Now everything is said and done, we can consider ‘Operation Make Adrian’s Life A Living Hell by Making Him Buy a Rodius’ a success. I hope Matt, and by extension you horrible lot, are happy. I most certainly am not – and haven’t been for the past twelve weeks or so that the Rodius has loitered with malevolent intent outside my house. To live is to suffer, and suffering makes good content. The trouble is, I don’t want to suffer. I want to live like a VIP, gliding through life like I’m in The Matrix. After all, I’ve got the wardrobe for it.
Therefore, my time with the Rodius must come to a fortunate end. And not a moment too soon. We, or rather Evil Matt concocted this heinous scheme with three intentions in mind. Firstly, to encourage readers to sign up to become new members, which was an unqualified success, so if you were one of those who pledged to support us with cold hard cash, thank you. Secondly, the Rodius was to be used as an Autopian staff vehicle at the Goodwood Festival of Speed in July, collecting and ferrying myself, Jason, Thomas, Beau and our hard-working videographer Levi, around and in between Chichester, Heathrow Airport, and the Duke of Richmond’s estate for five days. Which it mercifully did without breaking down and leaving us stranded.
Lastly, there would be the dubious side benefit of pushing the Autopian’s most debonair, stylish and sane member of staff (me) to the brink of automotive insanity by making him drive one of the ugliest cars of recent times. I’m convinced this was part of a plan on the part of everybody else here to drag me down to their chaotic level. Professional jealousy is so unbecoming. Nevertheless, the Rodius has been a thorn in my side, and it has caused me genuine anguish and no small number of headaches. I really haven’t been putting it on.
View this post on Instagram
And now, in the spirit of ooh, I don’t know, wanting to get shot of the thing as painlessly as possible and passing the burden on to someone else like the cursed videotape in The Ring, we are offering our UK readers (or anyone who can get to the UK) the chance to own their very own Rodius. Specifically ours. Please. Come and relieve me of it before the last vestiges of my psyche give way and I become an even more broken husk of a human than I already am.
Matt, wanting to get one final knife into my back, suggested advertising the Rodius on Facebook Marketplace. I resisted because it’s taken me over six months to unsuccessfully buy a pair of clear indicator headlights for my Mini from there. The sort of person who participates on FB marketplace probably goes to the shops in their pajamas, and I just don’t have the time or inclination to deal with people like that.
View this post on Instagram
The situation is this. The Rodius will cease to be road legal on 20th September, so one way or another it needs to be out of my hair by then – ideally a few days beforehand because I’m going to Germany for Car Design Event on Monday 15th and I’d like this large silver monkey off my back before that. It’s not economical for us to get it repaired – and in non-MOT related problems, it appears to have a mystery electrical drain, but it seems a shame to scrap it if there is someone out there with the skills, the facilities and the wherewithal to store it and save it.
This is 100% serious and genuine. If you want it, it can be yours. The old days of just driving to the local scrap yard, dodging the resident Alsatian, signing the logbook, handing over the keys, and walking away with a fistful of grubby ten pound notes have, thanks to environmental legislation, long gone. If no one wants it, I will have to arrange for a licensed vehicle dismantler to come and collect it. I just want and need it gone, but if it means I get to pass on the pain I have endured to someone who was partly responsible for me ending up with the Rodius in the first place, then all the better.
So make your best and most ridiculous offer. It needn’t be cash – trades are more than acceptable. I want to come out of this whole ordeal with something that brings me pleasure: I deserve it after everything I’ve been through with the wretched thing. So what have you got to tempt me? This is your chance to demonstrate your love for me by offering up your most precious baubles and trinkets and relieving me of my most pressing burden. If you want to inspect it in person, I will be taking it to Rustival at the Temple of Terrible Decisions – sorry the British Motor Museum at Gaydon this Saturday, the 30th August. I promise I will have cleaned off the remnants of Thomas’ vomit from the exterior and pumped up the tire by then.
If you are interested in making your life worse and mine infinitely better, drop a message in the comments below or message me in the Members Only or General channels in the Discord. I think I’ve more than held up my end of the bargain, so it’s time for one of you to step up. I’ve even fixed the stereo by swapping some fuses around. You can’t say fairer than that.
I’m in the US, so if you drive it here, I’ll take it. If it happens to cease functioning when you drive it into the ocean… just leave it there. I promise I’ll come get it. Pinky swear.
None of the pictures I have seen show a stick figure family decal on the back or a baby on board sign. If they’re not there, no deal.
Plan B. Cut the top off, paint it purple and cover one side of it in Xpel (hint the wrong side). You know, for science. Maybe that stuff works differently on the other side of the pond.
Cut the top off, give it to David Tracey as his new truck
I’ll offer you one minor fiefdom in The Kingdom of Two Sicilies. Nothing amazing, just like 15,000 acres in Salerno or something. But you have to promise not to betray me if I happened to say, march on Papel States soon.
Land sounds like something I have to put effort into. No deal.
I don’t think code enforcement is all that stringent in either Sicily, so you should be good.
I love the food but I’ve sworn off Italian women. Still no deal.
I have a couple of questions, What is the street value and what is the salvage value? You should consider driving it autocross style so it can end it’s career on a high note. Or the tried and true “drive it like you stole it” could also apply. Either way this has a lot of potential for fun!!
We don’t really have autocross here. The salvage value I don’t know because I’ve not looked into it, but I don’t expect it is very much.
Take it on the Hill Climb circuit – I reckon a bit of Barbon mud followed by Shelsley Walsh is just what the Rodius needs. Better still, show it off at Prescott in front of the Bugatti club!
Isn’t banger racing a thing anymore in Britain? That would be a fitting end to this saga.
The Rodius is specifically excluded by name because of its weight.
Just make Matt pay to have it picked up by the dismantlers.
Is there one in the Lane Museum yet? I feel like they could possibly be interested in welcoming this unusual questionable decision.
Now I’m halfway expecting a user named Andrea Lane to ask if there’s one in the Petersen Museum yet.
I’m unrelated, but I jokingly call my garage The Other Petersen Museum! And I am definitely not taking the Rodius, no vehicle should be subjected to the ownership of more than one goth in it’s lifetime
Hey, get yer own. MINE is the Other Petersen Museum!
I’d say I’d drag race you for it, but nothing in MY Other Petersen Museum is capable of straight line speed…
Nothing in mine is capable of really any kind of speed whatsoever, so you’d probably win anyway.
I’ll pay you exactly 1 Rodius
Alas the poor Rodius,
Its aspect’s nothing short of odious.
Too get rid of this blight,
Has become Adrian’s plight,
Please buy, it’s truly commodious.
I’ll trade you Jason’s old xB for it.
I don’t want another car.
It doesn’t drive, so it is more yard art or interactive sculpture than anything.
I don’t want it even more in that case.
Mike Brewer might be able to help with that. You know, Wheeler Dealers?
Making Adrian drive the Rodius is like when Beetlejuice made Otho wear a leisure suit.
“The sort of person who participates on FB marketplace probably goes to the shops in their pajamas”
As somebody who has sold many things on FB Marketplace, you are dead-on here.
I need the money though.
“Is this still detestable?”
So, so true. Since BaseFook Marktplatz stole Craigslist’s thunder, I’ve been forced to create a burner account and immerse myself in that infinitely more flakey app-bound hell. With very, very few positive results. A friend who’s a mental health therapist actually enjoys selling things on there… mostly for the opportunity to conduct random fieldwork, I think. Trying to buy something on FB is like trying to pay a parking ticket via carrier pigeon.
“Trying to buy something on FB is like trying to pay a parking ticket via carrier pigeon”
BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
I will trade you a book about submarines or naval ships for the spoiler on the Rodius. Just the spoiler, I want nothing else.
No deal. You take the whole thing. I know what I got.
You drive a hard bargain (and a Rodius), so I’ll throw in a book about war planes also. All books have an 80% chance you’ve read them already.
????
(Those ?s are suppose to be a LMAO emoji.)
Stick Merc badges on it and list it in Bedford for £100 will be gone in a few days. Call it a n class for no class
Sell it to that HubNut guy from YouTube. He’ll buy any pile of crap he can find. Will the Rodius make it as far as Wales?
Good idea he does like his Korean cars but is it too big for him?
I’ll be meeting up with Ian on Saturday at Rustival. He’s just bought a Rodius.
Perfect! Now he needs a parts car.
Which I think he intends to sell straight after Rustival? The Rodius market is hotting up!!
Just put a brick on the accelerator and let it drive itself to America
A brick on the gas pedal: The OG Full Self Driving!
Just gotta tie the steering wheel so it stays on course to emerge, covered in seaweed, in New York near Matt’s house. If it shows up in North Carolina, either Torch or SWG will take it in with far less reluctance than Adrian’d like to see.
For one Ssangyong Rodius, I offer:
1: Allowing Adrian to light said Rodius on fire
2: Corroboration of any story that Adrian gives to police about how the fire started in said Rodius
3: Temporary accommodation in the United States in case Adrian has to flee UK authorities while en route to preferred location of asylum
You know, waxing poetic about how horrible this thing is may not be your best marketing strategy.
The man is nothing if not principled.
I read that as “pringled,” which I would believe.
In exchange for one (1) Ssangyong Rodious (plus shipping to the United States), I am prepared to offer a smoked pork butt with a pre-cooked weight of no less than 5lbs, plus one deep fried turkey with a pre-cooked weight of no less than 10lbs.
If Uncle Adrian is willing to deliver said Rodious to my domicile, I will prepare said meats, side dishes (including homemade bread), and provide 1-2 nights accommodation in my home.
If Mercedes wishes to accompany Uncle Adrian, I will do my level best to get her a tour of the flight simulator manufacturing facility I work at. Sorry Uncle Adrian, as a foreign person, you’re a bit trickier to allow in. DoD projects and whatnot. Can’t guarantee you’ll be allowed in.
Best offer. Take it or leave it.
Too bad this isn’t in the US, otherwise you could follow Superfast Matt’s model of how to dispose of junk vehicles.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SYPQ0oDZXeg
Best of luck, Adrian. I imagine the pond will be a small obstacle to the most interested parties.
This has gotta qualify for show and display. A true work of art, much like Matsys’ The Ugly Dutchess.
High crime area, doors unlocked, keys on the driver’s seat. Let nature take its course from there. As a bonus you could start a pool where we bet on how long it will take before someone actually steals it.
Just don’t stick Mondial badges on it first.
“I left my Rodius unlocked with the keys in my garage, and someone broke in and left another one next to it!”
Beat me to the punch here…
Oh I like this idea…good one!!
I seem to recall an old Seinfeld episode…
Send it to thomas
Came to say the same. I would love to see it sent to Canada, then on to the US once it’s legal!
I’ll take it if you pay me fifty quid and you also buy me a house in Edinburgh.
>sound of crickets chirping<
That’s not crickets, that’s just what the Rodius’ engine sounds like at idle.
If it was an oil drum full of crickets. Being kicked down a metal fire escape.