I haven’t really been paying attention to social media lately, but apparently, there’s some talk about a rapture or something that’s maybe sort of supposed to happen. Jason, in his always silly self, decided to tackle the totally important question of what happens if you’re driving when the rapture happens. Clearly, you’ll want to leave your sunroof or convertible top open to make the ascension possible, right? After all, you don’t want to get crunched up into the ceiling of your car and miss the pearly gates!
Jay Vette:
The exact speed at which you will be raptured is unknown, but leading scholars agree that it is known as the velocirapture.
ShinyMetalAsp has hilarious advice:
If you’re driving during the rapture in a car with push-button start please leave the keys in the center console, not your pocket.
Also, definitely don’t leave your Ford F-350 dually on the side of a highway without the fob after the rapture.
StillNotATony:
I am absolutely gonna be raptured (suck it heathens!!!), but since I ride a motorcycle, I’m just gonna hang on and hope I can bring my Magna with me!
Think they have regular unleaded in Heaven?
My Goat Ate My Homework replied:
I heard there are no lines at the pump, it’s permanently subsidized to .99$ a gallon, and they all have stickers with a picture of Jesus and the words “I did this”.
JJ also replied:
I love that even in heaven oil companies are still making $$
TheDrunkenWrench:
But what if this is all a miscommunication and what’s actually happening is the second coming of Raptors?
Jason! You’ve just left all these folks vulnerable to Raptor attacks! Have you learned NOTHING from the Jurassic Park series?
Tbird:
Best mistranslation from Greek and Aramaic EVER.
My Goat Ate My Homework comes back for a second COTD:
Idk, might want to talk to the guy that ended up with 72 Virginians.
David Tracy and I decided to tag-team on a long story to defend the engineering prowess of General Motors. V10omous probably sums it up best:
No mainstream company has a higher ceiling, no mainstream company has a lower floor.
A good second place there would probably be Boeing lately. Have a great evening, everyone!
Do I have to leave this bar? I don’t want to talk about politics or religion here. I just come here for cars. And not particularly exotic ones.
Good news everybody! I’m here to tell you folks ya dont have to worry about that rapture thing! We Reptilians made it up as a way to control you. We also made up other fine methods of control, such as politics, the internet, Tiktok, and cat memes! You are welcome! Remember, Reptilians are your friends!
I had a vegan say when you got to heaven you’ll meet all the animals that made your food. I want to meet the dinousaurs that made my gasoline.
Jokes on the vegans. I’ve met many of the animals that make my food.