Happy birthday, America! You’re 248 today, and you don’t look a day over 230! Of course, that date is just when we declared independence from the British Empire, because they were over-taxing our teakettles or making us put stamps on everything or maybe they were just trying to shove extra u’s into all our words. Whatever the reason, we had enough, and that started the process that led to this bold American experiment, one that has managed to stick human beings on the moon and continues to push the boundaries of carnival food technology.
America, she’s a complex, dazzling nation, and back in 1976, when we turned 200, we celebrated in the best way possible: by having our carmakers and dealers offer a whole lot of special patriotic stripe kits that were called things like “Bicentennial Edition” or “Spirit of ’76” or “Patriot Edition” or some shit like that. They were, of course, glorious.
I made up a Pacer one up there, complete with a screaming eagle on the hood, even though AMC already had a Patriot Edition kit for the Pacer. Most companies offered some sort of package:
Even non-American companies offered packages, like the dealer-applied ’76 Bicentennial Edition Beetle you see there, for example. But for our American car-crafters, there were International Scout Spirit editions, Vega ones, the Ford Bicentennial Option Group, and, yes, AMC’s Patriot editions and so many more! Here, look, you can see how dealers were instructed to America-up their Gremlins:
Oh boy, I wonder how often this process was half-assed, leaving Gremlin owners with severely listing Eagles and wavy stripes?
Anyway, the Americans on staff are off today, gorging on hot dogs and beer, weeping openly and unashamedly at the aching beauty of this great and offtimes ridiculous nation. But we’ll be making our non-Americans work! We have several members of the British Commonwealth here, from Canada to the UK to Australia, and those Redcoats will be doing all they can to keep you infotained!
Happy Independence Day to everyone! American or not!
s
I loved the bicentennial edition cars! I’m old enough to remember when the USA was #1! I remember when I used to love this country before the big corporate buy out. Every judge on the supreme court that voted yes for the “Citizens United” law should be treated like we treated traitors in the old days. First, tar and feathers, and then a good old hanging on the public square for everyone’s enjoyment and entertainment.
“he saves children, but not the British children!” XD
I love the George Washington song, it’s fantastic.
Hope everyone had a happy 4th!
Happy democracy day. Enjoy it while it lasts 😉
A corporation is monitoring you and does not like your comment. Your social score just lost 500 points
I love my country and I’m proud to fly the colors but man, was the Bicentennial an overwhelming bunch of crass corporate greed. I hated it at the time and I don’t really look forward to the upcoming exploitation of the 250th.
If we even make it that far.
You forgot to mention private equity firms. May they and corporations burn in hell for eternity. They have destroyed our country and standard of living forever..
I’m not big into Americana, but I’d gladly rock that Pacer.
My favorite Bicentennial cars were the ones that weren’t really for the Bicentennial, but were kind of a buildup for ’76.
They were the Sprint Package cars from Ford for 1972.
And those “Spirit of America” cars from Chevy? (including the Impala, not pictured) – they were for 1974.
https://www.curbsideclassic.com/blog/car-show-classic/car-show-classic-1972-mustang-sprint-and-1974-chevrolet-impala-spirit-of-america-bicentennial-fever/
Tho Buick did have it’s own “Spirit of ’76” cars for 75, and a “Free Spirit” car for ’76 – they were more or less special edition pace car graphics packages for the Regal.
https://www.deansgarage.com/1975-and-1976-buick-indy-pace-cars/
We didn’t call it the “Buy Centennial” for nothing. While I’ve lost track of it over the years I had a small collection of Bicentennial Ephemera. A Tape Measure comes to mind. Never sprung for the toilet seat..but there was one.
Your mother clearly didn’t spring for the Bicentennial collection from Ethan Allen for the family room
(Tho back then, it was always the Colonial era at Ethan Allen)
Oh God…the Colonial…”Early American”…
My parent’s house is still full of that stuff.
One of the pieces I inherited from my grandparents was a walnut Ethan Allen secretary desk, probably late 60s. It’s Colonial, but not aggressively so. With more contemporary pulls and knobs it plays pretty nicely with my mid-century pieces.
have you discovered all of it’s secret drawers and hidden compartments yet??? Being Ethan Allen, a top of the line brand back in the day, I’m sure that these yet to be discovered secret places are lined in top quality felt! Seriously, Ethan Allen branded furniture was built for several generations of use and top of the line. Damm nice stuff. Lucky you to inherit a piece of it. Enjoy it and treat it well my friend
My grandfather finished building his retirement cabin in 1976 by installing a Bicentennial Dining Room featuring blue carpet, white wainscoting, and red walls above that. He also traded in his Pinto Squire wagon on a beige Dodge Aspen wagon, so his judgement was already a bit suspect.
2024, I served with 1976. I knew 1976. 1976 was a friend of mine. 2024, you’re no 1976.
I’m delighted that we’re getting some contributions from our brothers from the U.K., but I thought they were rather busy taking out the trash today.
Just swapping trash for other trash.
I’ll be voting in about an hour, still trying to decide which flavour of shit to vote for. Not the ones who’ve lead us to this point though.
Congratulations USA, enjoy your independence from all this shit (gestures at failed manufacturing, buggered international trade, and free healthcare that now involves quite a bit of waiting).
“free healthcare that now involves quite a bit of waiting”
Been to an American ER lately? Waiting AND bankrupcy!
It’s always cheaper, and often quicker, to leave the ER, fly to the UK and go to A&E instead.
unless you just walked across the border illegally, then its free and they get first served! It takes us too long to get paid from your plan says the ER. We get quick funds from the government for alien claims! Dear illegal, we would love to ruin your credit over this 74,000 dollar fee, but you don’t have a SS number. No worries, we’ll find an American citizen to fuck over instead .I work in health insurance. OMG what a freaking corrupt shit show. I work in it and I don’t understand how it works. Trust me ,no one does!!! Totally corrupt shit show at that. Was fine before corporations and big pharma bought it out and paid off our government reps and got involved in it.
Do you want to vote for the Devil, or Satan himself. Doesn’t matter, both the same. Yup, as working class folks, we are screwed no matter what we choose.
I thought they were looking for dental care. Surely the mothers country’s dental plans don’t suck as much as ours do. Tooth wise with our plans being about as worthless, were about caught up, based on the missing teeth I see here in the states. I love British comedy. If the actors have perfect teeth on them, I know the actor was phoned in from a different country for the role. Not phoned in from the once great USA. Our dental coverage sucks, too.
Happy Independence Day to our American cousins from Canada. God bless America.
That George Washington video is such a timeless piece of Old Internet. It really takes me back to the simpler times. He’ll save children, but not the British children.
The ending scene just wonderfully encapsulates the inspired crazy but carefully thought out vibe of the whole piece (and much of the internet back then). “…at a party…”
Sorry tiktok, this is how it’s done.
Surely you meant to say that you had enogh. SCNR!
“We have not yet begun to fight!” You tea swilling, wig wearing, weird speaking bastards!
And if you don’t leave now and sail back to your shitty little islands, we shall taunt you a second time. We are the Americans baby. The toughest, most disrespectful, group of self absorbed idiots to ever fart in anybodies direction.
Hell you turds sent your Queen over to visit #45. Remember? Why? He certainly set that old bag in her place. Diplomatic protocol, be damned you wussies…
You want to see real politics in action wuss? Wait till November.
But no hard feelings you pudding and breakfast bean eating imbeciles. Bite me.
Have a nice holiday.
Now let’s go blow some shit up!
Your friends in the land of little pink houses, and IHOP. / s
There are IHOPs on Bermuda?
The Continental Congress? One of the triggers of the revolution was the tax placed on tea in the colonies. They all wore powdered wigs and they spoke a language that would be helped by an interpreter these days.
I know. Am a smart ass!