they work in the UK?
Yeah, send it to those $%&#@s. (They have not yet given a SINGLE CAR to a kid!)
https://youtu.be/rFQHHor6mT8
“Accidentally” leave the keys on the bonnet or in the ignition with windows down.
Don’t claim it if it’s ever returned.
Or claim the muffler bearing “accidentally ” caught fire, and you couldn’t remember the phone number to the fire department.
It’s easy, just ring 9 81 9 911 1 9725. 3
How many additional new memberships are needed for Adrian to keep it?
666. Hell, he might even grudgingly endorse that.
“How many additional new memberships are needed for Adrian to keep it?”
… on his front lawn…
A million.